


Ties Stronger Than Blood

by what_hasnt_been_taken_yet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Child Abuse, F/F, Humanstuck, M/M, aka fuck bro, lots of pining, very gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-02-24 20:08:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 110,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22323706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_hasnt_been_taken_yet/pseuds/what_hasnt_been_taken_yet
Summary: Dave Strider thought that getting away from Bro would solve all of his problems. Little did he know, the foster care system has other plans in mind, including rooming him with the grumpiest human in existence: Karkat Vantas.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 460
Kudos: 523
Collections: Davekat, like i said DONE BABY





	1. Everything He Had Ever Known

Dave was starting to regret ever calling Child Protective Services.

He had broken his first bone at 7, after a particularly intense sparring session. He had first thought of running away at 12, when Bro threatened to dropkick him off the roof of their apartment building, but the idea led to nothing.

It took him 14 years of living with his brother before he realized he was completely independent of him, and once that switch flipped, everything changed. It was a slow, subtle change at first, but a change nonetheless. It involved Dave toning down his ironic tendencies. It involved Dave avoiding Bro more than usual, declining his invitations to a sparring session on the roof, talking back on multiple occasions. This earned him a few beatings, but he refused to back down. The tension in the Strider apartment had become thick enough to cut with a shitty katana, so thick that Dave finally had to do a fucking pirouette off the handle.

It took all but a day for that tension to shatter. A demand to come to the roof led to Dave's dam breaking, led to him shouting a lifetime's worth of accusations at his brother, led to a physical altercation which left Dave broken, battered, and beaten. He managed to pull himself across the roof towards the stairs, take them slowly down to his apartment, and reach his room, where he dialed a number he had looked up a few weeks ago, when he'd been too afraid to call. He wasn't too afraid anymore.

"Hello, you have reached Child Protective Services. How may I help you?"

"Well, I'm a child in need of protective services," Dave replied shakily.

From there, things spiraled out of Dave's control, as for the next few weeks he was shuttled around by CPS workers from the hospital to the CPS center to a courthouse to the home of one of the workers, who'd been kind enough to give him a temporary shelter as the world spun around him. The court set a date for Bro's trial and took Dave out of his custody.

And, since Dave wasn't yet old enough to live on his own, he was put into foster care.

That's about the time when Dave realized he'd made a huge mistake.

~~~~~

The CPS worker drove Dave to his first foster home, humming along to the radio the whole time. Dave ignored her, staring out the window as small cookie-cutter homes flew past.

"Don't worry, Mr. Strider," the lady said, as she slowed down in front of one of the homes. Dave wouldn't have been able to distinguish it from any other. "I've dealt with plenty of kids with disturbing childhoods just like yours, and I am so pleased Ms. Maryam decided to take you in. She's one of the most capable foster parents we've seen, and can certainly handle kids with such interesting psychological cases."

Dave slid a look to his seemingly disinterested chauffeur, feeling emptier by the second. As much as he'd hated Bro, and hated how warped his life had been, there was still a huge part of his old life that was gone forever, and he couldn't help but miss that. After all, Bro was still, well, his Bro. He'd just lost everything he had ever known.

"You'll enjoy it here, Mr. Strider. And, if not, I promise to provide you a new home, far from your brother and his sociopathic tendencies."

"Thanks," Dave replied quietly, holding in a sigh. The lady parked the car and got out, and Dave followed suit, grabbing his suitcase from the back. They'd let him bring a few things from his old home- lots of clothes, his phone and laptop, a few posters, and a few old ironic selfies. Of course, they'd confiscated all his weapons, not that he ever wanted to see another shitty anime sword for the rest of his life. They also hadn't let him keep the formaldehyde jars of dead animals, probably because it creeped the hell out of them and only served as a reminder of how 'disturbed' a kid he was.

Dave followed the CPS lady up a paved walkway to the door. He stopped in front of the door, feeling something immovable in his chest. He wasn't ready for such a tremendous change in his life. He could just run away, provide for himself like he's used to doing, worrying about some unseen threat lurking in the shadows and dealing with it the same way he's dealt with every psychologically damaging thing in his life.

"Hey." The lady placed a tentative hand on Dave's shoulder, making him jump at the unexpected touch. "You'll be fine, Mr. Stri... Dave. Things are changing, but it'll be for the better. You'll adjust. There's nothing to worry about."

Dave looked over at the lady, whose stern face had softened into a genuine smile, and nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. "Y-yeah," he stuttered, raising his voice, trying to sound more sincere. He barely knew how to be honest, to be openly grateful. "Thank you for everything."

She squeezed his shoulder. "If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to contact me." She dropped her hand from his shoulder to ring the doorbell.

In about three seconds the door opened, revealing a tall woman, around her mid-thirties, in a slightly-too-formal dress, a bemused smirk playing at her lips. "I presume you are Dave," she said in a lilting tone, bending slightly to be at eye level with the teen. "I am excited to be meeting you." She held out a hand, her expression shining with enthusiasm.

"Uh..." Dave tentatively took the proffered hand, giving it a small shake. "Nice to meet you... too. Ms... Marian?"

"Kanaya Maryam, Dave. You can call me Ms. Maryam, or... if you were comfortable with calling your previous guardian 'Bro', then-"

"No!" Dave interrupted, eyes wide behind his shades. He then coughed at Maryam's and the CPS worker's surprised looks, and tried to compose himself. "Not that."

Kanaya nodded, pursing her lips. "That is understandable. No mention of him will be made in this household." She turned to the CPS worker, the grin returning to her face. "And hello to you, Ms. Lalonde. I see you have brought another lost sheep to my fold."

Lalonde laughed, winking at Maryam. "Don't get so haughty, Ms. Maryam, alluding to Jesus as if you are on par with him."

"I did not mean to come off that way with my so-called allusion. It was only a metaphor."

Dave looked at them in disbelief. Were they... flirting? "Okay, lovebirds, break it up. You're forgetting why we're here."

Maryam chuckled at Dave, hiding her smile with one hand. "You certainly are perceptive."

"I think it's obvious to every sane person and their dog in a half-mile radius that you two have a thing." Dave knew his patented nonsense Strider rambling probably wasn't the best way to introduce himself, but this lady was gonna get an earful of it eventually. "In fact, I'm sure there's a dog out there right now, getting an earful of this and thinking, 'Jeez, can those two be any more obvious?'"

"You are well-versed in sarcastic prose, I see," Kanaya stated, smiling. She seemed to find his interjections amusing. Well, amusement was better than nothing.

"Hey Kanny, who's all up and at the door?" A wavering voice came from inside the house, and Ms. Maryam shot a worried look in. Dave tried to look around her, curious about his new... siblings? The thought was a little weird for him to process. He was so used to only having Bro.

"I swear to God, Makara, can't you see she's busy?" This voice was different, in that it’s loud and incredibly angry. Who were these kids Ms. Maryam had taken in?

"I just fucking wanted..." the first voice started in a whisper, which Dave has to really lean in to hear, before the volume quickly escalates, "TO KNOW WHO OUR MOTHER FUCKING VISITOR IS!"

Dave almost took a step back, startled by the anger in the voices. Did Lalonde really think that he was as fucked up as these kids?

Maryam's worried look deepened, before she glanced at her new foster child. "I apologize, he is usually more well-behaved than this. I will calm him down before you come in. He really does like having new foster siblings." She slipped back into the house, closing the door softly. Dave could still hear the muffled, faint yelling. He whirled on Lalonde.

"I don't think I belong here," he said, staring the lady down as best as he could from an inch below her.

She shook her head, disappointment obvious on her face. "You haven't even given her a chance yet."

"Do _you_ think I belong here? Do you really think I'm that disturbed? What does that kid have, schizo?"

Lalonde glanced at the closed door, sighing. "I suppose. Mr. Makara was one of the worst that she took in. Quite the unordinary, messed up case, that one. Yours definitely pales in comparison."

"Then why am I here with... him?"

She turned back to Dave, crossing her arms. "Your upbringing was certainly unordinary and messed up, as you've said yourself. There is always a chance that you may have developed some of the same sociopathic tendencies as your... guardian."

"Bullshit," Dave couldn't help but retort. He hated the idea that he could be anything like Bro. He wouldn't allow himself to be as much of a douche. "Unlike him, I actually try to care about people."

Lalonde tilted her head to the side. "You _try_ to care? Am I wrong to assume that you sometimes find it difficult to _actually_ care?"

Dave clenched his jaw, looking away. "That's not what I said." He couldn’t deny it, though. He had trouble making connections at school, and the only real friend he had was online. He'd only ever had ghostyTrickster, though as far as best bros go, John was certainly the best of the best.

"Besides," Lalonde continued, "there is still the issue of possible violent tendencies. You grew up with weapons and bombs and other dangerous items as household commodities. There is no telling what effect that may have had on your psyche."

Dave looked down, jaw still clenched. "I'm never touching another shi- another katana again."

"That's the first step on the road to recovery." Lalonde smiled coyly. Before Dave could retort, the door opened, revealing Maryam once again. Behind her, another boy, who looked a year or two older than Dave, stood sheepishly, gangly limbs dangling. Dave couldn't see much of him, but the kid seemed to be wearing facepaint and polka-dot sweatpants.

"Sorry for the interruption. However, I believe it may be best that you meet this foster sibling first. Dave Strider, this is Gamzee Makara. Gamzee," she gave the boy a pointed look, "say hello to Dave."

Gamzee, the schizo, who was most definitely wearing facepaint, smiled. There were three parallel, diagonal scars on his face that stretched with his smile, and his Einstein-like hair stuck up in a million different directions. "What is all and up with the mother fucking flow, my miraculous bro?" the guy said, holding out a fist, possibly for a fist bump. Dave rose an eyebrow at Maryam.

"Are you fostering a schizophrenic juggalo?" he asked, eyeing both Maryam and her foster child with suspicion.

Maryam laughed, patting Gamzee's head. "He is not as scary as he seems. In fact, he's the most laid back of us all for a majority of the time. He can just get riled up easily. He is, like many of the kids I take in, the product of an unpredictable childhood."

Dave looked up and down the complacent clown, shrugged, and bumped the dude's fist. He didn't seem that bad... at least, not at that moment. Dave could kinda see how something trivial could make a guy like this snap. "Seems pretty chill to me. I guess. As long as he doesn't yell at me."

"I will keep his yelling to a minimum. And please, feel free to talk directly to him. He can carry out conversation just as well as you and I can."

"What's up, clown dude?" Dave asked, not even blinking at how absurd the whole situation was. This juggalo was one of his new siblings. Who's next? A ventriloquist? He didn't need any more puppets in his life, that was for sure.

"I think I can take him from here, Ms. Lalonde," Maryam said, watching Dave's attempt to be civil with plenty of amusement.

"Then I believe I have no choice but to part from you, Ms. Maryam," Lalonde replied, bowing a little. "Adieu, mi amore."

"Would you guys get a room already?" Dave asked, breaking from the juggalo conversation he'd barely understood. He swore he could see Maryam blushing.

"Okay, I know when I'm not wanted," Lalonde stated, before walking back to her car. "Have fun, Dave! I'm sure you'll fit in just fine." With that, she hopped in the car and drove off.

"Are you prepared to meet the rest of your foster siblings?" Maryam asked, stepping into the house, the door hanging open. Gamzee smiled lazily, and though it creeped Dave out a little, it was kind of welcoming, in the way only a possibly psychotic juggalo could be.

"Sure."

And with one small step through the door, his life changed irrevocably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all ready for this  
> *cue hype-up music*
> 
> thanks for reading! i'll try to post regularly but no promises bcuz college is a bitch


	2. Into The Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave meets his new foster siblings and is understandably blown away.

The first thing Dave noticed when he stepped into the house was how clean it was, especially compared to the puppet cabal he used to call a home. But not even Ms. Lalonde's place had been this spotless, though, to be fair, she hadn't been expecting a houseguest. Dave couldn’t tell if the cleanliness was just in response to his arrival or if Maryam kept it this way all the time. He also didn't know how she could have a house this clean with kids like Gamzee living in it.

They entered into a small foyer, which opened up to a kitchen on the left and a living room on the right. A girl stood in the kitchen, wearing bright red glasses and holding a walking stick in one hand. And on a couch in the living room was another guy peering suspiciously at Dave. When Dave made eye contact, the boy scowled and looked away, turning his attention back on a TV, which Dave was pretty sure was showing the movie _Love, Actually_.

Maryam rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, don't be like that, Karkat. Come meet our new foster."

The boy- named Car Cat, as far as Dave could tell- sighed, then slipped off the couch, trudging over to where Dave stood. He looked Dave up and down, still scowling, and said in a loud, slightly abrasive voice, "So what the fuck's wrong with this one?"

"Karkat, we do not speak to people like that." Maryam gave him a disapproving look, which made Karkat sigh again and scuff his foot against the tiled floor. So this was the owner of the other voice Dave had heard from outside. "Greet him correctly, please."

Karkat begrudgingly put a hand out, staring Dave dead in the eye. His irises were a startling, otherworldly gray. "Karkat Vantas. Don't ask why my name is so fucking weird, I didn't choose it. What's yours?"

Dave slid his gaze down to Karkat's hand. At least the guy had a self-aware sense of humor. He definitely looked a lot more normal than Gamzee- for one, he didn't have makeup or polka-dot pants on. All Dave could tell was that this guy had some serious anger management issues. He took the guy's hand, figuring he might as well bite the bullet if he was going to live with this dude. "Dave Strider. Don't ask why my name is so fucking cool, I didn't choose it."

"This guy's another smartass, isn't he? No wonder you took him in."

"Speak for yourself, Vantas," Dave smirked at the growing scowl on the boy's face.

Maryam clapped her hands together, looking pleased. "I am glad to see you two are managing to get along well."

"You think this is us getting along?" Karkat asked, his mouth hanging open. "I'd hate to see what you think it looks like when people don't get along."

"I know the intricacies of teenage social interaction well enough to know that snarky commentary is a good indication of a budding friendship."

"By 'teenage social interaction' did you mean 'Lalonde social interaction'?" Karkat smirked as Maryam blushed once again. "Because that's the only snarky person you willingly talk to."

"So I'm guessing that shit is obvious to everyone but them?" Dave asked Karkat.

"Even Terezi could tell," Karkat replied, jerking a thumb towards the girl in the kitchen. "And she's blind."

"I heard that, Karkat!" the girl yelled, slamming a refrigerator shut and walking towards them, using her cane to find her way. "Where's Mr. Coolkid Dave Strider?"

"Could you hear our entire fucking conversation?" Karkat asked, crossing his arms.

"Of course I could. By the way, the coolkid totally roasted you." She put a hand up in the general direction of Dave. "Terezi Pyrope, at your service. High five, dude."

Dave slapped her hand, winking behind the shades, not that anyone could tell. "Dave Strider. Glad to see I'm not the only one here who's cool."

Terezi giggled, grinning. "This guy's the best. Can we keep him?"

Karkat rolled his eyes, but Maryam laughed, putting a hand on Dave's shoulder. "We are keeping him. At least for as long as he decides to stay."

Gamzee, who had wandered into the living room when they'd entered the house, stepped back into the room, that lazy grin still plastered on his scarred face. "Aw, fuck yeah, you heard the lady. We got another miraculous brother all up in this circus."

Karkat patted Gamzee's head, though he had to reach to do it, as Gamzee was easily the tallest dude in the room, and Karkat was... much shorter. "It would be great if you just once cut the clown bullshit." Behind the anger in his voice, it almost sounded like Karkat cares about the juggalo. Or maybe Dave was just imagining it, because that would just be the most ironic thing.

Not that Dave cared much about irony anymore.

"Where's Vriska?" Maryam asked. Dave looked at her in surprise. How many more siblings did he have?

"Probably sulking around upstairs, as usual." Terezi grinned, before turning back to the stairs and yelling, "Hey Serket! Get your thieving ass down here!"

"Oh dear," Maryam muttered, ushering the kids towards the living room. "Must we behave ourselves as poorly as possible every time we meet someone new?"

"It's a good way to test them." A girl appeared from a shadowy stairwell, grinning as she hopped off the last step. Her left eye was covered by an eyepatch, and her left arm, hidden in the sleeve of her jacket, hung limply at her side. "If he can love us at our worst, he can love us at our best." She stalked up to Dave, sizing him up with a quick glance, and put her non-limp hand on her hip. "Vriska Serket, exemplary thief, treasure-hunter extraordinaire."

Karkat grumbled from behind Dave, "I was actually trying to make him want to leave as soon as possible, but sure, if you want to see that as me 'testing' him, be my fucking guest."

Maryam sighed. "Excuse us for a moment, Dave," she said, before placing one hand on Vriska's shoulder and the other on Karkat's and steering them towards the kitchen. If he leaned closer, Dave could just catch her reprimanding them for their 'pride in their past misdeeds' and their 'unchangingly unwelcoming attitude'. Then she added something about how they would 'never heal or grow as people if they didn't take initiative'.

"Is that everyone?" Dave asked her. "Just the juggalo, Mr. Shouty, the thief, and you?"

Terezi giggled, obviously amused by Dave's descriptions of her foster siblings. "For now. Knowing Kanaya, though, we might have another one in a few months. Good thing she only ever fosters teens that aren't far from turning 18. She's had a bunch of fosters before us, but they're all older, living mostly well-adjusted lives. They visit from time to time. As much as we gripe about her, she does a good job."

Dave looked at Terezi, who had stopped giggling and become serious and solemn. "Huh," he started, not knowing what to say. "You... must really respect her."

"We all do. And you will, too, soon enough."

"Even the clown?" He pointed to Gamzee, who had somehow found a bottle of purple paint and was smearing it across the T.V., drawing distorted smiles over the faces in the paused scene. The clown looked up at hearing his name, giving them that same lazy smile.

"I'm sure if Gamz knew how to appreciate anything, he would. But no, he's too drug-addled on his good days and too psychopathic on his bad ones." She glared in the general direction of Gamzee, nearly shouting. Obviously they weren't on the best terms.

"Aw, Terecita, don't be all upset like that," Gamzee wiped the paint onto his pants, frowning at Terezi. "I have so much mother fucking respect for Kanny, she's chill with the Mirthful Messiahs. Plus her pies are fucking kicking."

"Do you see what I mean?" Terezi asked, exasperated. "He's ridiculous."

"I dunno, I guess he has a point." Dave looked down at the clown, who was contemplating the paint on his pants with surprise, as if he was unaware of the fact that he put it there. "Somewhere in there he probably he knows she's helping him."

Terezi pouted, crossing her arms. "The new guy is supposed to take the blind girl's side, not the crazy clown's."

"I'm not taking anyone's side. I'm just giving him a fighting chance, because he sure as hell can't fight alone." Dave stopped, his words sounding too heroic for his own liking. He didn't know why he was trying to help someone else when he could barely help himself. He steered the conversation away from that particular train of thought. "I don't know what beef you have with him, but just because he probably murdered your mother or something doesn't mean he can't change."

Terezi's frown deepened. "That's not what he did."

"Okay, well, whatever it was, people can change. At least, I fucking hope they can."

"Whatever," Terezi mumbled, sighing, before walking towards the stairs. Dave sat down on the couch, staring dejectedly at the painted-over T.V. and the clown sitting before it, who looked just as glum. _People can change_ echoed in his mind, and though earlier he'd said it with conviction, now it sounded false. Bro had never changed, had never even tried. And Dave... well, he was certainly trying to change from whatever Bro had been grooming him to be. But it was hard for him to do that when it had been pounded into him.

Someone plopped down next to him, startling Dave out of his thoughts. He turned to see the angry guy glaring at the vandalized screen as if the intensity of his stare would vaporize the paint. Gamzee had wandered off while Dave wasn't paying attention, but Karkat didn't seem very surprised by the vandalism, so it must've been a common occurrence in the house.

"Uh... hey," Dave said, only a little tentative. "Car... Car Cat, right?"

The alleged Car Cat turned his glare on Dave now. "No."

"No? Then what is it?"

"It's Karkat."

Dave blinked at the angry kid. "That's what I said. Car Cat."

"No, that's wrong, numbnuts. You're putting a space between the words."

"And how would you know that?"

Karkat sighed, turning away, and took a deep breath. "I can hear you pause between 'car' and 'cat'. They aren't separate words."

"So... it's Carcat?" Dave smirked, amused by the ridiculousness of the dude's name.

"Close enough," Karkat grumbled, sinking lower into the couch.

"So... does that happen a lot?" Dave pointed at the defaced television.

"Most of the time, he keeps it confined to the walls of his room. And then sometimes he decides to ruin my fucking day."

"So you like watching rom coms, then?"

Karkat's face went red. "I appreciate their romantic complexities. It helps me recognize relatio-"

Dave burst out laughing, the first real laugh he'd had in a long while, cutting off Karkat's defensive tirade. "Oh man. 'Romantic complexities'? What the fuck?"

"They're interesting! Stop fucking laughing at me, asshole."

"No one watches these movies to analyze the relationships or whatever the fuck you think you're doing. Admit it, you're totally into this sappy shit. You're out here with your tree tapper getting every last drop of that sticky maple sap so you can smuggle it across the Canadian border and get rich as hell."

"First of all, what the fuck was that metaphor? And second of all, fuck you!" Karkat crossed his arms, indignant at the accusation. "I consider myself an expert on romance."

"You?" Dave practically snorted. "The one who's angry all the time and shouts at everyone? Hate to break it to you, dude, but most people don't like a guy who hates them. Unless it's a whole tsundere deal."

"A what?"

Dave paled, realizing he'd referenced Bro's shitty ironic love for anime. "Nothing. Forget I said anything."

Karkat gave him a confused look, but blessedly decided not to push it. "Well, okay, I'm not an expert in my own relationships, but I can see other people's relationships coming a mile away."

"Whatever, bro. Just admit it. You're obsessed." Dave smirked, before Karkat punched his arm, scowling.

"I don't have to admit anything to you, shit-for-brains,” Karkat grumbled. “Why did Kanaya have to room you with me? I'd take Gamzee over you; at least he's nice most days. And he doesn't talk back."

Dave shrugged, feigning nonchalance as he digested the information. Staying in the same room as Anger McShouts? At least it wasn't the clown. "I won't bother you if you don't bother me."

"I'm pretty fucking sure we're going to bother each other a lot if we're sharing a fucking room. But what would I know? It's not like I already had to share a room with a bipolar asshole or anything. Oh wait, I did."

"Well, shit. I may not be bipolar, but I sure am an asshole."

Karkat snickered. "Wow, the first competent thing you’ve said all day." He stood up, crossing his arms. a little frown on his face that Dave could've found adorable if he allowed himself to think that about a guy, but he refused to linger too long on those kinds of thoughts, because even he was afraid of the consequences of admitting that he might not be straight. “Follow me. I might as well show you where you’ll be sleeping for however long you decide to stay here.” He began stalking towards the stairs, not even bothering to offer to help Dave with his stuff- not that he really needed the help carrying his one suitcase anyway. Shoving his troubling thoughts into a corner in the back of his mind, Dave followed Karkat up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! questions, comments, and any feedback are appreciated!


	3. Steps In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave makes a stupid mistake, as teenage boys often do.

The staircase ended in a wide hallway lined with four doors, two on each side. Karkat pushed open the first door on the left to reveal a fairly tidy room, a twin bed pushed up against one of the walls, barely making room for the air mattress lying on the floor, which Dave assumed he would be sleeping on.

"I didn't peg you as someone who keeps their room clean," Dave remarked, a touch impressed.

Karkat snorted. "I'm not. But Kanaya runs a tight fucking ship, especially when we get a visitor."

Dave set his stuff down next to the air mattress, before settling on it himself. "Didn't you say you used to share a room with someone? What happened to his bed?"

Karkat shrugged. "Vriska got it when she moved in. But she's almost 18, so you'll get her bed in a month or so."

"Oh. Cool." Dave flopped back on the mattress, staring up at a ceiling he had a feeling would become very familiar to him soon. "So what's it like here?"

"It sucks sometimes, especially with all the nutcases Maryam takes in, but it's like one big fucked up family. You get used to it. Also, Kanaya's pretty fucking great. Much better than the other foster parents I've had. Those ignoramuses had their heads shoved so far up their asses about how 'charitable' they were being that they couldn't see how little they knew about parenting. Or dealing with kids with real fucking problems."

"So... what's your story?" Dave asked quietly.

Karkat took a few seconds before replying, long enough for Dave to look over curiously and notice Karkat's clenched fists, restrained anger clear on his face. "You don't want to know."

"Why? What fucked up shit happened that-" Dave wasn't able to finish his question, as Karkat slammed into him, pressing a forearm into Dave's windpipe, one knee firmly planted on his chest. For an instant, all Dave could process was the air mattress sagging underneath him from their collective weights, until he looked up into Karkat's eyes, which were filled with a wild defensiveness, and realized that he should be terrified. There was a full snarl on Karkat's face that was completely different from his other ones- more enraged, almost animalistic- and he was a lot stronger than what his small, skinny frame suggested.

"If you want to fucking survive in this place," Karkat hissed, putting more pressure on Dave's throat, "you'll never ask that question again. Mind your own fucking business unless you want me to carve your innards from you like a Thanksgiving turkey."

Dave's fighting instincts kicked in, and he shoved Karkat off of the mattress, sitting up and coughing, his windpipe throbbing. He had to push down the feeling that told him to retaliate and slam Karkat to the floor, the urge to treat this surprise attack like every other attack he'd experienced before. He was done fighting. Keeping as much shakiness out of his voice as he could, he said, "Point taken. I will not poke at your sensitive spots."

"Get out of my room before I'm tempted to eviscerate you." Karkat's voice shook with a barely concealed fury.

Dave readjusted his shades and left the room, trying to hide how shaken he was from the attack. He closed the door behind him, taking a few deep breaths to slow his racing heart, staring at the door across from his, contemplating where he could escape to when his only semi-safe space- his bedroom back in Bro's apartment- had been taken from him.

A small chalkboard sign was mounted on the door across the hall, displaying the barely legible words 'Keep Out' written in shaky red chalk. Judging by the handwriting, Dave guessed it was either just the blind girl's room or one that both the girls shared. Which meant he probably shouldn't go in there. Another door further down the hallway was cracked open, and Dave could see bright purple paint on the walls, empty pie tins and soda bottles littering the floor. He assumed the room belonged to Gamzee, and decided to never step foot inside. He didn't know whether the last room was Vriska's, Maryam's, or a bathroom. Whatever it was, he wasn't going to retreat there to find refuge from Karkat and the thoughts running through his head. The only other option was downstairs, but that was occupied by people, and he really wasn't feeling social after that last encounter. Maybe he could slip outside?

Dave snuck down the stairs, stalling on the last step to scout out the yet-undiscovered rooms on the first floor. Was there even a backyard for him to get into? He stepped off the last step, putting Bro's training to use as he crept through the foyer. Past the kitchen was a dining room, and sure enough, in the back of the room a door with glass paneling showed a surprisingly lush garden. He reached for the doorknob and-

"Dave?" The sound of Maryam's voice stopped him dead in his tracks. He turned around to see the adult standing in the doorway of the kitchen, concern creasing her forehead. "Are you settling in alright?"

Dave nodded, scratching at his ear nervously. "Uh, yeah. Karkat, um, showed me the room."

Maryam smiled, though she still look worried. Could she tell how rattled he felt? "Well, dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Why don't you come sit down?"

"I was actually gonna check out the backyard. Get some fresh air. If that's alright with you."

Maryam's smile slowly dissipated, leaving just worry. "I'm not sure if now is the best time," she said, slowly, deliberately choosing the least inciting words.

 _She probably thinks I'm at risk to run_ , Dave thought, watching her trying to read him. _It's probably happened to her before._ "You don't gotta worry ‘bout me. If I had it in me to run, I would have left my brother a long time ago." It was partially true. He had ran away from Bro once, half a year ago, but Bro had tracked him down the next day, taken him back, and taught him a lesson. But Dave meant it- he wasn’t planning on running any time soon, unless he couldn’t resolve the problematic situation he'd stupidly caused with Karkat

"Oh." Maryam took a beat, mildly surprised by how well the teen could read her. "I did not mean to..." She sighed, closing her eyes. "I apologize. Feel free to look around outside. Be back in five minutes. I would not want you to miss dinner."

Dave nodded, grateful for the small amount of trust Maryam had shown by allowing him outside. "Will do." He turned away and grabbed the doorknob, opening the door with a soft click. On the other side was a large, well-cultivated yard, brightly colored flowers tracing along the fence line, various fruit trees meandering along a small path that led to a vegetable garden. Dave felt a strange sense of peace envelop him as he stepped out onto the path, walking slowly under the trees. His mind temporarily taken off the drastic shift in his life, he idly wondered whether there were any apple trees, and if he could make some apple juice with them.

Choosing an especially large tree, he sat in the shade, idly thinking _Maybe this can be my safe space_ . In retrospect, he had been a huge asshole asking Karkat about his past. Hell, if it had been Karkat asking _him_ , he probably would've gotten pissed off, too. He didn’t exactly want people prying into his life either. He would just have to chalk the whole thing up to another one of his asinine decisions.

He stared up at his foster home, wondering if it would ever feel like a real "home". It was already a million times more welcoming than the apartment he’d shared with Bro had ever been. Sure, his new siblings had some dark pasts and were probably a little on the dangerous side, but they seemed friendly enough. And Maryam definitely cared about him to some degree. Maybe this would work out. Maybe Dave could learn to become a well-adjusted adult here.

Not wanting to worry Maryam more than necessary, he hefted himself up and trudged back towards the house. He re-entered the dining room to find Maryam setting a pot down on the table, which was big enough to comfortably seat ten. She looked surprised to see him back in so early. “Why don’t you take a seat?” she said softly, a smile brightening her face.

Dave sat, peering into the pot to see it filled with noodles. “You made pasta?”

Maryam shrugged, popping back into the kitchen to grab a second pot, this one full of sauce. “It’s spaghetti. I hope you enjoy it.”

“I mean, Olive Garden is one of my favorite restaurants, and that’s shitty Italian, so I’m pretty sure I’m gonna love this.” He didn’t mention the fact that he never had a home-cooked meal in his life, that he’d only been to Olive Garden three times, and each time had been of his own accord, using money he’d saved up from selling SBaHJ merch. Maryam, oblivious to his inner monologue, set the sauce pot next to the noodles and gave him a grin.

“I truly hope you find this better than Olive Garden.” She paused before adding, “I also hope you find a better restaurant than Olive Garden to be your favorite.”

“Not gonna happen, Maryam. Olive Garden is the fucking shit. They had me hooked at _never-ending breadsticks_.”

She laughed. “Sorry, I did not think to make you an unlimited supply of breadsticks for this meal. Hope that’s okay.”

“That shit’s fucking unforgivable. How’m I ever gonna cope?” At Maryam’s slightly confused face, Dave decided maybe now was a good time to put away his sarcasm and try out his newly-learned sincerity. “Just joking. Seriously, I’m grateful for the food. I didn’t exactly have someone who provided dinner for me, so… I really appreciate this.”

Maryam’s features were full of pity, which wasn’t what Dave was going for. He felt vulnerable, having told her so much- not that she didn’t probably already know most of his background. Did honesty always make someone feel so vulnerable? She looked away, wringing her hands. “I’m going to get the rest of your siblings,” she said quietly, before slipping out of the room.

 _Fuck,_ Dave thought, running a hand through his hair. _I made her uncomfortable._ Maybe he wasn’t as good at sincerity as he thought. He didn’t exactly know what the right time or place for revealing depressing facts about his childhood was, or if there even was a right time or place, but he did know that he’d just screwed up in some way. Maybe he shouldn’t just lead with the most depressing shit? But where would he even start in telling people about his childhood? How would he go about easing someone into a decade and a half of nonstop abuse?

He could hear Maryam calling the other kids, and before he knew it, Vriska was lounging across the table from him, staring with her uncovered eye. Dave wondered whether the eyepatch was a stylistic choice or if her eye was actually damaged, before quickly realizing that asking might get him the same reaction that he got from Karkat.

“So, how’s your new roommate?” Vriska asked, almost as if she read his mind. The smirk she gave him definitely wasn’t helping debunk the theory.

“Oh, you know, we’re totally cool. Close as two buds can be. We’ve slid ass-deep into the brozone, and there’s no amount of alien abduction and anal probing that can get us out. We are entrenched in this shit, literally.”

Vriska’s face scrunched up in what Dave could only assume is disgust. “Okay, that was about the weirdest way you could’ve put that.”

“I’m a man of many talents, and one of those talents is jumping off of weird tangents like they’re fifteen-foot diving boards and I’m the Olympic gold medalist of diving for three consecutive years. I gotta defend my title from all these asshole newbies who think they can dive, but they don’t know shit and I’m a fucking pro at doing these acrobatic pirouettes off the fucking handle. The handle in this case is the diving board, of course. And the acrobatic pirouettes are all flawless diving maneuvers.”

Now Vriska was just staring at him. “Okay, you’re totally fucking insane, and coming from me that’s significant.” She gave you a smile. “Good thing I like insane.”

Well, fuck if the conversation didn’t suddenly get a whole lot weirder. Luckily for Dave, he was saved from having to respond by another member of his new family entering the room. Terezi poked her walking stick around until she smacked into Dave’s leg, then smiled and asked, “Cool Kid, is that you?”

“The one and only,” Dave replied, pushing his shades up his nose in a cool but pointless gesture, as only Vriska could see him. Terezi plopped down in the chair next to him.

“So, has my dear sister been bothering you?” Terezi asked, pointing a grin in the general direction of Vriska.

“Actually, I think I somehow freaked her out more.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Dave,” Vriska said, flipping her hair. “We both know who the real weirdo here is.”

“Me!” Terezi practically shouted, cackling maniacally. Dave stared, slowly realizing that the one person he thought might be semi-sane was just as crazy as the rest of them. Oh well, she still seemed cool.

“What is up, my sweet new motherfucking bro?” Gamzee sidled into the room, taking the seat on the other side of Dave and slinging a lazy arm around his shoulder. Dave tried not to stiffen too much at the unwanted contact.

“Just waiting to eat dinner,” he replied, trying to shrug off Gamzee’s arm.

“Makara, you’re making him uncomfortable,” Vriska said, a grin splitting her face. She was obviously enjoying watching Dave squirm.

“Oh, my bad, brother,” Gamzee said, moving his arm away from Dave. “I just got all my motherfucking excited on to have a new miraculous bro up in this bitchtits place.”

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Dave said, though his mouth was still tight around the corners.

Just then, the last sibling arrived, trailed by Maryam. Karkat casted a sultry glare around the room, his gaze landing on Dave last, before sitting near the end of the table, far from the new kid. Dave could tell he was still in a funk from the earlier incident, especially from the daggers Karkat shot at him every time Dave glanced his way.

“Karkat, could you sit closer to the rest of the family?” Maryam asked, though from the tone of her voice this was clearly a demand. Karkat grumbled something under his breath, but moved closer, sitting next to Gamzee. With the juggalo between them, Karkat didn’t have to acknowledge Dave’s presence. Which Dave was totally fine with.

Maryam sat next to Vriska, her every movement graceful. “Alright, since Dave is new we’ll let him put food first.”

Dave blinked in surprise, still not entirely used to the fact that he no longer had to dig through the trash for Bro’s leftovers. “Oh. Cool.” He plopped some spaghetti and sauce onto his plate, followed by everyone else, and with a nod from Kanaya, everyone dug in.

An awkward silence reigned for a majority of the dinner, interspersed by Dave telling Maryam on multiple occasions that her spaghetti was “the bomb” and that he was wrong to have “compared this to the shit they serve at Olive Garden”. The other people to attempt conversation were Terezi, directing slightly invasive questions at “Mr. Cool Kid” which went unanswered, Kanaya, posing conversation starters that no one took advantage of, and Gamzee, rambling about the Dark Carnival and honking.

All in all, it was the best family dinner Dave ever had.

“Karkat, it’s your turn to do the dishes,” Kanaya said, once everyone had finished eating. Karkat groaned, but pushed his chair back, preparing to get up. “Actually, Dave, why don’t you help him?”

Karkat tensed, his bitten-off nails digging into the table. Before he could complain, Dave swooped in. “Uh, actually, I don’t exactly… know how to do dishes. I’ve never done them before.” He ignored the subdued giggles from his new siblings, staring down at the table.

“Then Karkat can show you the ropes.” At this, Karkat abruptly stood up, his body taut, quivering like a bow string. 

“I am _not_ teaching this fumbling, dung-sniffing dumbass how to do the fucking dishes,” he half-yelled, his hands balling into fists. Kanaya leveled a practiced, disappointed glare at him, making Karkat cower a little.

“Show some respect to your new foster brother, Karkat. He’s going to be here for a while.”

Dave cut in again, not wanting the situation to worsen any further. “It’s alright, Ms. Maryam. I can just learn to do the dishes some other time.”

Kanaya turned her gaze to Dave, letting it soften a little. “I appreciate the attempt to resolve conflict, Dave, but I believe Karkat has as much to learn from this as you do.” At Dave’s confused look, she just smiled and pointed to the kitchen. “Get to it. You two aren’t getting out of this.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, clearly exasperated. “Fine. But if that asswipe ends up dead, don’t blame me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how will dave get himself out of this pickle? find out in the next installment!!!  
> lol anyway thanks for reading! drop a comment, or submit to our new baking overlords- it's your choice.


	4. Messy Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Washing dishes is more of a struggle than Dave expected.

Dave hesitantly followed Karkat to the sink, encouraged only by Kanaya’s soft smile. The rest of the family dropped their dishes in the sink and filed out of the room, leaving Dave alone with Karkat.

“So…” Dave started, picking up a plate with one hand. “What do I do?”

“First of all,” Karkat started, pulling the plate out of Dave’s hands. “Don’t hold a fucking plate like that, you’re gonna end up breaking it.” He grabbed a sponge and turned on the water, not making eye contact with Dave. “Just... watch me, okay?”

Dave nodded, letting Karkat explain how to properly clean a plate before trying it himself. “Is this good?”

Karkat inspected the plate, tilting it to catch the light. “Sure, if you’re trying to give everyone food poisoning.” He handed the plate back to Dave, then grabbed another for himself. “Put some of those atrophied muscles into it, and, I don’t know, maybe actually get all of the fucking food bits off of the plate?”

Dave frowned, scrubbing harder. “This is my first rodeo, man. Just because I’m basically flawless doesn’t mean I’m gonna be perfect doing this on the first try.”

“It’s pretty fucking simple shit, turdbrain. I’ve seen toddlers do dishes better than you.”

Dave grunted at this, applying more force to the plate, trying to keep his chill but feeling frustration bubbling up in him. This dude was trying to get under his skin, which was usually hard for most people, but Karkat was poking all the right spots. “Can you lay off, dude?”

Karkat grinned wickedly, sensing he had found a weak spot. “Oh, sorry, did that comment bother you? Didn’t realize I had to respect your mind-numbing inability to complete a basic task.”

It took a beat before Dave realized the plate in his hands had shattered under the pressure he'd been putting into cleaning it. A porcelain shard sliced a long line into his right palm. Karkat stared in shock at the blood dripping into the sink. “Shit. What the fuck. Shit shit shit. Sorry. I’ll, uh, I’ll go get Kanaya.”

“Naw, it’s cool, bro,” Dave said, shrugging. He was unfazed by the cut- bodily harm was something he had too much experience in. “I’ll clean it up. Don’t worry Maryam. Y’all got bandages?”

Karkat blinked, trying to process how chill Dave was being about his cut. “Uh, yeah. I can get them.” He practically tripped in his rush to leave the room, clearly freaked out that he had pushed too far. Dave shrugged it off, picking up the bigger plate shards with his uncut hand and throwing them into the trash. He grabbed a wad of paper towels and pressed it against the wound, waiting for Karkat to bring him bandages.

Karkat ended up bringing the whole first aid kit, dropping it on the kitchen counter next to Dave. His face was scrunched up in a mixture of panic and guilt. “Here. I, uh, didn’t know what you needed so I brought everything.” Karkat opened the kit, pulling out a few items, his movements jerky.

Dave gently pushed Karkat out of the way and began rummaging through the kit himself. “Thanks, bro, but I don’t need your help. Seriously. Keep doing the dishes. I’ll tap back in when I get this taken care of.”

Karkat stared at his new brother incredulously. “Um, please don’t tell me your head is shoved so far up your ass that you think it’s even a remotely good idea to continue attempting to wash dishes! Also, let me fucking help you, you douchebag. Just tell me what to do.”

Dave looked up from the first aid kit, gazing coolly at Karkat. “Look, man, I can handle this. I’m used to it.” He clamped his mouth shut, afraid that if he started referencing his past, it would all come pouring out.

Karkat sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Listen, fuckwad. I feel partially responsible for this fuck-up.” He gestured at the blood splattered in the sink. “So how about a compromise. If you let me help you bandage your hand, I’ll let you help with the dishes.” He held out his hand expectantly. “Deal?”

A beat of silence passed, stretching as Dave considered the offer. Finally, he shrugged. “Deal. I would totally shake your hand but I’m not sure you really want that.” He raised his still-bleeding right hand.

“Oh. Right.” Karkat let out a short laugh, dropping his hand to his side. “Sorry. So it’s a deal?”

“Yeah, man.” Dave turned back to the counter, dropping his wounded hand palm-side up on the marble. Karkat sidled up next to him, awaiting orders. “Grab the bottle of antiseptic.”

They worked quickly and efficiently, with Dave doling out orders and Karkat carrying them out. They then moved to the dishes, Karkat delegating Dave to the simpler task of drying the dishes so that his bandages wouldn’t get wet. They got into an efficient rhythm as Dave got the hang of it, finishing quicker than either of the expected.

“Bro, this reminds me of my old turntables,” Dave said, as he wiped the last plate dry. He made a noise which was only vaguely recognizable as a record scratch.

“You used to have turntables?” Karkat asked, drying his hands on a paper towel.

“Yeah. My beats were so ill, the doctors just gave up trying to prescribe them medicine. But I prescribed those beats with my dope-ass rhymes, and they got better in no time.” Dave pauses, his eyes lighting up, not that anyone could see his eyes behind the shades. Taking a deep breath, he begins to rap. “Hold up. These beats so ill, the doctors gave up prescribin’. So I diagnosed them with a healthy dose of rhymin’. Ain’t just bout rhymes tho, gotta get the right timin’. And by the time I rhymed those sick beats were revitalizin’.”

Karkat’s mouth hung open as he tried to process what he had just witnessed. “Never. Do that. Again.”

Dave shrugged, grinning. “Alright, dude, it’s your call if you don’t want your ears graced by the life-giving majesty of my rhymes.”

“Never fucking ever. That shit wasn’t majestic. That was almost as bad as Gamzee’s unintelligible drivel.”

Dave’s grin widened. “Does he do clown raps?”

Karkat frowned. “Yes. And they fucking suck.”

Dave looked up at the ceiling, his hands clasped together. “I would like to thank not only God, but Jesus for granting me this gift.”

Karkat’s frown deepens. “You’re joking, right?”

“Nah, man. I would never joke about my main man JC.” As Karkat’s incredulous stare continued, Dave rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m joking. Can we go to bed now or what?”

“Dumbass, it’s not even eight yet. Do you usually sleep this early?”

Dave paused, unsure of how to answer that question. Sure, he was usually in his room long before 8, avoiding Bro as best he could. On the other hand, he didn’t sleep most of the night, always anticipating an attack. It really was no wonder he was an insomniac. “Uh… yes? Sleep is the fucking best.”

Karkat squinted at him, trying to guess whether Dave was being serious or not, before shaking his head. “Whatever. Just don’t complain if I’m on my laptop for the next three hours.” He trudged towards the stairs, Dave following after like a lost puppy. As soon as they entered their room, Karkat flopped onto his bed, digging his laptop out from beneath a nest of blankets. Dave stared at his new roommate, remembering the incident from the first time he entered this room. Weird how the hostility between him and Karkat had dissipated in the span of an hour.

Then Dave noticed his still-packed suitcase. “Whoops. Still gotta unpack.” He crouched down next to his bag, minding his hurt hand as he unzipped. He then began pulling out his clothes and dumping them on the floor, before remembering that a normal person with a normal upbringing wouldn’t just leave their clean clothes on the floor. He looked up at Karkat, who had headphones on, immersed in some video or movie. “Hey, is there somewhere I can put my clothes?”

Karkat paused his video, pulling his headphones off. “Yeah, just put them in the dresser. I don’t have much in there anyway. In case your pea-sized brain couldn’t tell, I’m not super big on fashion.” He gestured to his black hoodie and sweatpants. “Just try not to mix your shit with mine. I don’t need you stealing my clothes.”

“Relax, dude, we’re nowhere near the same size. You’re way too short.” Dave scooped up his clothes pile and carried it to the dresser.

“I am not short,” Karkat huffed, crossing his arms. “You’re just freakishly tall.”

“If anything, you’re gonna be stealing my shit. You probably love wearing oversized sweaters.” Dave pulled open a large drawer, which contained maybe three shirts.

“Even if I do, I wouldn’t touch your grease-stained clothes with a ten-foot stick.” He paused, watching incredulously as Dave dropped his clothes into the drawer. “Um, are you not going to fold them, asshole?”

Dave blinked, looking back at Karkat. “What?”

“Fold your clothes.” As Dave’s confusion continued, Karkat’s voice went up a notch. “Have you never fucking folded your clothes before? First the dishes, now laundry? What other basic shit do you not know?”

The corners of Dave’s mouth tightened. “My bro was a lazy asshole who didn’t know how to raise a kid. Sorry no one taught me how to do ‘basic shit’.”

Karkat’s face fell as he realized he crossed a line again. “Fuck, I’m such a dullwitted asswipe. You’d think I would’ve fucking learned by now to not push it when it comes to fosters.”

Dave studied his roommate’s obvious distraught, sighed, and looked away. “It’s okay, dude. You didn’t know.”

Karkat’s head snapped up. “No, it’s not okay, ‘dude’. I nearly fucking killed you earlier for asking a simple question. You have every right to snap at me for being an asshole.”

"I mean, my question was kind of invasive as shit, though, and I'm sorry I even asked it. It was stupid."

"Well, you didn't really know it would piss me off that much. I can't really blame you for incompetence."

Dave opened his mouth, ready with a retort, realizing neither of them had anything to gain from continuing the argument. “Look, it doesn’t really matter. Can you just help me fold my shit?”

Though Karkat was usually itching to get into an argument, he decided for the first time in his life that this argument wasn’t worth seeing to completion. “Yeah. Fine.” He shoved his laptop off the bed, clearing an empty space. “Dump your clothes here, I’ll show you how to fold them.”

Dave nodded, picking up his pile of clothes and plopping them onto Karkat’s bed, before sitting between Karkat and the pile.

“I’m sorry I’m such a hypocritical idiot,” Karkat muttered in an attempt to apologize before reaching across Dave’s lap to grab a shirt and begin folding. Not wanting to have Dave acknowledge the apology, he added, “Are you watching?”

“Uh, yeah,” Dave said, trying to mimic Karkat’s movements with a different shirt. They were quiet for a few minutes, as they worked through Dave’s relatively small pile. 

“Listen, asswipe,” Karkat started, insulting as usual, staring determinedly at his folding job as he spoke. “I’m sure even a dimwit like you figured out that I’m constantly annoying to everyone who condescends to talk to me, that I’m abrasive and hot-tempered and generally impolite as fuck. That’s just how I fucking am, so you’re gonna have to learn to deal with it. There’s gonna be times where I’m looking to piss you off, so if you notice that I’m trying to get a rise out of you, just…” He finally looked up at Dave, his fingers curling into the shirt he’d been folding. “Don’t give me the satisfaction.”

Dave nodded, smirking a little. “Sure. I mean, for the most part you don’t really bother me much. This whole day has kinda been like exposure therapy, and I guess it worked, cause at this point I basically see you as a kid throwing a tantrum, and it’s pretty easy to ignore after a while.” He’s cut off by a pair of pants being thrown at his face, which he easily avoided using his Stridey-sense.

“I’m not having tantrums, fuckwad. I’m not a baby.”

“I didn’t really mean it like that. I’m just saying I tune it out. Like one might tune out when a kid’s crying or some shit.” Karkat gave him a strange look, but Dave pressed on, ignoring it. “But I’d appreciate it if you didn’t get into my personal biz. Like I’m gonna respect your personal boundaries and not ask you questions, but you gotta do the same for me.”

“Yeah.” Karkat got back to folding, his perpetual frown easing up a bit. “I can do that.”

“Deal?” Dave asked, half-mockingly, holding out his uninjured left hand. “If this whole ‘deal’ thing becomes a recurring theme between us, my hand better heal quick.”

Karkat laughed, taking Dave’s left hand with his. “Deal.” The awkward, non-dominant shake was exacerbated by the fact that Dave couldn’t help but take note of the softness of Karkat’s grip. He was so used to his own hands’ roughness, to the calluses caused by a decade of constant roughhousing and swordfights. He pulled his hand away quickly, in a way which he hoped was not suspicious. 

They finished folding and put the clothes away in the dresser. Karkat helped Dave unpack the rest of his things, which wasn't much- between the CPS restricting what they believed was safe for him to have and his aversion to all things related to Bro, he only had a few posters and his photography gear. When they finished that, Karkat turned off the light and settled back into his bed, reopening his laptop and getting right back into whatever he had been watching. Dave grabbed his pajamas and headed to the bathroom to change, after asking Karkat where it was, or course. Karkat didn't question it- he probably could tell Dave wasn’t comfortable changing in front of him yet. Dave was especially afraid of all the questions it would raise, what with the scars that were scattered across his body. No matter what he did, no matter what possessions he got rid of, he would always have the scars as a reminder.

As he was heading back down the hall, he saw Kanaya leave his room, seeming to have finished bidding Karkat goodnight. She grinned at Dave when she noticed him. "Are you settling in alright?"

He nodded, folding his arms across his chest, hiding his bandaged hand. It wasn't really that he was trying to keep it a secret from her, he just didn't want her to worry. "Yeah. Karkat helped me put away my clothes."

Kanaya's features visibly brightened. "So he's finally acting civil towards you."

Dave snorted. "Sure, I'd say it's pretty civil for him to tolerate my presence."

"Well, it's a step in the right direction. I just came by to say goodnight, and to give you a blanket and pillow. I left them on your air mattress."

"Thanks, Ms. Maryam. I..." Dave fiddled with his sleeve, biting his lip. "I appreciate everything you're doing for me. For all of us."

"I am only doing what I believe is right." Kanaya smiled softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I try to help you kids any way I can. Speaking of which... Karkat mentioned a broken plate."

Dave silently cursed Karkat, hoping his face didn't reveal anything. Did Karkat also decide it was a good idea to tell Kanaya about his injury? He pulled away and tucked his bandaged hand closer to his body. "Uh, yeah. Sorry."

Kanaya's eyes narrowed imperceptibly. "He said you got cut."

_Fuck you, Karkat._ Sighing, Dave showed her his hand. "It's not that bad," he rushed to explain, as she took his hand and inspected the size of the bandage. "I didn't want to tell you and make you worry."

"Dave," she started, releasing his hand, "I know you're not used to having a support system to fall back on. But we are here for you. _I_ am here for you. It's okay to accept help, especially from people offering it to you."

Dave rubbed his shoulder, staring down at the hardwood floor. "I... I accepted Karkat's help."

She nodded. "And I'm glad you did. But I need you to know that you don't have to be afraid to come to me as well. Or any of us."

"Yeah, okay." Swallowing the lump in his throat, he edged towards his room, the only escape he had from this conversation. "I think I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight."

Kanaya's face fell in what could have been disappointment, but she conceded. "Of course, Dave. Sleep well." She made her way past him, knocking on the door to the girls' room.

Having slipped back into his own room, Dave plopped down on his air mattress, trying to process the conversation he'd just had. He could feel Karkat glancing at him every so often, knowing full well what Kanaya probably told Dave, and probably expecting a reprimand from his shades-sporting roommate. What he got instead was Dave quietly asking, "You couldn't have warned me first?"

Karkat shrugged. "It wasn't like I _planned_ on telling her. But she walked in here and... I couldn't fucking _not_ tell her. It was _her_ plate, which she probably paid for. And... I guess you're her kid. Foster kid. Whatever." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "She deserved to know, and I'm sorry I didn't predict that in advance and let you know."

Dave waved the semi-sardonic apology off. "It's fine, I guess. I get it. Besides, she wasn't mad. It's all good."

"Oh. Great." They lapsed into a silence, though, surprisingly enough, it wasn't particularly awkward. Just the quiet of two guys with nothing more to say.

Absentmindedly, Dave fingered the thick, soft blanket Kanaya had left there for him. He came to the strange, saddening realization that Bro hadn’t even provided something as simple as a nice blanket to him. All the small comforts Dave had never experienced were piling up, pointing a large, accusatory finger at his former guardian. He just hoped that someday in the future, he wouldn’t immediately think of Bro anytime someone showed that they cared for him more than his own brother had.

Dave laid on his back, staring at the ceiling in the dark. “Hey, man, I’ve never slept in the same room as another person, so I’m gonna apologize in advance in case I do anything weird.”

Karkat snorted, rolling his eyes. “Whatever you do, it can’t be weirder than what my last roommate did. He talked in his sleep. Some crazy end-of-the-world shit. Oh, and he buzzed. Like a fucking bee.”

“Damn, well I’m pretty sure I don’t buzz. But I do mumble a shit ton when I’m conscious, so it’s entirely possible I talk in my sleep.” Dave turned his head to look at Karkat, who was still staring at his screen.

“Don’t worry, if you get too loud you won’t wake me up. I’ve got plenty of duct tape to cover that indefatigable mouth of yours.”

“Kinky,” Dave said, reveling in the immediate reaction from his roommate- in the light of his computer, Dave could see Karkat’s cheeks turn bright red, along with the tops of his ears.

“Fuck off, that’s not what I use it for, shit-for-brains.” Karkat tried to deflect his embarrassment before his whole face went red. “In fact, I bet _you’d_ be the one using the duct tape for that purpose, you filth-mongering maggotbag.”

Dave smirked deviously, as Karkat had said pretty much exactly what he’d expected. “Oh, sorry, I should’ve realized you were the sub.”

Just like that, Karkat’s entire face succumbed to the flush of embarrassment. He shut his laptop and pushed it off his bed, burrowing into his covers. “I’m going to sleep now! Where I can’t hear your asinine comments!”

Dave chuckled, turning away from Karkat. “Alright, then. Goodnight, Vantas.”

He swore he heard his roommate actually growl. “ _Bad_ night, Strider.”

When Dave was sure Karkat wasn’t going to be looking anytime soon, he slipped off his shades, placing them next to the air mattress. He didn’t exactly like showing off the unnatural hue of his eyes, since it led to mostly bad experiences in the past, so it helped to keep the glasses on all the time, not just in the sun where his photosensitivity could act up. He was just glad no one thought to question his choice in eyewear, though they were probably used to it, assuming that they’d seen shit just as weird, like Vriska’s eyepatch. 

Giving one last look around his new bedroom, he closed his eyes and tried to drift away.

~~~~~

Karkat’s eyes slowly blinked open, taking in darkness. A pressure in his bladder forced him to slip out of bed and pad towards the door. As he opened the door, it gave a small squeak, and before he could even fully open it, a phone hit him in the back of the head.

“Ow! What the-” Karkat whipped around, rubbing his quick-forming bruise, with full intent to murder his roommate. His anger quickly dissipated as he took in Dave standing in a fighting stance, his blanket gripped in one hand, his panic only partially shielded by the shades he had hastily slapped on. Karkat put up his hands, the way one might when encountering a frightened but dangerous animal. “Dave, are you okay?”

Dave’s eyes swept over his roommate, sleepily processing what he had just done, before straightening up and smiling in a failed attempt to regain composure and hide his panic. “Oh, my bad, dude. Thought you were... an intruder. My defense mechanisms just sprang into action.” He breathed out shakily, dropping his blanket.

“You’re a fucking light sleeper, huh?” Karkat asked, toeing around the real problem. “I was just going to the bathroom. Can’t a guy piss in privacy?”

Dave tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a wheeze. “Uh, I’m more of an insomniac than anything.”

“Well, can you not fucking throw something at me if I, for _some_ god damn reason, make a noise in the middle of the night?” Karkat bent down, grabbing Dave’s phone and tossing it to him. Dave caught it reflexively. “I’m not an intruder, Dave. Chill on the paranoia.”

“Y-yeah. Sorry, man. Like I said, not used to sleeping with other people in the room.”

Karkat eyed his roommate suspiciously, one hand on the doorknob. “Are you sure you’re good? Nothing you wanna get off your chest that explains why you decided to attack me in the middle of the fucking night?”

Dave crossed his arms tightly against his chest, biting his lip. “It’s… personal shit. But I promise I’ll try to not let it happen again.”

“Well… okay. I’m gonna go use the restroom now.” Karkat took a step out the door, but paused in the doorframe. “Try to get some actual fucking sleep. God knows you need it.” With that, he slipped out of the room.

Dave stood feeling afraid and alone, but not as alone and definitely not as afraid as any other time his sleep had been interrupted in the past. He gave another deep sigh, slinked back onto his air mattress, curled up, and actually managed to fall asleep before Karkat could even return.

Karkat stepped back into the room, wary of making a sound, and looked down in surprise at the seemingly calm Dave. His mouth twisted in concern, remembering his first day in Kanaya’s home. Dave had certainly had a rougher time than Karkat had, but he was taking it in stride, already adjusting, already more content. The guy was tough, and maybe he had a few barriers up, but Karkat was more than familiar with barriers. He wouldn't ever admit it to himself, but he was beginning to feel begrudging respect towards his new roommate. Maybe, despite their rocky start, and despite Karkat’s misgivings about Dave, they could possibly learn to get along.

With that somewhat troubling thought in mind, Karkat fell into bed and promptly dozed off again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was a long chapter yikes. i thought about splitting it in half but there weren't any natural stopping points. and it totally didn't help that i really enjoyed writing this chapter. so i hope y'all enjoyed reading!


	5. Getting Down to Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave's getting tested by his new foster family- literally.

Dave was awoken by an alarm blaring from the other side of the room. He jolted up, blearily reaching for a weapon to fend off Bro, but tripped on the blanket wrapped around his legs, falling back onto his air mattress.

Wait. _Air_ mattress?

Memories from the past day hit him like a train, and he remembered he was no longer in his apartment, no longer facing daily attacks from his brother. Blinking away his sleepiness, he slipped his shades on and looked over at his new roommate, who was huddled under his blanket, one arm darting out to slam the snooze button on his phone. "Karkat?" he asked, half-yawning. He heard a muffled groan in response. "Why the fuck do you have an alarm set for the ass-crack of dawn?"

Karkat grumbled a little more, before poking his head out of his blanket pile to squint at Dave in the darkness. "School."

Oh yeah. That thing that most kids Dave's age did every day. He hadn't been in so long he kind of forgot it existed. "Shit. Uh... do _I_ have to go?"

"Not yet. Stop bothering me and let me sleep." Karkat pulled the blankets back over his head, turning away from Dave.

"Thank god," Dave sighed, flopping back down on his mattress. "Wait, don't _you_ have to go?"

"God, you sound like Kanaya. Give me five more minutes."

Before Dave could reply, something banged into the door. "Karkles!" Terezi's voice rang through the door. "I know you're awake! Get your lazy ass out of bed."

One grumble from Karkat and he was up, albeit slowly, pushing his covers away and sliding out of bed. "Fuck you, fuck me, and fuck school," he mumbled as he stood, scratching the back of his head.

"Is he up, Dave?" Terezi called.

"I'm up, asshole!" Karkat shouted back, at an extremely inappropriate volume for the morning. Dave cringed away, covering his face with a pillow.

"Dave, I need visual confirmation from the witness. Is. Karkat. Up?"

Karkat pulled open the door, revealing a grinning Terezi on the other side, seeming more awake than anyone waking up that early should. "Is this enough 'visual confirmation' for you, jackass?" Karkat seethed.

"The jury finds this evidence satisfactory," she replied, sauntering away. "You better be downstairs soon."

" _You_ better act like a _normal fucking person_ soon!" At this point, it would be a miracle if anyone in the house was still sleeping. Karkat flipped on the light, making Dave squint even behind his shades, and trudged around the room, grabbing clothes to change into. "I'll be brushing my teeth if you need anything," he said to Dave before leaving.

Dave stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, before realizing he was not getting more sleep anytime soon. He pushed himself off his mattress, shaking off the blanket constricting his legs, and stumbled over to the dresser, where he'd left his phone last night. He checked his notifications- a ton of emails, most of them spam from Twitter or from fans of SBaHJ, and four new Pesterchum messages from ectoBiologist. He sighed, deleting the Pesterchum notifications, wondering why he even bothered checking his phone when he was ignoring the only person who ever messaged him. He hadn't texted John since the day he called CPS, unsure what to tell him and how. Dave always painted Bro in a good light, and even tricked himself into seeing Bro as a cool, normal guardian for a long time. He didn't know how to open up, tell his best friend everything, and he didn't know how John would receive it, so he kept putting it off. He put down his phone and opened the one dresser drawer that held his clothes, thinking he might as well get dressed if he wasn't going back to sleep.

As he was closing the drawer, Karkat walked back in, dressed but still looking like he just rolled out of bed. Which was somewhat true. "Wow, you're up?" Karkat asked mockingly. "Willingly? No one's forcing you to go anywhere?"

Dave shrugged. "I couldn't go back to sleep. Someone's yelling kinda kept that from happening."

Karkat rolled his eyes, dropping his pajamas on the floor next to his bed. So much for having a clean room. "Get used to it. It happens almost every morning."

"At least I know I'll be up in time for school," Dave joked. "Seriously, dude, I think you woke up the whole neighborhood."

"If _I'm_ being forced to wake up, then everyone else should too." He eyed the pile of clothes Dave was clutching. "Well, if you're married to the idea of staying awake, you should come down and eat breakfast with us once you're dressed." With that, Karkat left the room, presumably to go downstairs.

Dave headed for the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He brushed his teeth, using the toothbrush Ms. Lalonde had bought him after she learned he hadn't replaced his since he was five- thanks for the cavities, Bro- and got dressed. Running a hand through his hair, he made his way downstairs.

His siblings were already downstairs, sitting at the table in the kitchen instead of in the dining room, munching silently on their cereal. They had left out a bowl for Dave. "Cereal's in the cabinet, milk in the fridge," Vriska said through a mouthful of Cap'n Crunch, because of course she would eat the pirate-themed cereal. Dave, who had rarely had cereal when he lived with Bro, put a bowl of the first thing he recognized- Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

As he sat down, Kanaya walked in, beaming as brightly as usual. She blinked when she saw Dave. "Oh, you're up?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"Um, how could I not be? Have you _met_ Karkat?" This earned him a glare from his roommate, but he powered on. "Seriously, the dude can probably wake up a person in a coma with the volume of his voice alone." He turned to Karkat, who was too preoccupied with a mouthful of cereal to retaliate. "You know, with just a little initiative you could be a miracle worker."

Karkat managed to swallow enough of his cereal to get words out of his mouth. "If it weren't for _Terezi_ being a constant aggravation, I wouldn't have been yelling in the first place."

Terezi put her hands up in a mock surrender. "Don't bring _me_ into this. I was just making sure you were up."

"Calm down, everyone," Kanaya said, her commanding tone powerful enough to shut them up. "Now, Dave, I gotta drive your siblings to school, but when I return, we have logistics to discuss."

Everyone at the table glanced knowingly at Dave. It was clear he was the only one who didn't know what Kanaya was implying with the word 'logistics'. "Oh. Okay. Sounds... cool?"

Kanaya clapped her hands together. "Great. The rest of you, finish up your breakfast and get in the car."

Dave watched, slowly chewing his cereal, while his siblings shoveled theirs down. There was a hurried frenzy as everyone dropped their bowls in the sink, grabbed their backpacks and ran out the front door, bidding Dave a quick goodbye before leaving him alone in the kitchen. He heard the car start in the driveway, the fading of the engine as they drove away. All in the time it had taken him to finish a third of his cereal.

With nothing else to do but wait, Dave wandered into the living room. Someone had found time to clean the purple paint off of the television, or at least most of it, so he plopped down on the couch in front of it and began flipping through channels. Boring news channel, shitty Hallmark movies, boring _racist_ news channel, brightly-colored kids shows on crack, local news channel, more movies- wait. He flipped back to the local news, cranking up the volume as a dead-eyed newscaster talked.

"-has been charged with child abuse. Thirty-eight year old Dirk Strider-" the broadcast cuts to Bro's mugshot, his eerie orange eyes uncovered and boring holes at Dave, "-was brought into custody after his 15-year-old dependent called Child Protective Services. When officials arrived at the scene, they found the teenager sporting many cuts and broken bones. Strider's trial-"

Dave slammed the power button on the remote, suddenly aware of how panicky and shallow his breaths were. He took in a few lungfuls, closing his eyes to block out the image of his brother's burning eyes. Even through the barrier of the screen, it felt like Bro was watching Dave, warning him that he couldn't escape. No matter how hard he tried, he would never get away from Bro, whether or not they put him behind bars. He would always be haunted by his brother's shadow.

Swallowing down his fear, Dave turned the T.V. back on, putting on some empty, depth-less romance movie to distract himself. Guy meets girl, finds out girl is already in a relationship, ends up crashing her wedding so they can run away together. It was simple, unrealistic garbage, which was exactly what Dave needed.

Twenty minutes later, he heard a car pull up outside, and Kanaya walked in. She sat next to him on the couch, setting a few folders on the table in front of them. "What are you watching?" she asked, brushing invisible lint off of her skirt.

Dave eyed the folders warily. "I dunno, some dumb movie."

"Do you mind if I turn it off? We have a few things to discuss." Dave shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant despite the worried thoughts in his brain, and Kanaya clicked off the T.V. before turning to face him. "Firstly, we need to place you in the appropriate classes for school."

Dave groaned as Kanaya pulled a bunch of papers out of one of the folders. From a cursory glance at the multiple-choice questions on one of the pages, it seemed to be a bunch of tests. "Listen, Ms. Maryam, I haven't been to school in the past two years, and I'm not exactly all that jazzed to be in the same classes as a bunch of seventh graders."

Kanaya shook her head, giving Dave a small smile. "Do not worry, Dave. You will be placed in sophomore classes. These tests are just to determine what level you're at in each subject, as well as what you need to catch up on. If you are far behind others your age, you will be given accelerated courses with a tutor until you reach an acceptable level." She placed a stapled packet in Dave's lap, the front page of which proclaimed 'Math' in large, bold letters. "Now, before you begin, there is one other thing we must discuss."

"What?" Dave asked, dejectedly staring at the math test. "Do I need to start paying taxes or something?"

"Not quite yet," Kanaya replied, stifling a chuckle. "It's something much more serious than that. Your former guardian's trial date has been set for early November." Dave's blood went cold, freezing him where he sat. He gripped the stack of paper in his lap. "That gives us a little over a month to prepare, because, unfortunately enough, you will be called to the witness stand."

It was all starting to feel too real, too fast. He could already see it- him facing his brother from across a courtroom, a defense attorney piling him with questions, twisting Dave's words enough to justify Bro's actions, to get the jury to agree-

A gentle hand on his shoulder startled him out of his nightmare fantasy. "It will be alright, Dave. You will be more than ready to testify when the time comes. There is more than enough sufficient evidence to justify locking him up for a long time."

"Okay," Dave sighed, loosening his death-grip on the test. The edges were crinkled, almost to the point of tearing. "Okay. Is... is there anything else?"

Kanaya smiled warmly at him. "Nothing else, for now. We should get started on these tests, though." This elicited a frown from Dave, of course, but there wasn't much he could do about it. "They will be timed, and I will be monitoring you to make sure you aren't cheating. Would you prefer to do it in the kitchen?"

"Sure, I guess." They headed for the kitchen, Dave sitting at the table while Kanaya grabbed him a few pencils and erasers.

"Are you ready?" she asked, pulling out an egg timer, because of course she uses an egg timer as opposed to the one on her phone.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Dave replied, nervously flipping the edge of the top page.

"You have one hour to complete as much as you can to the best of your ability. Your time starts... now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> replace your toothbrush every six months to help prevent cavities. this psa has been brought to you by the american dental association  
> anyway... thanks for reading! drop a comment if it suits your fancy to do so!


	6. Study Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat have a little competition. It ends well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a heads up, there's a bit of a perception shift to karkat in this chapter!

The next few days went by more or less the same- Kanaya would take Dave's siblings to school, then she would come home and test Dave on various subjects- history, science, reading, etc.- until she had to go pick up his siblings again. They'd eat dinner together, sometimes watch a movie, then Dave would stay up for an hour bantering with Karkat before finally going to sleep. There was also the occasional day where Dave's lawyer visited, prepping Dave on courtroom etiquette and building the case against Bro. The weekends were Dave's only time to relax, chilling in his room with Karkat or downstairs with his siblings. Of course, there were a few incidents where Dave’s unfamiliarity with normalcy caused a few problems, such as when he had to explain to Vriska why he had left the shower running with his dirty clothes inside. But overall, Dave was becoming accustomed to the minutiae of a normal household- following a daily schedule that included regular meal times instead of regular sparring sessions, doing chores he'd never known existed with his siblings, and leaving his room more often and for longer stretches of time without the threat of being attacked. Though he was struggling to learn the ruleset of his new home, in a lot of ways, he felt more free.

Until his test results came back, and the school started assigning him homework and make-up assignments. His reading and writing skills were, surprisingly enough, far above average, while his math and science knowledge lacked only a few important details. His only huge gap in knowledge was in history, which the test showed was around the seventh grade level, right around when he stopped going to school. He would have to retake the history courses at an accelerated pace to catch up, while taking regular sophomore classes for the rest of the subjects.

“This sucks.” Dave sat on his air mattress, staring at the dense Texas History textbook in his lap. “Who even fucking cares about Texas history? The only thing worth remembering is the Alamo.”

Karkat shot his roommate an irritated glance from his bed. It was a Saturday morning, Dave had taken up the past half hour with complaining, and Karkat was understandably tired of it. “Do you even know what happened in the Battle of the Alamo?”

Dave blinked, looking for a clue on the page the textbook was open to, which had nothing to do with the Alamo. “Uh… Davey Crockett and some other shitheads… battled?”

“You’re fucking hopeless. Stop complaining and keep studying.”

“But this shit is boring as all hell.” Dave sighed, leaning back and glancing at Karkat. “Maybe if I had some help-”

Karkat growled, throwing Dave a sharp look. “I already told you a million fucking times, Strider. I’m not gonna help you study. Fuck, does anything get through that thick head of yours?”

Dave put on a fake pout, batting his eyes pleadingly. “Come on, I’m a fucking damsel in distress. I know you’re not busy. You’re just watching those dumb romcoms.”

“They’re not _dumb_ , asshole. They’re good. Great job trying to convince me to help you.” Karkat popped his earbuds back in, directing his gaze towards his computer. “I already had to learn that shit once. I’m not gonna learn it again unless I have to. _You’re_ the one here who stupidly decided to stop going to school, so get back to the studying and leave me the fuck alone.”

“Please, man. Just help me for like an hour. I won’t bother you for the rest of the day.”

Karkat slowly turned back to Dave, his eyes narrowed. “Is that a deal?”

Dave smiled, knowing he’d just gotten what he wanted. “It’s a deal.”

Karkat sighed, slipping out of his bed and joining Dave on the air mattress. He held out his hand, and they shook on it. “Okay, what’s your fucking problem?”

“I’m just having a hard time memorizing this shit. It all happened so long ago, and has basically no meaning to me, and it’s kinda hard to be interested in that.”

“Well, what are you fucking interested in, then?”

Dave shrugged. “Rap, I guess? I’m good with words, according to the placement test.”

Karkat frowned, thinking. “Maybe... making up a rap about the material would help you memorize it. Make it more interesting.”

“Like Hamilton?” Dave chuckled, flipping through his textbook to find the page on the Alamo.

"You know what Hamilton is?" Karkat asked incredulously, blinking at Dave.

“Bro, it's a _hip-hop_ _rap musical._ I love that shit. I got mad respect for my man Lin-Manuel Miranda.”

Karkat kept staring at his roommate. "I did _not_ have you pegged as a dude who likes musicals."

"Not all musicals!" Dave blurted, losing his cool demeanor for a second. He was _not_ about to give Karkat more ammunition and tell him he was extremely and unironically into musicals. "Just the ones Lin-Manuel did. And the one about Henry the Eighth's wives."

"Wait, you mean Six?" Karkat barked out a laugh. "Dude, you have to be a _major_ musical fan to know about that one."

Dave could feel his cheeks burning. "Naw, I just know it cause it's hip-hop."

"Whatever, your loss. There are so many other good musicals." Dave suddenly regretted pretending he didn't like musicals. Maybe they could've bonded over it. "Anyway, if you’re that passionate about rap history musicals, rapping about this shit might help. So might as well try it.” Karkat paused, waiting for Dave to begin rapping, but he was looking up from the textbook at Karkat expectantly. “What?”

“Well, I need a beat, bro.”

“Bullshit. I’ve heard you mumbling lyrics to yourself, like a lunatic, without a beat too many times to fucking count. You’ve never needed a beat.”

Dave grinned, fully prepared to mess with Karkat as much as possible in the next hour. “It’ll help me memorize it if there’s a beat.”

Karkat sighed once again, glaring holes into Dave, but the deal had been made, and he had to stick to his word. “Fine. I’ll give you a fucking beat.” He began weakly beatboxing, just passable enough to allow Dave to rap over it.

They then proceed to write raps for all of the events Dave had been studying. By the end, Dave was able to recall almost everything he needed just by reciting a few lyrics. The hour mark came and went without either of them noticing, as they were too caught up in the rap. It took them another thirty minutes to realize the study session had already ended.

“Time’s up, dingwad,” Karkat said, standing up abruptly. “Hope that helped. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I would like to enjoy not being bothered by you for an entire day.” 

Dave held a hand to his heart, pretending to be hurt. “Dang, man, that’s cold. Like, I know that was the deal, but I thought we had a rapport building. A _rap-_ port.” He winked upon saying this terrible pun, making Karkat groan.

“No way, fuckface. I despise you. You promised to not bother me, so if you could oblige by not talking to me for once, that’d be great. I need some fucking peace and quiet.” Karkat climbed back into the comfort of his bed, grabbing his laptop.

“Fine, fine. A deal’s a deal.” Dave shut his history textbook, moving on to the math he had to study. It took holding his tongue for five whole minutes before he cracked. “You know, you’re not that bad of a beatboxer.”

Karkat narrowed his eyes at Dave. “I don’t care about your fucking opinion. Total silence, Strider. That’s all I want from you today.”

Dave rolled his eyes, before miming zipping his lips shut. If silence was what Karkat wanted, silence was what he would get.

After a while, Karkat looked up from his laptop, watching Dave work on math. His mouth was pressed into a thin line, his brows furrowed in concentration. Karkat briefly wondered what Dave’s eyes looked like behind those reflective shades, but he was so careful about not letting people see- he slipped his shades on subconsciously before he was even fully awake. Karkat also found himself wondering if the white-blonde mess of hair was as soft as it looked.

Karkat shook his head, grimacing at his own thoughts. Did he have to develop complicated feelings for every messed up fucker that walked into his life? His contentious friendship with Sollux, his symbiosis with Gamzee, his teetering on the edge of a relationship with Terezi. Now this Dave guy had to waltz in, infuriatingly good-looking, sporting some mysterious past like every other kid Kanaya took in, and he just _had_ to be that perfect mix of insufferable and sincere that made Karkat’s blood boil in the best possible way. Well, he wasn’t going to do this to himself again. He wasn’t going to pine and tiptoe around a committed relationship, especially not with Dave _fucking_ Strider. Besides, he barely knew anything about him- it had been less than a week since Strider had moved in, and Karkat had been at school for most of the time. Though in another week Strider would be joining him in school, possibly even in some of the same classes. The idea made Karkat want to slam his head into the nearest wall.

What he did instead was probably just as stupid.

“Did you really think my beatboxing was good?” Karkat asked quietly, daring to look at Dave again.

Dave nodded, giving his roommate a thumbs-up, before returning to his work.

Karkat watched him suspiciously. “Do you really mean that, or are you just fucking with me?” This only got a shrug out of Dave, which furthered Karkat’s suspicion. “Yeah, you’re definitely fucking with me. We both know my beatboxing was horseshit.”

Dave shook his head, his hair bouncing in a way that made Karkat want to smash his heart.

“Are you not gonna say anything?” Karkat asked incredulously. Dave nodded, repeating his earlier motion of sealing his lips shut. “Seriously, Strider? I didn’t actually mean total silence. You’re allowed to fucking talk.”

Dave held up his phone, showing Karkat a countdown timer that was at 22 hours and 41 minutes. Karkat groaned. “Strider, what the fuck. You don’t have to be silent for a whole twenty-four hours. You don’t even have to be silent at all!” This prompted Dave to pull up a shitty jpeg comic of two MS Paint-drawn people shaking hands, a caption underneath reading ‘a deals a deal’ in comic sans. “Are you fucking kidding me? When did you have time to make that?” Dave scrolled down to another comic, this one poorly photoshopped to show a guy tossing papers into a dumpster fire, the caption reading ‘math is fuckign banannanas dog’. Karkat squinted at the screen, trying to make sense of what he was looking at. “This is completely incomprehensible bullshit. Are you telling me you haven’t done your math homework?”

Dave held up a finished math worksheet, which had ‘bro i ALWAYS got time for math that geometry shit got its ass handed to it’ scrawled under the last problem. Dave tried to suppress a grin as Karkat’s eye twitched, his expression a mix of confusion and rage. “Whatever, asshole. You can’t keep this up for twenty-four hours. You’re so gonna give up.” Dave shrugged, pulling out a new worksheet to start on. Karkat huffed, turning the romcom on his laptop back on. This was the exact kind of blood-boiling nonsense that got to him. Well, he wasn’t gonna let it happen this time. He wouldn’t give Dave the satisfaction of watching him erupt.

The hours ticked by without incident. Karkat felt restless sitting in a room with a silent douchebag, but he had to keep watch and make sure Dave didn’t talk. Dave eventually left the room to get lunch, Karkat trailing behind on strict guard duty. Terezi was already in the kitchen when they arrived, finger painting at the table. Karkat had never really understood why a blind girl would choose painting as a hobby.

Maybe he just didn’t understand Terezi enough. It would explain why things never worked out between them.

He shook those depressing thoughts away, instead focusing on a new plan to get Dave to talk. “Hey, Terezi.”

“Karkles!” She gave him a wide grin, knowing full well that the nickname pissed him off. “I haven’t seen you all day! Well, not that I’ve ever ‘seen’ you.” She cackled, adjusting her red glasses pointedly, as if anyone in the room needed reminding of her disability.

“Yeah, _Dave_ and I have been in our room all morning. _We_ just came down to get lunch.” _This is it_ , Karkat thought. _This’ll make him talk._

“Oh, is Cool Kid here? Come check out my drawings, Strider. They’re rad as hell.”

Dave’s brow crinkled in frustration, giving Karkat hope. He couldn’t just ignore the blind girl, unless he was more heartless than Karkat thought. He watched Dave struggle with what to do for all of two seconds, then his face cleared. With a small smirk at Karkat, he walked over to Terezi and gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

“That you, Cool Kid?” she asked, reaching up a hand towards his face, leaving fingerprints on his reflective shades. “Haha, yeah that’s you. So, Dave, are my paintings cool?”

Karkat stared at Terezi in disbelief, wondering why she’d been instantly accepting of Dave’s silence. He watched with increasing incredulity as Dave held Terezi’s hand to his face and nodded slowly as an answer to her question. Had he been planning for this ‘no talking’ deal to happen? And, if so, for how long?

“Thanks, Strider. Now, if you would kindly fuck off, that'd be great. I’m clearly busy making a masterpiece.”

Dave walked back towards Karkat, smirking and shooting a finger gun at him as if to say _Your move._ Karkat could only think of one thing to say in reply. “What the fuck?”

Clearly, he had to step up his game. He tried getting help from his other siblings, but they either refused to get involved or were helping Dave- somehow he had won them all over in the little bit of time he’d been their sibling, and it didn't help that they all loved antagonizing Karkat anyway. Kanaya also wouldn't take sides, so it seemed Karkat was flying solo on this one. He threw every tactic he could think of at Dave- ridiculing his taste in music, denouncing Obama, even misusing the word ‘bro’- but Dave remained stoically disinterested, focusing on his homework like he never had before. It got to a point where, loath as he was to admit it, Karkat actually _missed_ Dave’s inane, rambling monologues, and all he wanted was to hear his dumb mumbling voice.

God, there must be something wrong with him.

Dinner had come and gone, and now Karkat was sitting on his bed, a romcom he wasn’t paying attention to playing on his laptop screen. He was too busy sneaking glances at his too-silent roommate, biting his lip as he tried to think of any other tactics to get a word out of Dave. Seemingly unaware of the attention he was getting, Dave dutifully worked on his homework. It was driving Karkat insane.

“Fuck this,” Karkat growled, slamming his laptop shut. “I’m bored out of my fucking mind.” He turned to Dave, who was staring up at him inquisitively. “Could you just give up this dumbass game and say something?” Dave shook his head no, making Karkat huff in disappointment. “I’ll let you have the fucking win, if that’s what you’re so worried about.”

Dave shook his head even more sternly, pulling up another shitty comic on his phone. This one showed the same two guys playing a video game. One said ‘bro why dont you just give up and let me win you know im gonna’ and the other replied ‘naw man its about the INTEGRATY’.

Karkat just shoved the phone away from his face. “Come on, asshole, we both know this is bullshit. What do you want, for me to admit I was wrong for telling you to shut up? For me to say I regret it? Because…” Karkat sighed, his hands balling into fists. “I do. I regret asking for total silence.”

Dave’s eyebrows lowered, betraying his mild curiosity. His lips parted, and he took in a breath, as if preparing to say something. _Yes,_ Karkat thought, _he’s gonna talk._

And then Dave shut his lips, smirked at Karkat, and shrugged.

It took everything in Karkat to not throttle the self-assured prick. “Are. You. _Fucking_ kidding me.” He inhaled heavily, fueling up for the tirade that was about to rain down. “All I asked for was one _fucking_ day without Strider-brand bullshit, to just be left alone for once in my _puny, God-damned existence_ , but no, you always have to see the joke to the end, don’t you? You just _have_ to find a way to poke at _every possible nerve_ and get me pissed. And to top the shitty sundae with an equally shitty cherry, you somehow managed to make me _miss_ the sound of your _droning, grating voice,_ to make me beg for you to just _talk to me_ , and-”

“Wait, you missed my voice?” Dave cut Karkat off, staring at his roommate incredulously. His mouth curved into a wide smile. “Damn, why didn’t you just say so? I would never have made your ears go through a Strider drought if I knew they were _thirsty_.”

Karkat practically jumped up, a triumphant grin on his face. “Hah! Suck it, dipshit, I got you to talk! I win, asshole!”

Dave’s grin slid off his face, a hint of betrayal flashing in his eyes before he returned to his ever-stoic poker face. “Oh. So you didn’t mean all that. Can’t say I’m surprised. Didn’t know you had it in you to play that dirty, though. But sure, I guess your win still counts.”

The triumphant feeling drained from Karkat as he sensed Dave’s playful mood evaporate. It seemed he’d crossed some line. Again. Shit, was it always gonna be like this with Dave? Was he gonna keep accidentally screwing everything up? “Wait, Dave, I did mean it. I really did miss-”

Terezi burst into the room, pouting. “Are you kidding me, Dave? I had fifty bucks riding on you.” When her exclamation was met by the shocked silence of the two boys, she scrunched up her nose. “Damn, the vibe is terrible in here. Is this a bad time?”

Vriska appeared behind her, laying a hand on her shoulder. “How about we leave these two alone so you can pay me those fifty dollars?” she asked, steering Terezi back towards the hallway. As they left, Vriska popped her head back in. “Nice job, Karkat. I knew I could bet on you.” She winked with her one good eye, before adding, “You guys better get over yourselves and make up. I just won treasure and your mope session is totally killing my victory high.” She sauntered out, slamming the door shut behind her.

Karkat and Dave both stared at the door in shock. “So… they bet on our game,” Dave said slowly, rubbing his palms along his jeans.

Karkat just scowled. “They always make bets on stuff like this. But Terezi bet _against_ me? I guess three years of friendship mean fucking dick squat to her!” He reigned himself back in, reminding himself of the somewhat delicate situation he’s found himself in with Dave. “Listen, Dave. What I said wasn’t some ruse to get you to lose the game.” He had to work to keep the aggression out of his voice. “I never thought I would say this to you, of all people, but I actually... do like talking to you. I’ve only known you for like a week but I’ve somehow come to expect your idiotic tangents and your unnecessary comments. I really did miss your voice.” It took a lot of effort for Karkat to be this sincere without hiding in a corner. The best he could do was avoid eye contact.

Dave’s fingers dug into his knees. Sincerity made him just as uncomfortable as Karkat, if not more so. He wasn’t used to people being honest with him, and he definitely wasn’t used to someone not being weirded out by his mumbling conjectures. Then again, he was in a house full of weirdos. Maybe he belonged more than he’d initially assumed. “Not gonna lie, I’m having a hard time believing anyone could miss my annoying-ass voice, but…” He looked up at Karkat, a bittersweet smile blooming on his face. “If you say so, then I believe you.”

Karkat could feel his heart pounding hard in his chest, and he hoped he wasn’t blushing too noticeably. It was going to be harder than he’d originally thought to not fall for this prick. “Good,” he said gruffly, crossing his arms. “You better.”

Dave tried not to snicker. “As you wish, Your Majesty.” This earned him a smack to the head.

“I think I liked you better when you were studying _quietly_.”

“Yeah, because you totally didn’t just admit you actually _like_ the sound of my voice. Oh wait, you _did_ just do that thing I described. Crazy.”

Karkat’s scowl deepened. “I fucking regret every word that has ever come out of my mouth. Go do your work, Strider.”

Dave rolled his eyes, though Karkat couldn’t see. “Yeah, okay. I know when I’m not wanted. I’m that last untouched piece of bread that’s all crust that no one ever eats so I end up all moldy and stale chilling in that bag until someone decides to feed me to the ducks but not even the fucking ducks want me, they just prod me with their beaks like ‘seriously man this shit’s inedible where’s the good stuff’ and then the dude-”

“Dave, I swear to God I’m this close to telling you to never talk again.”

“Sorry, dude. Once that word train gets rolling, it don’t stop. All the passengers try busting into the engine room to tell the conductor he missed the last stop, but-”

“ _Dave._ ”

“Okay, okay. Sheesh.” He plopped down onto his air mattress, scattering a few papers in the process, and got back to work.

The rest of the night progressed with the boys making idle chatter, Dave finishing his work as Karkat tried and failed to focus on his romcom. He couldn’t help but watch his annoyingly cute roommate. That distraction, coupled with his growing sleepiness, kept him from getting thirty minutes into the movie. He gave up with a sigh, shutting his laptop. “Hey, it’s almost midnight. We should actually fucking try to sleep, insomnia be damned.”

Dave checked the time on his phone, blinking in surprise. “Shit, they were right when they said time flies when you’re having fun.”

Karkat cocked his head at Dave. “What the fuck is so fun about doing homework?”

“I was referring to the fun I have messing with you.”

Karkat was too far from Dave to smack him, so he threw a pillow at his face instead. Dave easily dodged, a smirk on his face. “You’re a pitiful excuse for a human being if you derive fun from pissing me off.”

“If I’m pitiful, what does that make you, _Karkles_?”

Having run out of pillows, Karkat could only fume on his bed. “Don’t fucking call me that! Why don’t you hurry up and get in your PJ’s already, asswipe?”

“Whatever,” Dave said, before rolling off his bed and popping to his feet in one smooth, fluid motion. He opened the drawer that contained the few clothes he owned. Kanaya was planning to take him shopping for more before his first day at school. “Shouldn’t you get yours too?”

Karkat snorted. “I’m already in them, you imperceptive flounder. Why would I change out of my pajamas when it’s a Saturday and I’m not going outside?”

“You have a point.” Dave grabbed his stuff, then headed to the door.

“Wait!” Karkat practically shouted, almost instantly regretting it as Dave turned around to give him a curious look. “You don’t have to go to the bathroom every time, dumbass. We’re both guys. You can change in here.” Karkat hoped to hell his blush wasn’t obvious. If he was being completely honest with himself, he was more than a little interested in Dave changing in front of him.

Dave stared at Karkat for what felt like eons, nervously fiddling with the clothes in his arms. “I... uh… don’t think I’m comfortable with that yet.”

Karkat could feel his face fall. “Oh. Whatever, like I care. Wouldn’t want to push you out of your comfort zone or anything!” He put his best effort into looking nonchalant, but he was pretty sure the truth was written all over his face. “Just know the offer still stands for whenever you _do_ feel comfortable.”

“Thanks,” Dave said softly. “I’ll think about it.” He then beelined his way to the restroom.

 _Fuck_ , Karkat thought, slumping down further into his bed. _Would it kill me for once to not put all my emotions on fucking display?_ He burrowed under his covers, immersing himself in the darkness beneath. _This is where I belong. No people to completely alienate with your desperate attempts to build relationships with them._

He heard the door creak open, heard Dave step back into the room. “Karkat? You okay?”

Karkat grumbled incoherently, the noise barely perceptible from beneath the pile of blankets.

“Come on, Karkat. Come out.” There were a few more footsteps, until Karkat could sense Dave’s presence next to his bed.

“I don’t wanna. Go away.” Karkat definitely didn’t sound as demanding as he hoped, especially since his words came out in a mumble.

“Dude, come on. I’m not mad or anything. In fact I’m kinda touched that you’d think to ask. It shows you’re making an attempt to make me feel comfortable.” Dave gently grabbed the covers, tugging them a little. “So are you gonna come out or not?”

Slowly, Karkat pulled the covers down, revealing his permanently grumpy face to Dave. “There. Are you happy?”

“Very.” Dave gave him a small smile, instantly sending Karkat’s heart into palpitations. Then Dave decided to take his torture one step further and ruffle Karkat’s hair. “Was that so hard?”

Karkat shoved Dave away, his heartbeat going a mile a minute, his cheeks bright red. “Go to sleep, you insufferable prick.”

“Sure.” Dave made sure to shove all his homework into a disorganized pile next to his bed before settling down. Karkat scowled at the mess, but decided not to comment on it. It was as much Dave’s room as it was his, so he was gonna have to be okay with a little disorder- as long as it stayed away from his side.

Who was he kidding, he was just as messy.

"Hey, Karkat?" Dave asked, his voice soft in the quiet room.

"What?" Karkat's voice was definitely not soft- even when whispering, it sounded loud and abrasive. He cringed at the raspiness in the single word he'd spoken.

"I, uh, listened to a few new musicals today. While I was doing the whole no-talking thing. One was called Newsies, and the other had a French name- Less Miserable or something?" Dave was lying, of course- these were by no means 'new' musicals to him, and he definitely knew how to pronounce the title of one of his favorites, but Karkat didn't know that, so he had to pretend this was his first time around the block.

"It's pronounced _Les Miserables_." Karkat scoffed, rolling to face Dave in the dark. "What'd you think?"

"I liked them. Might take a few more listens for the to grow on me." The lies kept piling up, but with luck no one would ever know.

Karkat smiled softly. "Cool. Those are a good start, but if you wanna expand your horizons even more, I've got plenty of recommendations."

Dave doubted he needed recommendations. "Thanks, man. I'm gonna sleep now, though. Goodnight,” Dave whispered, turning away from Karkat as he took off his shades.

“Goodnight, weirdo.” Karkat laid on his back and closed his eyes, trying and failing to fight thoughts of Dave as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did dave communicate almost entirely in sbahj comics? yes of course he did.  
> did i spend 30+ minutes creating those comics? it's entirely possible  
> do y'all want to see them? let me know!


	7. the big man.... HASS the homework

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dave spends more time making comics than he does finishing his homework  
> this can also be said about the author of this work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont ask me why i did this but i definitely spent way too much time trying to make the comics dave made in the last chapter  
> i included lines from the chapter in case yall need refreshing  
> so uh enjoy

"This prompted Dave to pull up a shitty jpeg comic of two MS Paint-drawn people shaking hands, a caption underneath reading ‘a deals a deal’ in comic sans."

"Dave scrolled down to another comic, this one poorly photoshopped to show a guy tossing papers into a dumpster fire, the caption reading ‘math is fuckign banannanas dog’."

"This one showed the same two guys playing a video game. One said ‘bro why dont you just give up and let me win you know im gonna’ and the other replied ‘naw man its about the INTEGRATY’."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real update coming soon i promise  
> thanks for reading!
> 
> edit: i think i fixed the pictures but if they're still not showing up they can be found here:  
> https://twitter.com/ChloeBaba2/status/1236712923583692800?s=20


	8. Bad Reputation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave goes to school again for the first time in two years.

It was Dave’s first day of school, and he was _not_ ready.

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel caught up- all his homework and studying had helped him feel on par with his grade level- it was that he wasn’t ready for the package deal of constant drama and mind games that followed teenagers around like the plague. Despite, or perhaps as a result of, training to cultivate a ‘cool’ persona his entire life, he ended up weird and awkward and antisocial, and was never very popular. In fact, with the shades, the rambling monologues, and the twisted humor that Bro had gifted him at a young age, he was constantly the butt of others’ jokes. It was really no wonder he stopped showing up.

At least this time he would already know people going in. Karkat and Terezi were both in his grade, and he was in at least one class with each of them. On the other hand, he was pretty sure they were both weirdo social rejects. Not that it mattered to him- he was one, too, and he would take his weirdo sibling-friends over some normal asshole any day of the week.

Since it was his first day, Dave had been granted shotgun while Karkat and Terezi sat in the back- Vriska drove herself and Gamzee to community college using Kanaya’s spare car- so Karkat sat in grumpy silence, as opposed to his usual state of grumpy noise, while Terezi prodded Dave with constant questions about if he was excited or if she could steal his lunch.

If Dave was being honest, his insides were a disorderly jumble of agitated nerves. One bad interaction might make him ask Maryam for homeschooling with a private tutor, an idea he wasn’t particularly fond of, as it meant spending more time away from his siblings, which, despite their annoying quirks, he was growing fond of.

“Here we are!” Kanaya announced all too soon, as they pulled into the parking lot of a high school that looked more like a prison than anything. She stopped the car in front of the entrance, then beamed at Dave. “I hope you have a great first day, Dave.”

Dave tried to smile back, fighting against the pool of dread in his stomach. “Thanks, Maryam.” He grabbed his backpack and slipped out of the car. His siblings came up next to him, Karkat supporting Terezi with one arm.

“Okay, listen up, fuckwit,” Karkat suddenly started, breaking the silence and snapping Dave's focus away from the students he had been watching enter the school. “We’re gonna drop Terezi off at her class, then you’re following me. They put you in a lot of my classes, thanks to Kanaya’s meddling, so I can lead you to most of your classes. Otherwise, you’re on your own. You can find someone to baby you for the classes I’m not in. Got it?”

Dave gave him a thumbs up, though behind the shades he was sure his eyes were full of panic. “Got it, Karkles.”

Karkat practically growled. “If you so much as _try_ to call me that in class I will eviscerate you and leave you to find your classes alone.”

“Okay, sheesh.”

Terezi giggled, tugging on Karkat’s arm. “Yeah, _I’m_ the only one allowed to call him Karkles.”

Karkat pulled away from Terezi, putting both hands up. “That’s fucking it. You assholes aren’t gonna get my help anymore if you keep attempting to embarrass me.”

“Aw, come on, Karkat-astrophe,” Dave said, rubbing Karkat’s head affectionately before getting his hand smacked away. He smoothly slipped his arm into Terezi’s grip. “We’re just messing with you. We promise not to call you any humiliating nicknames in class. Right, Terezi?”

She aimed a completely insincere grin in Karkat’s direction. “Of course! I wouldn’t _dream_ of humiliating Karkalicious in front of his friends.”

Karkat groaned, heading towards the school’s entrance. “Whatever, pricks, it’s not like I even have friends here anyway. Just fucking follow me.”

Dave pulled Terezi after Karkat, and together they entered the school. Students were milling about, leaning against the lockers no one seemed to be using, some having conversations, a few couples making out. Dave definitely noticed people glancing at him curiously, immediately assessing him and who he was with. He tried to ignore it, following after Karkat as he stormed through the crowded halls. Thankfully, most of the students seemed to know Karkat well enough to make the wise decision to get out of his way, the crowd practically parting like the Red Sea in the face of his grumpiness. Dave was just glad it made it easier to lead a blind girl through the halls.

“How do you even get to your other classes?” Dave asked Terezi as they hurried after Karkat, who, despite his short legs, was power walking at a rate they could barely keep up with.

“At the beginning of the year, the teachers assigned me a student from each class to escort me. Now, I have slaves in my classes who help me out. Wait, did I say slaves? I meant friends.” She gave him her signature grin.

“Sure you did,” Dave replied, before nearly bumping into Karkat, who had stopped and was watching them impatiently.

“This is it,” he said, gesturing towards an open classroom door. “See you never, Terezi.”

She stuck her tongue out at Karkat, replying, “ _Hear_ you never, Karkat!” before finding her way with her cane into the room.

As soon as she was through the door, Karkat took off down the hall again, giving Dave a split second to react before losing him in the crowd. He easily caught up to his sibling now that he wasn’t supporting Terezi. “Yo, you can slow down, man.”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “How about instead _you_ keep up, asshole? Oh, and while you’re at it, you might benefit from keeping your fucking mouth shut for once in your life.”

“Jeez, someone’s extra grumpy today.”

“Hmm, I wonder why!” Karkat glared at him as he continued to walk at the speed of light. “Maybe it’s because, on top of having to suffer through this rotting hellhole we call public education, I have to babysit my insufferable foster sibling all day!”

Dave put his hands up in mock surrender. “Hey, I don’t wanna be here either, dude. But I promise I’ll get out of your hair as soon as I know my way around this place. You won’t have to waste a single second of your precious time talking to me.”

“Thank God for that! Or whatever aloof higher power that gives a shit about us.” Karkat suddenly turned towards a classroom and walked in, Dave stumbling to catch up. “Don’t sit next to me.”

Hiding his spike of panic with a forced smile and faked enthusiasm, Dave replied, “Why would I when I could do what I love best- meeting complete strangers.”

Karkat eyed Dave’s shaky grin and realized he didn’t have to be a complete asshole. “Ugh, fine. You can sit next to me. But you better make some other fucking friends; I can’t handle unfiltered Strider for the rest of the year.”

Dave’s grin turned genuine in an instant. “Got it, boss.” He waited for Karkat to take a seat before sitting next to him.

There were a lot of other students already in the class, most of them giving lazy attention to the new kid. Dave’s skin prickled uncomfortably at the thought that he would be the object of everyone’s curiosity for the next eight hours.

His discomfort only ratcheted up when the bell rang, and suddenly the teacher was walking in. “Good morning, class! Before we begin, I’d like to introduce a new student!” She gestured towards Dave, giving him a warm smile. “Why don’t you stand up and introduce yourself?”

Dave suppressed his urge to retort ‘What is this, kindergarten?’ and stood up. Suddenly, all eyes were on him, and his ribs were collapsing in on his lungs. Fighting the lump in his throat, he managed to say, “Hey, I’m Dave,” giving a small wave to the class before plopping back down in his seat. Without the pressure of everyone’s eyes on him, he found he could breathe easier.

The teacher launched into a lesson, and the class faded away as Dave had to concentrate on the things he hadn’t learned. In fact, he was so focused on taking notes that the class flew by, the bell ringing in no time.

 _Maybe this whole ‘going to school’ thing won't be so bad_ , Dave thought, as he packed up and followed Karkat to the next class. _Just keep a low profile and no one will mess with you_.

~~~~~

Seven classes later, Dave, Karkat, and Terezi were freed from the school, Dave’s backpack stuffed so full of catch-up assignments that it looked like a hurricane had gone off inside. They began searching for Kanaya in the rows of cars waiting to pick students up.

“What was with that Equius dude?” Dave asked Karkat, almost excited by his first day. He had actually managed to talk to a few people- mostly friends of Karkat or Terezi- without it blowing up in his face. “He kept bringing up social hierarchy or some shit? Plus he was sweating a _lot_.”

Karkat groaned, rolling his eyes. “He’s a fucking weirdo who’s obsessed with social order. He expects anyone he deems ‘below’ him to act like he’s the emperor of Rome, but as soon as someone popular enters the room, he’s rolling out the red carpet. Plus everything he says is sexually charged, and it’s kind of fucking disturbing.”

“Equius isn’t _that_ bad,” Terezi cut in, elbowing Karkat- well, aiming to elbow Karkat. “He means well. _You_ just don’t like him cause he labeled you a social outcast. _I’m_ a cool kid in his book.” She waggled her eyebrows at Karkat, who just shoved her- lightly- in response.

Dave shrugged. “I don’t know, I thought his whole deal was funny in an ironic way? He said I was cool too, which obviously I am-” this earned another groan from Karkat- “so he’s fine, I guess.”

“Really, he’s _fine_?” Karkat scoffed, crossing his arms. “Didn’t you see how he kissed Eridan’s ass? That fucker is about as terrible as it gets.”

“Eridan? That was the douche hipster guy in senior year, right?”

“Who the fuck else would I be fucking talking about? That desperate, romance-deprived eel skin thinks he’s better than everyone, and Equius only reinforces- Oh, there’s Kanaya.” He charged into the street between the stopped cars, Dave following behind with Terezi.

“Yeah, the jury unanimously rules that Eridan is a piece of garbage,” Terezi said, grinning. She loved to throw in arbitrary references to court proceedings in her everyday conversations.

“If you hate him so much, then why are y’all even friends?”

Karkat threw a look over his shoulder at Dave. “I’m barely _friends_ with Ampora, we just used to be part of the same social groups. He got into some weird competitive relationship with Vriska, then he did the same thing with Sollux, and now he’s trying to date Feferi, who he _knows_ is already dating Sollux! I’m just trying to clean up the fucking mess of broken relationships he’s leaving in his wake.”

“Feferi seemed pretty nice,” Dave said, as they reached Kanaya’s car. “She probably won’t put up with some douchebag hitting on her.”

“She’s nice, sure, but that’s the problem- they used to be best friends. She can’t help but pity him.” Karkat slid into the backseat, Dave and Terezi following. So much for shotgun. “Hey, Kanaya.”

“Hello, kids. How was school, Dave?” Kanaya turned around to look at him as he helped Terezi into the car.

“Oh. Better than expected, I guess.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Is everyone buckled? Yes? Good.” She pulled out of the waiting zone and drove away from the school. “Did you meet anyone or make friends?”

Dave shrugged. “I dunno. Met a few nice people, a few weirdos. We were just talking about this one douche named Eridan-”

“Eridan Ampora?” Kanaya asked, though it was really more of a statement than anything. Her eyes narrowed, her grip on the steering wheel tightening. “I know him very well. He has hurt one too many of my fosters. It would be wise to avoid him.” She glanced at her other kids, her brow furrowed. “That goes for all of you, not just Dave.”

“Trust me, Kanaya,” Karkat replied, clenching his jaw, “I would roll around in my own putrid shit before willingly spending a second talking to Ampora.”

“I believe you.” Kanaya’s face instantly morphed back into her passively kind expression. “Did you meet anyone else?”

Dave hesitated, afraid that the wrong name might set Kanaya off. “Uh… Nepeta, Tavros, Feferi, and Equius.”

Kanaya nodded. “The names sound familiar. Karkat and Terezi must have introduced you to them.”

“Yeah, except for Equius. He introduced himself.” Dave had been a little more than uncomfortable when the muscular, sweat-soaked Equius had started a conversation with him completely unprompted.

“Well, don’t be too afraid to venture outside of your siblings’ social circles.”

“He should be,” Karkat interrupted, a grimace on his face. “Sure, our friends can be fucking weird, but they’re also the only people at school worth hanging around with, as far as I’m concerned. If I don’t approve of someone, it’s because they’re an asshole who only cares about themself.”

“Karkles, if the assholes are the ones that only care about themselves, then _you_ belong with them,” Terezi said, sticking her tongue out at Karkat.

“Speak for yourself, Ms. ‘Judge, Jury, and Executioner’.”

“Oh please. We _all_ know I’m in the best position to judge everyone else. Also, if you don't associate with assholes, then what about Dave? I’ve heard you call him a ‘self-absorbed prick’ more times than I can count!”

“That’s different! He’s my sibling, I _have_ to tolerate him.” Karkat crossed his arms, glaring at Terezi. Dave itched to point out that they were talking about him as if he wasn’t sitting between them.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a _thing_ for Dave.”

“ _What_?” both Dave and Karkat said at the same time, their cheeks matching in their red hue. Karkat scooted as far from Dave as he could, pressing his knees into the car door.

Kanaya ended the conversation before it could spiral into disaster. “Stop arguing. I trust all of you know which people are and are not assholes. There’s no need to discuss it further.”

The car lapsed into an uncomfortable silence for the rest of the drive as both boys got lost in thought. Terezi took every opportunity to stick her tongue out at Karkat whenever he chanced a glance at Dave. Karkat, on the other hand, was drilling holes in the back of Kanaya's seat with how intensely he was staring at it.

As soon as Kanaya had parked in the driveway, Karkat and Dave both leapt out of the car in an attempt to escape the immense awkwardness as quickly as possible, leaving Terezi on her own. “Wow, I guess chivalry really _is_ dead,” she grumbled as she struggled to get out.

“Shit. Sorry, Terezi.” Dave cast a glare to his side, ready to scold Karkat for not apologizing, but his roommate had disappeared, already hurrying towards the front door. Sighing, he went to help get Terezi out of the car.

“Thank you, Cool Kid. At least _you_ have manners. I dunno why Karkat lets my comments get to him. Glad to know you’ve got thicker skin.”

As terrible as being blind probably was, Dave was grateful that Terezi couldn’t see the discomfort on his face. “Yeah, totally.”

Kanaya watched the whole exchange with a frown. “I’m going to have a word with Karkat,” she said, in a tone which made chills run up Dave’s spine. _Note to self: do not piss off Kanaya_ , he thought, as they made their way into the house, Dave leading Terezi. Once they were inside, Kanaya made her way up the stairs with surprising speed, immediately assuming Karkat would have absconded to his room.

Not wanting to be present while his roommate was being berated, Dave opted to chill in the living room as Terezi browsed channels, listening for something interesting. She flipped to one broadcasting some sort of courtroom and stopped, her face splitting with her grin. “Is that Judge Judy? She's my fucking icon. Do you like Judge Judy, Dave?”

Dave shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “I, uh, never really watched much T.V.”

“You’ve never watched Judge Judy?” Terezi gasped, jumping up so abruptly Dave was afraid she would slam into the table. She seemed to have completely forgotten about the incident in the car. “This is a complete outrage! But don’t worry, we can fix this.” She sat back down in a huff, grabbing her phone. “Hey Siri, open Youtube and search ‘Judge Judy’.” She handed the phone over to Dave, her smile widening as she turned off the television. “Pick an episode, Dave. You’re about to be educated.”

“Um… okay.” He picked the top result, not caring much about what they watched, as long as it made Terezi happy. The show opened up in a courtroom, the defendant claiming something or other about her husband. As the episode progressed, Dave realized he would be doing this soon- maybe not arguing a case himself, but sitting in a courtroom, watching an impartial, emotionless judge decide the fate of him and his brother- and he felt prickles go up his spine, his stomach twist. He paused the video, dropping the phone in Terezi’s lap. “Sorry, Terezi,” he said, fighting down his queasiness. “I’d love to keep watching, but I’ve got tons of make-up homework.”

“Oh.” Terezi could hear the uncertainty and thinly-veiled panic in Dave’s voice. It was enough to tell her not to push him to keep watching. “Duh. Of course you do. I’ll just get Vriska to watch with me when she gets home.”

“Alright, see you later.” Dave stood up, walking at a pace just fast enough to not seem like he was panicking. As soon as he was out of the room, he leaned against a wall, eyes closed, trying to banish the thoughts swirling through his head.

_What if they find Bro innocent?_

_What if he’s given custody of me?_

_What if they make me go back?_

He hated that he was like this, that Bro hung over every aspect of his life, made Dave spiral at the slightest reference to him. He tried to slow his ragged breathing, taking a steadying inhale, and straightened back up. He couldn’t allow himself to think about Bro, or about the trial. Not now.

Just then, Kanaya came down the stairs, her concerned face wildly different from the pissed expression she’d had last time Dave saw her. When she noticed Dave, the concern only deepened. “Are you alright, Dave?”

Dave nodded, giving her a tight smile. “Just nervous.”

“Nervous about school?” she asked, settling against the wall opposite him, keeping her distance.

“About the trial,” Dave replied, his voice sounding small and tight and fearful.

Kanaya sighed. “Your apprehension is understandable, Dave, but there is no need for you to worry. Let the adults handle it.”

Dave nodded again, looking down at the floor. “Okay, Ms. Maryam.”

“You should go talk to Karkat,” she said, abruptly changing the topic. Dave snapped out of his worried thoughts about the trial and immediately switched into worried thoughts about Karkat.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“No.” Kanaya paused, pursing her lips. “Well, possibly. Why don’t you go figure out for yourself?”

That did nothing to ease Dave’s worry. “Uh… okay.” He slipped past Kanaya, making his way up the stairs.

“One more thing, Dave.” He looked over his shoulder at Kanaya, who was wringing her hands- something he’d only ever seen her do under extreme duress. “Go easy on him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah i def don't want this to turn into a "school" fic. it's focused more on dave adjusting to his new life but school is also a semi-important part of that. hence why i included (and will continue to include) only a few snippets from school-time  
> i may have written the scene where dave meets equius but idk if i'll ever post it. only time will tell  
> anyway thanks for reading! drop a comment if you so choose


	9. Soon But Not Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is put to the Herculean task of *gasp* talking to his friend.

_Go easy on him?_ Dave thought, as he climbed the stairs towards his room. _What the fuck does that mean?_ Kanaya had almost seemed like she was warning Dave- but about what?

The door to his room was partly open, but Dave rapped on it anyway, his knuckles softly knocking against the wood. “Yo, can I come in?” He peered in at Karkat, who was laying on his bed, wrapped in blankets, his back to Dave and the rest of the room. He barely moved at Dave’s words.

“It’s your room, too,” came the soft reply, uncharacteristically quiet.

Dave slipped in, gently shutting the door behind him so as not to make too loud a noise. Karkat was usually so brash, so performative in his anger. Now he just looked small and vulnerable, and it unnerved Dave. He hovered near the closed door, unsure whether to get closer. “Kanaya said... we should talk?”

Karkat scoffed, though it lacked the usual energy. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Ooookay.” Dave took a small step towards his air mattress, not quite getting closer to Karkat but making his way into the room a little. “What did she say to you?”

“Not your business.” The ball of blankets that was Karkat curled in on itself a little more.

“Look, man, I didn’t even really want to talk about it-”

“Then don’t.”

“-but it’s hard to ignore that something’s wrong with you, and I’m pretty worried. Are you okay?”

A beat passed, and Karkat shifted, giving Dave a modicum of hope that he’d get more than a dismissive reply. “Don’t you have a shit ton of homework? Maybe you should focus on that.”

Dave fought back the impulse to ask Karkat about _his_ homework. “Okay, then,” he sighed, dropping his backpack onto the air mattress. If Karkat didn’t want to talk, he couldn’t exactly force him to.

He tried to work on his assignments, but after about five minutes he realized he was just staring at the paper, his mind miles away. He kept trying to pinpoint what could have made Karkat more upset than usual. Dave couldn’t stop thinking about what Terezi had said in the car, about Karkat having a “thing” for him. He’d tried to shove the thought into the back of his head so he could ignore it, but it kept itching at him, begging to be acknowledged. Maybe it was itching at Karkat, too.

Dave looked over at Karkat, who was still huddled in the same position, the back of his head the only visible part of his body. As casually as he could, he said, “So, about what Terezi said.”

The reaction was small but immediate- Karkat’s shoulders tensed up under the blanket, his body language subtly shifting to defensive. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Karkat’s response only confirmed Dave had guessed correctly. He mentally tallied a point for himself. “It was just a joke, right?”

“Maybe I wasn’t clear.” To Dave’s surprise, Karkat slowly pushed himself up, keeping the blankets wrapped around him like a robe. He turned to glare at Dave with eyes exuding more weariness than anger. “I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk. About. It.”

“So he _does_ move,” Dave said, half-jokingly. “Who would’ve thunk?”

Karkat narrowed his gaze. “Are you being serious right now? Are you _actually_ being for real?”

“Karkat, my dear brother, I am _deadly_ serious. All the time.” Dave pushed down a smile, trying to keep his face as stoically still as possible. If he couldn’t get Karkat to open up to him, he could maybe get his foster sibling angry enough to revert to his normal grumpy state of being.

“You cease to amaze me with how incredibly stupid you can be sometimes,” Karkat grumbled in a deadpan voice. He was at least attempting to engage in banter, which, as far as Dave was concerned, was progress.

“Trust me, it only gets stupider from here. But first, we do still have all that serious bullshit to get out of the way. So are you gonna keep deflecting or can we talk about what’s bothering you?”

Karkat’s eyes dropped to the floor, and he subconsciously pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. “I don’t see why it would matter to you.”

_Because Kanaya told me to ask. Because you’re my friend and my foster brother. Because I hate seeing you upset. Because I care about you._

He couldn’t say any of those, though. “You’re my roommate, and it’s kinda hard to concentrate on homework with you moping around.” As soon as the sentence was out of his mouth, he cringed at how obviously terrible his choice of words was, noticing the corners of Karkat’s mouth turn down. _Nice job, Strider. Try being more sincere._ “Shit, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just trying to say you can talk to me. You can trust me. Like it or not, we’re bros now, and bros gotta be there for each other.”

Karkat sighed, looking away as he contemplated Dave’s words. He shifted in his blanket cocoon and eventually met Dave’s gaze. “Fine,” he said, his voice shrinking. “I admit it. I’m not okay.”

Dave let a relieved half-smile slip onto his face. “I must be a miracle worker or something, cause I just made the stubbornest person on the planet talk to me.”

Karkat was glaring at him again. “It won’t be for much longer if you keep making bullshit comments.”

“Alright, I get it.” Dave put his hands up in mock surrender. “I’ll do my best to keep quiet.”

“Good. God knows we need as much quiet from Dave Strider as possible.”

“Rude but fair.” This earned his another icy look from Karkat. “Okay, okay, if you tell me what’s bothering you, I promise I’ll be quiet. Starting… now.” Dave mimed zipping his lips shut.

Karkat rolled his eyes, dropping his blanket a little. “You’re so fucking weird.” He took a deep breath, let it out slowly. “I don’t even know where to start.” Dave slowly raised his hand, his eyebrows shooting up suggestively. “Really? Not even five seconds in and you already need to talk.”

“I just had a few questions. Is it okay if I ask questions?”

“No.”

“Okay, second question. Why don’t you start at the beginning?”

“You think I haven’t thought of that? And I said _no questions_.” Karkat folded his arms across his chest, chewing his lip. “Listen, the problem is, if I start at the beginning, I’d basically end up telling you my entire life story, and that is _way_ too much personal bullshit that I don’t want you knowing about. So… I guess I’ll just give you the basics.” He paused, picking at a loose thread on his bedspread. “I don’t exactly have a good history when it comes to relationships.”

“That’s a shocker,” Dave couldn’t help but comment, gaining yet another withering look from Karkat.

“That’s two strikes, Strider.”

“ _Two?_ When did the first one happen?”

“When you made the mistake of being born.”

“Well that’s just straight up impolite, bro.”

“Yeah, so is you constantly interrupting me. Do you want your third strike or not?”

Dave huffed, crossing his arms dramatically. He had noticed that riling up Karkat just enough was getting him slightly back to the cranky person Dave was used to. “Fine, I’ll shut up again.” He put on a serious expression- at the end of the day, he did care about what Karkat was about to enclose to him.

“Good. Now, where the fuck was I? Relationships, right?” Karkat hunched his shoulders, looking slightly uncomfortable. He knew he would have to tell Dave about his past at some point; he just didn’t expect to tell him anything this soon. “I’m sure anyone with a brain can figure out that the reason any of us are in the foster system in the first place is because, one way or another, our parents weren’t able to care for us. Which is where my problem with relationships comes in, according to my therapist.” When Dave’s serious expression didn’t change, Karkat rolled his eyes. “That was a joke. You’re allowed to laugh.”

“Oh, I know it was a joke. It just wasn’t funny.”

“Okay, that’s strike three,” Karkat said, though it was obvious he wasn’t being serious. “You’re out.” 

“Wait, I only get three strikes? Is that how baseball works? I thought it was like five.”

Karkat rubbed his temples, closing his eyes. “I cannot fucking believe you don’t know how many strikes are in baseball.”

“Dude, I have never given a fuck about sports in my entire life.”

“That’s not an excuse. You should still know the basic fucking concept of one of the most popular American sports.”

“Whatever, can’t you just give me a few more tries? Imagine this is a little league game, and you’re that one referee that takes pity on the little four year olds going up to bat and gives them so many extra strikes that they eventually get to run the bases. I’m like that toddler, who can’t hit the ball because he just learned to walk like a year ago, and suddenly someone gave him a bat and told him to get a touchdown-”

“Whoa, what the fuck? First of all, it’s an umpire, not a referee. And second, touchdowns happen in _football_. Baseball has home runs.” Karkat scoffed, leaning back on the wall his bed was pushed against. “I knew you were an ignorant asshole, but I didn’t think you were _this_ ignorant.”

“It’s kinda hard to watch sports when you don’t have cable.”

“Then maybe don’t try to make sports metaphors when you go off on your ridiculous tangents!”

“Listen, man, asking me to not make metaphors is like asking a woodchuck to not chuck wood. Like it’s in his name. Dude’s gotta chuck that wood like it’s his former lover who he caught cheating with his best friend.”

Karkat stared in complete bafflement at his roommate. “Every time I think you can’t shove your head further up your ass, you somehow manage to go a mile further. You do realize woodchucks don’t chuck wood?”

Dave rolled his eyes, sitting back on his elbows. “Okay, whatever, let’s forget my complete incompetence for one second. Are you gonna give me more chances or what?”

“Fine! One more. Just because your dumb ass obviously needs it.”

“See, my idiocy isn’t entirely useless. It got me an extra strike.”

“Shut up and listen.” Ever a fan of the dramatic, Karkat took another deep breath, preparing himself to weave a masterful tale of epic proportions. Or, at the very least, an interesting story. “Without going too much into detail, my parents weren’t exactly a shining model of a functioning relationship. Add on top of that their eventual inability to properly raise me, and suddenly the amount of shitty relationships I experienced as a child doubles. Flash forward to me being put into foster care, which brought with it a fuckload of new problems and more people not even attempting to give a shit about me.” As Karkat continued to talk, his voice got smaller, as if he were realizing the ramifications of telling Dave all of this. Well, no stopping now. “Until Kanaya. She was the first person in my life who I actually believed gave two fucks about my well-being. And my new siblings were actually friendly, for the most part. But of course my past had to leave me with an inability to create normal fucking relationships. I was, and still kind of am, completely closed off from everyone. I pushed everyone away with my vitriol and anger. I was…” Karkat sighed, looking up at Dave, who was sitting in rapt attention. He motioned for Karkat to go on. “I was afraid if I let people get close to me, I would just disappoint them, or they would hurt me, so I didn’t give them the chance.” He broke his eye contact with Dave, dropping his gaze to his fidgeting fingers, which were kneading into the blanket. “Terezi was the first one to break my shell. She’s so god-damned persistent that I just had to give up. And once she got through, the rest weaseled their way in. Sollux, Gamz, some of the kids at school… But of course half my friendships ended with a fifteen-car pileup on an unfinished highway that no one should have been driving on in the first fucking place!” Karkat was clutching the blanket so hard by the end of the sentence that his fingers had gone white.

Dave eyed his roommate warily before daring to speak. “Dude, if you’re uncomfortable talking about this, you can just stop. I don’t need to hear the rest of the story. I mean, sure, it’ll be a major cliffhanger, and kind of a bummer to end on, but sometimes you gotta sacrifice artistic skill for the sake of your mental health. And I should know, I’m all hells of skilled at the arts and also have a fucked-up brain.”

Karkat gnawed on his lower lip, shaking his head. “No… I think talking about it helps. Besides, you already know too much. No point stopping now. Just… give me a sec.”

“Yeah, of course, man.” Dave watched as Karkat sat silently, collecting his thoughts. “Actually... can I tell you something?”

“I mean, this was supposed to be my fucking time to bleed my heart out to you, but sure! One more interruption from you isn’t gonna make much of a difference at this point.”

“Cool. Um…” Frantically searching for the right words, he suddenly regretted his decision to mention anything. “I guess I just wanted to say… all that shit you were saying about not having good relationships as a kid, and pushing people away… I know what that's like. I have way too much experience with being shitty at relationships. I had exactly one friend before coming here, and we've never even met in person. So I understand how you feel, and it fucking sucks.” Afraid his poker face would break if he kept going, he clammed up, staring at the door. Part of him hoped someone would come in, interrupt this feelings jam before it devolved even further.

“Oh.” Karkat propped his head up on one hand, his elbow resting on his knee. “I guess we’re both the dysfunctional products of incredibly broken homes. But hey, that’s why we’re in the foster system in the first place, right?”

“Right…” Dave trailed off, adjusting his shades nervously. “So, do you want to keep going?”

Karkat shrugged halfheartedly. “I guess. There’s really not much left to say. Sollux was kind of my best friend, or really more of an older brother, for a while, but we were both contentious pricks and got into arguments a lot. Eventually our shouting matches got too personal, to the point where we could barely speak to each other, and then he turned eighteen and left. We still talk, but it’s… awkward. And Gamz… well, I’m sure you’ve noticed he’s not exactly the best conversationalist.” Dave nodded mutely. “Which is completely unfair to him, it’s not like it’s his fault, but that’s what’s always playing in the back of my mind when I talk to him. I just end up hanging with him out of guilt and feeling like the scummiest shitstain on the planet.” He stopped, absentmindedly pulling at a strand of his hair. “But the shit that happened with Terezi was completely disastrous. We were really fucking close, and we even tried to fucking _date_ once, but that lasted all of two days and now all we can do is fucking bicker. Everything is so convoluted between us and it’s all about jabbing each other as much as possible and I’m constantly worried I’m going to explode like I did with Sollux. Her asinine comment in the car was just supposed to be another jab, and sure, she was joking, but it felt so fucking personal because she _knows_ how much trouble I have making friendships work. She _knows_ I can’t help but seek out the biggest prick in the room and try to out-asshole them in some vain attempt to _befriend_ them. So yeah, when she accused me of having a ‘thing’ for the newest asshole in my life, I had to get out of there before I said the wrong thing and fucking ruined shit between us forever. I mean, fuck, is that all she thinks of me? That I’m just trying to get into some toxic, destructive relationship where we just bring each other down? Is that what she thought I was trying to do with _her_? Because-” Karkat broke off, breathing heavily. His voice had risen throughout his rant, to the point where Dave looked genuinely concerned. He took a few deep breaths, calming himself down. “Shit. That was probably too much. But yeah. Long story short, the shit Terezi said made me remember how fucking terrible of a friend I am.”

Dave watched as Karkat dejectedly pulled his blanket back over his shoulders, trying to process everything that had been thrown at him in the past five minutes. “I'm pretty sure Terezi didn't realized how hard you took what she said. Like, she didn’t seem to think it was such a big deal.”

“Yeah, well… It was.” He slumped in his blanket pile. “Maybe that’s fucking stupid of me, to get so upset about one fucking comment, but the more I thought about it, the more it got to me. I really felt like absolute garbage.”

“Well, for the record, I don’t think you’re a terrible friend.”

This was received with a scoff from Karkat. “Thanks, Strider. Real vote of confidence there.”

“For real, though. Sure, you can be shouty, and kind of a prick, but for the most part you don’t mean it. I dunno what happened with Sollux, or Terezi, but from my experience you’re okay. Underneath all that anger I know you’re just showing that you care.”

“...thanks,” Karkat repeated, more genuinely this time. “I guess I should also say I don’t really think you’re an asshole. At least, not always.”

“Wow, I assuage your deep-seated societal fears and this is how I’m repaid? Rude.”

“No, you know what? I lied. You _are_ an asshole. All of the time. Sorry, Strider, those are the facts.”

“Man, fuck your facts. That shit’s straight up false. Everyone fucking believes it until they do some research and realize, oh shit, turns out everything they knew was a fucking lie and the Monopoly man _doesn’t_ have a monocle. Just add that Mandela Effect onto the pile with the rest, we’ll deal with that shit when we’re mentally _prepared_ to reevaluate our firmly-held beliefs about beloved board game mascots.”

Karkat sighed, though something resembling a smile was creeping onto his face. “I guess your rambling signifies we’re back to normal.”

“If us dishing about our personal problems then going back to ribbing each other is ‘normal’, then sure.” Dave gave him a thumbs up, trying to disguise the thought running through his head. Because, while Karkat seemed to have worked through why Terezi’s comment had bothered him, it was still bothering Dave. And it was something he _really_ didn’t want to discuss. He pushed it to the back of his mind, saving it where all his other repressed thoughts lived.

“Yeah… Thanks for pushing me to talk about it. And… thanks for caring.”

“You really should be thanking Kanaya,” Dave joked, before shrugging. “But yeah. I _do_ care. If you ever need to chat in the future… I guess I’m here for you.”

“Great.” Karkat rubbed his arm, looking away. “And I guess if _you_ need to talk, I could listen, or something. I’m probably not the best choice of people to hash out problems with, but I’ll try.”

“Of course, dude. I mean, who else am I gonna talk to? _Gamzee?_ ”

Karkat snorted. “You would be fucking surprised how good he is at giving advice. He has seen some fucked up shit.”

“Damn, are you telling me I’ve been trying to be bros with the wrong dude this whole time? Shit, you think it’s too late for me to switch to Gamzee’s room?”

“Shut up, you absolute moron.” Karkat was still chuckling.

Dave sighed, lacing his fingers together. “Are you gonna tell Terezi that what she said bothered you?”

Karkat’s smile subsided. “I don’t know if I should. I think Kanaya said she was gonna talk to her. But I don’t really want to have that conversation with Terezi. And I am _never_ gonna admit that one of her comments got under my skin. She would use that shit against me forever.”

“Dude, I’m pretty sure you storming off as soon as we got home made it obvious that she got to you.”

“Fuck off. I still don’t want her to know how I feel about our relationship. That would be embarrassing as fuck.”

“Okay, then. You don’t gotta tell her shit. That’s your business.” They lapsed into a silence, only punctuated by Dave cracking his knuckles. “So, um… talk over? Are you done moping? Cause I really do gotta finish this shitload of homework and I can’t exactly do it with you radiating bad vibes.”

“Yes, I’m ‘done moping’,” Karkat replied, rolling his eyes. “Not because you need me to, but because _I_ fucking choose to.”

“Great. It seems my work here is done.” Dave began pulling papers out of his backpack, not bothering to organize the mess in any way.

“Sure, because you did _so_ much work by listening to me talk for ten minutes.”

“Man, you underestimate the power of a good listener. I fucking listened like a champ. I’m basically the Michael Jordan of listening. He’s looking down on me from heaven right now, sagely nodding his head in approval, all like ‘It seems the student has become the teacher. Congrats, Dave, you have no more you can learn from me.’”

“Dave, Michael Jordan isn’t dead. Also you were a fucking _terrible_ listener! You interrupted me like five times before I had even started.”

Dave clucked his tongue in disapproval. “See, man, you clearly don’t understand the art of listening. Interrupting you was all _part of the plan_ , which, if you didn’t notice, worked to a fucking tee.”

“Whatever, asshole! Do your fucking homework.” Karkat couldn’t hide that he was smiling a little.

“Okay, Captain Vantas.” Dave didn’t even try to hide his smile. He had to admit, it felt good to be someone Karkat could talk to. Someone who could help his roommate get out of a sucky mood. Maybe, if he kept practicing, he could learn to be a good friend. Then maybe he’d be able to talk to John, let him know he’s alive, finally tell him the truth. He hoped he would get the courage to do that sooner rather than later.

Soon… but not today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so it's gonna take a long time before dave is ready to confront his gayness but that's okay. that's what we all expect from dave strider  
> thanks for reading! lemme know what you thought in the comments


	10. Social Distancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave unpacks a lot of his issues with Karkat. Not all of them, though. We need content for the rest of this fic, obviously.

A few days passed and Dave was already tired of school. So far, he had spent most of his afternoons trying to finish his makeup work, on top of doing the regular homework, but the pile always grew the next day. He didn’t know how the fuck Karkat had time to watch movies all evening- in fact he was pretty sure he’d never seen the guy doing homework. Not like that was really Dave’s problem- if Karkat wanted to procrastinate, then fine, Dave wasn’t about to get on his ass. But he _knows_ Karkat has the same assignment due tomorrow as him, and yet his roommate was nowhere to be found.

Dave stared at his half-finished worksheet and the pile of unfinished homework next to it, his frustration building. He honestly didn’t know why he even bothered to keep up when it was so obvious he was struggling. He felt like he was doing something wrong, especially when other students like Karkat could just chill out and completely ignore their work until the last minute. Though Dave wanted to do that, he was already drowning in assignments, and it felt unfair that he was so behind. Then again, he only had himself and Bro to blame for that.

As Dave was beginning to consider just crumpling up his work and chucking them out of the nearest window, Karkat walked in, his laptop and a bunch of papers tucked under one arm. “Hey, Dave,” he said, shutting the door behind him. “You busy?”

Dave rolled his eyes behind the shades. “Naw, man, I’m not busy with this mountain of homework I have to do. Obviously I’m having a super chill time just sitting here staring at fucking Mount Everest getting ready to climb it, which to me is gonna be a fucking walk in the park. Lack of oxygen? Not a problem. Hypothermia? Ain’t got shit on me.”

Karkat dropped his stuff on his bed with a huff. “Okay, asshat, I get it. You have homework. Congratulations, welcome to the real world, where we have _responsibilities_ . Have you heard about _responsibility_ , Dave?”

“Responsibility? Yeah, I’ve heard about responsibility. Hell, my best fucking bro is responsibility. We hang out every day, and lemme tell you, he is a riot. Dude’s always wanting to mop the floor and pay off the mortgage on his house and other wild shit like that.” Dave peered up at Karkat, his eyebrows lowering. “The real question is, have _you_ heard about responsibility?”

“Fuck off, just because I procrastinate a little on my homework doesn’t mean I’m not responsible. I get it done in time.” Before Dave can give a snarky reply, Karkat pulls something from his back pocket. “Speaking of responsibilities, you were somehow dumb enough to forget your phone downstairs after dinner. Lucky for you, I was able to rescue it before Vriska snooped through your eighty text notifications.” He handed the phone over to Dave, then sat on his bed. “Mostly she was just curious why a complete asshole like you would be that popular, but I knew enough about respecting people’s privacy to not give a fuck about your social life.”

“See, man, those texts are all from responsibility. He’s just hitting me up, checking to see if his best bro is okay.” Dave dropped his phone next to the pile of worksheets and focused back on his homework. “ _Someone’s_ gotta make sure I’m working on this shit.”

Karkat stared at Dave in befuddlement. “Are you not going to answer your texts?”

Dave’s head shot back up. “What?”

“I know you’re not getting texts from the fictional personification of responsibility, and I also know that despite your ‘cool’ persona you don’t actually _have_ a social life, so the only way you could have eighty fucking unread texts is if someone out there is actively trying to contact you. Which, even as I’m saying it, sounds like the least likely possible scenario, because no one in their right mind would ever want to talk to you. But, despite the astronomically tiny odds, it seems that you somehow have a friend, and instead of being a friend back you’ve instead decided to be a huge prick by not answering them.”

Dave sighed, setting his pencil down, and looked up at Karkat. “Okay, you got me. I stand a-fucking-ccused of not being best bros with responsibility and of being a total dick to my only real friend. The jig is up, everyone, our perfectly planned crime was going off without a hitch until Detective Vantas got on the case and cracked it open like a pistachio. I hope it tastes good, Karkat, and I hope you don’t have a nut allergy, because once that case is cracked there ain’t no going back. It’s fucking Pandora’s pistachio over here, you’re not gonna get that little green nut back in its shell no matter how bad it tastes, because you asked for this.”

Karkat stared, wide-eyed, at Dave, wishing there _was_ a way to put the pistachio back in its shell, or the bunny back in the box, or whatever. He cleared his throat and managed to stammer, “I… shit. Fuck, Dave, I didn’t realize this was gonna be a sore subject.”

“Well, you did mention the fact that I am apparently incapable of making friends and then accused me of being an asshole to the one friend I _do_ have.” He shifted on the air mattress, trying to appear somewhat nonchalant and failing. “So yeah, maybe that wouldn’t be a sore subject for _you_ , but it sure fucking is for me.”

“I didn’t… I…” Karkat stumbled, clenching his jaw while searching for the right words. “God, I’m such an idiot sometimes. My fucking mouth never knows when to just stop moving and shut up, and then I say something terrible that I get to regret for the rest of my life.”

“I know.” Dave snorted softly. “I think we both suffer from that problem, though, so no worries about that. At this point, we should just expect all of our conversations to overstep some personal boundaries at one point or another, because we just _know_ one of us will say something stupid.”

“That doesn’t excuse it, though. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Like I said, no worries. I can’t get hung up on every incendiary comment you make, or we’d just sit here arguing for hours. Which is definitely not what I asked for when I signed up for the Karkat Vantas experience.”

Karkat narrowed his eyes at Dave. “You didn’t ‘sign up’ for me. You just got randomly thrown into the foster system lottery and somehow _lost_ the jackpot, because I’m pretty sure that I’m the exact opposite of whatever you were expecting.”

Dave’s stoic face morphed into a small frown. “I wouldn’t say that. I mean, sure, maybe getting put with Maryam was ‘random’, and ending up as your roommate was ‘random’, but I _chose_ to be your friend, and that definitely didn’t feel like _losing_ . Do you not…” His frown deepened, his voice imperceptibly quieter. “Are you just bros with me because you _have_ to be?”

“No!” Karkat’s reply was loud, frantic. “God, no. Don’t even fucking say that. There’s a _reason_ I told you all that personal shit about me the other day. I _like_ being your friend, despite how annoyingly dense you can be sometimes. I just thought that you… didn’t really like me. That you felt stuck with me.”

“Jesus Christ, dude.” Dave laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. “Of course not. You’re…” He stared at Karkat, the weirdly funny, self-deprecating, somewhat traumatized asshole he landed as a roommate, as a friend. The person he felt strangely at home with, who he was growing to trust more than any other person he had ever known. Because the occasional fights they had, the ones like these, always ended with them reconciling, with them learning about each other and growing closer. Dave felt like he had something good, really good, for the first time in his fifteen years on Earth, so he really didn’t want to fuck it up. “You’re probably the best thing I could’ve asked for.”

Karkat’s cheeks lit up in embarrassment, though Dave read it as indignation. “What? How the fuck could that possibly be true? Did you somehow forget that less than five minutes ago I said something _specifically_ to piss you off? How could I…” He trailed off, staring at his roommate in complete shock.

“Do I need to list the shit I like about you? Because I’ll do it, even though that’s kinda gay.”

“No!” Karkat’s face was flushing even brighter. “I mean… maybe? Shit, Strider. I just don’t understand what about me would make you _want_ to put up with me.”

Dave shrugged. “That’s simple. You’re cool, in a super unironic way. You’re weirdly funny and creatively insultive and you manage to make me laugh, which is impressive because I’m usually an uncrackable, stone-cold bitch. You trust me with semi-personal shit about yourself, and I feel like I can trust you with my shit too.” He paused, shrugging again, a cold shiver racing up his spine as he talked, growing more uncomfortable. “Do you need more, or is that enough to convince you that I think you’re worth hanging out with?”

Karkat was silent for a lot longer than Dave was used to from the shouty idiot. He chewed his lip, avoiding meeting Dave’s gaze. “That’s… that’s enough.”

“Good, because any more and I would’ve had to start saying ‘no homo’ at the end of every sentence.” Dave smiled, trying to sell the joke even as his discomfort crescendoed.

Karkat was staring at him again, this time more cautiously, his eyes dark, dangerous slits. “Are you… fuck. Are you homophobic?”

Dave blinked. “What?”

“That’s the second thing you’ve said against being gay in the past two minutes, so you better have a fucking good explanation for that shit or this is _not_ going to work out well for you.”

“Oh.” Dave gulped down the weird feelings rising up in him. “No, man, I’m not homophobic. I’m totally, one hundred percent cool with gay people, for sure. I mean, Kanaya’s definitely crushing on that Lalonde lady, and I was totally cool about that. I’m just straight.” The words burned his tongue as he said them, tasting acrid and nasty and just _wrong_. “That’s why I say shit like that.”

Karkat still had his eyes narrowed at Dave. “You might want to watch what you say, because that shit is kind of problematic and definitely gonna get misconstrued by some people.”

“Yeah, I know some of the crap I say is probably offensive.” Karkat glared at him. “Okay, yes, it’s definitely offensive. And I’m trying to work on that. It’s just what I was used to when… well, let’s just say I was _not_ a very conscientious person at thirteen.”

The frown didn’t entirely disappear from Karkat’s face, but he did lighten up. “That’s good to hear. I was seriously not going to take it well if a guy I considered a friend was suddenly a raging homophobe.”

“Does that mean you're…” Dave felt his face heating up, embarrassed he had to ask.

“I’m bi, Dave. Is that going to be a problem?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Good.” Karkat sighed, running a hand down his face. “Jesus, we got so off topic. What were we even talking about?”

 _Whew. Sexuality crisis fucking averted._ “About how I think you’re a good friend.” Dave tapped his phone. “And about how I’m an awful friend.”

“You’re not. An awful friend, I mean.” Karkat crossed his arms, biting the inside of his cheek. “At least not to me.”

“Yeah, well, I’m kind of being a complete douchebag to my other best bro right now.”

“I’m sure you have reasons for that, though.”

Tracing the scar on his hand from when he first did dishes with Karkat, Dave smiled bitterly. “Trust me, as far as reasons to not text your only friend in the world go, they’re pretty bullshit reasons.” 

“Well…” Karkat trailed off. “Maybe… you could tell me? Because it would kinda make me a complete failure of a friend if I dropped all of my personal business on you and wasn’t willing to listen to your shit in return.” He mentally crossed his fingers, doubting for a second that Dave trusted him enough to tell him.

Dave sighed. “I can’t lie, that’s a pretty valid point. I guess I could tell you.”

“Great.” Abruptly, Karkat stood up. “Should I…” He gestured at Dave’s air mattress with one hand. “Could I sit next to you? It’s kinda awkward having our conversations from across the room.”

“Oh, um, sure.” Dave pushed aside the stacks of paper on his bed, making space for Karkat to sit. The thought had crossed his mind during their past conversations, with them staring at each other from their respective beds. Now, with Karkat only a few inches away, though his heartbeat had quickened a few paces, he felt a lot more comfortable. At least it would be easier to avoid eye contact.

“So… What’s the deal?”

Dave wiped his palms on his jeans, nervously staring at the carpet. “So before I came here and met y’all and got you as my best bro, I had John Egbert. I met him online a long time ago, in some forum or something, I don’t even remember anymore, and we hit it off pretty much immediately. Which, looking back, doesn’t even really make sense- he’s such a naive, completely unironic goofball and I’m, well, me. But, yeah. My best friend, the only person I fucking talked to, lived in Washington state. By the way, I’ve looked it up before, and it’s a thirty-six hour drive away.” He looked back up at Karkat, who was silently watching him, giving his full attention to the story, being a surprisingly good listener. Dave would definitely not have to worry about being interrupted. “And, well, I never really told him how bad my home life was. Which was pretty shitty, in case you couldn’t tell from the context clue of me being in a foster home right now. I actually tried to convince him, and kind of myself, that everything was okay and that my... guardian was actually cool and totally normal. But he would tell me about his dad, about the unconditional love and support he would receive, and he would _complain_ about it. Like, he felt smothered because his dad baked him like ten cakes on his birthday. You wanna guess how many cakes _I_ got on my birthday? Scratch that, guess how many cakes I got in my entire life.”

Karkat’s nose scrunched up, his eyebrows lowering. “Um… two?”

“ _Zero_ , Karkat. I never got a single fucking cake. I mean, I already knew, subconsciously, that there was something wrong about how I was living, but the more John would say the more I realized how truly fucked up it was. But I couldn’t fucking tell him that. I didn’t know how he would take it, if he would even completely understand. How could he understand the shit I went through every goddamn day, when he thought the smallest disagreements with his dad were fights? I couldn’t figure out how to tell him. So when everything went down and I ended up at CPS, I didn’t tell him. And when I landed here, I didn’t tell him.” Dave sighed, clutching at the hair on the back of his head. “Of course, I _wanted_ to tell my only friend what was happening to me. But I didn’t know how to have a serious conversation with him. I didn’t want him to know all the insanely sad shit I’d been keeping from him for so long. But every time I tried to talk to him about normal stuff, I felt guilty. So I just… stopped.”

Karkat let out a long breath. “Jesus, Dave.” A short silence lapsed between them. “It’s been like, what, almost a month? You should… you should text him.”

“I know.” Dave’s eyes landed on his phone, sitting between them on the air mattress. “I know. I’m a fucking shitsack of a friend.”

“No, you’re not.” Dave shot a no-bullshit look at Karkat. “Okay, maybe you are a little. But you had valid reasons! You were dealing with a lot of really hard shit that no teenager should fucking go through. It’s okay that you had to take time to process it. Maybe it was wrong to go completely silent on him for so long, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to explain your situation until you’re good and fucking ready.”

“I guess…” Dave pursed his lips slightly, annoyed at himself. “I’m just… afraid to text him now. Which is a super fucking cowardly way to feel, but yeah. I don’t know how he’s gonna react to me ghosting him for so long. And I don’t fucking know how to talk to him like a normal fucking friend would.”

“Well… I’d say you’ve gotten a lot of practice being a better friend and opening up to people the past few weeks.” Karkat nudged him not-so-subtly with his elbow. “You should really give it a try. Sure, this John guy might be pissed you haven’t talked to him, but if he’s really as good of a friend as you think he is, I’m pretty sure he’s just going to be relieved to hear that you’re okay.” He put a hand on Dave’s shoulder, staring straight into his shades, trying to pierce through to the eyes he couldn’t see. “And if you need help, I’ll be right here the whole time. We can get you through this.”

Dave swallowed thickly, pushing down his panic. “Okay.” He picked up his phone. “Okay, I can do this.”

“That’s the fucking spirit.” Karkat scooted closer, peering over Dave’s shoulder at his phone screen. “Is this fine?”

“Y-yeah,” Dave stammered, gripping the phone tight with both hands to keep them from shaking. “I’m… I’m gonna text him now.” He opened up his pesterchum app to a bevy of unread texts from the past month- John had left him a few almost every day. He scrolled down to the latest few messages and began typing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah that was a lot lol  
> i was actually originally planning to include the chat with john but the chapter just got egregiously long so ya'll gonna have to wait :P  
> but um yeah with schools closing for the next few weeks i will definitely have a lot more time to work on this so there might be more frequent updates in the meantime. don't take my word for it though  
> anyway thanks for reading! everyone stay safe and healthy!


	11. Who You Gonna Text?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave talks to John for the first time in a month.  
> and yes the title is a refrance.
> 
> tw: mentions of child abuse

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:22 --

EB: just doing my daily check in!

EB: i really really hope you’re okay and that you text me back soon.

EB: i'm super worried.

EB: and i miss you.

EB: no homo.

EB: …

EB: gotta go but i’ll hopefully talk to you later.

EB: bye!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:24 --

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 21:48 --

TG: hey

TG: its been a while

EB: dave?!

EB: what the fuck!

EB: you ghosted me for a whole month and your first text back is ‘hey’?

TG: i know i know im sorry

TG: ghostytrickster may have been your old chumhandle but i really just had to gank it from you for a while

TG: go ghost for a month out here pulling pranks and being generally mysterious

TG: but you can have it back now in retrospect it was a terrible fucking thing for me to do

EB: dude what the hell happened?

EB: i was so worried! i didn’t know if something bad had happened to you!

EB: i was seriously thinking about looking you up but i was afraid i’d find some news article about you being dead!

TG: fuck im sorry i made you worry that really wasnt the plan

TG: and no i may have ghosted you but im definitely still alive and kicking

TG: in fact im doing pretty okay

EB: i am really glad to hear you’re okay dave but what happened?

EB: what’s going on?

TG: see this is why i didnt text you about it for so long i didnt know how to tell you

TG: …

EB: tell me what?

TG: okay im gonna say it and i really need you to not freak out ok?

TG: like this is gonna be a big fucking reveal for you it might shake your perception of me and maybe even your general worldview i dunno

TG: but please dont freak out because this is really kinda hard for me

TG: like thats the whole reason i ghosted for so long its because i didnt know how to tell you this

EB: dave you’re already starting to freak me out and you haven’t even told me what happened yet!

EB: i’ve never heard you sound this serious about something. it must be important!

TG: yeah well it is

TG: so you have to promise me not to freak out

EB: yeah.

EB: i promise dave.

EB: can you tell me?

Dave looked up from his phone at Karkat, who was silently reading the conversation. “Hey, dude, um… could you not read this next part?”

Karkat blinked, backing away slightly. “Oh. Yeah. Of course.”

“Yeah, sorry… It’s just…” Dave sighed, dropping his phone slightly. “I’m probably gonna tell him a bunch of details that I’m not super comfortable with you knowing yet.”

“Yeah, no, I get it!” Karkat scooted even further away, both hands up. “I completely get it. Shit, I’m not comfortable telling _you_ my life story either.” He pushed off the mattress, ready to get up, before a hand grabbed his sleeve. He looked down at Dave, who was blushing slightly, his hand latched onto Karkat’s arm.

“Actually, um… would you mind staying next to me? In case I… need you for emotional support or some shit.”

Karkat stared, aghast, before slowly lowering back onto the mattress. “Yeah, I can stay.”

“Cool.” Dave smiled at him, making Karkat’s heart flutter, before returning back to his phone.

TG: so um

TG: remember how i said my bro was cool and aloof and totally not weird at all

TG: well that was kind of a lie

TG: he was actually really physically and emotionally abusive

EB: what?

TG: and not the kinda abuse you joked about getting from dad egbert it wasnt like he was leaving me too many encouraging notes about becoming a man

TG: no mostly he just left me notes telling me to get on the roof for an ass beating

TG: like the shit he did was insanely brutal and violent and i still have scars

TG: he actually used a sword on me

EB: oh my god! dave that’s terrible!

TG: yeah and thats not even everything

TG: i mean he almost never fed me

TG: he just kind of let me scrounge his leftovers from the garbage

TG: and he didnt teach me any fucking chores like i had to figure out how to wash my own clothes

TG: which ive apparently been doing wrong this whole time

TG: and theres a lot of other awful stuff but if i try to list it all now were gonna be here for fucking months

EB: shit, that’s really horrible, dave! i’m so sorry you had to go through that.

EB: why did you never tell me?

TG: to be honest man for the longest time i didnt even realize anything was wrong

TG: i just thought the shit that was happening was normal

TG: and when i started noticing all the fucked up parts i tried to write it off but theres only so much writing you can do before you start getting a wrist cramp

TG: but yeah at that point i really didnt fucking know how to break it to you that the dude i was living with and pretending was cool was actually a complete psychopath

TG: again im really sorry for never telling you it was kind of an asshole move

EB: jesus dude you don’t have to apologize! i understand completely.

EB: that must have been absolute hell to go through alone.

EB: i wish you’d told me i would’ve tried to help you!

TG: i know egbert thanks man

EB: god i feel like an idiot. all those dumb times i complained about my dad when you had it so much worse.

TG: dude its okay you didnt know

EB: are you out of there now? please tell me you’re not still living with your bro.

TG: yeah im out

TG: i called cps and now im in a foster home

TG: and everyone here is really awesome i have a new mom and a few siblings and even a cool roommate

EB: i'm really glad to hear that dave!

TG: yeah i really shouldve told you sooner but i didnt know how to reveal all of this

TG: but honestly the bs i went through isnt an excuse for me not talking to you for so long you dont have to accept that you can be mad at me

EB: i’m not mad at you dave. i'm just really relieved to know you’re okay.

TG: still im sorry

EB: i forgive you.

TG: you shouldnt

EB: yeah well i will and you can’t stop me!

EB: :P

EB: sorry is it weird if i make jokes?

TG: naw man joking is cool

TG: joking is exactly what i expect from my best bro john egbert he is ALL about jokes thats his whole jam

EB: hell yeah it is!

EB: heehee.

EB: i really missed you dude you have no idea.

TG: i dunno i think i have a pretty good idea

EB: just promise me you’re not gonna disappear on me again.

TG: trust me dude i wouldnt do that again in a million years that shit was dumb as fuck and also really hard for me

TG: im never abandoning you again man i promise

EB: awesome.

EB: so…

EB: you have a roommate now?

TG: yup

EB: what’s his name?

TG: karkat

EB: pfft what kind of dumb name is that?

TG: man i dunno im not the one who named him

TG: but yeah hes really pretty cool

TG: not as cool as you obviously youre still my main man

TG: but he is definitely getting to best bro territory

EB: he sounds like a cool guy! i would love to meet him.

TG: holy fuck yes

TG: i honestly dont know what to expect from a conversation between you two but whatever happens its gonna be fucking hilarious

TG: yall are pretty much on opposite sides of the niceness spectrum it would be like witnessing some giant galactic collision

TG: youre this huge bright positive star and hes this fucking angry black hole

TG: shits gonna be fucking majestic

TG: neil degrasse tyson gonna be out here talking about this for years to come

TG: gathering up the bits of space dust left from the encounter

TG: all those weirdo astronomers are gonna have a field day with it

TG: you know what karkats right here i could put him on

EB: no it’s okay.

EB: i think i’d rather just talk to you right now.

TG: oh yeah that makes sense

EB: don’t worry i still totally want to talk to him someday!

EB: but my best bro has been missing in action for a while and i’d kinda like to hear about that action.

TG: absofuckinglutely dude

TG: you KNOW ive been all up in some action

TG: kicking bad guys asses

TG: taking down helicopters

TG: sniping enemies from miles away

TG: its rough on the front lines but ive been braving it

TG: gotta serve and protect this great nation we call america

TG: so yeah shoot me a question egbert

TG: ive got a bulletproof vest on it aint gonna do shit to me i'm just gonna take that bullet and return fire with some precise fucking answers

TG: go ahead ask me anything

Karkat could see Dave’s face lighting up, a grin sneaking onto the stoic face. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but it looks like your conversation went for the better.”

Dave glanced up from his phone again, seeming content. “Yeah. It’s actually… pretty great. Thanks for getting me to text him.”

“Of course, Dave. I’m assuming you don’t need ‘emotional support’ anymore.”

Dave snorted. “Naw, I think I’ll be okay from here on out. You can go watch your shitty romcoms now.”

“Fuck you, asshole, they’re not shitty.”

“See, you keep saying that, but I have yet to be convinced that they aren’t garbage.”

“Well, then maybe I should force you to watch one with me!” Karkat pressed his lips together, looking away from Dave. “That is, if you want to watch one. It’s totally cool if you don’t.”

“Actually, that sounds kind of fun. That way I can rip the movie apart in front of you.” Dave smirked, earning him a shove from Karkat.

“Fuck off! You’re gonna end up enjoying it, shitstain.” Karkat indignantly stood up, making his way back to his bed.

“Whatever, man. Enjoy watching 50 First Dates for the fifty-first time.”

“Actually, I’ve only seen it twenty-seven times, so fuck you.”

“The fact that you’ve seen it that many times, and that you’re keeping track of it, is fucking insane. You realize that, right?”

“It’s a good fucking movie, asshole, which you would _know_ if you gave it a try.” Karkat was already opening his laptop, pulling up a movie that wasn’t 50 First Dates.

“I said I’ll watch a movie with you. Just not tonight, I still have all this fucking homework to do.”

“Okay, well, clear your schedule this weekend, because we are gonna educate you on good fucking cinema. You better be well and fucking prepared.”

“You bet I’ll be prepared. Prepared to criticize every single thing in the movies we watch. I’ll be like one of those snobby critics that writes blogs about all the movies they watch, except instead of a blog I’ll just be destroying all the weird romcom tropes you love.”

Karkat cocked his head at Dave, narrowing his eyes. “We’ll see about that, Strider.”

“We will indeed.”

Dave returned to texting John with an even bigger smile on his face. He felt so unbelievably happy, in a way he never had before, with his old best friend on his phone and his new one across the room from him. He didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky, and he knew he would eventually fuck it up.

But until then, he was going to enjoy this feeling for as long as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was kinda hard to write with some of that heavier shit in the middle and imagining how john would react to that. but ofc he's completely supportive of dave, bcuz dave rly needs that more than anything.  
> anyway thanks for reading! i am always open to feedback, questions, etc.


	12. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vriska's turning 18!

“Happy birthday, Vriska!”

A girl Dave had never met before, with huge, curling hair, had burst through their front door, wrapping Vriska up in a hug. From his knowledge on Kanaya’s former fosters, Dave guessed this was Aradia. Behind her, a lanky guy with thick-framed glasses walked in, choosing to give a two-fingered salute to Vriska. “Congrats, VK,” he said in a lisp, confirming to Dave that this was Karkat’s old roommate, Sollux. The two greeted Kanaya and their old foster siblings before coming up to Dave.

“Who’s this douchebag?” Sollux asked, before getting elbowed in the side by Aradia.

“So nice to meet you! Dave, right?” Aradia put out a hand, beaming widely.

“Uh, yeah,” Dave replied, taking her hand tentatively.

“I’m Aradia, and this rude asshole is Sollux.” She glared at her friend, though it was obviously well-meaning.

Sollux rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, let’s just pretend it was nice to meet each other and get on with our miserable lives.”

Dave stared at Sollux. “Anyone ever told you that you sound a lot like Karkat?”

“Dumbass, KK’s the one who sounds like _me._ I was already an annoying asshole before I met him.”

Aradia leaned in close to Dave’s ear in a mock whisper. “Don’t let him fool you, those two definitely fed off each other’s negativity.”

“AA, I can still hear you.”

“Oh, can you, Sollux? I couldn’t tell.” She gives him a sickeningly sweet smile.

“Do I need to keep being your mother and separate you two?” Kanaya asked, suddenly popping up behind them. “Why don’t we all head to the dining room, now that everyone’s here?”

“Yes ma’am,” Aradia said, somewhat teasingly.

As they were making their way to the table, the doorbell rang again. “I’ll go get that,” Kanaya said, smirking slightly. She opened the door to reveal Ms. Lalonde, a present tucked under one arm. “Rose! I was hoping you would make it.”

Rose smiled, walking in. “Yes, well, I did. Had to put off about fifteen things, but it was worth it.”

They smiled at each other for a few moments, hugged awkwardly, then joined the rest of the family in the dining room, one of Kanaya’s arms around Rose the whole time. The foster kids eyed the pair suspiciously but didn’t comment on their apparent closeness.

“Alright, everyone’s here.” Kanaya clasped her hands together, beaming as she looked around the room. “Who wants cake?”

Dave perked up. This was the first birthday celebration he’d ever experienced, and only the second time he could remember getting to eat cake- the first time being when he bought a slice for himself on his fourteenth birthday and ate it alone in his room. Long story short, it was sad as hell and definitely not the ideal experience to accompany eating cake for the first time, but he still decided he definitely liked the dessert. Today, though, was vastly different. He was surrounded by family, friends, people who he cared about and who cared about him, and everyone was talking and laughing and generally having a good time. Despite everything in his past, even Dave was having a good time. He sat next to Karkat, chatting with him as Kanaya went to get the cake.

“So, she’s leaving tonight?” he asked, watching as Vriska tried to cheer up Terezi, the only person too upset about Vriska leaving to join in the celebration.

Karkat shrugged, tapping the table absentmindedly. Ever the grump, he refused to get into the party spirit like everyone else, though he definitely seemed more content than usual. Not even Karkat Vantas was immune to birthday magic- not that magic is real or anything. “Tomorrow morning. She’s renting an apartment with some friends from college.”

“So that means I’ll get her bed once she moves out. That’s cool. Not that there was anything wrong with the air mattress, that was cool in its own ‘Look at me, I’m a broke college kid’ kind of way. But yeah, a real bed is definitely a step up. Literally.”

Karkat snorted, rolling his eyes. “That was a terrible joke, even for you. Like, your standards are usually low, but you _really_ stooped for that one.”

Suddenly, someone flicked off the lights, casting the faces around the table in darkness. A few seconds later, Kanaya walked in carrying a beautifully decorated, colorful cake, adorned with eighteen dim candles that nevertheless filled the room with light, and set it down in front of Vriska. “Okay, we sing on the count of three! Three… two… one!”

Everyone burst into a clashingly off-key rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’, with Dave stumbling on a word or two, due to his unfamiliarity with the song, and Gamzee interjecting random references to the Dark Carnival, even punctuating the last line with a shout. “Happy motherfucking miraculous birthday, Serket!” There were cheers as Vriska blew out the candles, then an even more enthusiastic cheer as Kanaya began cutting the cake and serving slices to the small gathering.

Dave took a bite and his eyes went wide. “Holy motherfucking shit, this is the best thing I’ve ever tasted.”

Karkat was already halfway through his piece, a smudge of frosting trailing onto his cheek. “Honestly,” he said, the word coming out garbled through a mouthful of cake. He swallowed, with some difficulty, and continued. “I’m pretty sure we all remember our first time experiencing Kanaya’s cake-making skills.” Silent nods from the cake-stuffed people around the table confirmed Karkat’s theory.

“I mean, Jesus Chirst, I’ve had cake before, but this one litereally takes the cake. It _redefines_ what being a cake means. It went and rewrote the Merriam-Webster dictionary entry for cake, all breaking into the dictionary headquarters by hypnotizing the guards with its delicious powers. This shit could perform miracles, and not just weird juggalo ones. It could bring a dude back from the dead. Forget weed, this is the only ‘good shit’ I need for the rest of my life.”

“Dave, did you really just say that whole spiel with a mouthful of cake?” Karkat grimaced, scooping more cake onto his fork. “That’s disgusting. But also weirdly impressive? Like how the hell were you still speaking so clearly?”

Dave swallowed, looking down sheepishly, slightly embarrassed at his complete lack of manners. “I dunno, I guess I’m just really fucking good at talking a shit ton. Like, God took one look at me and was like, ‘Okay, this dude I’m making right here is gonna have one skill and one skill only, and that’s gonna be the ability to talk until his ass falls off and his foot is shoved so firmly into his mouth that it’s never coming out.’”

“You’d think someone who has so much experience with having his foot shoved in his mouth would at least know how to swallow his food before speaking again.”

“See, that’s the thing. I got so used to continuing to talk with my foot up in there that I’m just a fucking pro at it now. I don’t even notice it when there’s shit in my mouth.” Both of them had given up trying to take another bite, too busy bickering and worrying about embarrassing themselves further.

“Well, Dave, we’re gonna have to work on that self-awareness, because right now your ‘God-given’ talking ability just makes you come off like an asshole to everyone. Which, you definitely are one, but the incessant talking just makes it ten times worse.”

“Oh, please. As if you practically screaming everything you say isn’t just as annoying. The volume of your voice is just mind-blowing sometimes. That shit definitely registers somewhere on the Richter scale.”

“Isn’t that the scale for measuring fucking earthquakes?”

“Indeed it is, my dear Watson. Very astute of you to notice.”

“Shut the fuck up, douchebag.”

“Whoa, what the fuck is going on?” Sollux interrupted, pointing a fork at the two younger teens. “Did KK finally find another prick who can match his level of asshole-ness? This is fucking insane.”

Karkat crossed his arms indignantly. “Why don’t you stay out of it, Sollux?”

“No, seriously, I thought I was a fucking douchebag, but even _I_ couldn’t keep up with Karkat’s constant shittiness. Is this Dave guy somehow more of a dick than me? That’s fucking hard to believe.”

“I’ll have you know the reason Dave sticks by me and actually humors my tirades is because he’s a _decent fucking person_ who _cares_ about me and doesn’t give two shits about how I try to piss off everyone.”

Sollux glared at Karkat through narrowed eyes. “The insinuation that I didn’t care about you is kind of astounding to hear from you and also full of bullshit, but sure! We all love how much of a better person _Dave_ is, because he _puts up_ with Karkat Vantas! Who wouldn’t put up with a guy who insults his former best friend?”

At this point, the partygoers could no longer ignore the two guys facing off in the middle of the room. Everyone was watching Sollux and Karkat, their conversations stopping as they tuned into the argument. Karkat was staring at Sollux, a strange look on his face that Dave had never seen on Karkat. It was pained, definitely, and maybe a little betrayed, but there was definitely a lot of regret in that look, too. Abruptly, Karkat pushed away from the table and ran out of the room, before Kanaya or anyone else could stop him. The anger on Sollux’s face dissipated as he watched Karkat leave, transforming into guilt.

“Fuck,” he sighed, dropping his head in his hands. “Sorry, VK, I didn’t mean to ruin your party.”

Vriska shrugged, ruffling her hair. “It’s fine. I’m sure we’re all familiar with Karkat’s tantrums.”

Dave pursed his lips. “Um… I think that was a little more than a ‘tantrum’.”

“Why you guys always gotta be motherfuckin’ yelling at each other?” Gamzee asked Sollux, frowning. “I don’t like seeing my friends all up and not getting along. You gotta learn to just chill.”

“Excuse me, Rose,” Kanaya said quietly, standing up. “I need to go deal with this.”

“Go ahead.” Lalonde shooed her out of the room with a polite smile.

As soon as Kanaya had left, Vriska clapped her hands. “Well, that was awkward! Everyone, this has been a _blast_ , but I think we can officially say this party is over. Terezi, you down to watch some Law and Order?”

“Only if it’s SVU,” Terezi replied, getting up as fast as a blind person can. It was clear no one was really willing to steep in the tense atmosphere for longer than necessary. They left, bringing their plates of half-eaten cake, and Gamzee followed, still mumbling about hating when his friends yelled at each other.

Aradia placed her hand on Sollux’s shoulder, who was still cradling his head in his hands. “Come on, Sollux, you should go talk to him.”

“I know,” Sollux sighed. “Fuck, I know.” He picked his head up to look at Dave, squinting at him through his glasses. “Dave? I’m sorry if I, uh, insulted you in any way. I’m sure you’re not an asshole and actually a… cool dude.”

Dave crossed his arms. “Don’t apologize to me. You and Karkat should hash that out instead.” He rubbed the back of his head. “And, uh, thanks. For what it’s worth, I bet you’re not an asshole, either.”

“No. Trust me, I am.” Sollux stood up slowly, scowling. “Time to go find Karkat.” He walked out, Aradia trailing behind with a last worried look at Dave.

It was just him and Lalonde now. He glanced at her, fiddling with his shirt hem. “Well, this is awkward.”

Rose chuckled, moving to sit next to him. “Yes, it is. How have you been, Dave?”

He shrugged. “Aside from everything that just went down, I’ve been good. Actually, I guess I’ve been… great? I really should thank you for putting me with Maryam. She’s awesome. Though I guess you already know that.”

This elicited another laugh from Rose. “Yes, I suppose I do.” She tucked a strand of hair behind one ear demurely. “So you’ve been adapting well.”

“Yeah, I would definitely say that. I’m like those white moths that were living up in England during the Industrial Revolution, all adapting to have peppered wings to blend in with all the ash and shit. It’s a miracle of Darwinian science.” He noticed her confused look. “Sorry, we literally just went over adaptation in Biology, and the moths are apparently the quintessential example.”

“Right…” She smiled at Dave, without showing her teeth. She looked like she knew something Dave didn’t. “You really are quite an interesting kid, Dave.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Rose smoothed out her skirt, then inspected her nails distractedly. “You don’t have to stay here talking to me if you don’t want.”

“It’s not like I really have anywhere else to go. I ain’t too fond of SVU, and my room is a Karkat-consoling party right now. I don’t exactly want to just wait outside the door for that to be over.”

She shrugged. “Perhaps I could go wait with you? I would like to talk to Kanaya when she’s done.”

“Oh, okay, then. Sure.”

They got up from their seats, the last people to exit the dining room, leaving the cut-up, forlorn cake sitting on the table. With Dave leading, they made their way up the stairs towards his room. Aradia was standing outside of the closed door, typing something on her phone, and when she saw them approaching she straightened up and put it away. “They’re still talking. I haven’t heard anymore yelling, so I’m assuming it’s going well.”

“That’s definitely a good sign,” Rose replied, leaning against the wall opposite Aradia. Dave opted to stay next to the person he knew slightly better.

“They’ll be done in like five minutes,” Aradia said, shrugging. “That’s usually how long it took back when Sollux and I still lived here.”

Dave stared at her curiously. “Did stuff like this happen… often?”

Aradia laughed- not just some chuckle, but a full, ringing laugh of complete disbelief. “Are you kidding me? Karkat would do this all the time! And not just with Sollux- if anyone said something slightly inciting, he would blow up. And every time it would end up with him storming off, angry or upset or whatever, and Kanaya would have to come talk to him. Are you telling me he doesn’t do that anymore?”

“Um…” Dave shrugged, confusion sweeping through him. “It’s only been this bad two other times, once with me, once with Terezi. And with Terezi, he didn’t even blow up, it was just that something she said upset him.”

“And you’ve been here for a month?” Aradia was incredulous, her mouth a small circle. “He hasn’t had any other arguments with you?”

“Naw, we’ve definitely argued, but usually he immediately apologizes, or I do, and we just talk it out.”

Aradia rubbed her chin, her eyes lighting up. “What’s different about you that makes Karkat chill out?”

“Nothing!” Dave practically yelled, defensively. “I mean, nothing’s different. We’re just… bros.”

“Mhmm, sure.” Aradia winked at Dave, making him blush. Rose put a hand to her mouth to cover her smirk.

Dave hugged his arms to himself, looking away. “Seriously, we’re friends. That’s all.” He didn’t want to acknowledge what Aradia was insinuating, didn’t want to explore why he felt so uncomfortable at her words.

“Okay, if you say so, but as far as I'm concerned, it’s _very_ interesting for Karkat to act civilly towards someone.”

Just then, the bedroom door opened, revealing a solemn Kanaya. “I see we have quite a party going on up here,” she half-joked, smiling at Rose. “They’ve both settled down. Would you join me downstairs, Rose?”

“Absolutely.” The two adults climbed down the stairs together, talking amiably.

Dave peered into his room and caught a glimpse of Sollux and Karkat hugging. An unfamiliar emotion jolted through him, itching up his spine. Was that… jealousy? Why would he be jealous of Karkat hugging a dude he considers a brother?

Sollux extricated himself from the hug, patted Karkat on the shoulder, and walked out. “You ready to go, AA?”

Aradia smiled, bumping his shoulder with her own. “Yeah, let’s blow this joint.” She winked again at Dave. “It was nice to meet you!”

Sollux gave Dave a long glance, looking him over. “Actually, Dave, could I talk to you for a sec? In private.”

Dave blinked, surprised. “Uh, sure.”

Sollux steered Dave down the hallway, pulling them both into the bathroom and shutting the door. “Okay, listen up, cause as much as I love duality or whatever, I do _not_ wanna have to repeat myself.”

Dave nodded. “I’m listening.”

“You’ve apparently been a really fucking good friend to KK, and I gotta tell you I appreciate the effort. Not a lot of people put up with his bullshit, myself included.”

“Yeah, well, I think he’s worth-”

“I’m not done.” Sollux moved closer, looming over Dave threateningly. Dave thought he was pretty tall for his age, but Sollux was almost a foot above him, glaring down at him. For a gamer dude, he was surprisingly menacing. “If you end up fucking up and hurting him, I will track you down and systematically destroy every miserable thing you care about. Got it?”

Dave backed away, his back hitting the wall. “Jeez, dude, I got it. I wouldn’t want to hurt Karkat anyway.”

“Good.” Sollux stepped back, though the glare in his eyes didn’t go away. “Consider yourself good and fucking warned. See you around, DS.” With that, he left the room.

Dave stood there for a second, staring at himself in the mirror, the cloud of blonde curls on his head, the racially ambiguous darker tone of his skin. He pulled his shades down enough to see his eyes, the emotions swirling through them unshielded- confusion, fear, a dash of envy. Nope. Another reason to keep the shades on at all times- no one can read his eyes. He gave himself one last glance in the mirror to make sure he didn’t seem rattled before stepping out of the bathroom, heading back towards his room.

“Hey,” he said in greeting to Karkat, gently shutting the door behind him.

“Hey.” Karkat was already back on his bed, his laptop out, most likely queuing up a movie.

“You good?”

Karkat snorted. “Define good.” He looked up at Dave’s semi-serious expression and sighed. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m not gonna blow up any time soon, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Cool.” Dave took a step closer, scratching the back of his head. “Aradia, um, told me you used to do this a lot.”

“Yeah, I definitely did.” He lowered his laptop screen, a ghost of a frown on his lips. “Not as much anymore. I guess I just grew out of it or something? Though tonight is evidence to the fucking contrary.” He let out a short laugh. “I don’t know, my anger flares kind of went away around the time you arrived.”

“Huh.” Dave could feel his face warming up again as he remembered Aradia’s theory on why Karkat had changed. Coupled with the question he was about to ask, he felt flustered as hell. “Did… did you mean that stuff you said about me being a decent person?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “No, Dave, I actually think you’re a total piece of shit. _Yes_ , I meant it. You’re a good guy and a good friend and you actually seem to care about me, so…” Karkat trailed off, a hint of red tinging his cheeks. “Which I’ve told you before, but it seems I need to hammer this into you constantly for you to get it.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess. I’m like that one fucking nail holding up your shelf that somehow keeps getting fucking loose so you gotta pull out the hammer every other week to keep me in place. But you can’t just replace that nail, because that would mean running to the hardware store and finding the right size and that is just too much work. Besides, that nail is a family heirloom. It gave your great-grandfather tetanus a hundred years ago when he was building the Titanic or some shit, and it got passed down to you to put in this cheap-ass shelf. Turns out that missing nail is the _real_ reason the Titanic sank. It’s all great-granddaddy Vantas’ fault.” Dave shifted his weight to his other foot, feeling weird just standing there, hovering halfway between his and Karkat’s bed. “What I’m trying to say is that I think you’re cool, too.”

“It didn’t fucking sound like it, but I’ll take your word for it.” Karkat glanced at his laptop screen, then back at Dave’s awkward stance. “Do you… want to watch a movie with me?”

“Oh.” Dave smiled. “It’s a weekend, so yeah. I’m so down for that.” He took a few steps closer, gesturing at the bed. “Do I-”

“Yeah, let me resituate.” Karkat put a pillow against the wall, then sat up with his back against it, his feet dangling off the side of the bed. Dave sat next to him, leaving a few inches between them. “We’re gonna watch a romcom, though, so you’re not allowed to fucking make fun of it.”

A smirk grew on Dave’s face. “Karkat, you know I wouldn’t _dream_ of ridiculing your taste in movies.”

“Shut up, asshole. We’re watching _Crazy Stupid Love_.” Karkat pulled up the movie on some bootlegging site. Dave buckled in for some low-quality, 240p crap.

“Holy shit, is that the dude who plays Michael Scott?”

“Yes, and his name is Steve Carrell, dumbass.”

“Hell, yeah, this better be hilarious.”

“See, I knew this movie would have something for both of us. Carrell gives you something to focus on, while I’ll be staring at Ryan Gosling the whole time he’s on screen.”

Dave snorted nervously. “Imagine being into _guys._ Could not be me.”

Karkat elbowed him lightly in response. “Fuck off, you can’t be too straight to admit he’s not fucking eye candy.”

“I mean, sure, he’s hot, but he doesn’t compare to Emma Stone.”

“Strider, you’re embarrassing yourself. Only bisexuals are allowed to compare the attractiveness of Gosling and Stone, and last time I checked you were straighter than a ruler.”

“Wow, way to have a progressive outlook, Karkat. What happened to not having to be gay to comment on a guy’s attractiveness?” Dave pointedly ignored the voice in his head yelling at him to re-evaluate his sexuality and realize just how attractive he found Gosling.

“I changed my mind. You don’t get an opinion on this.”

“Wow, this is discrimination. I can’t believe our society is still struggling with this in the 21st Century. Truly astounding.”

“Okay, you can fuck right off. Also, shut up, you’re gonna miss the beginning.”

They spent the rest of the night watching movies, Dave poking fun at some parts, Karkat pausing to explain subtext at others. Karkat eventually laid his head against Dave’s shoulder, quietly asking, “Is this okay?”

Dave had jumped slightly, but didn’t move away. “Yeah. It’s cool.”

They stayed like that for another hour, before Karkat fell asleep, his head still resting on Dave. Dave chuckled at Karkat’s admittedly loud snores, pausing the movie and moving the laptop off the bed. Not wanting to disturb Karkat, he pulled the covers over both of them, then took off his shades and gently tilted his own head to rest on Karkat’s. His dark, tangled mass of hair was surprisingly soft, and Dave reached up with one hand to run his fingers through it, the little curls getting caught in his uneven nails.

Everything about this- sitting next to Karkat, gradually letting sleep overtake him- felt nice, like coming home after a long time away- not that Dave really had any reference for that. A warm fondness fluttered in Dave’s chest, filling his chest, silencing the denial-heavy protests that usually filled his brain whenever he thought too much about Karkat. Feeling nothing but content, Dave drifted off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma be honest i did not plan for this chapter to be angsty it was gonna be light and fun but then my writing brain went "but what if we didn't"  
> so uh yeah sorry for that im apparently incapable of writing fluff  
> thanks for reading!! drop a comment and stay safe!


	13. Don't Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave finally gets his own bed.

Karkat woke up slowly, his neck aching from the position he had passed out in. He rubbed his eyes with one hand, trying to remember how he’d fallen asleep- him and Dave had been in the middle of 13 Going on 30, and he’d…

Oh. Fuck.

He’d fallen asleep on Dave.

Nearly frozen in mortification, he turned his head up and took in the fact that, sometime in the night, they had shifted so that Dave was practically laying on his back and Karkat had his head on the blonde’s chest. One of Dave’s hands was buried in Karkat’s hair, and his stupid sunglasses were nowhere to be seen. Karkat took in Dave’s unshielded face, the long lashes he’d only ever gotten vague, miniscule glimpses at, the paler skin around his eyes, left untanned from years behind shades, a faint white scar under his right eye. It was unfair how attractive he looked, especially without the shades taking up half of his face, and Karkat knew his cheeks were turning red. As carefully as he could, he tried to extricate himself from Dave’s loose hold on him, but of course, Karkat being Karkat, he ended up pushing a little too hard on Dave’s arm in his effort to get up.

Dave stirred, his eyes scrunching up even further. One of his hands reached out, patting the bed around his head. “Shades,” he mumbled, still sounding half-asleep, covering his closed eyes with his other hand. “Where… the fuck… are my shades?”

“Oh.” Karkat shot up, searching the floor near his bed for Dave’s shades- they had somehow ended up halfway under the bed. He handed them to Dave, who slipped them on before sitting up, stretching his lanky limbs out.

“So…” Dave started, suppressing a yawn. “I guess we both... fell asleep.”

“Um… Yeah.” Karkat stared down at his feet, biting his lip.

“And we somehow ended up… cuddling?” Dave was refusing to look at Karkat, hoping the blush blooming on his face was undetectable in the early-morning light filtering in through their window.

“Yes, that’s definitely something we seemed to be doing.”

“But that’s fine, right? That’s just normal friend shit, falling asleep watching a movie together. Bros can… platonically cuddle.”

“Um…” Karkat picked at one of his nails. “Sure. Completely normal friend behavior.” He failed to mention that he’d never done anything like that with his other friends. Dave had never had an in-person friend, though, so as far as he knew, accidentally cuddling with your bro could be a common occurrence in the real world.

Except it hadn’t really been an accident- if Dave had really wanted to, he could’ve extricated himself from the situation before falling asleep. His Adam’s apple bobbed visibly as he swallowed. “Cool. Great.”

“It…” Karkat was practically chewing his lower lip into nonexistence at this point. His cheeks were a flaming red. “It was nice.”

“Oh.” Dave blinked. “Um-”

“Fuck, I made you uncomfortable, didn’t I?” Karkat’s eyes were wide in mortification, looking at anything but Dave. “Just forget I said that.”

Dave put his hands out placatingly. “No, no, it’s chill. I’m not uncomfortable. I mean, I’m _kinda_ uncomfortable, but it has less to do with you and more to do with me not being exactly experienced in physical intimacy.” As well as the pulsing affection running through his veins that Dave was finding harder to ignore. He couldn’t mention that part without completely freaking out, though. “I, um, also thought it was… nice.”

“Oh. Great.” Karkat’s terrified look morphed into a trepidatious smile. “Maybe we could do it again? Have a movie night, I mean. I get it if you don’t want to cuddle.” He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, why he thought it was a good idea to say any of this.

“Sure, we can totally do that. Movie night… and cuddling.” Dave didn’t quite smile back, though one corner of his mouth did hitch up a millimeter.

A sudden knocking came from their door, startling them from their conversation. “You boys better get your asses up and say goodbye to me before I leave!” came Vriska’s voice, practically yelling from the other side. They then heard the telltale sound of her boots on the stairs, the clunk of a suitcase bouncing against each step.

“I guess we should go down, then,” Dave said, shrugging his shoulders as if to dismiss the last five minutes. He was _not_ ready to dwell on everything that was said.

“Yeah. Get rid of Serket’s annoying ass once and for all.” Karkat grinned, but it wasn’t completely genuine- as much as Vriska did annoy him, that just came with the territory of being an older sister, and he was still sad to see her leave.

They headed downstairs, still in their clothes from last night, and joined the rest of the family, who were busy hugging Vriska one by one. Terezi had just gone up, and she held onto Vriska for a little too long, burying her head into her best friend’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry, Scourge Sister,” Vriska said, in an uncharacteristically soft tone, patting Terezi’s back. “I’m not dying or anything. I'll be back.”

“I’m still gonna miss you,” Terezi whined back, pulling away from the hug to frown up at Vriska. “It’s not fair you have to leave now.”

“Girl, you _know_ I’m choosing to leave. I wanna live on my own, stop mooching off of Kanaya and the state.”

“Oh, please,” Karkat butted in, rolling his eyes. “Don’t act like you won’t be gladly receiving wads of cash from Kanaya every month.”

Vriska rolled her good eye with twice the intensity, as if to make up for the one concealed by an eyepatch. “I’m still covering most of my living expenses. When you move out, you’re gonna _wish_ you're as independent as I am.”

“Whatever. See ya, loser.” Karkat waved sarcastically with one hand, making as if to turn away, but Vriska grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. He didn’t put up as much of a struggle as usual, though. “Fuuuuck you,” he yelled, though it came out muffled since his face was forcibly pressed into Vriska’s shoulder.

“I'll miss you too, douchebag,” Vriska said cheerily, before releasing Karkat. He took a dramatically deep breath in before staggering away. Vriska then crooked a finger at Dave. “Davey! Come give your sister a hug goodbye.”

His lips pressed into a flat line, Dave inched closer to Vriska, then gave her a mechanically stiff hug. He wasn’t super close with her, but he had enjoyed every strangely off-putting encounter they had. She squeezed back harder than necessary, popping a joint in Dave’s back. “Bye, Vriska.”

“Bye, Dave.” She pushed him away, scanning the crowd. “Alright, that’s all the siblings. Maryam, you gonna hug me now or what?” She raised a sharp eyebrow at Kanaya.

“Alright, I suppose I’ll let you out of my clutches,” Kanaya joked, bringing Vriska into a final hug. “I'm so proud of you, Vriska. Go do amazing things.”

Vriska snorted as Kanaya released the hug. “Sure, we’ll see how many ‘amazing’ things I do in community college.” She grabbed her suitcase, heading towards the door. “Bye, everyone, see you at the next holiday, probably!” With a last small wave, she was gone, slamming the door a little too hard behind her.

“Well, the Vriska chapter of our lives is over!” Karkat said, a grin on his face. “Good riddance.”

Kanaya’s mouth creased into a disapproving frown. “Karkat, could you try thinking before you speak?”

Karkat crossed his arms, though his cheeks turned a light pink from embarrassment. “I _was_ thinking. About how annoying Vriska is.”

The disapproving stare did not let up in the slightest. “Well, since she's moved out, why don’t you help Dave move his new bed to your room?”

Though it sounded like a question, Karkat knew damn well this was a command. “Fine. Let’s go, Dave.” Feeling properly chastised, he immediately marched back up the stairs, Dave following after giving an apologetic look to the family.

“Dude, you really gotta chill it on the douchey remarks sometimes,” Dave said to Karkat as they entered their room. “Like, I know I ramble and end up saying some pretty dumb shit, but you should have enough self-awareness to read the room.”

Karkat shrugged, kneeling down near Dave’s air mattress. “It doesn’t fucking matter. I mean everything I say, so don’t get bothered when I decide not to hold back.” He bundled up the blanket Dave had been using and tossed it into a corner of the room, followed by the pillow.

Dave sat next to Karkat and began letting out the air in the mattress. “That’s bullshit. I can count on both hands the amount of times I’ve witnessed you say something fucked up, then panic trying to take it back like it's a shitty blender your aunt got you for Christmas and you're trying to return it. I even have a distinct memory of you saying the exact words ‘I didn’t mean it.’”

“Listen.” Karkat flopped onto the mattress, helping to push the air out- or trying to, what with his meager body mass. “Unless it’s something super personal that crosses a line, which, despite your experience with me, isn’t an often occurrence, I don’t usually apologize for what I say. I thought you of all people understood that.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

Karkat was starting to feel like a traffic light today, flashing red every few minutes. “It just means that you’re used to the shit I say! For the most part you don’t give a fuck until I blunder into sensitive territory and have to stagger my way out of it. But I always acknowledge when I go too far, and I apologize. I’m not gonna apologize for some slightly mean, but ultimately benign comment.”

Dave rolled his eyes behind the shades, before joining Karkat in sitting on the mattress. “Dude, not everyone’s as totally chill as me. Some people are gonna take more offense to what you say than I do, so you gotta learn to watch it. Them’s just the facts.”

“Whatever, asshole. I’ve survived this long being an ornery fuck, I’m sure I’ll be fine.” They sat in stony silence as the air leaked out of the mattress with a high-pitched whine. They stayed quiet as Dave folded up the mattress- or, more accurately put, balled up the mattress- and stuffed it in the corner with the pillows and blankets. They even managed to continue the silent streak as they entered Terezi’s room, ignoring the ‘Keep Out’ sign, and stood staring at the twin bed formerly occupied by Vriska.

It was then Dave decided to speak. “So, should we get someone to help?”

Karkat scowled, stalking closer to the head of the bed. “We don’t need help, fuckass. We’re not _that_ weak. Get the other side, we can do this ourselves.”

“I’m more worried about trying to get it through the doorway.” Dave positioned himself in front of the footboard, squatting to grab the base of the bed. He remembered hearing somewhere that you’re supposed to lift with your knees, whatever the fuck that means.

“We’ll just tilt it. It’ll be fine. Lift on three.” Karkat grabbed his side of the bed, bracing himself to pull up. “Three, two, one, lift!”

Both boys strained to get the bed off the ground, lifting it a few inches. Years of swordfighting made it easier for Dave to keep his hold on the bed, but after a few seconds Karkat’s fingers were turning red, the wood cutting into his soft, uncalloused skin. Struggling, they slowly made their way to the door.

“Okay,” Karkat puffed, trying to adjust his grip. “Let’s turn it now.” They fumbled with the bed for about two seconds, trying to coordinate turning the bed, before Karkat yelped. “Fuck, put it down! Put it _down_!”

Dave lowered the legs to the ground as quickly as possible, the bed quietly thunking on the hardwood. “Are you okay?” he asked, vaulting over the footboard onto the bed, scooting closer to Karkat.

“I’m… fine. I got a splinter. I didn’t want to drop the fucking bed.” Karkat extended his index finger, showing Dave the small sliver of wood stuck in the lower joint.

Dave tried and failed to stifle a laugh. “Oh my god, dude, I’m sorry, but that’s tiny as fuck. You yelled like you got ran over by a car or something.”

“Shut the fuck up, dipshit. It hurts like hell. Have _you_ ever gotten a splinter?”

“Yes, I have, and believe me, they are not that bad.” Dave offered Karkat a hand. “Lemme help you pull it out.”

Karkat pulled his finger away. “No, I can do it myself.”

“Bitch, you don’t have any nails from how much you bite them. Let me help.”

“Ughhhhh.” Karkat sighed, before tentatively placing his hand in Dave’s. A spark passed between them, sending shivers down Dave's spine, but he shrugged them away, focusing on the task at hand.

After half a minute of Dave gently prodding and maneuvering the skin around the splinter, eliciting a few swears from Karkat, he managed to pinch the small piece of wood and pull it out. Watching Dave hover over his finger, his head tilted down, Karkat could almost see past the shades. He turned away, face warming up. “Need a bandaid?” Dave asked, flicking the splinter into a corner of the room. Hopefully Terezi wouldn’t accidentally find it or anything. Fuck, he was suddenly regretting not throwing it away into a trashcan like a responsible human.

“No, it’s not bleeding.” Karkat repositioned himself behind the bed. “Let’s hurry this up, I got shit to do.”

“What, like watch a shitty romcom for the fifteenth time?” Dave slipped back to his side of the bed.

“Shut up. There’s actually a new one that just dropped on Netflix, so it’ll be something new.”

“I don’t care. Pick up the bed. Without getting a splinter this time.”

They lifted the bed up once more, then, matching each other's movements better this time, they managed to squeeze it through the doorway, scraping the doorframe a little.

It was another beast entirely trying to turn it into the narrow hallway, and again to get it into their room, but they managed to do so without any more casualties, plopping the bed right where Dave’s mattress used to be, up against the wall opposite of Karkat’s bed. They then retrieved Dave's new mattress, placing it on the bed frame.

“Damn, we actually did it,” Dave said, laying down on his new bed, which was still lacking sheets. “Man, this is so much better than the air mattress.”

“Duh. Air mattresses suck.” Karkat was already settled on his bed, laptop out as usual. It was a familiar, almost welcoming sight for Dave at this point.

“I should’ve just been commandeering your bed this whole time, relegating you to the air mattress.”

“You know damn well I wouldn’t have let you kick me out of my own bed!”

“Then I guess I would’ve just slept on top of you.”

Dave immediately regretted saying it, like he does with most of the words he can’t stop his mouth from spitting out, and they both blush at the insinuation, recalling last night. “Um, well…” Karkat started, his eyes darting around the room. “I would’ve… fucking thrown you off.”

“Yeah, sure.” Dave stared up at the ceiling, hating himself for saying such stupid shit.

“Whatever, you have a bed now, you’re not gonna have to ‘commandeer’ mine.”

“You better count yourself lucky for that, because otherwise you’d be sleeping on the floor tonight.”

Before Karkat could respond, a light rapping came from the door, the second time today someone had interrupted their squabbling. “Can I come in?” Kanaya’s melodious voice drifted through the wood.

“Yeah,” Dave replied, sitting up. Kanaya walked in, a neatly folded pile of sheets nestled in her arms.

“I brought you new sheets, Dave. You can keep using your old blanket and pillow.”

“Thanks, Maryam.” Dave took the sheets from her, dropping them on his mattress. He could make his bed later- with help from Karkat, since he really had no fucking clue how to do it.

Kanaya went to grab the discarded air mattress. “Can I talk to you outside for a second?” she asked Dave, her voice quiet.

Dave’s eyebrows scrunched together, trying to figure out what she might want to tell him. “Uh, sure.” He followed her out of the room and further down the hallway.

“I just wanted to remind you that your brother’s trial is next week.”

Dave felt the blood drain from his body, his face going deathly pale. He wrapped his arms around himself, looking down. “I… I know.”

“Do you feel adequately prepared?” Kanaya’s eyes were pools of concern, compassion.

“Yeah.” Dave shrugged, his shoulders barely lifting. “I mean, not that it matters, the trial’s gonna happen whether I’m ready or not.”

“We could always schedule more appointments with the lawyer if you want additional help.”

“It’s fine.” He ignored his jittering nerves, the thrum of his heart in his ears. “I can handle it.”

Kanaya gave him a sad smile, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Alright, Dave. You shouldn’t worry too much about it. The professionals will handle the case.”

“Yeah.” He pressed his hands harder into his body, hiding how badly they were shaking. “Can I go back to my room now?”

Her lips pursed slightly, Kanaya nodded. “Go ahead.”

Dave practically rushed to his room, trying not to slam the door once he was inside. Karkat looked up quizzically at his trembling roommate. “You okay?”

Dave let out a wobbly breath, crossing the room to his bed. “I’m fine. It’s just that my brother’s trial is next week.”

“Oh.” Karkat tapped his fingers on his keyboard lightly, staring at Dave in contemplation. “Are you nervous?”

Dave sat heavily on his unmade bed, the anxiety and paranoia in his chest weighing him down. “I don’t wanna talk about it. I don’t want to even think about it.”

Karkat sighed, frowning a little bit. He knew this was a big thing for Dave, so he wasn’t gonna push it if he really didn’t want to talk. “Okay.”

Dave decided a topic change was in order. “Can you help me make my bed? I’ve never done it before.”

“Sure.” He would have to tread lightly around Dave the next few days, which included declining to tease him for not knowing how to make a bed.

Dave tried not to worry about the trial, but it occupied his thoughts the entire time he and Karkat were putting the sheets on his bed. It plagued him as he tried to work on homework. It lurked in the back of his head during dinner. It kept him awake well past midnight as he laid in bed.

He wasn’t ready to face Bro again, but he had no other choice. He would just have to be as prepared as possible.

The trial was coming, and there was nothing he could do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh? did all of dave and karkat's pussyfooting make y'all forget about the trial? because that's definitely still happening.  
> thanks for reading! drop a comment if you so desire.


	14. Numb to the Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave learns to be vulnerable.

The week leading up to the trial passed much quicker than Dave wanted, the days flying in a blur. He focused all of his attention on his homework, afraid to dwell too long on having to see Bro on Saturday. The only other distraction he had was Karkat, who was well aware of Dave’s duress and came up with meaningless conversations to keep his mind off of the trial. Dave could tell what Karkat was doing, and was more than grateful for his roommate’s help, but never vocalized his thanks. He just hoped his gratitude was apparent enough.

Friday night found Dave without any homework, so he and Karkat opted to watch Youtube on Karkat’s laptop. They had just finished watching Buzzfeed Unsolved’s episodes on Tupac and Biggie.

“I’m telling you, dude, it was all faked. Tupac is alive and well, laying low in the Bahamas or something, just straight chillin like a lizard on a rock.” Dave liked to talk with his hands, making wild gestures throughout his sentences. "Soaking up all those Caribbean sunbeams for his little cold-blooded limbs."

Karkat crossed his arms. “Dave, as much as I know you want to believe that, it just can’t be true. You’re gonna have to accept that he was killed by the mob or some shit.”

“No mobster could kill a legend like Tupac Shakur. Dude was untouchable, like a hot stove that your mom forgot to turn off after making dinner, but you don’t realize so you go to touch it but you can’t cause you nearly fry your fingerprints off. The only upside is that you can get away with crimes now, and you become the world’s greatest diamond thief-”

“Dave, you’re rambling again. Also, you really gotta calm down with the gesticulation, you almost took my eye out. Twice.”

Dave shrugged. “Sorry, man, you’re just gonna have to live with the fact that your roomie is a dangerously talkative gesticulator. It was your decision to sit in the blast zone, so you shoulda known there would be casualties, e.g. your eyes and general face area. We’re just gonna have to chalk those up to shrapnel-”

“ _Dave._ ”

“Okay, I’ll stop. Damn. Conversation police over here, regulating my rambles.”

“Anyway, it’s getting late. We should call it a night.”

Dave sighed, watching Karkat close his laptop. “Yeah. I do have to get up early. For, uh… you know.”

Karkat looked up at Dave, frowning. “I know you’ve been avoiding this all week, so I gotta ask now. Do you… want to talk about it?”

Dave laughed, short and sharp. “Why would I need to? It’s no problem. I just gotta go in there, give my statement, and bam, the dude goes to jail and I never have to see him again. Simple, really. I have nothing to worry about!” Dave’s smile was brittle, a second away from shattering.

“Dave, it’s okay if you’re worried. You can talk to me.”

The smile cracked, and Dave slumped back against the wall. “Okay, fine, I’m worried. Of fucking course I am. I’ve been worried all fucking week. Because what if I see him and I break? What if I can’t say anything up there, with him staring at me, taunting me to convict him? What if he goes free because _I failed_?” Dave started hyperventilating, his hands cradling his head. “Jesus, I’m not fucking ready, I’m falling apart _thinking_ about him. I can’t do this.”

Karkat grabbed each of Dave’s arms, straddling his waist. “Dave, look at me. Breathe, Dave. In and out, with me.” Dave slowly raised his head, lowering his hands, staring through his shades at his roommate. “In for four, out for four.” Karkat guided him through breathing exercises, until Dave’s stuttering breaths had evened out, his trembling body stilling. “Listen, you’re gonna be okay. You’ve talked to a lawyer, they’ve prepared you to talk on the stand. You don’t even have to look at your asshole brother. Kanaya will be in the audience, and, if they let us in, me and Terezi and Gamz will be there too. You can look at us whenever you’re feeling panicked, take a deep breath, and tell that jury exactly what they need to hear to make the right decision. It’s gonna work out fine.”

Dave stared at Karkat for a long moment, before pulling him into a tight, desperate hug, burying his head in Karkat’s shoulder. “Th-thanks, Karkat.” He sniffled, trying to keep his watering eyes from overflowing.

As much as Karkat wanted to mess with Dave for possibly crying, he knew how bad an idea it was. Maybe after tomorrow was over, he could bring it up. “Yeah, I’ve had panic attacks like that before. You just gotta breathe through it.” He pulled away and smiled at Dave. “You’re strong, Strider. You’re gonna get through this.”

Dave attempted to smile back, one corner of his mouth lifting. “I dunno where I’d be without you, Karkat. You’re seriously the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” A light blush colored Dave’s freckled cheeks.

A pang ripped through Karkat’s chest, conflicting emotions flashing through him- desire, shame, self-loathing, resignation. “I know,” he said quietly, removing himself from Dave’s lap. “Let’s get changed into our PJ’s and go to bed already.”

“Fine,” Dave sighed, before pushing himself off the bed, Karkat following. As they pulled their pajamas from their respective drawers, Dave watched Karkat, biting his lip. “Hey, Karkat?”

Karkat shut his drawer, distractedly glancing at Dave. “Yeah?”

He would just have to come out and say it. “I think I’m… comfortable enough to change in front of you.”

Karkat froze, his fingers clutching his change of clothes. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah, man. I trust you.” Dave dropped his pajamas on top of the dresser, before grabbing the hem of his shirt. “Just… don’t ask any questions. I’ll have enough to answer tomorrow.”

“Uh, okay.” Karkat stared at Dave a little too hard, curious from having waited a month for this.

In one swift motion, Dave pulled his shirt over his head, letting it dangle from his fingers as he dropped his arms, fighting the urge to cross his arms over his bare chest to hide as much as possible. Karkat sucked in a breath, his eyes wide. The first thing he noticed was the muscles- with all the long-sleeved sweatshirts, Karkat had thought Dave would be a lanky, thin stick, but there were well-defined, toned muscles standing out on his biceps, his shoulders, his chest. The second thing he noticed was the scars. Long, raised ones criss-crossed his arms and torso, sliced with surgical precision. A few on his chest were puckered, jagged, clearly more violent. Some of the larger ones seemed to be sewn up, the stitchwork clumsy. Karkat knew that if Dave turned around, there would be more scars peppering his back.

“Shit,” Karkat managed to say, his eyes still roaming over Dave. “Did _he_ -”

“I told you, no questions.” Dave’s voice was soft, vulnerable. He was broken, but to Karkat, he was beautiful. “It’s a lot to process, I know.”

“Dave, it’s _awful_.” He wanted to find Dave’s brother and rip his head off, but since that wasn’t an option, he just clenched his fingers into his shirt’s fabric. “I’m so sorry.”

Dave shrugged, now letting himself cross his arms, providing a barrier between him and Karkat’s searching eyes. “Can I finish getting changed now?”

“Yeah, of course.” Karkat looked away, releasing his death grip on his clothes. “I’ll, uh, get changed, too.” It wasn’t the first time Dave had seen Karkat change, though it was definitely the first time Karkat would be actively thinking about his own body. He wasn’t particularly chubby, but when compared to Dave’s lean build, he definitely felt a lot more self-conscious.

 _What the fuck?_ Karkat thought. _Don’t be such a selfish asshole. Dave clearly struggled showing you his body. You’re being a dickhead by comparing yourself to him._ He changed, quickly, trying not to glance too much as Dave swapped his jeans for sweatpants.

When they were both in pajamas, they finally met each other’s gazes. “So…” Dave started, rubbing his arms awkwardly.

“Thanks for showing me, Dave,” Karkat blurted out, biting his lip. “I know it was a big deal for you, so it means a lot to me.”

Dave nodded, glancing away. “Yeah, well, thanks for being a good friend.”

“Of course.” Karkat gave him as much of a smile as he could muster. “Should we go to bed now?”

“I guess.” They each went to their respective beds, not looking at each other as they climbed in.

After a few minutes of dense, cloying silence, Dave spoke, sitting up. “Karkat?”

“Yeah, Dave?” Karkat turned his head to peer at Dave in the dark.

“Can you come over here?” His voice sounded small.

“Sure.” With a groan, Karkat got up, padding over to sit next to Dave. “What’s up?”

“I… I wanted to tell you something. About my brother.” Dave rubbed his arms, pulling his blanket up around himself.

“Oh.” Karkat shifted closer, staring at Dave. “You sure?”

Dave nodded, afraid his voice would wobble and betray his uncertainty. “I’m gonna tell you about the last time I saw Bro. So, uh, buckle up, cause it’s a bumpy fucking ride.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok yes this chapter is relatively short but the next one will make up for it i promise  
> thanks for reading! i hope y'all are holding up well!
> 
> on an unrelated note i started rereading homestuck with my friend who's never read it before and i gave terezi a brooklyn/bronx accent for some reason??? i can't even really do the accent well idk wtf im doing


	15. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave tells Karkat a story.  
> (to clear up any confusion this starts as a flashback)
> 
> tw- child abuse

Bro had left a note, as usual, demanding Dave come to the roof, but this time he had added 'We need to talk' to his demand for a strife session. Dave ascended the stairs to the roof, clenching his jaw, a sword dangling from his hand. He arrived to see Bro standing on the edge of the roof, his shitty anime sword in one hand, a smuppet in the other. It threw him off that Bro wasn't hiding, flitting around like some teleporting ninja. Clearly, he meant business. He turned when he heard Dave's footsteps, the points of his triangular shades glinting like daggers in the mid-afternoon Texas sun. Although his face was as stoically composed as usual, Dave could see the tension in his shoulders.

"You actually came for once," Bro said, dropping the smuppet. "Color me fucking surprised."

"You said you wanted to talk?" Dave asked, his voice even. He wouldn't blow up- not yet.

"Yeah, little man."

"I'm not little anymore."

"No." Bro looked Dave up and down, his stoicism crumbling as the corners of his mouth tightened in what Dave could only assume was disappointment. "You're not."

"So, what do you want?" Dave could feel himself mirroring Bro's sour look.

"We need to talk about how you've been acting recently."

"Oh, do we?" Dave shot back, turning on the sarcasm. "Did I do something wrong?"

Bro's expression somehow got darker. "You have been acting unlike yourself, and you’ve been disobeying me. You haven't updated your comics in over a month, haven't touched your turntables, and haven't accepted a single one of my invitations to spar." Bro took a few steps towards Dave.

"Invitation? More like a fucking demand. Every time I don't show up, you beat my ass."

"Like I said. You've been disobeying me. And I will no longer tolerate that." Bro sighed, adjusting his hat. Dave searched for any sign of his brother cracking. "On top of missing training sessions, you've been abandoning your ironic projects. Are they no longer important to you?"

"To be completely, unironically honest with you, because I know how much you love sincerity, I don't think I really give a fuck about irony. Or any of the stupid shit I only ever did to try to impress you."

Bro took a deep breath. "So it's finally come to this. I didn’t think you had the balls to admit how shitty you are at irony." He lowered into a fighting stance, motioning for his younger brother to do the same. "Guess you need to be taught another lesson.”

Seeing Bro so ready to kick his ass again, Dave finally snapped. "I'm so done with this shit!" He took his shitty anime sword in both hands and snapped it in half over his knee, throwing the pieces onto the concrete at his feet. Bro straightened up in surprise. "I'm done with putting up with your emotionally distant, physically abusive bullshit! With the whole 'cool ironic Bro' schtick! There wasn't a single time in my entire life when you dropped the ironic act, not a single time you decided to just fucking take care of me. It never happened. Do you even know how to raise a kid?"

Bro blinked, though Dave couldn't see this through the shades. "I raised you the way I deemed best. I was preparing you."

"Preparing me for what? For being a douche like you? All the 'training' you made me go through was just abuse. It was vicious shit and it sucked and I hated it. I'm 15 and I've broken more bones than I can count, coupled with scars that'll never fully heal, all courtesy of my dear brother." He took another step towards Bro, who stood stunned at the edge of the roof. "Or did you want to prepare me for the ‘dangers’ of the world? Because, guess what, you failed there, too. All this shit did is make me never want to fight again. I don't want to ever see blood, or be near danger or even hear metal sounds. I don't want to be a hero if it means being anything like you."

Bro lowered the tip of his katana towards the ground, a hint of anger crossing his features. "You don't understand, little man."

"Yeah, you're right. I don't understand any of your fucked up logic at all. Did you ever even care about me?" Dave paused, watching Bro's mouth twist as he tried to find something to say. "No, I don't want to hear your bullshit excuses. It's not like you'll ever drop your aggressive cooldude facade. You can't be honest for a second, not even when we're talking about something that actually fucking matters." He stuffs his hands in his jean pockets to keep them from shaking. "Was raising me just some totally fucked up game for you? Like parenthood was one of the highest tiers of irony you could achieve? Well, congratulations, cause you sure did a fucking fantastic job of making a joke of a person."

Bro stood silently, watching Dave with contempt. "Anything else you'd like to accuse me of?"

"Jesus. You can't even pretend to care about me. Let me think if there's anything else... oh wait, I have a whole lifetime's worth of abuse to talk about." Dave took a step towards Bro, feeling himself crumbling as he continued to shout at his failed guardian. "I used to idolize you. I used to excuse your abusive behavior because you were some mysterious, aloof guy. But I was wrong. You're just a douchebag who likes to beat me up and call it training, who never offers any emotional support because that would break your solemn bullshit bro-ninja code. The universe sure gave me a raw fucking cut of the asshole deck for a surrogate parent." Dave could feel his fingers trying to dig into his palms. He looked away from his Bro, who quietly took everything thrown at him. "It took me so long to even understand how screwed over my life has been because of you. I wish I'd had friends outside of my computer, cause then maybe I would've realized sooner what it actually feels like when someone cares about you. Hell, it’s not even that you don’t care. I'm pretty sure you fucking hate me, don't you? I can't imagine you feel any emotion for me that isn't some form of loathing. Your stone-cold heart is only capable of caring about irony and those fucking puppets."

Bro glanced back at the roof's edge, where the lone smuppet had fallen to its side, its long foam nose pointing almost accusatorially at Bro. "The puppets at least don't talk back to me, and they sure as hell don't question my parenting techniques."

"Well, maybe someone should be questioning them, because it's fucking abusive as hell!" Dave stares at the smuppet, trying to hold back a snort at the ridiculousness of it all. "You love those puppets more than you love me. You know, it really makes a person feel less human when they're dangled around like a marionette by their only parental figure. Though, I'm sure for you I was just some sort of runty afterthought to a household cabal of smutty puppets. Lord, what the fuck were you thinking, trying to raise a kid? I would've been so much better with literally any other dumbass adult, but no, I just had to get stuck with the totally sociopathic guy. You're so fucking insane, trying to be some funny, badass guardian when really all you're doing is failing to provide for my most basic needs."

Bro raised his eyebrows at Dave. "You should be fucking grateful I decided to take care of you after our parents died. Who pays the rent here? Who pays the bills?"

Dave scoffed. "Only because I'm legally not old enough to have a job. I’m pretty sure if I was, you’d start charging me to live here. But that's not what I was talking about. What about chores? What about laundry and the dishes and actually cleaning this goddamn pigsty? I had to figure out how to do all of it by myself, because you sure as hell never did anything. You didn’t even explain how to do anything. I wouldn't have even known cleaning was a thing that was supposed to happen if I hadn’t seen commercials advertising it. That's how little our corner of the world resembles reality." Dave paused, running a hand through his hair. "Here's another fun fact- I didn't know what the real purpose of a refrigerator was until after watching a movie. Did you know you're supposed to put food in them, not swords and bombs and puppets and fireworks? You almost never even provided me with food. I’ve had to scavenge your takeout scraps from the trash since I was three. No wonder I'm so fucking malnourished, I don't know how I fucking survived past childhood." Dave took a deep breath, a hand leaving his pocket to pinch his nose and alleviate his growing headache. He gestured at the remains of his katana. "And who the fuck lets a little kid be anywhere near this shit? Did you ever think it might be dangerous for a toddler to be learning how to swing a sword, or to be in an actual fucking sword fight? Do you know how nerve wracking it was for me, being afraid that at any second you would pop out of the shadows wielding that fucking katana, ready to slice more permanent cuts into me? Not to mention being 'monitored' by your cameras and violent robots. I've been afraid of you and this apartment for my entire life."

Bro swung his sword lazily, affecting indifference, but his grip on the handle was tight. "That was my intent. To make you aware."

"You say that as if that makes it any better. As if any good parent would try to make their kid afraid that they were going to be killed in their own home. You never doubted yourself, did you? You still don't, even with all this evidence of my mistreatment staring you in the face. You never once reconsidered how you were trying to raise me. It would be easier to forgive you if you'd shown any crack, any remorse at all for the shit you put me through. Maybe I'd see some fucking humanity in you for once. But no, you're too stubborn and inhuman to admit you were wrong. Too 'cool' to give a shit. Well, fuck being too cool. And fuck you, for being such an awful, sadistic piece of shit."

The brothers stood staring at each other, their silent standoff making the air almost hum with negative energy. Bro looked Dave up and down once again, sizing him up. Dave's breathing was ragged, and he looked like he was about to either kill Bro, or break down crying- or both. Finally, Bro broke the silence.

"Maybe I did a better job than I thought."

Dave began laughing, shaking his head in disbelief. "Oh, fuck you." He took a step back, towards the stairs. "Fuck you. I'm so fucking done with you and your shit." Dave almost tripped on himself as he turned and ran towards the stairs, only to be confronted with his brother, who'd materialized in front of the only escape route.

"We're not done here, little man." Though Dave was now taller than his brother, he was still intimidated by Bro to no end.

"Well, I am done, so get out of my fucking way." Dave made as if to push his brother, but Bro flash-stepped out of the way, sweeping Dave's feet out from under him. Dave hit the concrete floor of the roof hard, scraping up his hands trying to catch himself.

"If you're done talking, then it's time to fight," Bro said, standing over his brother. He pulled another sword out of god-knows-where and threw it on the ground next to Dave, who groaned as he pushed himself back onto his feet.

"I'm not fighting anymore," Dave said quietly, kicking the sword away. He tried to take a step towards the stairs again, but felt something hard and blunt jab into his side, felt something inside him crack. He fell again, trying to hold in a gasp of pain. It's not like it was the first time he'd broken a rib.

"You're still fucking pathetic, after all this time." Bro stared with no remorse at Dave. "You're not getting off this roof without a fight."

Dave's hand grasped onto the katana's grip, and with gritted teeth he managed to pull himself up to a standing position again. "Fuck you." His voice came out shaky and strained. Slowly, the resolve draining out of him, he raised the katana. "You want a fight, fine. You'll get a fucking fight."

After a few minutes of fierce, too-fast-to-follow strife, Dave was back on the ground again, this time with more than just his ribs broken, rips in his clothes where blood had started to soak through. Bro stood mostly unharmed, casually wiping his katana on his polo shirt, his brother's blood staining the white fabric.

“Huh. You got my hopes up, little man, but it turns out you’re still a pathetic disappointment.” With one last glance at the boy at his feet struggling to get back up, he slipped away, leaving Dave alone.

Dave methodically pulled himself up to a sitting position, breathing heavily, avoiding movements that might cause him more pain. There was definitely something broken in his left leg, so he half scooted, half crawled towards the stairs. He used the railing to pull himself up, leaning against the wall to keep his weight off his left side. He slowly took the stairs down one at a time, taking care to not tumble down them and hurt himself further. He squeezed his way through the hallway, almost tripping over the puppets littering the floor, and managed to squeeze past the Snoop Dogg bust blocking his door. He wasn't aware of the tears falling down his face as he grabbed his phone and began dialing the number he'd looked up a few days ago- the CPS.

~~~~~

When he finished his story, Dave fell silent, staring down at his mattress stonily. He had left out a lot of the details of his conversation with Bro, and toned down the goriness of the fight. Karkat’s hand was on Dave’s knee, his face a cross between worry and rage.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Dave. I can’t believe that fucking asshole put you through that.”

Dave shrugged, crumpling in on himself. He hadn’t realized how exhausting it would be to tell Karkat so much. “That’s just how he was. And it took me so long to realize it wasn’t normal. He was _so fucked up_.” Usually, he prided himself on not breaking down in front of other people, so it surprised him when he realized he was crying.

Karkat’s eyes went wide when he noticed. He had known how to help Dave through his panic attack, but he had absolutely no experience comforting others. All he knew is if he didn’t try now he’d never forgive himself. “Hey, no, it’s okay.” He reached out, wiping Dave’s cheek with a sweep of his thumb. Tentatively, he pulled him into a hug, rubbing circles into his back. Dave shuddered against him, trying to hold back a sob. “You’re okay.”

“Fuck,” Dave mumbled into Karkat’s shoulder, his voice thick. He was clutching at Karkat’s shirt with both hands. “Sorry, I don’t- fuck. I never cry. I don’t know why I’m-” He broke off in another subdued sob.

“It’s okay to cry, Dave. Let it out.” Dave suddenly felt so small in his arms, and a sudden, fierce urge to protect him washed over Karkat. “You’re safe now. He can’t fucking touch you. I won’t let him.”

“I’m so afraid, Karkat. I’m gonna fuck it up tomorrow.”

“No, you’re not. Just tell them what you’ve told me.”

“I’m gonna panic or break down. I can’t even talk to _you_ about it without becoming a pathetic mess. I guess he was right about me.”

“Fuck that!” Karkat pulled away, intensely staring at Dave. “ _He’s_ the one who’s pathetic, abusing his defenseless younger brother to make himself feel strong. _He’s_ the one who should be afraid. You’re strong, Dave, in all the ways that matter, not in the bullshit way your brother wanted you to be. You’re strong without putting other people down.”

Dave managed a small smile. “Thanks, Karkat.” He sniffed, wiping his tearstained face. “Fuck, I promise I’m not gonna make this a recurring thing.”

“I don’t care if you do. You can talk to me, you can break down in front of me, whatever. I’m here for you.”

“God, this is embarrassing. Don’t you dare tell Terezi about this.”

Karkat snorted. “As fun as blackmailing you with this would be, I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m not that much of an asshole.”

“Good.” Dave straightened up, sighing. “I really should go to sleep now. Big fucking day tomorrow.”

“Right.” Karkat stood up, smiling at Dave. “Try to get some actual rest.”

“Wait.” Dave’s fingers were tapping on his thigh, nervous and restless. “I know I’ve asked a lot of you tonight already, and I don’t wanna keep bothering you, but... I have a weird request.”

Karkat stared at him, scratching the back of his head. “Shoot.”

“Could you sleep with me tonight?” Dave’s words rushed out, nearly intelligible, his face burning bright red. At Karkat’s shocked expression, he panicked. “Shit, never mind, forget I said anything, it was stupid-”

“Stop.” Dave clammed up, waiting expectantly as Karkat tried to formulate a response. He chewed his lip, his cheeks dusted a light pink. “Why, exactly, do you want me to sleep with you?”

Dave gulped down his fear, wringing his hands. “It’s just… last week, when we fell asleep together watching that movie, I… it was really calming, for me, and I slept better than I have in a long time, and I think… I really need that now. I’m pretty sure my anxiety is gonna keep me up all night, so… I just thought… maybe you could help.” _I don’t want to be alone_ , he thought, but didn’t add. He was pretty sure he looked like a fucking tomato at this point.

“Oh.” Karkat sat back down on the bed, his brow furrowed.

“You don’t have to, it’s a stupid idea-”

“I swear to God, Dave, if you don’t shut up for once in your fucking life and let me think. It’s not a stupid idea.” Karkat wasn’t looking at him, instead burning a hole into the carpet. Finally, he shifted, staring at Dave- or, rather, his knee. “Okay. I’m okay with it, if it’ll help you.”

Dave’s miniscule grin reappeared. “Awesome.”

Karkat got up, grabbed his pillow, and walked back to Dave. “So how’re we doing this? Feet-to-head?”

“Ew, no, I don’t need your gross toes in my face.”

Karkat rolls his eyes, dropping his pillow next to Dave’s. “My toes are not ‘gross’, asshole. Also, I would have socks on, so you wouldn’t even see my toes.”

“That’s somehow even worse. I don’t need sock stink anywhere near my head.” Dave pulled open the blankets, laying down and patting the small space left for Karkat. “This seat’s reserved for you, Mr. Vantas, sir. I kept it nice and toasty like you requested.”

“You’re so fucking weird,” Karkat snorted, before clambering onto the bed, tentatively laying down. Both of them were on their backs, stiff from the sudden awkwardness, touching as little as possible, to the point where Karkat was half an inch from the edge. “Okay, I’m gonna fucking fall off the bed if we lay like this.”

“Well, what else are we gonna do?” Dave asked, turning his head to look at Karkat, suddenly aware of how close he was. If Karkat turned his head, there would only be a few inches between their lips.

_Why the fuck am I thinking about his lips?_

“I dunno, we could do what we did last time.” Karkat turned his head, and, just like Dave predicted, their mouths were a little too close for comfort. Dave went back to facing the ceiling.

“You mean… cuddle.” Dave subtly scooted as close to the wall as possible. “You’re fine with that?”

“Yeah, why not? At least then I wouldn’t be one wrong move away from tumbling to my untimely death. Besides, laying like this is super awkward, and I’m pretty sure it's not very ‘calming’ for you, which defeats the whole purpose of me being here in the first place. We’ve cuddled before, albeit accidentally, and we both fucking liked it, so I don’t see any reason to not do it again.”

“Fair enough. Uh… same position as last time?” Dave contemplated spooning for a second before realizing it required either his dick on Karkat’s ass or Karkat’s dick on his ass, and he didn’t exactly want to make this situation a million times worse.

“Sure.” Karkat lifted himself up partially, not looking at Dave as he resituated, curling into Dave’s side, his head on his chest. He could hear Dave’s pounding heartbeat, feel him tense up. “Guess I brought my pillow here for no reason.”

“Y-yeah,” Dave stuttered, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. He closed his eyes, trying to slow his racing heart, as he put his arm around Karkat. “This okay?”

Karkat pulled the blanket over them. “Yeah, this is nice.” A few seconds of silence passed, and Dave allowed himself to relax a little. After all, it did feel nice, with Karkat warmly pressing into him, his soft hair grazing Dave’s chin.

“I’m gonna take my shades off now, so don’t look.” Dave lightly dropped his shades on the floor, keeping his eyes shut the whole time, even though Karkat was turned away and the lighting in the room was dim. “Alright, I think that covers the bases. Let’s get some fucking sleep.”

Karkat laughed softly, the sound carrying in the quiet room. “Goodnight, Dave.”

“G’night, Karkat.”

For the first time that week, Dave’s thoughts weren’t consumed by Bro as he laid in bed, and, despite the horrorshow tomorrow would bring, he actually rested, Karkat’s heavy breathing lulling him into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 4/13 yall!!!!  
> fun fact the first thing i wrote for this fic was the bro/dave rooftop scene, but i thought it fit better as a reveal later on. i MIGHT have taken heavy inspiration from dave's convo with dirk about bro from hs proper (https://www.homestuck.com/story/7749) but i always wanted to see how he it would play out if he confronted his actual bro with it  
> anyway thanks for reading!!


	16. The Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of Dirk's trial has arrived.

Texas courthouses are a lot more intimidating than Dave expected. He should’ve known, given that supposedly everything’s bigger in Texas, but this was just egregiously large. Wearing, for the first time in his life, a button-up and a pair of slacks, he stood at the foot of a set of stairs leading to massive double doors. Kanaya was standing behind him, one hand on his shoulder, and Karkat, Terezi, and Gamzee were next to him, there to offer their moral support.

“Are you ready to go in?” Kanaya asked, her voice soft but grounding, bringing Dave to reality.

“Yeah.” He grit his teeth, staring up at the courthouse. It was only a building- nothing to be afraid of. He climbed the steps, his hands clenched into fists, and opened one of the imposing doors. Kanaya took the lead, walking with a self-assured, purposeful air through the long halls. They stopped in front of a room, a small placard reading ‘Courtroom 3’.

“This is it. We’ll go in once they finish up the trial before ours.” Kanaya gestured to a row of chairs outside the room, and they sat down, Dave flanked by Kanaya and Karkat.

“How’re you feeling?” Karkat asked, lowering his voice out of respect. He at least knew not to yell in a courthouse.

Dave shrugged, straightening the cuffs of his shirt, pulling them down further. He was already uncomfortable enough, and the sleeves only barely covered his scars. “Not gonna lie, I’m nervous as hell. But I think I’m ready.”

Terezi leaned past Karkat, grinning at Dave. “Don’t worry, Cool Kid, if the prosecution attorney doesn’t do a good job I’ll go up there and get your brother convicted.”

Kanaya tried to glare at her, but she couldn’t hide her smile. “Terezi, just because you want to be a lawyer doesn’t mean you know how to be one. The attorney assigned to this case has years of experience.”

“It’s the thought that counts,” Terezi said back, sticking out her tongue.

“Thanks, Terezi,” Dave said, a small smile on his face.

Apparently Gamzee felt left out, because his mass of hair popped up above Terezi’s head. A dark glint shone in his eye. “Yeah, and if he goes free, I’ll fucking kill that motherfucker.”

“Gamzee. We’ve talked about this.” Kanaya’s voice was ice cold, her glare intensified.

“Sorry, Maryam. You know I wouldn’t even hurt a little fly these days. Motherfuckin’ miracle of life right there.” He surreptitiously winked at Dave, loudly whispering, “But I can all up and make arrangements for my fucking bro.”

“ _Gamzee_.”

He chuckled, leaning back again. “Fine, I won’t kill Dave’s big bro.”

Dave was slightly terrified wondering what exactly Gamzee’s life was like before. “Thanks, I guess?”

This was his family now- a little dysfunctional, a little on the crazy side, but a lot more loving than his blood-related brother had ever been. It felt like, with their support, he would be able to do this.

The door to the courtroom opened, a small group of people walked out, and Kanaya stood up, waving her hand at the kids to do the same. With his heart in his throat, Dave followed Kanaya into the room. It was smaller than he’d imagined, and a lot less grand. There was the judge and witness stand on the far back wall, tables for the defense and prosecution, chairs for the jury, a low wall in the middle of the room, and a few rows of benches for the general public. There were a couple of people in the room, scattered among the benches. Kanaya led them to the first row, sitting directly behind the prosecutor’s table.

“You’ll stay with me until she calls you to the stand,” Kanaya said to Dave, more of a reminder than anything. They had gone over this a million times with him.

They remained quiet as more people filed in, taking seats in the jury or in the other rows. The district attorney walked in and set a briefcase on the table in front of Dave before turning to offer him a hand. “Good morning, Mr. Strider.”

Dave took her hand, awkwardly shaking it over the wall. “Hi, Ms. Harris.”

She extended her hand to Kanaya, who managed to shake it with much more grace. “Ready to win this thing?” she asked, sitting down and popping open the briefcase.

“Yeah, I guess.”

She jokingly narrowed her gaze at him- it was clear she was trying her best to be professional while also maintaining some lightheartedness to ease Dave’s nerves, but it came off as more awkward than anything. “I’m gonna need more conviction than that on the stand, Mr. Strider.”

He swallowed the nerves down, tried to put some conviction in his shaky voice. “Yes. I’m ready.”

“Good.” She turned her back on them to organize her papers, effectively cutting off the conversation.

Dave felt it when Bro entered the room. A chill ran down his spine, numbing his whole body, and slowly he turned around to look at him. He was almost unrecognizable, dressed nicely- a jacket and tie over his button-up- and without a trace of irony, his hair for once not gelled into spiky anime nonsense, but parted neatly. The most jarring change was the shades- a simple pair of non-reflective sunglasses had replaced the immovable triangles. Next to him was another suited man, presumably his lawyer, and trailing him were two officers, hovering close to make sure he didn’t make a run for it.

He glanced at Dave, and for a second a smirk flickered across his face, dark and sinister. Dave’s blood ran cold, but he held his composure, watching the whole way as Bro made his way to the defense’s table, sitting with his lawyer. He didn’t look at Dave again.

Karkat glared at Dave’s brother, his mouth curled into a snarl, before giving Dave a sympathetic look. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Dave nodded, his jaw clenched.

Karkat placed his hand on top of Dave’s, squeezing it gently. “You’ve got this, Dave. Remember you’re stronger than that fucker.”

Dave was actually finding that easier to believe. “Thanks, man.” He expected Karkat to pull his hand away, but he never did, instead tracing small circles with his thumb onto the back of Dave’s hand.

Finally, the doors to the courtroom were closed, and the judge appeared from a door in the back, making her way to the stand. The room fell silent as the proceedings began, the usual court jargon going over Dave’s head, a few words sticking out- child abuse, assault, neglect, felony. Opening statements were made by both sides, then the real show began.

“The prosecution may begin presenting its case,” the judge said, motioning to the district attorney.

She stood up, smoothing out her skirt. “The prosecution calls Dave Strider to the stand.”

A buzzing filled Dave’s ears, the whole world muted. A touch on his back, from Kanaya, and he stood, making his way through the small swinging door, past his brother, his footsteps echoing in his head as he took the few stairs up to the stand. He sat in the chair behind it, facing the half-full courtroom, the jury to his left, the DA standing directly in front of him, his family behind. Finally, he met Bro’s gaze. He was staring up at him, arms crossed over his chest, his feet firmly planted, and suddenly Dave was back on the roof, facing that same indomitable stance, that unchanging face. The panicked feelings rose up in him again, his stomach clenching, nausea burning in the back of his throat-

“Mr. Strider? Do you swear to speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

Dave closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and focused away from Bro, looking at the worry in Kanaya’s face, the buzzing anger in Karkat’s tensed shoulders, the rapt attention in Terezi’s leaned-forward posture, the quiet steadiness of Gamzee’s eyes on him. They were there for him, lending their silent support, and that would be enough for him. “I swear.”

“Great. Can you introduce yourself to the jury, please?”

“Yeah.” He turned to glance at the jury, giving them a terse wave. “I’m Dave Strider.”

“Can you identify this man for the record?” Harris gestures to Bro.

“That’s my brother, Dirk Strider.”

“Was Dirk your sole guardian?”

“Yeah, and my only relative, as far as I know.”

“How would you describe your relationship with your brother?”

Dave clenched his jaw, wondering if this was entirely necessary, but he knew courts had to make everything explicitly clear. “Abusive. I mean, that’s what we’re here for, right?” A few disapproving looks from the jury, and he looks down. “Sorry. He was just always terrible to me.”

“Can you tell me some of the specifics? How about you tell us your story?”

Dave locked eyes with Karkat, who was giving him an encouraging, determined look. So he took a deep breath and told them everything- the physical abuse, the emotional and psychological manipulation, the malnourishment. The DA brought out some evidence herself- X-rays and pictures from when Dave was admitted to the hospital, blood tests indicating a heavy imbalance in many essentials, more pictures of the weapons and general mess strewn around the apartment. By the time he was through, Dave felt emotionally drained.

“That is all, Your Honor,” the prosecutor eventually said, before taking her seat.

“Would the defense like to ask any follow-up questions?” the judge asked.

Bro’s lawyer stood up, his mouth a drawn line. “Yes, Your Honor.” He stepped closer to Dave, his eyes piercing. “Mr. Strider, you claim that your wounds were inflicted on you by your brother?”

“Yeah, they were.”

“Were any of these wounds self-inflicted?”

Dave grit his teeth. “No. They’re all from my brother.”

“Very well. You said that your brother was ‘training’ you, correct?”

“Yeah, though the training was mostly him beating my- beating me up.” He caught himself from swearing, remembering he was in a courtroom.

“Would you say you learned anything from these lessons? Self-defense, perhaps?”

Dave bristled, his fingers gripping the edge of the stand. “I… I guess.”

“Could you elaborate on that, Mr. Strider?”

“I… I did learn some self-defense, yeah. But none of it ever protected me against my brother. And even if I did learn to defend myself, that doesn’t excuse the shi- stuff he put me through.”

“Mr. Strider,” the judge said, giving him a reprimanding, if sympathetic, look. “You are only to answer the questions.”

Dave looked down, frowning slightly. He knew the defense attorney was trying to get under his skin, but it was still getting to him. “Sorry.”

“The defense may continue.”

“Thank you, Your Honor.” Bro’s attorney asks a few more questions, clarification on Dave’s life with Bro, the ‘spy cams’ set up in the apartment, the weapon training Dave had received. Finally, the defense had no more questions, and Dave was allowed to leave the stand, heading back to his family on wobbly legs. He sat back down heavily next to Kanaya.

She squeezed his knee, smiling at him. “You did very well, Dave,” she whispered surreptitiously. “That was very brave of you.”

“I had half a mind to murder that defense attorney,” Karkat muttered, earning him a glare from Kanaya

Dave just nodded, leaning back into the bench, closing his eyes. All he wanted was for this to be over and done with.

“The defense may now present its case,” the judge said, pulling Dave’s focus back to the room. He was curious, and also dreading, to see what the defense had cooked up.

“The defense would like to call Jake English to the stand as a character witness.”

 _Who?_ Dave’s siblings aimed questioning glances at him, but he was just as clueless as to who this might be. He’d never heard the name in his life.

A taller man, who looked to be in his mid-thirties, walked towards the stand. He had square-framed glasses, black, messy hair, an old-fashioned mustache to match, and bright green eyes. If Dave were into men he’d describe him to be conventionally attractive. He racked his brains trying to figure out who he was to Dirk- an old friend from college? a coworker? The mystery man settled behind the stand and looked out on the crowd anxiously, his eyes flickering to Bro, then to Dave. There seemed to be a glimmer of sympathy in his eyes- or maybe that was just the reflection off his glasses.

“Do you swear to speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

“I swear.” He spoke with an overt British accent.

“State your name for the record.”

“I’m Professor Jake English.”

_Professor?_

“Could you identify this man for me?”

“That’s Dirk Strider.” The name sounded familiar in Jake’s mouth.

“How well do you know Mr. Strider?”

English tugged at his collar, affably nervous. “Well, we’ve been dating for two years now.”

The bottom dropped out from under Dave. He gripped the seat of the bench, trying to find anything to pull himself back to reality. Surely he heard something wrong.

Jake was still talking. “Though, he never let me go to his apartment or see his brother.”

Dave couldn’t tear his eyes away from this man who had shattered Dave’s image of his brother. Just when he thought he’d put all the pieces together, English dumped an entire new puzzle on him.

How could Bro, the uber-masculine asshole who drilled homophobia into Dave, be dating a guy? How much of Bro’s life did Dave not know about? How much of what Dave saw, of what Bro projected about himself, had been a lie?

Karkat places a hand on his shoulder, leaning forward to look at his face. “Dave?” He managed to whisper like a normal person. “Are you okay?”

“I- I don’t know.”

The lawyer continued, unaware of the conversation happening behind him. “And why do you think that is, Mr. English?”

“I always reckoned he was trying to protect his brother. Now, I don’t know how true that is.”

This answer didn’t exactly please the defense. He cleared his throat. “How would Mr. Strider act around you?”

“Oh, he was very quiet most of the time, but he proved to be affectionate on many occasions. He never got angry, and certainly never hurt me.”

A weight was settling deep in Dave’s chest. He glanced at his brother, sitting so calmly, still unshakable even during a trial deciding the course of his imminent future. Jake must be a fake, he decided, a plant put to paint Bro in a positive light.

But why would he stumble and cast doubt on Dirk? To make himself seem real to the jury? And how did dating fit into that? Was it all just to mess with Dave one last time?

Or maybe Bro actually was dating Jake, a reality that Dave just couldn’t comprehend. Maybe Bro was more multifaceted than Dave ever realized, and only ever showed the side of himself he wanted Dave to see.

“So you knew nothing about his home life?” the defense attorney continued.

“No, Dirk was quite the secretive fellow, and I was not one to pry. I respected his privacy.”

Now Kanaya was giving Dave a worried look. “You can step out if you need to. I will accompany you.”

Dave shook his head, releasing the tension in his shoulders. “I want to see this through to the end.”

“Just be aware that the option is available to you.”

“Thanks, Maryam.” Dave focused back on the trial, half-listening, his mind buzzing, as the defense continued to pull as many Bro-positive comments out of English as possible. Eventually the prosecution took over, asking English about Bro’s tendency towards secrecy. It was over a lot quicker than Dave’s time on the stand, and soon Jake was leaving the podium. After that, the trial was practically over- a few paragraphs of closing remarks from both sides, then the jury shuffled off to determine Bro’s fate.

The district attorney turned to Dave, leaning over the wall to speak. “You did great up there, Dave. With that amount of damning evidence, the jury shouldn’t take too long, and I’m positive he’ll be found guilty.”

“We’ll just have to wait and see,” Kanaya cut in, smiling politely. “If you’ll excuse us, I’d like to speak to Dave outside.”

“Of course.”

Kanaya was already up, practically pulling Dave out of the courtroom. She stopped in a somewhat empty spot in the hallway. “Are you alright, Dave?”

Dave shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Not gonna lie, I’m still definitely stressed, but I’m glad it’s over. Nothing we can do now.”

“No, I suppose not.” Her eyes took in Dave’s defensive posture. “Is something bothering you?”

“It’s just… Jake. I didn’t expect my brother to… bring a witness.” He didn’t say what really bothered him, that his brother’s character witness was apparently his boyfriend.

“You really never met Jake?”

“I'd never even _heard_ of him. I didn’t know my brother was _in_ a relationship. I didn’t know he was _gay_.” Dave was shaking now, pressing his back against the wall.

“Oh.” Kanaya pursed her lips. “Well, I gathered that he wasn’t very open with you about his life in the first place. You did say he would disappear for weeks at a time without warning or explanation.”

“Yeah, but… I was so _sure_ he was staunchly hetero and this just blew that idea out of the water.”

“Sometimes we miss these things in the people closest to us, Dave.” She put a hand on his shoulder, giving him a comforting half-smile. “It’s okay to not have all the answers.”

Dave’s face crumpled, and he hugged Kanaya, burrowing his head into her shoulder. Surprised, Kanaya tentatively put her arms around him. “Can we just go back in? I don’t want to miss the ruling.”

“Of course, Dave.” She smiled again as he pulled away, his expression reconfigured to neutral. They made their way back down the hallway, towards the courtroom.

Dave noticed him first, standing outside of the room, nervously twiddling his thumbs. Professor Jake English looked up as they approached, aiming a bashful smile in their direction. “Oh, hello. Dave, was it?”

Kanaya immediately stepped in front of Dave, glaring at English. “What do you want?”

He blanched at her expression, straightening his glasses. “Pardon me, miss, you must be his guardian. I suppose I should introduce myself. Jake English, at your service.” He bowed his head, which did nothing to lower Kanaya’s suspicions. “If it’s not too terribly inconvenient, I was wondering if I could speak to Dave.”

Dave’s eyebrows raised above his shades, but Kanaya’s face remained protectively murderous. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I don’t mind, Kanaya,” Dave said, biting his lip. He had to admit, he was curious as to who this guy was, and what he thought about Bro. That is, if he really was dating Bro.

Kanaya frowned, dismissively facing away from Jake. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

She sighed. “Alright. Don’t take too long, though.” With one last warning glance at English, she entered the courtroom.

Leaving Dave alone with an older stranger. Maybe this was a bad idea? He glanced back into the courtroom to see Kanaya sitting near the entrance, watching Jake with narrowed eyes. Dave felt safer knowing she was looking out for him.

Jake was the first to speak, rubbing his head. “So, Dave, you’re Dirk’s brother. I never expected to meet you, and certainly not under circumstances such as these.” He laughed awkwardly, trying to diffuse the tension.

Dave stared back, unamused. “Yeah, well, I never expected to meet you either. I didn’t even know you existed.”

“Oh.” Jake’s face fell slightly. “So Dirk never mentioned me? That’s not much of a shocker, to be honest. He did love his secrecy.”

“Don’t feel too bad, dude, he didn’t tell me jack shit about his love life. And also he’s a complete asshole, so yeah, don’t get too worked up about it.”

This got a sad chuckle out of Jake, who slumped against the wall. “It seems we’ve both been victims to Strider’s machinations. Though I suppose you’ve suffered much more than I.” The sympathy was back in his eyes, and Dave could tell this time it was genuine.

“I guess so. I mean… you just heard most of the story.” Dave frowned at English, still unsure of how close he actually was to Bro. “Why’d you even agree to this?”

Jake shook his head. “By gum, if I had known all the details when Dirk called me to testify, I would’ve refused. But he told me he was falsely accused, that he needed my help, and like a gullible, love-struck sucker, I complied. Of course, he failed to mention that his brother was the one accusing him, and boy howdy, were the accusations hard to reconcile with the Dirk I knew. After your testimony, I felt absolutely reprehensible for trying to defend him.”

“So… you believed me, then.” Dave couldn’t help the hope that crept into his voice.

“Dave, I’d be surprised if there was a single person in that room who didn’t believe you. It was clear just how much… pain Dirk caused you. I truly wish I could’ve helped you. Maybe if I’d cast more doubt on Dirk, or even if, before all this, I had been more adamant about Dirk letting me meet you, I could’ve realized something was wrong.”

Dave sighed, frowning. He had wondered the same thing himself- if someone could have just _noticed_ how bad his situation was. No wonder Bro never allowed visitors. “It’s okay, dude, it’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself for the shittiness of my brother. I’ve done that before, and, trust me, it gets you nowhere.”

Jake’s face turned appreciative, and he sat down in one of the chairs outside the courtroom, motioning for Dave to follow. “You’re quite astute for your age, Dave.”

Dave shrugged, leaning back in the chair. “I’ve just been dealing with Bro for a long time. A lot longer than you have.” He glanced at the older man, biting his lip. “I know they already asked you this in there, but could you tell me about y’all’s... relationship?”

“Of course. We met at a dig site- I’m an archaeologist, and he was one of the engineers helping.”

“Wait, what? Engineer?”

Jake gave Dave a strange look. “Yes, he’s an engineer. Did you not know of his occupation?”

“I… guess not.” He had always assumed Bro just made money on the smuppets and whatnot, though if he really thought about that it didn’t make much sense. The puppet business couldn’t have paid for the flatscreens or the turntables or the collection of dangerously real weapons. Dave had never really thought enough about it to consider Bro might actually have a real job. How many more reveals would there be today? “Uh, you can keep going.”

“Right-o. We began chatting, and we hit it off right away. I found him interesting, and I suppose he felt similarly towards me, though with this revelatory trial I’ve realized I haven’t the faintest what Dirk’s real thoughts towards me are.” Jake’s mouth scrunches up, as if he bit into a particularly sour lemon. “I learned quickly he didn’t much like questions, so we spent most of our time talking about me, which is, as most of my friends know, something I specialize in regardless of who I’m chatting with. I grew to enjoy his presence, and we became, er, intimate rather quickly.” He blushed a little at this, and Dave had to forcibly shut down his imagination. He could barely process that Bro was _dating_ a guy, let alone…

Nope. Not thinking about that.

Jake continued, blithely unaware of the thoughts Dave was trying to suppress. “There were days when my questions became too invasive for his liking, and he would ghost me for a while. Eventually he’d come back, but then it’d happen again, and again. I knew, somewhere in the back of my brain, that this relationship wasn’t sustainable, but I really thought I cared about him and that _he_ cared about _me_ , and to me that seemed enough to make it worth the struggle. And then... this happened.” He paused, looking back at the courtroom and sighing. “I would love to say I detected that Dirk had that kind of darkness in him, that he was capable of hurting someone, let alone his own _brother_ , but I never even saw an inkling. It’s possible I was just that blind to it, or… maybe he was just careful to never show me that side of him.”

Dave was struck by how closely Jake’s words resonated with his own thoughts. It was obvious to him now that English had definitely been close to Bro- close enough to get hurt, at least. “Thanks for telling me all that.”

“No, thank _you_ for giving me a chance to speak to you. I was afraid I would walk away from here today with a dirty conscience, but you’ve definitely helped me clear some of that.” Jake stared at him through those square lenses, his fingers fluttering on his legs. “It really is quite uncanny how similar you look to him.”

Dave froze at the words, his jaw clenched. “We _are_ brothers,” he muttered sourly.

Jake recognized his mistake a second too late. “Oh! I didn’t mean to compare you two. My apologies. If it makes you feel any better, you seem to be quite a nice kid.”

It didn’t make Dave feel any better. “Thanks, Professor English. I think I’m gonna head back in now.”

“It was nice meeting you, Dave!” Jake was nothing if not polite, even when trying to salvage the damage of his conversational mishaps.

“You too.” Dave had never been this eager to walk into a courtroom. He found Kanaya, who immediately stood, worry radiating off her in waves.

“Did everything go alright?” she asked, flicking a cursory glance back towards the doors.

Dave just gave her a thumbs-up in response. He didn’t trust himself to speak.

She knew not to push him to talk. “Let’s go sit back down, then.”

Gamzee was spaced out, one hand idly playing with the hair in front of his face. Terezi was having an animated conversation with the district attorney. Karkat was the only one who seemed to be bothered by Dave and Kanaya’s absence- he was sitting sullenly, agitation written into his stiff posture. As soon as they sat down, he directed all his tension at Dave.

“What took you so fucking long?” he seethed through clenched teeth, his arms crossed.

Dave shrugged, shrinking into the wooden bench. “I dunno, it might’ve had something to do with me talking to my brother’s boyfriend for the first time ever.”

“Oh.” It was then that Karkat noticed the slump in Dave’s shoulders, the apparently permanent downward tilt of his mouth. He seemed wrung out, tired, and after the ordeal he just went through, Karkat couldn’t blame him. Maybe now wasn’t the time to go full Vantas-rage on him. “I’m assuming you talked about your brother.”

“What else?” Dave snorted humorlessly. “I’ve never met the dude before, it wasn’t like I was gonna have a philosophical debate or anything.”

“Hey, maybe that’s something you like to do. I’m not going to make assumptions about your willingness to get into philosophy with total fucking strangers.”

Riffing with Dave was the easiest way to get him to cheer up- his frown had lifted into a small, but genuine, smile. “Hells yeah, you know I’m _all_ about getting down and dirty in Socrates with randos on the street. What’s that, you disagree with some random shit Aristotle said? Rad, bro, me too.”

“Sorry, I already discussed Aristotle with the last dumbass that stumbled across my path. Why don’t we delve into Kant instead?”

“Who the fuck is Kant?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Immanuel Kant. He’s kind of a big deal in philosophy.”

“Well, I’ve never heard of him.”

“Okay, what about Nietzsche? Kierkegaard? Descartes?”

“Dude, the only ones I know are these old Greek fuckers. Like Sophocles and Euclid and stuff.

“Okay, one, Sophocles was a playwright and Euclid was a mathematician, so not philosophers. And two, why am I not surprised that you only care about Ancient Greek philosophy?”

“Have you ever considered maybe the Greeks got it right the first time around?”

“Give me a single point Aristotle made.”

“... that the Earth orbits the sun?”

“Oh my fucking God, are you talking about Galileo? Wrong person, wrong _country_ , and wrong fucking period of time! Not to mention you apparently think the heliocentric theory applies to philosophy.”

Dave threw up his hands in exasperation. “Whatever, dude, it’s not like I claim to be a philosophy fan or anything. So sorry I didn’t know ‘cunt’ or whatever that asshole’s name is. Why the fuck do _you_ even know this shit?”

“I’m going to be completely honest with you, Dave, I got it from a T.V. show. The Good Place was just so fucking good, it taught me philosophy and then compelled me to _research_ it.”

“Funny, I didn’t know any of those philosophers you named, and I _also_ don’t know this show you’re talking about.”

“Well, fuck, I’m definitely making you watch it with me. Everyone’s gotta at _least_ experience the first season. That fucking twist-”

“Naw, man, I already watched a romcom with you. Next time _I_ get to choose what we watch.”

“Fine, whatever, as long as you give The Good Place a try.”

“Just for you, dork.”

A few more minutes of carefree teasing passed, and Dave almost forgot where he was. That is, before the jury returned, immediately sending Dave back into panic mode. The room fell silent as one of the jury members handed the judge the verdict, and Dave could feel chills going down his spine, freezing him from the inside.

A soft hand clasped his, and he looked up at Karkat, who was gazing at him with steely determination. Dave squeezed back, hard, and focused on the judge, the glacier in his stomach thawing slightly. Whatever happened next, he’d have to accept, but at least he’d have his family- his _real_ family, connected to him by ties stronger than blood- by his side.

“The jury finds Dirk Strider guilty of all charges.”

Relief is a powerful thing. The tension in the front row shattered, dispelled by a single sentence. Kanaya hugged Dave, who had started crying without realizing it. Karkat’s face had split into a grin, wider than any grin seen on him before, Terezi was watching with glee as the judge continued to read out the details of the sentencing, and Gamzee actually got up to pat Dave’s shoulder.

It was over. They had won.

Since it was a felony charge, Bro would be in jail for a few years, long enough for Dave to turn 18 before he got out. He would never have to see Bro again if he didn’t want to.

He pulled away from Kanaya to watch his brother for what ostensibly may be the last time. He didn’t know what he hoped to see- some form of regret? an outburst of rage, a loss of composure, a man broken for the first time? But, like always, Bro refused to show any crack, any emotion, as he calmly let guards escort him out.

Well, fuck his composure, fuck his mind games, and fuck calling him Bro. He didn’t get to have that title anymore- it was court official now, no more custody of Dave for him. From here forward he was just Dirk Strider, just a man who could no longer touch, let alone hurt, Dave.

“It’s over, Dave. We’re leaving.” Kanaya was standing up, offering her hand to Dave. He took it, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet, and gave one last glance around the room, wondering how English was taking the news, but the professor seemed to have already gotten the heck outta dodge.

Leaving the courtroom was easy, like letting go of a distant memory. Dave knew he would have to come back to everything later, try to process his complicated feelings about Bro- _Dirk_ \- but for now, it could wait.

“So, you won!” Terezi was skipping ahead of the rest of the procession, a huge grin on her face. Nothing like a court case to get her in high spirits. “Congratulations, Dave.”

“We gotta get our motherfucking celebration on.” Gamzee patted Dave’s back, winking at him. “Let’s get a bitchtits party going, Dave-style.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, groaning. “Sorry, Gamz, I doubt Dave wants a fucking party right now. Especially not the kind _you’re_ envisioning.”

“Aw, man, I really wanted to all up and get face paint on a motherfucker.”

Kanaya hid a smirk behind one hand. “Perhaps we should ask Dave how he would like to celebrate this unconventional occasion.”

Dave shrugged, a smirk forming. “Can we make apple juice?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay everything went okay and bro got what he deserved what a surprise. major plot point one can now be safely filed in the "completed story arc" folder.  
> thanks for reading! lemme know what you think in the comments! and also stay safe!!  
> also for the foreseeable future i *should* be updating every monday keeping a consistent schedule motivates lol


	17. The Apple Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family makes some apple-related foods.

It turns out that apple season in Texas was just about to end, and Kanaya’s apple trees were full of beautifully round, red apples. Dave spent a good thirty minutes picking apples with Kanaya, Gamzee, and Karkat- Terezi couldn’t help, though she did sit outside and laugh whenever they struggled with the stepladder.

“Damn, how much apple juice could this make?” Dave asked, as they carried two baskets full of apples into the kitchen.

“Well, it depends on if you want to use all of it to make juice,” Kanaya replied, setting the apples down on the table. “I was hoping to make apple pie as well, which would only use up four or five of the apples.”

“Oh, hell yeah, that’s totally cool with me. There are just way too many fucking apples here to only make apple juice. Shit, we could make some apple scones or applesauce or conceivably any other apple-related thing. I’m so down.”

Kanaya chuckled, grabbing a few apples. “Well, I’m going to start making pie. Karkat, Gamzee, why don’t you help Dave find an apple juice recipe?” She nudged Terezi with a smile. “I’ll need your help with the pie dough.”

Terezi grinned, cracking her knuckles. “Do I get to roll it?”

“That's the plan, Terezi.”

Karkat sidled up to Dave, his arms crossed. “So what’s the plan, apple man?”

“ _Apple man_?!” Dave broke down laughing. “Holy fuck. _Please_ only call me that from now on.”

“Shut up, shitstain, it wasn’t that funny.”

Gamzee picked up an apple and bit into it, lazily grinning. “I dunno, broseph, I thought it was pretty motherfucking hilarious.”

Dave fist bumped Gamzee, smiling back. “See? Gamzee agrees with me. And we all know clowns are the authority on whether something’s funny or not.”

“All my friends are ganging up on me. This is harassment.”

“Dude, speak for yourself, you dish out more insults than a waiter dishes out plates at a celebrity’s wedding.”

“Fuck you. How are we making your stupid juice?”

“Uh, I dunno, I was just gonna look up a recipe.” Dave pulled out his phone, searched ‘apple juice recipe’, and tapped the first link. “Okay, uh, this recipe asks for eighteen apples. That feels like a lot. Kanaya, is eighteen apples a lot?”

Kanaya looked up from a bowl of flour, shrugging. “I’ve never made apple juice before, so I can’t say for sure. It certainly sounds excessive.”

“Uh, it says it makes eight servings. What does that even mean?”

“It means you’ll get eight glasses of apple juice.”

“Oh, that seems hella reasonable. Let’s do this.” Dave started pulling out apples, but Karkat stopped him.

“Hold your horses, Strider. We should make sure we have everything we need before starting the recipe.” Karkat took Dave’s phone, reading through the instructions. “This says we need a coffee filter. And a mesh strainer.”

Dave’s eyebrows furrowed- he had no clue what the fuck either of those were. “Do we, uh, have those?”

“Yes, Dave.” Karkat finished reading the recipe. “Oh, looks like this recipe makes applesauce with the leftover mush.”

“Hell fucking yes. Let’s get fucking _cracking._ It’s gonna be like Top Chef up in here. Except I guess instead of Gordon Ramsey, I get Karkat yelling expletives at me."

"You're fucking right you do! Now get your ass in gear, Strider, you're on the fucking clock."

The boys began working on the recipe, coring and cutting the apples before boiling them, asking Kanaya about fifty questions along the way. Dave had to push Karkat away from the pot because he kept getting impatient and trying to turn the heat up, but Dave was determined to do this perfectly. Against better judgement, he let Gamzee mash up the apples, which resulted in splattering a good portion of Dave’s shirt with apple mush. The room smelled strongly of apples and cinnamon and baked goods- Kanaya had just put the pie in the oven. Dave wondered if John’s house always smelled this good.

While waiting for the juice to cool, they turned the remaining mush into applesauce, using Kanaya’s blender to puree everything. Once the juice wasn’t steaming, they finished it off with a dash of cinnamon and sugar to everything- Karkat had to stop Dave from just dumping whole spoonfuls in.

“That’s it?” Dave asked, staring at the liquid in the pitcher. It definitely looked like apple juice, but Dave wasn’t convinced they hadn’t somehow fucked it up along the way. It was totally plausible for Gamzee to have slipped in some Faygo behind his back.

Karkat shrugged, fishing cups out of one of the cabinets. “Only thing to do now is try it.”

They poured juice for everyone, including Kanaya and Terezi, who were waiting for the pie to cool before serving it. As Dave was about to take a sip, Kanaya said, “Hold on, Dave. This is a celebration, correct?”

“Uh…” Dave brought the cup away from his mouth. “Is it?”

“It _is_. You won the court case. Which makes this your official welcome to the Maryam household.” She raised her cup, grinning. “I toast to your courage. To make a tough decision and stand up to your brother. To Dave.”

“To Dave!” his siblings echoed, making him blush. It was kind of embarrassing to be toasted, especially given the awkward nature of the thing they were celebrating, but it felt strangely good. It wasn’t wrong for him to celebrate Dirk getting locked up, was it? He was allowed to feel happy about that.

Now wasn’t the time to entertain guilty thoughts about Dirk’s sentencing. He would much rather enjoy this time with his family, making various homemade apple-based foods. He raised his own glass. “To me, I guess. And to all of you, for being there for me. Can we try this fucking juice now?”

Kanaya chuckled. “Sure, Dave.”

Everyone took a sip of their lukewarm juice, and Dave’s face lit up. “Jesus Christ on a rocketship, this is the best goddamn apple juice I’ve had in my entire life.”

Terezi smacked her lips, looking pleased as punch. “As the resident blind girl with a heightened sense of taste, I can corroborate your statement. It’s delicious.”

“Good job, guys.” Kanaya smiled, taking another sip. “This really is better than I expected.”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “All we did was follow the recipe. And it’s okay, I guess. It’s just apple juice.”

Dave whirled on him, shocked. “ _Just_ apple juice? Naw, man. This shit is _heaven-sent_ , is what it is. Other apple juice is literally crap compared to this nectar of the gods. Shit’s been blessed by the beverage goddess herself. This is the kind of thing nations fight _wars_ over to have in their possession.”

“Maybe I’m just not the biggest fan of apple juice, then.” Karkat shrugged, though he took another sip from his cup. _Not the biggest fan my ass_ , Dave thought, downing half of his own cup.

“This stuff’s rad and all, but I think I all up and prefer the mystical elixir to this,” Gamzee said, pulling a Faygo out of God-knows-where and chugging it.

“Alright, neither of you assholes get to have any more apple juice if you’re not gonna appreciate it for the perfection it is.” Dave poured himself another cup- he was pretty sure he could live exclusively on this apple juice for the rest of his life and be totally fine.

“Who would like some pie?” Kanaya asked, setting down her apple juice to cut the pie. Everyone’s hand shot up.

“Dang, no one wants to try the applesauce?” Dave asked, dipping a spoon into the sauce and trying it. “Shit, this is good. Apples are just the best fucking fruit. That’s really all there is to say on the matter.”

“Dave Strider, don’t you dare put that spoon back in that bowl,” Kanaya said, without turning to look at him. His hand froze in its second-scoop trajectory. “Have a slice of pie.”

“Aight.” Dave grabbed a plate, let Maryam give him a slice, and took a bite. “Maryam, I gotta say, I’ve never had apple pie before, unless the ones from McDonalds count, but there is no way any better pie exists.”

Not one to shy away from pride, Kanaya beamed, handing Terezi a slice. “Thank you. I add in a secret ingredient, which I will only reveal on my deathbed.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s witchcraft,” Terezi said through a mouthful of pie. “Is that blood from a virgin I taste in there?”

“That certainly is one possibility,” Kanya replied, dishing out slices to Karkat and Gamzee. “We still have plenty of apples left. Would anyone like to help me make scones?”

They spend a better part of the afternoon baking, though for the kids this meant less baking and more sneaking tastes of the batter and throwing flour at each other. Of course, Kanaya didn’t let them get out of cleaning the mess they made. By the end of the day, everyone was beyond exhausted- between the trial and the baking, it felt like it’d been weeks since they last saw their beds.

Dave practically crashed onto his bed as soon as he’d gotten into his pajamas, burying his face in his pillow. “ _Fuck_ , I’m tired. I’m pretty sure my bones turned into Jell-O three hours ago. I’m gonna become one of those weird tall inflated balloon men that they have outside of car dealerships or whatever, just flailing around at the mercy of the wind.”

Unaffected by his sleepiness after years of staying up late watching movies, Karkat looked over from his bed. “They’re called ‘wacky waving inflatable tube guys’. Also, don’t be such a baby. You don’t hear _me_ complaining about the existential exhaustion I feel every day having to listen to you talk your tongue into knots on the most mind-bogglingly insipid topics.”

“Kark, you complain about me all the time. If I wasn’t so tired I might even argue that you were complaining about me just then.”

“Whatever, asshole, just go to sleep if you’re so tired.”

“Fine, I’ll stop bothering you.” Dave pulled the covers over him, tossed his shades onto the floor, and closed his eyes. However, without the distraction of baking with family, his mind was wandering, returning back to that morning, the trial, the verdict. Dirk was out of his life for good, and Dave was happy about that. He _should_ be happy.

So why did he feel so much regret?

 _Shut up, thoughts, I’m trying to sleep here_. He tried to will himself into unconsciousness, but even that felt like too much effort for his worn-out brain.

Dirk had been a terrible guardian and a terrible brother, and he’d made Dave’s life a living hell. Why the fuck should Dave care what happens to him now? Why feel remorseful? Dave had done the _right thing_ when he’d called CPS that day. He _had_ to believe that.

He reminded himself just how miserable he’d been with Dirk. He reminded himself of how much safer he felt in a new home, far from his brother, surrounded for the first time by people who actually cared about him. He reminded himself that, as hard as it was to believe, he deserved to be happy. He had every reason to be- a caring parent figure, a supportive best friend, goofily loving siblings.

Like the one sharing the room with him.

Dave poked his head out of the sheets, facing away from his roommate. “Karkat?”

“Not asleep yet, numbnuts? Gee, maybe you weren’t as tired as you made yourself out to be.”

“Shut up, dumbass, I was _trying_ to thank you.”

“Oh.” He heard Karkat shift on his bed, the telltale click of a mouse button. “For what?”

“For the advice you gave me last night. It was really helpful during the, uh, trial. Knowing you guys had my back.”

“Don’t mention it. I went through the same shit, so I knew what you needed to hear.”

Dave sat up slightly, slipping on his shades so he could face Karkat. “You did?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s kind of just a universal truth that, if you’re a foster kid, your parents either died or they lost custody.” Karkat shrugged. “And I kinda got doublefucked with both.”

Dave strained to see Karkat in the dark room, the tint of his shades not helping much. His face, illuminated by the dim light of his screen, betrayed his discomfort.“Do you… wanna talk about it?”

“What is there to talk about? I already dealt with that shit a long time ago.”

“Okay, but we can still talk about it. I mean, hell, you basically know the whole situation with my brother now. Not that I’m saying you owe it to me to tell me anything, I get it if you don’t want to.”

“No, that’s fair I guess. You barely know anything about me.” Karkat huffed, frowning. “Kinda shitty of me, to be honest.”

“It’s chill, man. Like I said, I get it. It’s not the easiest thing to talk about.”

“Well… maybe it wouldn’t be too much trouble for me to give you a rundown of my shitty life. In fact, it should be easy! I’ve already completely dealt with all my issues so talking about them will be a fucking breeze.” Karkat’s voice was ratcheting up a few levels, a clear sign to Dave that he was agitated.

“Dude, it’s okay, you don’t gotta tell me anything if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’m over it. That shit is so far behind me, I can’t even see it in my rearview mirror anymore. Just road and cars, not a single fucking shit in sight. Oh, what’s that little speck over there? Kinda looks shit-shaped, could it possibly be my unresolved issues? Wait, no, it’s just a skunk some dude must’ve run over. Thanks a lot, jackass, now this whole place smells like dead skunk.”

Now Dave was really concerned. Karkat was _rambling_? That was Dave’s thing. It didn’t take a genius to know something was wrong. Fighting away his drowsiness, Dave stood up and padded over to Karkat’s bed. “Okay, clearly you’re not as fine with this as you’re pretending to be. So what’s up?”

“Nothing!” Karkat shrank back, crossing his arms defensively. “I’m completely fucking fine.”

Dave pressed his lips together, disappointment flashing through him. “Come on, Karkat, I thought we were past this. You know you can tell me anything.”

Karkat frowned, groaning. “Fine! Maybe I’m not _completely_ past my bullshit issues! Maybe my childhood left a lasting, irremovable mark on my psyche for the rest of my life! Big fucking deal. That’s just how it is for kids like us. Let me tell you right now, Dave, because I remember what it was like being in your shoes, and it sucked. You think those shitty feelings are gonna go away, that your trauma isn’t gonna fucking haunt you once the asshole that caused it is locked away where he can’t hurt you, but it sticks with you. It’s gonna be an irremovable stain on your history for the rest of your life, and no amount of laundry detergent or bleach is gonna get rid of it. It’s just… always there. Forever. End of fucking story.”

Well. Fuck. Dave sat down on Karkat’s bed, staring at his roommate, who at this point was breathing heavily, looking like he was holding back tears. _Fuck._ Dave was _not_ prepared for this. Never mind the bomb Karkat just dropped on him- though he would definitely be thinking about that later, when he wasn’t dealing with a more important crisis. “Shit, Karkat. You really chose the wrong time to have a breakdown. I already suck at this whole ‘talking through our emotions’ thing on a normal day, but now I’m all hells of tired and can barely function.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Karkat laughed derisively, though the sound was strained. “So sorry I didn’t check your calendar before scheduling this embarrassing display of all my insecurities, Dave, I’ll be sure to do it next time.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, dude. I’m trying to be here for you, okay? I just don’t really know how to do that. Cut me some slack.”

“Don’t worry, Dave, I don’t expect you to do anything that’ll make me feel better. I’m setting the bar _real_ low just for you.”

Karkat’s comments were not making it easier for Dave to help him. “Damn, that’s kinda harsh. You don’t have to be an asshole about it.”

“Fuck, you’re right, I _am_ an asshole! I’m surprised you have the patience to put up with my bullshit!” Karkat threw up his hands, staring at Dave with a challenge in his eyes, as if daring him to come up with a reason. The _audacity_ of this guy was almost too much for Dave to handle.

“Maybe because I’m your _friend_. And you’ve been there to listen to my problems, so it’s only fair that I’m here to listen to yours.”

That must’ve gotten through to Karkat, because his features softened, a hint of remorse in the slant of his mouth. “Yeah, that’s true. Fine. You wanna hear about my issues? I’ll give you the abridged version of the story. My dad died before I could even walk, so I have no fucking memories of him. My mom got a shitty boyfriend, who became a shitty stepdad, and then she died. That’s when shitty stepdad also became abusive stepdad. I ran away, ended up in the foster system, and eventually got lucky enough to be put with Kanaya. And here we are.” Karkat sighed, the anger rushing out of him like a deflating balloon. He just looked… sad.

Dave frowned, uncertain on what to say to make anything about this situation better. “That fucking sucks, dude. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t fucking apologize, none of it’s your fault.” Dave was positive that if Karkat shrunk in on himself any further, he’d condense into a black hole.

“What happened to your, um, mom? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Karkat stared at his bed, his face eerily expressionless. “She got sick. Cancer. I was nine when she died.”

“Shit.” Tentatively, Dave placed his hand on Karkat’s back, patting gently. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing, but at least it was _something_. “It’s… it’s okay to still be sad about it.”

“I know that.” Karkat glanced at Dave, biting the inside of his cheek. “But… thanks. And sorry for being such an obstinate asshole and blowing up on you.”

“It’s all good, dude. I get it. Shit’s hard to talk about.” Dave was itching to ask more questions, but Karkat was in a bad enough mood in the first place. It was best not to push it. “Are you feeling better?”

Karkat shrugged. “Relatively better, I guess.”

“Well, I hate to cut this short, but if I stay up much longer I might just pass out on top of you, and I’m sure you don’t want that.” Dave gave him a small grin, not moving his hand from Karkat’s back. “But just remember you can tell me anything, so I won’t have to deal with your whole angry tirade debacle in the future.”

“Asshole,” Karkat retorted, trying and failing to scowl. “Go to bed before I decide to dropkick you off of mine.”

Dave snorted, rubbing Karkat’s head before standing up. “I don’t think your stubby legs are physically capable of that.”

Karkat swatted at Dave’s hand. “Fuck off, I’m never telling you shit again.”

“Mhmm, sure. Goodnight, shorty.”

“Goodnight, dickhead.”

Dave made his way back to his bed, collapsed, and managed to turn off his brain. There were a lot of things in his head that he would have to sort through later, but for now he was going to let it be future Dave’s problem and try to get some decent sleep instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> amount of times i typed "apple" in this chapter: 45  
> also yes we finally get a tiny smidgen of insight on karkat's past  
> thanks for reading!
> 
> i used this apple juice recipe to write this (i've never made apple juice before) so if anyone tries it out lemme know how it tastes! https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.tablespoon.com/recipes/homemade-apple-juice/bcf44468-1eed-479a-88d6-2bd4c3cfacd3&sa=D&ust=1586915394189000&usg=AFQjCNFsC606wnbMQ3pmsN7ygQF8BixIIw


	18. Born to Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is not handling things as well as he should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: vomit
> 
> also here's the floorplan for the house for the one person who asked  
> i don't know the first thing about architecture so uh yeah  
> https://twitter.com/ChloeBaba2/status/1257185306173943808/photo/1

The days following the trial, Dave started to notice Karkat wasn’t talking much to him. At first, it had just been small things- Karkat would keep his movie playing during their conversations, showing disinterest in whatever topic Dave brought up, or he would only give noncommittal grunts in reply to Dave’s questions. But soon Karkat seemed to be full-out ignoring him, and it was frustrating Dave to no end, especially since he had no clue what the cause of it was. Did it have to do with the trial, or Dirk? Had Dave done something wrong and not realized it?

Dave just hoped that Karkat didn’t feel uncomfortable after opening up to him about his past. Maybe he was afraid Dave would bring it up again, try to push him into talking further. Whatever it was, Dave just hoped Karkat would get over it soon, because he kinda missed talking to his best bro.

Which is what Karkat was. A best bro. Why would he be anything else?

If Dave was being honest with himself, it wasn’t just Karkat who was trying to avoid conversation. Since the trial, Dave didn’t spend a single waking moment without a bevy of thoughts assaulting him, and it was causing him to pull away from Karkat as well. There was the usual shit he was used to- _don’t be like Dirk, don’t be an unemotional monster_ \- and then there were new things, things he was too afraid to bring into the light and properly examine. Things like his inexplicable guilt over Dirk’s sentencing, the ugly pang of loss when he thought about never seeing his brother again. It didn’t make sense to him why he would feel guilty when Dirk had shown no remorse for what he’d done, why he would miss someone who never seemed to give a fuck.

There was also the matter of Dirk’s sexuality, which Dave had been so fucking wrong about. It wasn’t much of a stretch of the imagination to throw his own sexuality into question. After all, he’d only ever insisted ‘no homo’ so adamantly because he’d thought it was what he was _s_ _upposed_ to do, that it was the only way to be ‘manly’, that to do otherwise would disappoint Dirk. Not that he should still care about Dirk’s opinion, not that it even mattered. Dirk shouldn’t have any power over him anymore. He’d even considered that maybe realizing he wasn’t straight wouldn’t have been such a bad thing, that it might’ve even been a relief, a last act of rebellion against the man who’d tried to dictate his whole life.

But now it turned out that what he’d misread as ironic mockery of homosexuality- the smuppets, the various erotica strewn around the house, the obsession over anime- was actually less layered than he’d thought. Dirk was _gay_ . Or, at the very least, bi or pan or any one of the other sexualities Dave had no idea about. The fact of the matter was, his brother had dated a guy, and he didn’t know how to cope with that. He didn’t know what that meant for _him_ . He’d never let himself get past that ‘what if’, had never thought past the possibility that he might be anything but straight. He didn’t know how to tell if he actually might be attracted to guys after repressing that idea so far down that it didn’t know which way was up anymore. If he _did_ realize he was gay, would it be due to some latent manipulation by Dirk? Would he be following in Dirk’s footsteps, still trying to be more like him, _become_ him? Or would it just be because that’s what he, Dave, _wants_ , that he actually just _likes guys?_

Somehow Dirk had issued this parting shot, had entangled Dave’s romantic uncertainties with his troubled thoughts about his brother, making everything a thousand times more needlessly complicated. He wouldn’t be unraveling the knotted feeling in his gut anytime soon, especially since he didn’t know who he could talk to about it. John? He’d probably think Dave was joking, and wouldn’t have any advice anyway. Kanaya? Maybe she’d have some advice, but Dave didn’t know how she would react to his Dirk-related hangups. Karkat?

No. Nope, no way, not a chance. Dave was panicking just thinking about it.

 _Well,_ _why not, Dave?_ Okay, that was a valid enough question. Thank you, subconscious. What would be so bad about telling Karkat? When it came down to it, he was a great listener whenever Dave needed to vent, to the point where Dave almost found it easy to confide in Karkat. He knew most of the details of Dave’s history with Dirk, and he actively tried to understand how Dave felt about that. On top of it all, Karkat was bisexual, and a self-proclaimed romance expert to boot, so Dave knew he would take the conversation seriously. Karkat seemed like the perfect candidate. So what exactly was the problem?

Maybe it was the anxious flutter in Dave’s chest whenever Karkat flashed his rare smile at him, a bird desperately flapping inside his ribcage. Or maybe it was the genuine laughter that Karkat could startle out of him even on a bad day. Maybe it was the way his heart clenched whenever Karkat’s eyes went from angry to concerned so fast he broke Mach 2. 

Maybe it was just because Karkat was part of the reason Dave was questioning his sexuality.

He didn’t know how to diagnose the way he felt about Karkat, but he did know that just the thought of telling Karkat about it made his stomach crumple like an empty Doritos bag. He was afraid- of accidentally showing Karkat how deeply his confused feelings ran, of somehow scaring him, or losing him, when Dave slips up about his possible non-platonic feelings and Karkat doesn’t reciprocate.

So he was being a coward. At least he found a way to keep disappointing Dirk.

Long story short, he only managed to have awkward, stilted conversations with Karkat, and with both of them seeming to pull away from each other, it was bugging Dave to no end. Sure, he didn’t want to lose Karkat by telling him about his problem, but he also didn’t want to lose him by not talking to him at all.

It was family game night, and everyone was engrossed in a heated Scrabble game- minus Kanaya, who’d been banned after winning twenty consecutive times. She delegated herself to calculating points and helping Terezi, who was too stubborn to accept enough help to garner an advantage on her siblings.

“Dave, once again, you’ve been a complete dumbass and put down something that isn’t a word,” Karkat grumbled, as Dave played the word. He’d been doing this pretty much all night, putting down ridiculous made-up words whenever he could, for the sole purpose of getting on Karkat’s nerves. If he couldn’t talk to him, he sure as hell could still annoy him. Sure, maybe Karkat challenged everything he put down, and he lost pretty much every turn, but it was worth it.

And when he’d, by some fantastic stroke of luck, gotten the Z tile _and_ a blank, he knew what he had to do.

Dave grinned, tapping the board. “Naw, ‘shizzle’ is definitely a word, dude, look it up. Word’s straight off the hizzle. And by ‘the hizzle’ I mean ‘the history books’. My man Snoop coined the word way back in the rizzle dizzle.”

Karkat stared at Dave, dumbfounded. “Okay, first of all, I don’t think you used any of those made-up terms correctly. Second of all, you need to stop getting all your words from Snoop fucking Dogg. I mean, seriously, you _actually_ tried to play ‘dogg’. With two G’s. Did you hear how I put emphasis on the G-syllable so you could tell I was saying the fake misspelling and not the actual, real word?”

Kanaya placed her hand on Karkat’s shoulder. “Please calm down, Karkat, it’s a game. Perhaps we should let some of Dave’s inventive words slide.”

“Bullshit!” Karkat crossed his arms, glaring across the table at Dave. “I’ll let a child molester dry-hump my decimated corpse before I have to play on a Scrabble board with words like ‘shizzle’. Next thing I know he’ll be trying to put Z’s on the ends of every word I play.”

Dave smirked. “Come on, dude, pay attention, I just used the only Z in the game. I know it’s hard for you to keep up with my pro gaming, but this is just embarrassing.”

Karkat made some sort of inhuman shrieking noise, before stammering, “Oh, I’m- _I’m_ the embarrassing one? _Me,_ the one who’s- who’s playing the game _normally_ , following the _fucking rules_ . _I’m_ embarrassing?”

“Uh, yeah. That’s what I said.”

This caused what can only be described as a complete meltdown in Karkat Vantas. As he gaped open-mouthed at Dave, trying to fight his indignation and say something, Terezi chimed in. “I like Dave’s words. They’re fun.”

Gamzee looked up from his side of the board, where he’d apparently been drawing clown faces on the back of all his pieces. “Yeah, I am all up and agreeing with Terecita on this one, Dave’s words are the motherfuckin’ bitchtittiest words I ever got my listenin’ on to.”

Karkat had sunk a good three feet in his seat at this point, both hands covering his face. “Kanaya, I’m lifting the ban on you now. You can take my fucking place in this cursed hellscape of a game, I want no part of it.”

“Don’t be dramatic, Karkat,” she replied, tugging him back up into a normal seated position. “Why don’t we just let Dave’s word slide for now?”

“Ughhhh, fine! I’m betraying all of my deeply-held beliefs about integrity, but sure, totally fine by me! Go ahead, let’s keep playing, and totally ignore the complete garbage word that is ‘shizzle’!”

“Oh, thank you, Karkat,” Dave fake-swooned, giving his roommate his usual shit-eating grin. “It’s oh-so _valiant_ of you to make sacrifices like that for me, I just about creamed in my pants at that bold move you made.”

Karkat’s face immediately morphed into utter disgust. “That’s fucking disgusting, why would you say that?”

Terezi and Gamzee both started giggling at Dave’s comment, while Kanaya sighed, pinching her nose. “Could you two _please_ keep it together for the rest of this game? Also, Terezi, it’s your turn.”

The game continued, with Dave playing increasingly ridiculous words to see how far he could push his free pass- ‘hapen’, ‘fucknig’, and ‘gargbage’ didn’t make it past the Word Police, but ‘conksuck’ and ‘obama’ did. All the while, Karkat’s stewing became increasingly heated, to the point where Dave was surprised there wasn’t actual steam coming out of the dude’s ears or some shit. He kinda felt bad for messing with Karkat, especially given that they, for one reason or another, weren’t communicating as well as they used to, but for that same reason Dave felt justified in doing it. If Karkat was going to subtly avoid him, then fine, Dave was allowed to aggravate him all he wanted. It wasn’t like they were best bros who were learning to trust each other and tell all their deepest insecurities to.

Gamzee played the last word, and the game ended, with Terezi as the clear winner. To no one’s surprise, Dave was dead last.

“Hah!” Karkat said, as Kanaya announced the scores. “Sorry, Strider, looks like your dumbfuck strategy of playing non-existent words didn’t work out for you! What a shocker!”

Dave rolled his eyes, dropping a handful of tiles into the bag. “If you actually let me play my masterful words, I woulda swept the floor with y’all.”

Karkat scoffed. “Maybe, but it only would’ve been because you _cheated_.”

Terezi put her hands up, grinning. “Relax, boys. Neither of you could win against _my_ perfect strats. So stop bickering and start worshipping your new Scrabble God.”

“You only win because Kanaya helps you!” Karkat fumed, crossing his arms.

“I only offer my assistance in helping her read the board,” Kanaya chimed in with a raised eyebrow. “All of her words were her own.”

“That’s right! I’m blind and I still beat you all. Now bow down, bitches.”

Gamzee kneeled down, lowering his head to Terezi deferentially. “All hail our new motherfucking leader, Her Honk-orable Tyranny.”

Terezi scowled. “Okay, everyone _but_ Gamzee can bow down. I don’t need you trying to indoctrinate me in your weird clown cult.”

Gamzee winked as he stood back up. “I just think it’s all kinds of miraculous how you up and schooled us at this game even with your unworking peepers.”

“It has nothing to do with miracles and everything to do with my unmatched skill.” Terezi stood up and started making her way out of the room. “Sorry to cut things short, but I’m gonna go out on this win. I promised Vriska I’d video call her tonight. See you nerds tomorrow!”

They bid her goodnight before finishing packing up the Scrabble box. “Do you boys want to play another game before going to bed?” Kanaya asked, placing the box in a closet with the other board games.

“Can we play Pictionary?” Gamzee asked. “I’d love to all up and get my fucking draw on, especially since we can never play it with Terecita around.”

“Karkat, Dave, are you amenable to Gamzee’s suggestion?”

“Hell yeah,” Dave said with a thumbs-up. “Y’all about to see some god-given masterpieces.”

“Ugh, I fucking suck at drawing,” Karkat groaned, sinking into the couch. “And Dave, I’ve _seen_ those hideous comics you drew with Terezi, don’t pretend you actually know how to draw. But whatever, I’ll play.”

“Those were done _intentionally_ poorly, for the _irony_. I know that’s a hard concept for you to grasp, though, so I won’t quiz you just yet.”

“Fuck off!”

“Stop bickering, boys.” Kanaya smiled, before pulling the game out and bringing it back to the table. “Why don’t you and Dave be a team?”

“What?” Karkat shouted, quickly sitting up straight. “Why? I don’t want to be on the same team as _that_ clueless fucker.”

“I believe that would be the best way to split up.”

“I’m cool with it.” Dave may have said it a little too eagerly, too quickly, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to be on Karkat’s team. If anything, it meant he could fuck with him some more.

“Sounds to me you’re just trying to give yourself a better chance at winning, Maryam!” Karkat seethed, though he got off the couch to plop down next to Dave on the floor. “If we lose, I’m blaming you, Dave. You better not try any more of your funny business bullshit.”

Dave crossed his heart with a smirk. “I’ll try my best, but no promises.”

Kanaya set up the game- well, minus the board, because who actually plays Pictionary with the board? No one, that’s who. She pulled out the drawing pads and pens, the timer, and the prompt cards.

“What’s your team name?” Kanaya asked as she handed them a pad of paper.

“Team Obama,” Dave replied without missing a beat.

Karkat stared at his teammate. “What the fuck? We’re not gonna be called Team Obama!”

“Come on, man, it’ll give us good luck. We gotta pay our respects to Mr. President.”

“Dave, he isn’t even in office anymore.”

“He is in my _heart_.” Dave clasped his hands together, looking up at Karkat pleadingly- in an ironic way, of course. “Please, Kat, I won’t ask for anything else.”

“Like hell you won’t.” Karkat sighed. “Fine! As if I care about what our fucking _team name_ is.”

“Awesome. Team Obama for the win.” Dave turned to Kanaya and Gamzee, grinning in that smug way he always did. “And what lame name is the losing team going by?”

Gamzee shrugged. “How about Team Motherfuckin’ Miracles?”

Kanaya tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Shorten it to ‘Team Miracles’ and you have a deal.”

“Hell yeah, that’s the kind of compromise I can all up and get behind.”

“Ugh, see this, Dave?” Karkat gestured at the opposing team. “They’re already showing better teamwork skills than us, and the game hasn’t even _started_.”

“Naw, Kark, you’re looking at it all wrong. Their ‘teamwork skills’ could only come up with a boring-ass name. Whereas on Team Obama, you have me, which means we got the most kickass name possible.”

“Are you trying to fucking say that you’re gonna carry our team? Because that’s the most ridiculous shit to come out of that disgrace of a mouth in weeks, and I literally heard you spell ‘happen’ with one P ten minutes ago.”

Dave shrugged. “Hate to break it to you man, but I’m spitting straight facts. I’m contributing 110 percent of pure, unadulterated Strider genius to this. Gonna be like the Dream Team all over again, except instead of basketball, it’s Pictionary. I’m Jordan, and you’re just like some dude watching from the sidelines.”

“Wow, you actually made an accurate sports reference! I didn’t think you were capable.”

“I’ve been doin’ research. Learning about hoops and touchdowns and whatnot. You know, baseball things.”

“You still don’t know shit, do you?”

“Nope. Let’s just get this game started so I can show you the ropes.”

“Oh, please. Don’t flatter yourself.”

Kanaya cleared her throat, getting the boys’ attention. “Alright, why don’t we begin? You two can go first.”

“Aight, I’m drawing.” Dave drew a card, looking over the list of words. “I just pick any one of these, right?”

“Yeah,” Karkat scoffed, crossing his arms. “Haven’t you played Pictionary before?”

“When would I have? My brother wasn’t exactly the kind of dude to play board games with me.” Dave said this offhandedly, trying not to let it bring him down. Dirk shouldn’t get to keep affecting him like that.

Jeez. He _had_ to figure out how to distract himself from constantly thinking about his brother.

Karkat immediately regretted having said anything. “Oh… right. Um. Start drawing whenever you’re ready. You’ll have like a minute to get me to guess what it is.”

“Okay, bet. Get ready to guess your ass off, bro.” With a last glance at the card, Dave started drawing.

At the start of the game, Dave played along normally, honoring his facetious agreement to not pull any bullshit, and actually drew what the card told him to, getting Karkat to guess every time. Although Karkat’s drawings were incomprehensible scribbles, Dave could usually figure out what they were, so they were keeping up with Team Miracles in the points department, especially since Gamzee would turn most of his drawings into something clown related and make it much harder on Kanaya to guess the correct word. It was his third time drawing that Dave decided to step things up a notch. If only to take his mind off Dirk. Plus, it was fun getting Karkat’s goat. He made it so easy.

Karkat began guessing in earnest as soon as Dave’s pen made vaguely-recognizable shapes. “Stick. Wall. Wand. Um… pole? Light pole. Or wait, no, is it a toothbrush? Or… shit, is that a cloud? What are you...” He trailed off as Dave put the finishing touches on his drawing, beaming as he pulled the pen away and revealed his masterpiece. “Uh, Dave? What the _fuck_ is that?”

“What?” Dave asked innocently, though he couldn’t suppress his cheeky grin.

“Correct me if I’m fucking wrong, but it looks like you drew some sort of… wavy dick?” Karkat’s eyebrows scrunched up as he took a closer look, trying to parse the drawing for any sort of idea. “What _is_ that?!”

Dave shrugged. “I can’t tell you, man, you gotta guess. Did you already forget how to play the game?”

“No! I just don’t have the faintest flying fuck of a clue what this is supposed to be!”

“Well, better figure out fast. Time’s running out.”

Team Miracles leaned over the table to get a better look at Dave’s drawing. Kanaya’s mouth quirked into a bemused smirk. “Oh. Oh my. That certainly is… something.”

“That’s a fucking beautiful drawing, Dave,” Gamzee quipped, giving a lazy thumbs up.

“Thanks, Gamz. Karkat, you have a guess?”

Karkat buried both his hands in his hair, his frustration clearly building up again. Looks like even after the Scrabble game, he couldn’t escape Strider’s infuriating commitment to irony. “I don’t fucking know! Is it like… a bubble? Like a bubble wand? Or a really shitty pencil, maybe? What… what could this possibly-”

“Time’s up, Karkat,” Kanaya interrupted, as the last grain of sand fell in the timer.

“Fuck! What was it, Dave?”

Dave grinned. “A flagpole.”

Karkat’s jaw dropped, his eyes wide and quickly filling with rage. “A fucking _flagpole_ ? Why is the flag fucking _shaped_ like that?!”

“Listen dude, I’m a prolific artist, and sometimes that means making complex artistic decisions. I don’t blame you for not getting it.”

“Dave.”

“Yeah?

“Dave _fucking_ Strider.”

“What up, man?”

“You drew the flag as a fucking penis!”

“Like I said. Complex artistic decision.”

Karkat buried his face in his hands, making a sound that was a cross between a groan and a scream. When he had finished throwing his mini-fit, he looked up at Kanaya pleadingly. “Is it too late to change teams?”

Kanaya was trying her best to hold in laughter. It seemed that Dave’s antics had grown on everyone _but_ Karkat. “Unfortunately for you, yes.”

The game continued normally, more or less, the only hiccups being Dave’s dick-related drawings and Karkat’s angry tirades. The funniest part, in Dave’s opinion, was that Katkat caught on quickly and was actually able to figure out what his drawings were supposed to be, even through the penis filter. It didn’t stop Karkat’s frustration from building, though, and eventually he would have to snap.

It was Dave’s turn again, and he was preparing to do his fourth dick drawing, but Karkat slapped his hand away before he could draw a card. “No, I’m officially fucking decreeing that you don’t get to draw anymore!”

Dave aimed a confused look at Karkat, reaching for the card pile again. “Um, no? That’s not how this works. I get to draw, that’s the whole point of the game.”

“Nope!” Again, Karkat pushed Dave’s hand back. “I got this shit approved and notarized by the motherfucking Supreme Court! They ruled that you’re deliberately sabotaging our team, and are sentencing you to watching everyone else draw for the rest of the game.”

If Terezi were here, she would be ripping on Karkat for his mixed court metaphor. It really was too bad that Dave was just as clueless on that shit as Karkat was. “Dude, that’s completely unfair. Kanaya, tell Karkat how unfair that is.” 

Kanaya opened her mouth, ready to jump in, but Karkat wasn’t quite done with his meltdown. “This is what you fucking deserve for adding dicks to everything for _no fucking reason_.”

“This is a total violation of my equal rights. Obama wouldn’t stand for this. You’re disgracing our team’s namesake, Karkat. Do you know how much bad luck that’s probably giving us? If anyone’s ‘sabotaging’ our team, it’s you.”

“Like I give a fuck about Obama’s opinion! Obama isn’t _here_ . He isn’t even fucking cognizant of this situation! I’m not sabotaging _anything_ by disgracing Phantom Obama’s precious dreams for _equal rights._ ”

Now Karkat was making Dave angry. Well, not really angry, Dave doesn’t really get “angry”, and if he did, it was usually in an ironic way. But _no one_ insults Obama and gets out of it scot-free. “Fuck you, dude. Since you won’t let me pick a card, I’ll just draw whatever the hell I want.” Dave picked up his pen, beginning a line on his paper, but the line was jaggedly interrupted by Karkat grabbing the pen and tugging it towards him. “What the hell?”

“You don’t get to fucking draw anymore, Dave! That privilege has been revoked!”

“Let go of my pen, asshole!” Dave pulled the pen back, but Karkat’s grip wouldn’t budge. Okay, maybe he was wrong when he thought he didn’t get angry.

“Karkat, let Dave draw,” Kanaya said calmly, in an attempt to de-escalate the situation.

“He’s just gonna draw more fucking penises!” Karkat used his free hand to grab Dave’s arm, trying to pull him away from the pen.

“Boys-”

“You were still able to guess what I was drawing! Stop being such a dipshit!” Dave pried Karkat’s hand off of the pen, managing to pull his arm away as well.

In response, Karkat lunged at him, tackling him to the floor. Suddenly, Dave was back on the roof, Bro knocking him down again and again, holding him against the hot concrete, daring him to get up. Dave’s anger disappeared, replaced by an all-too-familiar fear. Unaware of his teammate’s panic, Karkat leaned over him, snarling, his hands pressing into Dave’s shoulders. Somewhere in the back of Dave’s head, he knew Karkat wouldn’t hurt him, but it was drowned out by the incessant chanting that he was in danger, that he had to defend himself, that he had to _fight back_.

So, for just an instant, he let his programming take over.

He shoved Karkat off of him, pushing him to the floor. The pen long forgotten, he raised his hand, curling his fingers into a fist.

And then he looked at Karkat, _really_ looked at him- his wide, panicked eyes, his arms pulled up to shield his face- and Dave tumbled back into his body, jolted into remembering where he was. _This isn’t the roof. This isn’t Bro._ I’m _not Bro._

Dave immediately fell back, scrambling away from Karkat as fast as possible. He was vaguely aware of Gamzee helping Karkat to his feet, Kanaya coming over to hover near Dave, asking him something in that concerned tone of voice, but he couldn’t hear her over the pounding of his heart, the rush of his thoughts. _Why did I_ do _that? What the hell is wrong with me?_

He’d snapped. He’d gone into survival mode, and he’d snapped. For those few seconds, he hadn’t even really been in control of himself, just relinquishing all control to those latent, reactionary instincts. What would have happened if he hadn’t regained control when he did? He wouldn’t have _hurt_ Karkat, right? _Right?_

 _I wouldn’t. I’m not a monster. I’m_ not _._

“Dave?” Kanaya was still hovering, hesitant to touch Dave and set him off. Across the room, Gamzee was looking at him with clear surprise, and Karkat- well, Dave would be pretty stupid if he didn’t recognize that look of abject terror. Terror that _he_ put there.

_I’m not a monster. I’m not Bro._

He could feel some demon writhing inside his guts, tearing up his insides, clawing its way up his throat. Except it wasn’t a demon. It was everything Bro had instilled in him, looking for a way out. It was-

 _Fuck_.

Dave stood up abruptly, pushed past Kanaya, and rushed out of the room, stumbling into the nearest bathroom and barely managing to close the door before falling to his knees in front of the toilet and expelling the contents of his stomach. It was an experience he was much too used to from living in the apartment. He would get desperate for a meal, eat something long past expired, and end up sick, or he’d get a rare boost in income from SBaHJ merch and buy more food than he was accustomed to, and also ending up sick. Except those experiences, for the most part, had happened at a time when his stomach was always running on empty, so it had involved a lot of dry heaving, and the hollowness he felt afterwards was no different from any other hollowness he felt in his day-to-day. Here and now, though, he was well-fed, so while he didn’t suffer many dry-heaves, he felt completely scooped out, a pulpless pumpkin ready to be carved into. His whole lower torso was roiling, the back of his throat burning from bile. He flushed the toilet without looking into the bowl, got up on shaky legs, and rinsed his mouth out about fifty times, though it did little to get rid of the taste lingering on his tongue.

Kanaya was knocking on the door, the concern in her voice still clear through the door. “Do you need anything, Dave?”

“I’m-” Dave paused, taken aback by the raspiness in his voice. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I’m fine.” Even he could tell how transparent of a lie that was- his tone was wavering almost as much as his legs were.

“I’ll get you something to drink.” He heard the soft click of her heels on the hardwood as she walked away.

Dave slumped against the wall, his eyes screwed closed to avoid his reflection- another reminder of how Dirk shaped his entire life- and tried to get his breathing under control. If he couldn’t control his instincts or his scattered thoughts, he could at least control his breathing. 

In. _Everything Bro did to me._ Out. _Everything I do to my friends._

In. _The emotional abuse. The mind games._ Out. _The struggle to empathize. The avoidance of difficult conversations._

In. _My scars. My terror. My pain._ Out. _My programming. My anger. My raised fist._

Even with his eyes closed, he could still see the mirror image of Bro in himself.

He made John wait and worry for a whole month, because he was too afraid to admit to him, or to himself, that he had been abused. Was that any different from the disappearing acts Bro would pull, or his refusal to even acknowledge that abuse was even taking place? Had Dave not, in a way, been testing John’s loyalty, in the same way Bro used to test Dave’s?

Not to mention Karkat. Dave’s been unloading his messy thoughts on him since day one, but the one time Karkat tried to open up in return, Dave was too emotionally constipated to talk him through it, to properly sympathize. And then, when he realized he’d done something to tick off Karkat, his frantic attempts to figure out how only antagonized him further, pushed him away. Was he just going through the same motions as Bro, becoming some unfeeling robot, incapable of properly connecting with people?

Dave had freaked out. Nearly hurt Karkat. _Scared_ Karkat.

How was he any different from his brother?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof sorry about ending there but this chapter was already getting egregiously long and i like to torture y'all ;)  
> the beginning of this chapter brought to you by: my frustration when my brother cheated in scrabble!!  
> on the bright side this is my last week of school (thank god) so i'm getting more free time (possibly to use in writing this fic)  
> anyway thanks for reading!


	19. The Flip Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat screwed up. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *word to the wise: this begins in karkat's perspective before the whole game night thing happened.

Karkat had completely lost the ability to talk to Dave.

After exposing that small part of his past, he felt vulnerable, transparent. Sure, Dave had reacted normally, though he needed to work a little on his empathizing skills, and Karkat had, at the moment, felt comfortable enough to give Dave something, especially when Dave was so patient with his stubborn ass.

But now he was afraid that he’d made a mistake. He trusted Dave, but at the same time his paranoia convinced him that Dave would somehow use the information against him. _And who would he tell, dumbass?_ the rational voice in his head piped up. _The only people he talks to already know more about you than he does._ Still, the paranoia persisted, one of the many “gifts” his stepdad had given him.

There were other worries, too, of course. Because it wouldn’t be a legitimate Karkat problem if there weren’t fifty other neuroses tied into it. There was the other irrational fear that he’d blow up again, this time scaring Dave away for good, or that he’d find himself ranting his entire life story to Dave, which was something he was _definitely_ not ready to do. Even if Dave could handle that- and judging by how he “handled” it the first time, that’s a big fucking _if-_ Karkat didn’t want to dump all that on the guy, especially not in some huge angry meltdown. Nor was he entirely comfortable with Dave knowing everything.

It didn’t help that his small crush on Dave had been steadily growing, despite multiple futile efforts to squash it. He had experience in being a hopeless romantic, stuck on the wrong side of an unrequited love, and he _refused_ to do it again. But it was hard not to fall into that same cycle with Dave. 

Dave, who was trusting Karkat with more and more of his secrets.

Dave, who was giving his all to be a good roommate, a good friend.

Dave, who was conventionally attractive.

 _Argh!_ Karkat wished he had an off switch for his brain sometimes. Because thoughts like those came far too often.

So, yeah, he was having trouble talking to Dave without panicking so much that his fight-or-flight response kicked in- or, really, his scream-or-ignore response. He felt like he _had_ to put up shields, protective layers of apathy and rage, to keep Dave from gleaning his darkest secrets. Karkat was only more motivated to continue his tactics when he noticed Dave pulling away as well, throwing up his own walls. Karkat didn’t know if it was in response to Karkat’s distance, or if he felt awkward now that he had a piece of Karkat’s past. Either way, the whole situation was more than fine with Karkat- in fact, it was the best case scenario. The less chances to open up to each other, the better, in his opinion. It wasn’t like he missed being able to joke around with Dave or anything. It wasn’t like he was losing someone who he considered to be his best friend.

Eventually the tactics had to backfire, though, as did most of Karkat’s plans. He just didn’t expect it to go up in flames so spectacularly.

Game night had started like any other, with Dave mildly ribbing Karkat and intentionally bending the rules just to get on his nerves. Karkat laid it on a little thick, playing up his indignation, because, yeah, maybe Dave’s improvisation on Scrabble words annoyed him a _little_ , but it wasn’t particularly rant-worthy. Nevertheless, he powered through it, fortifying his shields curse by expletive curse.

Then Kanaya had to put them on the same team for Pictionary. She probably had some sneaky reason to meddle, possibly because it was obvious to anyone with basic cognitive facilities to tell that things were off between them. Whatever the case, it worked for a few rounds until Dave decided to push his buttons again. And this time Karkat found himself not having to fake his annoyance as much- not only was he getting frustrated with Dave’s excessively childish antics, but with both of their inabilities to talk to each other. Well, Dave wanted to be childish? Two could play at that game.

Besides, his frustration had to erupt sooner or later.

He wasn’t really thinking when he grabbed the pen. Wasn’t thinking when he grabbed Dave’s arm. Wasn’t thinking when he tackled him.

Not that Karkat ever thought before making his stupid decisions. Maybe if he had given it an ounce of foresight he would’ve realized, hey, it’s a fucking bad idea to tackle the kid who spent years with a physically abusive guardian. 

But again. He wasn’t thinking.

Though he couldn’t see Dave’s eyes through the shades, he knew him well enough to read his surface emotions- Dave wasn’t as good at hiding them as he liked to believe. So he noticed when Dave’s anger flashed into fear, and when his face went blank… Not a lot of things scared Karkat, but seeing that blankness on Dave shook him to his core. Before that cold, expressionless look, Karkat would’ve laughed at the idea of Dave hurting anyone. This was as good of a reminder as any that he could never truly know what a person was capable of, because when Dave raised his fist, Karkat had no doubt that he was more than capable of going through with it. That’s what _really_ scared him.

Then Dave’s face had cracked, and suddenly he was just a scared kid again. Dave launched himself off of Karkat, scampering as far from him as possible. As Karkat tried to process what had just happened, Gamzee helped him to his feet, quietly asking, “Are you okay, bro?”

Karkat didn’t answer, not right away. He stared at Dave, who was cradling his head in his hands, trembling. Or maybe Karkat was the one who was shaking? It didn’t matter.

Kanaya knelt down next to Dave, her concern overwhelmingly clear, but Dave barely acknowledged her. Instead, he glanced up at Karkat, his jaw tightening, then bolted from the room. Kanaya’s brow furrowed as she stood up, presumably to follow him. “Are you alright, Karkat?”

Karkat nodded, not trusting himself to speak without screaming obscenities.

“I’m going to try talking to him. Stay here.” She left the room, her worry manifesting itself in how she wrung her hands together.

Suddenly feeling unable to stand, Karkat sunk onto the couch. _Fuck. What did I_ do _?_ Gamzee rubbed his back, falling into a routine he was familiar with- the juggalo was surprisingly good at comforting others, all things considered- but it didn’t do much to assuage the noise in Karkat’s brain. His inner voice was yelling at him for, once a-fucking-gain, being mind-numbingly incompetent and absolutely fucking up everything.

“What’s on your mind, bro?” Gamzee was also surprisingly good at reading Karkat, so he knew when Karkat was raring to speak- or yell- his jumbled thoughts.

“I always do this!” Karkat tried to keep it down, well aware that Dave was close enough to hear if he started yelling, not to mention Kanaya, who was still in the room, waiting for Dave to leave the bathroom. But, since he was Karkat Vantas, it was hard not to let his volume explode. “I push things too far, and am surprised when they continue to blow up in my face! With Sollux, with Terezi, and now with fucking Dave! I always make the dumbass decision to antagonize them, and somehow it never crosses my mind, until it’s too fucking late, of course, that it might make them hate me! But I can never learn my fucking lesson, can I? I wonder how many people I have to completely alienate with my actions before it gets through my thick skull that I’m absolute garbage at this whole ‘friend’ thing! I would be better off holing up in my room for the rest of my life and watching romcoms, maybe then I’ll fucking _learn something_ about how to interact with others! Oh wait, I forgot, the dude I just attacked lives in my room, too! Guess I can cross _that_ one off the list of ideas that were too dumb even for _me,_ Karkat Vantas, the ruler of terrible, life-ruining ideas!” By the end of his mini-rant, Karkat was breathing hard.

Gamzee contemplated him, his free hand rubbing his chin. “Karkat, my main bro, I don’t think your life is all up and ruined. How about we do that whole ‘thinking rationally’ thing?”

“Oh, that’s rich, coming from Gamzee ‘Miracles are my religion’ Makara! But sure! Let’s think _rationally_ about all this!”

Gamzee frowned. “I’m just tryna help a motherfuckin’ bro out.”

Karkat sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know, Gamz. I’m just fucking doing it _again_. Sabotaging yet another friendship. How original of me!”

“I don’t think you’re sabotaging anything. I think you’re just feeling some real bad vibes right now and instead of dealin’ with them in that healthy way that gets you to feeling good, you’re just getting frustrated and confused and making those vibes worse. Let’s talk it out, homie.”

Karkat blinked at Gamzee incredulously. “Why don’t I come to you for advice more often? How do you even _have_ advice? How is that fair?”

“I been through a lot, brother, but now I am one with the Mirthful Messiahs and-”

“Never mind, forget I asked.” Karkat’s eyes dropped to the table, where the abandoned Pictionary board was sitting, and _nope, that’s another reminder of how bad I fucked up,_ _looking away now._ “You said I’m frustrated, and... I guess that’s kinda true.”

“What’s got you up to feeling that way, brother?”

“A lot of things. I don’t fucking know. Maybe it’s just me being frustrated with how much of a piece of shit I am! That sounds about right.”

Gamzee scratched his head through the thicket of unruly locks, his “thinking face” engaged again. “You said there’s a lot of things. So it’s not just yourself that’s got you all frustrated.”

“I mean, Dave was aggravating me, I guess. But not really as much as I made it look like. I’m just so fed _up_ with the bullshit way we’ve been acting around each other.”

“You mean the whole avoiding act thing you got going with him?”

Karkat groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Was it that fucking obvious?”

“Pretty much everyone picked up on it. Shit was more obvious than the truths of the Dark Carnival that all got revealed to me.”

“Fuck! Well, I’m tired of it! I don’t know why we can’t just talk like _normal fucking people_.”

“Are any of us really _normal_?”

“Don’t you dare start preaching more of your weird clown religion shit unless you want to see the miracle that is me managing not to strangle you with your own large intestine.”

“That was motherfuckin’ threatening as all hell, bro.”

“Threatening is what I was going for, idiot.”

“Well, scary threats from my main bro aside, why don’t you keep going? We’re gettin’ somewhere with this talking.”

“Are we? I just feel like I’m repeating my self-loathing-fueled thoughts back to myself.”

Gamzee shrugged. “We’re making progress. But I’m starting to feel that what you really need to do to sort all this out is talk to Dave about it.”

This elicited another groan from Karkat. “Great. The one thing I fucking can’t do. If you forgot, my friendship with him just got fucked sideways with a chainsaw, thanks to my dumb ass! Got any more stellar advice, buddy?”

“Naw, bro. I’m being totally real with you right now. You ain’t gonna figure this out unless you talk to him. And maybe realize that you ain’t gotta be taking up all the blame for this.”

“Hah! That’s a fucking laugh. As if Dave is even remotely responsible for how shitty this situation is.”

“Think about it a little more, bro. Y’all were both avoidin’ talking to each other, and just now you were both tryna antagonize each other.”

“That doesn’t fucking matter! _I’m_ the one that decided to fucking lunge at him. I mean, that’s rule number one, isn’t it? Don’t fucking attack the guy who has trauma from physical abuse!” Karkat screwed his eyes shut, battling his rising anger- he didn’t want to piss off _two_ friends in one day. That sure would be a record for him. “No matter how you look at it, _I_ fucking screwed up there. No way a-fucking-round it.”

Gamzee pursed his lips as his eyes narrowed into slits- his most seriously contemplative face yet. “I think you should just talk to him. See his perspective on it. It’s all about perspective.”

“Okay, I take back what I said about you having good advice. You’re just full of shit.”

Gamzee stood up, smiling serenely. “Kanaya’s probably gonna get you two to talk it out anyway. Which means I should all up and get the motherfuck outta here.”

“Gamzee! What the fuck?! Don’t leave me here alone!”

Gamzee was already on his way out. “Peace, bro. Good luck.”

“Fuck you!” Karkat moped on the couch for a little bit, before turning to look at Kanaya. Who was staring at him expectantly. _Fuck_. “Uh… how much of that did you hear?”

“Enough.” She beckoned him with a crook of one finger, and he had no choice but to get up. _Into the lion’s den I go._

Karkat hung back, a few feet from the door, hyper-aware that Dave was probably listening. He was even more aware that Kanaya couldn’t be too pleased with how horribly he fucked up. “Am I in trouble?”

Kanaya sighed, glancing at the closed bathroom door. “No, Karkat. If there’s a lesson to be learned from this situation, I’m sure you’ve learned it already.”

Karkat nodded, the small wave of relief he felt quickly squashed by his overwhelming anxiety over Dave. “Is he… okay?”

“I’m not sure. I brought him water and ginger ale, but he was quick to grab it before I could get a good look at him. But I would assume he’s not doing particularly great.”

“I really fucked up this time, huh.” Karkat crossed his arms, staring at the floor. The worst-case scenarios were flashing through his head- Dave hating him forever, never wanting to talk to him again, going to a different foster home- and he suddenly wanted to go hide, curl up in a ball in some remote part of the world where no one could find him. “I’m such a pathetic shitstain of a person.”

Kanaya aimed a steely gaze on him. “Look at me, Karkat.” When he turned his head to look at her, her expression was stonily serious. “You are _not_ pathetic. And you are _not_ a shitstain. You made a mistake. That’s just a part of life. What matters is what you’re going to do to correct this mistake.”

Karkat looked away again, unable to hold her intense gaze. “What… what _can_ I do?”

“You can start by apologizing. I’m sure he’ll be able to hear you through the door.”

Though his anxiety spiked at the idea, he nodded shakily. “Yeah. Okay. I can do that.” He sidled closer to the bathroom door, taking a deep breath. At least it would be easier to talk with the barrier- he didn’t have to see Dave, face the hurt he caused his friend. Shaking away his crowded, worried thoughts, he began to talk.

“Hey, Dave. It’s Karkat. Wait, that was fucking stupid of me to say, of course you can tell it’s me, my voice is so recognizably grating it couldn’t possibly be anyone else.” _Great start to the apology, Karkat. Really nailing it there._ “Uh, I hope you can hear me in there. You don’t gotta say anything. I mean, I’d totally get it if you don’t want to talk to me. Hell, _I_ wouldn’t want to talk to my stupid ass either, but I’m stuck with myself, so guess I’m fucked! I would not be surprised if you never wanted to talk to me again, ever. I’m such a fucking dumbass, I cannot believe I managed to top all my past assholey actions, but I did it! I did the most asshole thing possible. Crown me the asshole king of Asshole land, because I really fucked this one up!” Kanaya was giving him a _look_ , a clear warning that he was in some self-flagellating, rambling tangent. _Fuck. I suck at this, don’t I?_ “Uh… what I was trying to say is, yeah, I did something absolutely awful, and I feel like a pile of rancid, festering dog shit because of it. So I wanted to say, in the most drawn out, awkward way possible, that I’m sorry. And I don’t do that a lot, the whole sincerely apologizing thing, so you know this shit is genuine.” _Wow. What the fuck am I saying?_ “It was completely fucking wrong of me to tackle you like that, especially since I know your history with that ballsack who used to be your guardian, but I was caught up in the moment and wasn’t really thinking, like usual, and I didn’t realize until after that it might trigger some bad memories for you, and I guess also some gut reactions? I only hate myself more for bringing any of that back, or making you feel afraid. So, yeah, I’m sorry for that.

“Oh, and also I’m sorry for all the shit that happened before. I may have been overreacting a little with the games. Okay, scratch that, I was overreacting a _lot_ , I have to own up to that, too, because that was definitely all my fucking fault. Not that you weren’t being annoying and kind of a prick-” _Karkat stop what are you even_ saying _right now-_ “but I really did take it way too far. So. Sorry.” Karkat paused, leaning against the wall, chewing his lip. Was that enough? Would Dave forgive him? Maybe he needed to apologize for more? He hadn’t even mentioned all the awkward, silent tension between them the past few days. Should he apologize for that, too? “And… fuck I guess I’m gonna keep going, because I’ve screwed this whole situation in about seven thousand different ways. I’m sorry I was being so awkward around you the past few days. I don’t open up to people a lot, and I guess after I did that I was… scared? I don’t fucking know _what_ I was scared of, but that’s how I fucking felt. And none of that was your fault, I mean, fuck, you actually _cared_ enough to listen to me, but I didn’t like feeling that vulnerable, so I just stopped… talking to you. And that was a pretty bullshit fucking move. Sorry for that, too.” He paused again, wondering if Dave would say something. _Anything_ would do. Not that Karkat thought he deserved Dave’s forgiveness, or to even talk to him again. “Like I said earlier, I get it if you don’t want to talk to me anymore, if you don’t even want to see my face. I just wanted you to know I’m fucking sorry, and that if you…” He took a deep breath, curling his trembling hands into fists, and the next sentence came out in a rush, as he tried to get it out before he lost the nerve. “If you _do_ somehow find it within you to forgive my pathetic ass and talk to me, I would be really grateful, because I really like talking to you and it would fucking suck if we didn’t. Um... but yeah, don’t feel obligated to do it or anything. I don’t really fucking deserve any forgiveness, but uh, if you did, I would never fucking mess with you again, I swear. No more fucking up and accidentally hurting you, that’s a fucking promise.”

Karkat stopped, shutting his eyes. He didn’t really have much else to say- at least, not through a door. Anything else he wanted to say, he wanted to say to Dave directly. Not that he had the courage to do that.

Kanaya placed her hand on his shoulder, reassuring, before speaking. “Dave, take as much time as you need in there, but I really do think we should all talk together when you feel ready.” Karkat lifted his head, widening his eyes at Kanaya, trying to communicate his frantic objections to that idea. _Nonono Kanaya, I can’t fucking talk to him, are you kidding me? I don’t want to force him to talk to me! I can’t even_ face _him right now!_ He couldn’t say any of that out loud, though, and Kanaya wouldn’t be receptive of his input regardless. “We’ll be waiting out here for you.”

Well. Karkat couldn’t go anywhere now. He had no choice but to wait with Kanaya. He slid down the wall, sitting on the carpeted floor, his legs stretched out in front of him.

Sitting in silence gave his brain more time to run on empty. He thought about how shitty and incoherent his apology was. _Seriously, Karkat, what was that?_ If anything, that bullshit apology only hurt his chances of Dave forgiving him. He royally fucked this up, forever. _Fuck_.

They waited for about five minutes, though with the mounting worry and hysteria in Karkat’s head, it felt like hours. At one point they could hear the sink running, and Karkat had placed his hands on the floor, ready to stand, anticipating Dave to come out. When he heard the door click open, he jumped up, nearly slamming into Kanaya. Whoops.

The door was barely cracked open, about an inch or two away from the frame, but it was enough for Karkat to see Dave. His head was tilted down, staring at the floor, and his posture was stiff, tense, defensive- his shoulders raised, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. To Karkat, his face was, for once, inscrutable. “I can talk.” His voice came out quiet, even.

Kanaya nodded, clasping her hands. “Great. Would you mind stepping out of the bathroom?”

Dave hesitated for a moment before complying, shutting the door and leaning against it. He still held that defensive posture, avoiding eye contact with everyone, even though the shades already did that for him. To be fair, Karkat wasn’t really looking at him either- his eyes had also suddenly found the floor very interesting. Neither of them were talking, either.

“Dave, do you have anything you want to say to Karkat?” Kanaya prompted, ever so gently.

Dave’s hands tightened on his arms. “Y-yeah. I… I’m sorry.”

Karkat glanced up, surprised. He found that, suddenly, he could read Dave’s face again, the slight downward tilt of his mouth, his furrowed brow. It wasn’t an emotion Karkat could pin down with one word- something like sadness, something like pain, something like fear. “What do _you_ have to be sorry for?” Shit, okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. “I mean, _I’m_ the one who fucked up! I’m to blame for all this shit.”

Dave frowned slightly, curling in on himself more. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there, wanted to retreat to the bathroom or abscond to his room or just fucking disappear from this plane of reality. “No, you’re not. I… I really fucked up, too. I _attacked_ you. I almost _hit_ you.”

Oh yeah. Karkat had almost forgotten about that part. “That doesn’t fucking matter! You were just defending yourself from my dumb ass lunging at you.”

Kanaya jumped in. “Karkat, why don’t you listen to what he has to say?”

Fuck. Already fucking up again. “Oh, yeah. Uh, sorry, Dave.”

Dave's jaw tensed. “Stop apologizing. This isn’t your fault. None of it is.” Karkat wanted to butt in, argue, but Kanaya was right, he should give Dave the floor. “I was messing with you all night. You were right to call me a prick, because I sure as hell was being one. You didn’t even really lunge at me, I’m sure anyone else would’ve seen the whole ‘wrestling over the pen’ thing as playful antagonism. You weren’t trying to hurt me. I’m the one who snapped.”

“Okay, but _I’m_ the one who initiated that! I _knew_ you had a bad history with physical violence, and I _still_ jumped on you. I should’ve known you wouldn’t react normally to that.”

“You had no way of knowing. It’s not your responsibility to make sure not to ‘set me off’ or whatever. It’s _my_ responsibility to keep that shit under wraps, but I couldn’t control it, so it’s on me.”

Kanaya put her hands on her hips, her mouth a thin, disapproving line. “Dave, you shouldn’t take responsibility for that. It’s not your fault you suffered from traumatic abuse, and it’s not your fault that you reacted accordingly when Karkat triggered those memories for you. In fact, it’s quite common in those who suffered abuse. And Karkat, you can’t take responsibility when you didn’t know what Dave’s reaction would be. However, in the future, you should keep that in mind and refrain from physical altercations with Dave.”

“No shit,” Karkat replied bitterly. “That lesson has been well and fucking learned.”

Dave just nodded, though he didn’t look particularly convinced. In fact, he seemed completely disengaged from the conversation, his eyes unfocused in a way that seemed far away. He clearly didn’t want to keep going, though Karkat couldn’t tell if he was just being his normal socially awkward self or if he just didn’t want to be around Karkat anymore. Actually, no, it was incredibly obvious to Karkat that _he_ was the problem here. That was something he could fix.

“Okay, we’ve cleared all of that bullshit up, everything’s been resolved one hundred percent, so I’m gonna go!” Karkat said in a rush, hoping he could get the words out and escape before Kanaya could process what was happening. Unfortunately, she was more wise to Karkat’s deflection tactics than probably anyone else on Earth.

“And just where do you think you’re going? We're not done here.”

“Maryam, please.” Both Kanaya and Karkat turned, mildly surprised to see Dave had raised his head, making eye contact with them- through the shades, of course. “It’s obvious neither of us really want to talk about this right now.”

Kanaya pursed her lips, clearly not happy with this development. “But we still have some other things to discuss.”

“We can always do that another time. It’s late, we’re tired, which means we’re not all that receptive to whatever life-changing advice you have to offer us.” Dave _did_ look exhausted, even through his trained expression.

Kanaya sighed, defeated. She knew there wasn’t much she could do to push it- if they didn’t want to be there, they wouldn’t absorb anything she could say. “Fine. But can I talk to you alone for a few minutes?” She directed this at Dave. “I promise it won’t take long.”

Dave shrugged, his eyes returning to that oh-so-interesting carpet. “I can’t exactly say no, so… yeah.”

Karkat knew that was his cue to leave. Whatever it was, it wasn’t his business. He wouldn’t even try to eavesdrop, like some of his more nosy foster siblings might have- Terezi was especially fond of listening into his private discussions. He went straight upstairs, quickly changed into pajamas, and crashed into bed, determined to pretend to be asleep before Dave came in. Sure, it was a little petty, and a lot childish, but he _really_ wanted to avoid any late-night feelings chats. Things were screwed enough between them already without them trying to work through whatever issues they had going on.

As he laid there, he couldn’t stop his mind from obsessing over his conversation with Dave. Not that a lot of conversing had gone on, mostly just Kanaya-prompted apologies, but it sounded like Dave was doing exactly what Karkat was doing- blaming himself for everything that happened. Which made no sense to Karkat, because it wasn’t like Dave really had control over his reaction to Karkat attacking him like that, he couldn’t _possibly_ take responsibility. But he did. And he seemed to be beating himself up inside for it, for losing control. Maybe for other things, too. It just didn’t seem fair that Dave was trying to take all the blame, when it was clearly all Karkat’s fault for antagonizing him in the first place.

But at the same time, Dave thought Karkat was crazy for trying to take the blame, because Dave was being just as much of a prick to Karkat back. Maybe they both had a point, and neither of them were completely responsible? But what about the whole dance of avoidance they were doing with each other before everything? Whose fault was that?

Okay, so his thoughts were going in circles, trying to pin blame for things he didn’t really understand. It was driving him a little insane, not knowing why he and Dave had been avoiding each other in the first place. He could speculate all he wanted, but he wouldn’t know Dave’s reasoning unless he asked him.

Which wasn’t happening. No fucking way.

His mind was spinning with unanswered questions by the time Dave came in, shutting the door quietly behind him. Karkat held his breath, squeezing his eyes shut, hoping Dave would buy that he was sleeping. Dave didn’t say anything at first, and Karkat could barely hear the light pad of his tread as he crossed the room, towards the dresser. He listened as Dave opened one of the drawers, softly closed it again. He didn’t hear the door open again, so he assumed Dave was changing- which surprised him, because he didn’t think Dave would feel comfortable enough to do so in front of him after what just went down between them. Maybe he only felt okay with it because he thought Karkat was asleep? In any case, he sure wasn’t watching.

There was silence for a few more minutes, and Karkat was getting antsy- he didn’t know if Dave was staying in the room, if he even wanted to _be_ in the same room as Karkat, let alone sleep in it. He was afraid to take a peek and get Dave’s attention, informing him on the fact that Karkat was definitely not asleep. But he hadn’t heard the door open again yet, which meant Dave was still there, doing God-knows-what. The curiosity was _killing_ him. As he was about to brave a peek, Dave finally spoke, saving Karkat from revealing himself.

“Karkat?” He didn’t reply, though he was listening intently. Dave sighed, and across the room his bed creaked slightly. “Kanaya said I should sleep in here, but, um, I might go crash on the couch. Just wanted to let you know, so you didn’t worry that I was abducted by aliens or something. Don’t need you obsessing over my disappearance for years, researching everything about extraterrestrials, getting a job at the FBI so you can get your hands on those sweet X-files, getting as crazy as my dude Mulder over my disappearance. Don’t get me wrong, that’s totally sweet, but uh, I wouldn’t be actually abducted, just… chilling on the couch the whole time.” Though Dave was riding his usual mumbling wave of words, it was missing some vital component, some conviction or jokiness to it. It was hard for Karkat to place- maybe it was how monotone Dave’s voice was? It sounded empty, so un-Dave-like, and Karkat hated that _he_ was the one to make him sound like that.

When Dave spoke again, it was less hollow, an unidentifiable emotion thrumming under the words. “Dude, I know you’re awake. It takes you like an hour to fall asleep.” Karkat stayed silent, as he tried to decipher what that underlying emotion was. “I get it, you don’t want to talk to me, it’s not like I particularly feel like talking, either, it’s just…” Was it desperation? Dave almost sounded like he was pleading with Karkat. But for what? “I just want to say I’m sorry again. You probably hate me-” wait, _what?_ “-and I don’t blame you, I _am_ a total douchebag. Can’t seem to change that about me, it’s a god damn curse. But, um… that would really fucking suck, if true. The you-hating-me thing, I mean. Because I like… hanging with you, and everything, when I’m not being an out-of-control lunatic and attacking you.” There was a long pause, as if Dave was fighting to get the next words out. “I would just… really like to know if we’re gonna be okay eventually. Doesn’t have to be anytime soon, but I… really, _really_ want us to be okay.”

Karkat couldn’t torture Dave any longer- he had to say _something_. “Dave.”

He opened his eyes, turning to see Dave sitting on his bed, his posture tense, almost shocked. It didn’t look like he’d actually expected Karkat to respond- his shades were off, gripped in his hands, and he made no move to put them back on, not that Karkat could see his eyes in the dark room. “Yeah?” His voice came out shaky, trepidation creeping in.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Oh.” Dave gulped, shifting his shoulders, trying to shake out some of his tension. “I… uh… don’t hate you either.”

Karkat was having a hard time believing that, but he wouldn’t argue it now- things were tough enough already. “And I’m sorry. I know you don’t think I’m to blame for any of this, but I think the same fucking thing about you, so… whatever you think you did wrong, I forgive you for it, because frankly the fact that you even _think_ you did something wrong is bullshit.”

“Yeah…” Dave rubbed his face, staring at the ground, clearly uncomfortable. “Um. Ditto, I guess. I forgive you for shit that you shouldn’t even be sorry for in the first place. Can we, um… just let it be for now?”

“Sure.” Hell, Karkat was uncomfortable, too. “Are you getting abducted by aliens or are you gonna sleep in here like a normal person?”

The stupid joke actually managed to break Dave’s funk for all of two seconds- he let out a small chuckle. “I mean, I ain’t anywhere near the definition of a ‘normal’ person, I’m all kinds of fucked up, but uh, yeah. I think I’m staying in here.”

“Great.” Despite his discomfort, Karkat still wanted to ask so many things, the reason Dave might’ve been avoiding him being the key thing he wanted to know. But neither of them were up for much of a deep conversation, so he had to let it lie. He opted to ask something safer instead. “What did Kanaya talk to you about?”

“Oh, uh. She recommended I get therapy. For uh, you know. The abuse and everything. It’s not mandatory or anything, just if I feel like I need it.”

“Huh.” Kanaya had recommended Karkat the same thing all those years ago, when he’d first arrived and was even more volatile than now. He’d never taken up the offer, at the time stubbornly refusing to admit he was weak and needed help. Maybe things would’ve turned out differently if he had agreed to it? He wondered whether it was too late. “Well, are you going to do it?”

Dave shrugged, toying with his shades. “I don’t know. Maybe I should? I think… I really do need help. My brain’s kind of a fucking mess, and if tonight wasn’t evidence enough of that, I dunno what is.”

“You want my advice? Go for it. It’s better than doing nothing.”

“...I’ll think about it. Thanks.” Dave was still fiddling with his shades, swinging the little arms in and out, nervously tapping the frame. “Are we good?”

“What?”

“Are we cool?”

“Oh.” That clarified nothing, but Karkat knew what he was trying to say. “Yeah, I think we’re cool.”

“Cool.” Dave finally put the glasses down, sighing. “I think I’m gonna try to sleep, then.”

“Alright.”

He laid down, staring at the ceiling. “Goodnight, Karkat.”

Karkat turned away again, opting to face the wall. Anything was easier than facing his roommate right then. “Night, Dave.”

Neither of them slept well that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeezus this chapter took me so long to finish and when i finally did i realized id written 6000 words??? like wtf no wonder it took so long dumbass you wrote so much  
> anyway um hope you like this not-resolution! i promise a more fulfilling one is coming but these boys ain't ready for that yet.  
> thanks for reading! as the youtubers say, like comment and subscribe!!


	20. Windup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat handle their problems in the normal fashion- that is to say, by completely ignoring them.

Things more or less went back to normal for Karkat and Dave- at least, as normal as they could be, given the situation. They still talked and joked around, but there was always an undercurrent of tension, as if they were anticipating something to blow up, or for one of them to bring up the things that still remained unspoken. Neither of them wanted to discuss the events of Game Night, or everything leading up to it- the avoidance, the dialogic distancing. So it remained unresolved, a constant conversational taboo between them.

Another thing that had changed was physical expression. Before, Karkat had never thought twice about small touches- tapping Dave on the shoulder, shoving him, faux-punching him- and they’d gotten used to sharing a blanket whenever they had a movie night. Now, Karkat was hesitant to even brush up against Dave, eternally conscious of maintaining a few inches of space between them at all times. He didn’t want to ‘set off’ Dave, not that he really thought Dave would be set off by such simple touches, but still. And Dave was a lot more stiff around him as well, almost restrained. He was afraid if he didn’t hold back, he might accidentally snap again, hurt Karkat, and that was the last thing he wanted. There were still a few times when they would touch- like when Dave scooted closer to Karkat while watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding, then ever-so-gently resting his head on his shoulder- but they were few and far between, and Karkat didn’t dare to initiate it.

They also hadn’t slept together since. There were a few times Dave was tempted to, especially since he’d been getting less and less sleep lately, becoming more restless, plagued by nightmares that had him bolting up in a cold sweat most nights. He had felt protected, more at peace, when he’d slept with Karkat, but now he feared that something as small as Karkat shifting in his sleep might trigger another instinctual reaction in him. After all, Bro had loved to ambush him at night.

Besides, he didn’t really deserve to be near Karkat after attacking him. He was surprised Karkat even still trusted him, or wanted to be around him, after seeing him snap like that. But he didn’t seem to even care that Dave had almost punched him- in fact, he seemed reassured, confident that Dave wouldn’t, which Dave definitely didn’t understand. But again, that fell under the category of things they weren’t talking about, so he couldn’t actually bring it up.

He had started therapy, after Kanaya heavily suggested it, and his therapist was okay- a little stuffy, but he seemed interested in whatever Dave had to say. Not that Dave opened up much, what with the guy kind of being a stranger, but they had started talking about Bro- _Dirk-_ and his abuse. It was uncomfortable for Dave to lay it all out in the open for some guy to psychoanalyze, but that was his job, and it did help a little to talk about it. Still, it was slow going.

Between school, therapy sessions, and constantly skirting around certain topics with Karkat, Dave’s time and thoughts were preoccupied. Thanksgiving break had just started, though some of his teachers apparently didn’t understand what “break” meant because he still had three projects to get done. He didn’t have much brain space left for anything else, which explained why he was so surprised when John asked for his new address.

EB: hey dave! what is the address for your foster home?

TG: what

TG: why do you want to know

TG: i mean if youre planning a surprise visit forget it i saw that shit coming from a mile away

TG: scoped it on my dumb plans for idiots radar

TG: all blinking menacingly in my periphery like

TG: oh whats that

TG: ah it seems we have a bad idea approaching us from three o clock captain sir

TG: holy shit really how bad is this idea lieutenant

TG: well captain its a bad idea from your best friend sir

TG: oh shit sound the alarm this is a code red

TG: you can just like show up like a normal person

TG: you know make plans and shit so that its actually fucking convenient for everyone involved

TG: im sure that probably ruins your plans i bet you had some hugely annoying prank up your sleeve just ready to pull on me

TG: you would get maryam in on it so shed let you put a bucket of water on the front door right before i get home from school

TG: and id walk up totally oblivious like oh whats this the door is slightly ajar seems totally normal

TG: btw this is in the hypothetical scenario where everything goes perfectly in your dumb little prank because this is all how you imagine its gonna go down

TG: in reality id probably be immediately suspicious of that shit

TG: but anyway i walk through the door like a real dumbass

TG: then bam im completely soaked and theres my best friend standing there in the foyer with the goofiest fucking smile

TG: all like gotcha bitch

TG: but also expecting a hug or something

TG: and i would accept that hug graciously like a pro

TG: because i aint giving you the satisfaction of seeing me defeated

TG: and of course the hug would be executed with a hearty amount of no homos declared

TG: okay wait actually scratch that whole plan no way maryam would let you dump water all over her floors

TG: but yeah whatever it wouldnt go down like that anyway because i would totally foil your prank plans

TG: you aint getting the jump on me dude

EB: dave. i am not planning a ‘surprise visit’.

EB: i don’t know how you typed all of that so fast before i could even get a word in edgewise!

TG: i got skills man ive taken years to refine the craft of typing like the speediest keyboard ninja out there

TG: practicing on those type racing websites

TG: got up to like 140 wpm

TG: why do you want my address then if not for a masterful surprise visit slash prank

EB: so i can send you your birthday present! duh.

EB: it’s almost december! i don’t want it to get there late.

EB: and it’s your sweet sixteen, too! i can’t send you a late present for the big one six!

Whoops. Dave had completely forgotten that was coming up.

TG: oh

TG: oh yeah that

TG: damn i didnt even realize what the date was shits been crazy around here lately

TG: ive just been completely swamped 

TG: school is a bitch i was right to skip it for so many years

TG: too bad that aint gonna fly with maryam

TG: just some sad penguin chilling on some ice staring at the sky wistfully thinking maybe one day its useless wings will get it up there

TG: spoiler alert buddy its not gonna happen

TG: not in a thousand years

TG: maybe in like a million yall will evolve working wings who knows

TG: but you arent getting in the sky ever thats just life

EB: dave.

EB: i think that is the dumbest metaphor you have ever told.

TG: damn you got me there

EB: so are you gonna tell me what your address is or are you gonna keep talking about flightless birds?

TG: i mean i havent even touched on ostriches yet

TG: and what about kiwis huh no one thinks about kiwis

TG: do they even have wings or are they just little fluffy balls

EB: STRIIIIIIIIDEEEEER!!!!!

EB: tell me your address already!

TG: jeez touchy much

TG: 413612 sburb st

EB: finally!

TG: whatd you even get me this year

TG: i dont know why you still send me gifts clearly nothings gonna ever top the stiller shades

EB: i know! those are so sweet.

TG: it hurts that you dont mean that ironically

TG: but its okay with me as your teacher youll master the art of irony one day

EB: shut up, you know you love those shades.

TG: no comment

EB: but i think you’re gonna really like what i got you this year!

EB: you’ll just have to wait and see!

EB: :P

TG: damn

TG: played again by the master prankster

TG: not

EB: wow, dave. you wound me.

EB: not that that was even a prank. isn’t the whole point of birthday presents not to tell the person what they’re getting?

TG: naw dude thats just what you think

TG: but dont worry im definitely gonna get even with you when your birthday comes around

TG: gonna prank you so hard by not telling you what i got you

EB: dude, you are so full of bullshit.

TG: i know you are but what am i

EB: augh!

EB: i cannot BELIEVE you just pulled that elementary school comeback on me that is so lame!

TG: it wouldve been lame if id done it sincerely

TG: but i had ironic intent

TG: therefore it was a hilariously apt retort

TG: consider this your first lesson

EB: so lame.

TG: anyway i gotta go

TG: get this lame english project done

TG: fuck romeo and juliet when do these assholes die

EB: heheheh good luck with that dude!

EB: talk to you later.

TG: bye

His birthday was coming up. Great. Needless to say, the day had never been an especially momentous or happy one in the past- aside from a message and present from John, his birthdays had passed unnoticed and uncelebrated. On the rare occasions Dirk had remembered the anniversary, he just gave Dave some “lesson” on what growing up and becoming a man meant. So, yeah, not a lot of great memories associated with that particular day.

That was still a few weeks away, though. No need to get all worked up about it. He just had to keep his focus on school and therapy and Karkat and his foster family and everything would be fine. Hey, with any luck the whole thing would blow over, no one would notice the sixteen crappy years he spent on this miserable rock, and Kanaya wouldn’t pull out all the stops like she had for Vriska’s birthday.

Who was he kidding, of course she would do that. Maybe he could ask her to not make a big deal out of it. He knew anything extravagant would just make him highly uncomfortable, although he wasn’t adverse to the idea of getting cake again.

Whatever. He’d deal with it when it came. For now, he had more important things to divert his attention, like the more imminent celebration that he was even less familiar with- Thanksgiving. Kanaya was spending the whole week cooking some huge feast in preparation for Thursday. Apparently, the old fosters were visiting- Vriska, Sollux, and Aradia- as well as Rose and a few members of Kanaya’s family, and she was determined to make the food perfect, if nothing else. She wasn’t even letting anyone else help, convinced they would screw something up, and as far as Dave was concerned, she was completely spot-on with that one. So he found himself spending a majority of the week holed up in his room, with his nearly ever-present roommate as company. If the tension was building, neither of them were acknowledging it.

“Karkat, pause the movie.” Dave was sitting in Karkat’s bed, a few inches of space between them under the blanket they were sharing, watching Romeo and Juliet. Dave had convinced Karkat that he wanted to watch it to better understand the plot without having to decipher all the Old English, but really he just didn’t want to read the whole thing. That being said, this adaptation sucked.

“What’s wrong this time?” Karkat asked, tapping the spacebar. He looked over at Dave, slightly annoyed. He knew what Dave’s gambit was, and was fine with it. What he wasn’t fine with was that this was about the fifth time he’d had to pause the movie for Dave.

“What’s _wrong_ is that that dude just pulled out a gun.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, sighing. “It’s a modern adaptation. Sure, it’s not the greatest out there, but I thought it would be the best one to help you ‘understand’ the plot. Plus, DeCaprio is some good fucking eye candy.”

Dave snorted at that. “I just do not get the _vibe_ this movie is going for. Don’t get me wrong, I'm all for modernizing Shakespeare. Dude’s writing is stuffy and old and impossible to understand after four hundred years, that’s just to be expected. Putting it in a modern context is sometimes the only way to let poor suffering students like us make sense of that bullshit. But _this_ movie is confused about how modern it wants to be. Like, they kept all the dialogue the same, so these douchebags are talking like they just hitched a ride from Doctor Who and suddenly the TARDIS broke and now they’re stranded in the twenty-first century. But then these Dark-Ages-sounding motherfuckers suddenly decide to pull out fucking guns? And this dude has like a _pool_ and _security cameras_? And there’s this whole Godfather mobster gang-war vibe to the whole movie and it just doesn’t fit.”

“It’s a purposeful stylistic choice, Dave. The director wanted to stay true to the words of Shakespeare while also connecting the story to a modern interpretation. If you weren’t denser than a block of steel maybe you would pick up on shit like this.”

“Yeah, well, I think it ends up connecting to jack shit.”

“It’s a good fucking movie!”

“You think every romantic movie is a ‘good fucking movie’. Especially when it comes to Leo DiCaprio. You’ve got a weakness for him, dude.”

Karkat scoffed, crossing his arms. “Is this about Titanic? You’re seriously bringing that up again?”

“It always comes back to Titanic, man. It’s just a crappy movie.”

“It’s a cinematic classic and it’s fantastic, asshole!”

“It’s like three hours long and boring as hell.”

“I know the only reason you didn’t like it was because Jack died.”

“There was room on that door for both of them!”

“Yeah, yeah, we all know that, Dave. You’re still in the denial phase of grief. I’ve already accepted it and moved past it, and now I can see clearly that Titanic is a fucking masterpiece.”

Dave shook his head, though he was grinning. “Naw, I’m never gonna forgive them for doing my man Jack like that. And that still doesn’t change the fact that half the movie is boring shots of a dinosaur of a lady still being depressed over her weekend fling from sixty million years ago. I’m pretty sure you see Leonardo and just blank out the rest of the movie.”

“Okay, _maybe_ I have a thing for insufferably persistent, cute blondes! But I-” Karkat stopped, his eyes going wide in horror, and clapped his hands over his mouth, his face going pale.

Dave peered at him curiously. “Uh… you good there, bud?” He’d only been paying some attention to what Karkat was saying, so he played it back in his head to process it further. _Insufferable, cute blondes? Oh. Oh shit._ Dave went red as he realized the implications, and his voice came out at a much higher pitch than usual. “Did you... um, did-”

“Nope!” Karkat’s words came out in a panicked rush. “Never mind, forget I said anything, let’s just keep watching this dumb movie!” He pressed play, hoping the diversion would be enough to keep Dave from pursuing the topic.

It wasn’t, of course. Dave reached over and paused the movie again, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion. “Wait. Did you _mean_ to describe me with that one? Because, I mean, I’m flattered, really, but you know I don’t… swing that way.” _Oh please._ You _don’t even know whether you’re gay or not. How do you expect Karkat to?_ He swallowed hard, trying to play it cool, but he was pretty sure he was breaking into a sweat. On top of his confusion about his sexuality, there was also the confusion about his feelings for Karkat, which he still wasn’t sure how to interpret.

Karkat looked away, embarrassment clear on his face. “Wow, Dave, way to be a completely self-centered douche. I was _clearly_ talking about Leo, and _just_ Leo.” Karkat was trying to play it cool, too, and was doing just as bad a job as Dave. He _had_ just burst into a panicked denial earlier, which didn’t do much to help his case. Maybe he should add a little more denial to the flames- at this point it couldn’t hurt. “Besides, I wouldn’t ever be into an annoying idiot like you. So don’t worry, your precious heterosexuality is safe.”

Dave tried not to frown at that. He was pretty sure something was up- after all, Karkat _had_ seemed pretty frantic about covering his tracks. That didn’t make it sting any less to hear him say he wasn’t into Dave. Not that Dave had any reason to care, right? “Damn, Vantas. That’s cold.”

Karkat shifted, hunching his shoulders as if to hide his head in his sweater. “Can we just put the movie back on?”

That was the signal for “I don’t want to talk about this anymore” and Dave was more than happy to oblige. “Go ahead, dude.”

So yeah, there was definitely some tension going unresolved between them. But they didn’t know how else to deal with it aside from shunting it off into the “things we’re not talking about” sections of their brains. Sections which were getting a little too cluttered at this point. It was starting to look like a Hoarders episode up in there.

But Dave didn’t know how to deal with that in a normal, healthy way, so they’d just have to keep circling the topic without actually discussing anything. Which was totally fine with Dave. Totally.

God, he had to fix this soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost gave yall a 6000 word chapter and then realized that i could definitely cut that in half and NOT make 4000+ chapters the norm. makes things a little easier on me lol  
> anyway hope you enjoy the slightly shorter (normal) chapter!


	21. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving is here, y'all.

Thanksgiving arrived with much fanfare, and brought with it more than a few introductions. Kanaya sent Dave and Karkat to answer the door when the first knock came, but by the time they made it to the front door, it had already been opened- Dave assumed it must've been unlocked.

The person who stepped through the door seemed to be Kanaya’s doppelganger, though if Dave had been intimidated at all by Kanaya when he first arrived, it paled in comparison to this lady. She was decked out in tattoos and piercings, dressed like a badass, and practically exuded confidence.

She came up to Dave, clearly interested in the new kid. “You’re Dave, right? I’m Porrim, Kanaya’s older sister.”

Dave barely managed to squeak out his response. “Sup.”

She nodded, moving on to greet those she’d already met, leaving Dave’s legs more than a little wobbly.

Porrim was followed by a much younger guy, wearing a bright red sweater that looked far too warm for the Houston heat outside. As soon as he walked in, Karkat’s expression visibly dropped. “Karkat, long time no see! How have you been?” Karkat scowled, opening his mouth as if to say something, but the guy’s words kept coming. “Good, I’m sure. We _will_ have to catch up later, I have so many things to lecture- er, I mean, discuss- with you. I hope you’ve read the last few essays- _texts_ \- I sent you.” The dude breezed past a gape-mouthed Karkat and extended a hand to Dave. “Not to make assumptions, but I’m presuming you’re Dave?”

Dave nodded, taking the guy’s hand. It was weirdly clammy. “Uh, yeah, I’m-”

“Pleased to make your acquaintance, Dave, I’m Kankri. Younger brother of Kanaya, though I’m sure my reputation precedes me.”

Dave squinted at this Kankri dude- did he just _interrupt_ him? “Um, no, actually. I don’t think Kanaya ever mentioned you.”

Kankri tilted his head at Dave, blinking in surprise. “Then has Karkat not told you about me? We are quite close. We love to debate the finer points of social disparity.”

Dave glanced at Karkat, who was shaking his head vehemently, his expression clearly sour. Yeah, this dude was full of shit. And Dave knew he could make Karkat’s life _that_ much harder. “Oh, you’re _that_ guy? Karkat talks about you _all the time_. Dude’s obsessed with you.”

“Oh!” Kankri smiled, obviously pleased by this. Behind him, Karkat glared at Dave, slicing one finger across his neck. “I’m glad I’ve made such an impression on him. He’s becoming one of my finest pupi- FRIENDS! One of my finest _friends_. Say, David- can I call you David- how up-to-date are you on social issues?”

Dave cringed at Kankri’s use of his full name. “It’s just Dave. And, uh, I dunno, which specific issues we talking 'bout here?”

Kankri laughed, long and loud and much too enthusiastically. “Oh, David, you crack me up!” He wiped at a watering eye, straightening up. “Sorry, I hope I didn’t trigger you by laughing at you. I meant no harm.” Dave stared at him in confusion, wondering what _that_ was supposed to mean. “But really, it’s quite silly for me to even consider. Why would we limit ourselves to specific issues, when we have plenty of time to expound on _all_ the issues?”

Okay, this dude was insane. “Uh, totally.”

“Great! I’m so glad to have another dedicate- _colleague_ \- to discuss things with. Now, I must go say hello to my sister, as not doing so would be terribly uncivil of me. But I promise we will get back to this talk and get you caught up to my level of expertise on the issues once I’ve greeted everyone.” He walked off, and once he was out of sight Dave rushed over to Karkat, eyes wide.

“ _Please_ tell me you’re gonna help me escape from that guy,” Dave said in a hushed tone.

Karkat grinned maliciously. “After you betrayed me to that pretentious asshole like that? No way I’m letting you hide from him with me. You’re on your own. Hope you like getting your face talked off.”

Dave groaned, though he was smiling a little. “Damn, dude, you’re really gonna leave me stranded like that?”

“Yep. If this was fucking Cast Away I’d be Wilson, bailing off that raft to leave your Tom Hanks ass all alone. Except now you only have Kankri for company.”

“Wow, I don’t know whether to be hurt that you’d leave me to go insane, or impressed that you made a pop culture reference that _wasn’t_ a romantic comedy.”

“See? It’s not that hard to do your whole ‘esoteric reference’ schtick, Strider.”

“Are you trying to jank my style?”

“I’m just saying, I could definitely go on some rambling, extended-mixed-metaphor rant, too. Is that what you want to see?”

Dave pressed his hands to his mouth, trying to hold back laughter. “Oh my fucking God, are you kidding me? Hell yes I do. That would be hilarious as shit. It would be a complete train wreck. Like, forget the trolley problem, this one somehow figured out how to kill everyone on both tracks _and_ the dude operating the lever. That’s how awful it would be.”

“Shut up, I bet it’s not that hard.”

Before Dave could retort, Rose walked in, cradling a large dish in both arms. “Hello, boys. I’m glad to see everyone getting along well.”

Dave flushed, slightly embarrassed. “Oh, hey, Rose.”

“Need help with that?” Karkat asked, stepping forward. “What did you even make? I thought Kanaya made every conceivable Thanksgiving dish already.”

Rose shrugged, handing off the dish to Karkat. “We have a bit of a bet going. She is under the impression that sweet potatoes are good, while I am of the opinion that they’re awful and that regular potatoes are much more preferable. So she made a sweet potato casserole, and permitted me to make my own potato dish. Whoever has more missing by the end of the night wins the bet.”

Somehow hearing Rose with her superhuman ears, Kanaya stuck her head out of the kitchen. “Sweet potatoes are the superior potato, Rose. The proof is in the pudding. By which I mean the potato, of course.”

Rose rolled her eyes, fighting down a grin, as Karkat took the dish to the kitchen. “You're still ignoring the disparate versatilities of these spuds. Regular potatoes can be mashed, baked, hashed, french fried. You name it, you can do it to a potato. What can you do with sweet potatoes aside from dropping some marshmallows on them? I can’t recall seeing them served any other way.”

“I’m sure you could serve sweet potatoes any of the ways you serve regular potatoes, and you would get an exceptionally better dish. I have had sweet potato fries, and they are fantastic.”

Rose wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Ew. I can’t believe I’ve fallen for someone who can stand _sweet potato fries_.”

“Don’t even get me started on sweet potato tater tots.”

They continued arguing as Rose moved into the kitchen, and Karkat squeezed back out, rejoining Dave to idle next to the door. They might as well have been the official welcoming committee at that point.

Aradia and Sollux arrived soon after- Dave couldn’t help but notice that they always showed up together, at least for the two times he’d seen them. Actually, okay, that probably wasn’t the greatest sample size to rationalize making absolute statements like ‘always’, but whatever, Dave wasn’t a statistician. He didn’t think they were dating, though they definitely seemed close.

Aradia beamed at both of them, pulling Karkat into a hug. “And how are my adorable foster siblings doing today?” she asked.

“Hey, Aradia,” Karkat replied, squirming out of her hold. “We’re doing okay.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.” She gave Dave an affectionate hair-ruffle. Dave tried not to tense up at the unexpected touch.

“What up, douchebag?” Karkat directed this at Sollux, supporting his statement with a hearty middle finger.

Sollux flipped him a reciprocating double bird. “Not much, just wishing an agonizing death for you and everyone you’ve ever met.”

Dave decided to jump in with his own retort. “Doesn’t that include you?”

“That’s the idea,” Sollux replied with a grin.

Oh. Well, fuck. Retort failed. “Okay, that’s fair.”

Sollux leaned closer to Dave, though he still talked loud enough for everyone else to hear. “Are you two weirdos still getting along?” The question was obviously pointed, a reminder of the promise Dave made to not hurt Karkat.

Dave surreptitiously shared a glance with Karkat. Best not to get into the nitty-gritty details of everything. “Yeah, totally.”

Sollux’s eyes narrowed, but he eventually leaned back, apparently satisfied with the answer. “Good.” He gestured to Aradia, pushing past Dave. “I’ll catch up with you later, KK. Gotta go say hi to GA before she blows a gasket or something.” Aradia followed after him, winking at the boys with a smile.

As they walk away, Dave inclined his head towards Karkat. “So what’s they’re deal? Are they dating?”

Karkat shrugged, scratching the back of his head. “I don’t think so? Last time I checked, Sollux and Feferi were dating, but she’s still a senior in high school, so who knows what’s going on with that. Sol and Aradia live together, but I think they’re just really close friends. They _used_ to date, then… some bullshit happened with Vriska interfering? I wasn’t really here for any of that, though, so I just-”

The front door slammed open, and in sauntered Vriska, flipping her hair dramatically- because when _wasn’t_ she doing everything dramatically? “Helloooooooo, boys!”

“Speak of the motherfucking devil,” Karkat muttered, crossing his arms stonily.

“Oh, were you talking about me? I’m flattered, truly.” She hooked her arms around each of the boys’ shoulders, her grin sharp. Again, Dave had to fight not to tense up. What was _with_ people just randomly touching him today? “Not that I don’t _love_ seeing you guys, but could you point me in the direction of my favorite sister? I’ve been dying to-”

“VRISKA!!!” As if she had sensed her Scourge Sister was in the building, Terezi appeared from God-knows-where and barrelled into Vriska, nearly knocking Dave and Karkat down in the process. As to how she knew where Vriska even was, Dave had no fucking clue. They hugged for a solid minute, the boys watching awkwardly.

“Wow, I wasn’t even gone for a month, Terezi,” Vriska said, though her tone was considerably softer than usual.

“I still missed you, nerd,” Terezi replied, pulling back to poke Vriska’s leg with her cane. “And I know _you_ missed _me,_ too.”

“Maaaaaaaaybe.” Vriska turned back to Dave. “Sorry I missed your trial, kid. Terezi filled me in on the details, and let me tell you, if I could I would absolutely pummel that jerk that used to be your brother.”

“Uh… thanks.” Frankly, Dave was more than a little tired of people telling him they would beat up Dirk for him. Like, sure, he got the sentiment, but it rubbed him the wrong way. Not to mention that bringing him up at all meant Dave spent a good portion of the rest of his day thinking about him.

That was nothing new, though.

“Alright, that’s everyone, so I guess we don’t have to stupidly wait by the door anymore!” Karkat huffed, rolling his eyes. “There wasn’t even a point to us standing here, no one bothered to use the doorbell. They just fucking walked right in like they own the place, because of _course_ the only person in this household with a _molecule_ of decency and manners is Kanaya!”

“Oh, Karkat, don’t be such a tightass.” Vriska smiled at him sharkishly. “Maybe lock the door next time if you don’t want people walking in.”

“Shut up, Serket.”

Terezi sighed. “Okay, how about you two babies stop arguing so Vriska can go say hi to everyone. That sound cool with you?”

“Be my guest!” Karkat shouted back, more forcefully than necessary. “I hope Kankri derails you into a _long_ lecture about racial disparity.”

“Oh, fuck, _that_ asshole is here?” Vriska groaned, her face curling in disgust. “Never mind, I’ll just leave, I do _not_ want to deal with that windbag. How is he _even_ related to Kanaya?”

“Let’s just get it over with, Vriska. You gotta bite the bullet eventually.” Terezi tugged on her arm, and Vriska reluctantly gave in, though she took the lead for the blind girl.

Dave tried not to stare at Karkat. “So, uh… what do we do now?”

Karkat shrugged, slumping into the wall. “Well, Kanaya will fucking eviscerate us if we try to help with the food. I guess we can just watch a movie in the living room until dinner’s ready, try to avoid Kankri as much as possible.”

“Sounds like a fucking plan to me.”

They plopped onto the couch, Karkat grabbing the remote as usual- so far, Dave had allowed him to pick the movie every time. But Dave was suddenly itching to show Karkat his movie interests.

“Yo, dude, lemme pick a movie this time.”

Karkat gave him a confused look. “What? I was just gonna put on another romcom.”

“Bro, I am _tired_ of romcoms. Absolutely sick of them. I’ve seen enough romcoms to last me two lifetimes.”

“Dave, we’ve only watched five movies together.”

“Exactly. Come on, dude, I’ve been so nice letting you pick every time before. I have been the _most_ courteous, gentlemanly date, serving your every need like you’re a dude who got stranded on gentlemanly dude island.” Wow, okay, he instantly regretted saying ‘date’, _minus ten points for that blunder, Dave,_ but he had to play it off. Just a slip of the tongue, right? Wait, no, that was weird and innuendo-y, too. “It is time for me to reap all those friendship points and get the privilege to choose the movie.” _Plus fifteen, hell yeah_ , he thought, as the use of the word ‘friendship’ definitely cemented how completely platonic this whole situation was.

Karkat was definitely staring at him like he had something on his face at that point- probably blushing pretty hard, if he had to guess- but sighed, handing over the remote. “Fine. Since you _did_ let me pick before with relatively little complaint, you can choose today. Just don’t pick anything too awful.”

Dave grinned, glad that Karkat had decided to ignore his word fumbles. “Man, my movies are all _gold_. You are not gonna be disappointed.” He pulled up a movie, one of his favorites, and was prepared to hit play until Karkat stopped him.

“Hold on, it’s rated R.”

“So what? _Superbad_ is a good fucking movie. What, are you not allowed to watch R movies? Do adult scenes _scare_ you?”

“No, asshole, I’m totally fine with R movies! For your information, I’ve watched the uncensored version of _Love, Actually_ and I managed to _not_ skip all the nudity scenes. And in other circumstances, I would be down to watch a Cera flick. But we kind of have people over right now? It’s not the best time.”

Dave sighed exaggeratedly, because even he knew Karkat had a point. “I _guess_ I can find something PG. Just for your baby ass.”

“Fuck you, I’m not a baby.”

“Mhmm, sure.” Dave pulled up another movie, making sure this time it wasn’t R-rated. PG-13 would have to do.

“ _Scary Movie 3_? What happened to the first two?”

“Well, those are rated R, and _someone_ is too much of a child for that, so number three it is.”

Karkat shifted uncomfortably. “I dunno, Dave, I don’t really like horror all that much.”

“It’s not actually a horror movie, it’s like a comedic parody of horror movies. This one mainly parodies _The Ring_. It’s funny.”

Karkat's eyes narrowed, clearly distrustful, but he eventually shrugged. “Fine. I said I’d let you pick, so I guess go ahead and put it on.”

“Bet.” He put it on, then settled back to watch. He was incredibly aware of the space between him and Karkat on the couch- they weren’t as far apart as possible, but they weren’t on the same cushion, either.

Why _was_ he so conscious of that space, though? Why did he _care_ ? He tried to focus on the movie, but he’d already seen it before and his mind had decided to be occupied with Karkat. They had been _fine_ with each other, right? He still felt comfortable with him for the most part, they could still joke and watch movies together and maybe sit a little too close, and Dave would only think about it a little. They were best bros, and they weren’t gonna let a little incident get between that. Even if they couldn’t talk about said “little” incident.

Dave was starting to doubt if everything really was fine or if they were just both pretending it was. And he was starting to doubt if they were just best bros. How long could he avoid thinking about it?

He was paying so little attention he almost didn’t notice when Gamzee plopped down on the couch between them. “What is up, my best bros?” he asked, smiling serenely. “We watching a movie?”

“Yeah,” Dave replied, clearly still out of it. This was fine, it wasn’t like the movie was exclusively for him and Karkat or anything. Gamzee could join in if he wanted. Hell, everyone could come join in on the fun. This was a _family_ gathering, right? He didn’t have to be related to Kanaya and Gamzee and everyone to consider them _family;_ they felt more like family than his actual relative had. And sure, he didn’t know Kanaya’s siblings or the older fosters that well, but fuck it, he’d be totally cool lumping them into watching the movie, too.

That made him wonder if he felt like Karkat was family. Sure, he was his _foster_ brother, and he was his _bro_ , but he didn’t know if he considered Karkat to actually be like his sibling. It wasn’t like he grew up with him, they just happened to share a house and a family now. Did that make them _siblings_ , or just roommates? His only experience with having a real sibling was too fucked up for him to compare his feelings to that. He could compare it to his relationship with Gamzee or Terezi, where he felt what he _guessed_ was a sibling connection- he liked teasing them or chilling with them, and he trusted them to have his back and knew they trusted him to have theirs. There were still those elements with Karkat, but he also felt like he could confide almost anything in Karkat, things he wouldn’t dream of telling other people. Was that a sibling thing… or something else? Was it weird to like your foster sibling?

And who said anything about _liking_?

He suddenly didn’t like this train of thought anymore. He was already having enough trouble figuring out his sexuality, he didn’t need another thing making him feel guilty and doubtful about it. _Shelve that for another time, Strider, you’ve got company._

Speaking of which, Kanaya had poked her head into the room. “The food is ready. Come put a plate.”

“Ugh, fuck, looks like we can’t avoid Kankri anymore,” Karkat groaned, pausing the movie and stretching to stand up.

“I can still hear you,” Kanaya replied, though she seemed just as exasperated with her brother’s antics.

Great. At least dinner would be a distraction for Dave. That’s all his life seemed to be now, looking for the next distraction from his crowded head.

He just hoped he could make it through the rest of the night without falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look out for thanksgiving part 2: the electric boogaloo, coming out next week  
> future chapters might end up all being about this length cause writing those 6000-word ones was TAXING me might as well just stretch it out into two chapters instead. don't take my word for it, though, i might end up deciding that a break doesn't make sense in certain areas lol  
> thanks for reading!!


	22. Thanksgiving Part 2: The Electric Boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave talks things out with the last person he expected.
> 
> alternate summary: the one where the chapter titles stop meaning anything

It turned out the six seats at the dining table weren’t sufficient for all eleven of them, so Kanaya sent the fosters to eat in the living room, stressing the importance of not spilling food on the couch. She sent Vriska with them, too. She at first had bitterly complained that she “wasn’t a kid”, but eventually had to acquiesce to Kanaya's demand. Karkat seemed pleased enough with the arrangement, so long as he didn’t have to be within earshot of Kankri, until Vriska and Terezi ended up booting Karkat off of the couch, forcing him to sit on the floor with Gamzee. Gamzee, for his part, looked like he preferred the floor anyway.

Dave unpaused the movie, after a few awkward minutes made it clear that no one was going to try to talk while stuffing their faces- Kanaya’s food was just  _ so  _ good, even Terezi was too distracted to break etiquette rules like she usually did. Despite the silence, or maybe because of it, Dave felt  _ comfortable _ . It was the most relaxed he’d felt in a while, surrounded by friends, eating amazing food, zoning out on a funny movie. Plus, he had a pretty good vantage point of Karkat’s head, who was sitting near his feet, occasionally turning around to make a comment on the movie or chew out his siblings. The constant mumbling in his head was blessedly mute for once, and hell if he wouldn’t appreciate that while it lasted.

Kanaya walked in a little while later, when everyone was close to finishing their food. “Is everyone doing okay in here?” After a general consensus of affirmations, she smiled. “Great. Could you pause the movie, Dave?” The rest of the fosters shared informed, despairing looks, and it was clear to Dave that he was the only one who didn’t know what was about to go down. Nevertheless, he followed Kanaya’s order, because he didn’t really have a choice. “Now, this might sound corny, but since we  _ are _ all here to celebrate Thanksgiving, I would like us to go around and share what we personally are thankful for.” By the expressions on the others’ faces, they had been through this a few times with Kanaya. Dave wasn’t the biggest fan of the idea, either. Opening up in front of other people? Showing  _ gratitude _ ? Not things he usually did. “Who would like to volunteer to go first?”

Vriska rolled her eyes- or eye, Dave was  _ never _ going to get used to that eyepatch- and waved her hand. “I’ll go. Might as well get this over with.” She cleared her throat, grinning. “I’m thankful for turning eighteen and being awesome and responsible enough to live all on my own.”

Kanaya tilted her head, her eyes narrowed. “Vriska, the things you are thankful for cannot all be  _ yourself _ . Try again.”

“You aren’t my mom anymore, Kanny. You can’t tell me what to do.” When Kanaya’s glare didn’t change, Vriska huffed. Clearly ‘Kanny’ definitely still had the power to tell her what to do. “Fine! You wanna know what I’m thankful for? I’m thankful for… having Terezi to talk to when I’m alone in my apartment.” She glanced at Terezi, who was smiling in her general direction, one arm patting her shoulder.

“Aw, thanks, Vriska,” she said. “And I’m thankful I get to bother you when none of the other dweebs are around.”

Kanaya hid a smirk behind one hand. “Not the most conventional of answers, but acceptable enough. Boys, who’s next?”

Gamzee perked up. “Ooh, me! I’m thankful for my best bro Karkat for all up and helping me with my math homework.”

Karkat snorted, crossing his arms. “I still don’t understand how you’re taking  _ calculus _ in _ college _ and I’m still able to help you with it. I haven’t even fucking done pre-cal yet!”

Gamzee shrugged. “I dunno, man, it’s a motherfucking miracle.”

“The  _ real _ miracle is how you’ve managed to not flunk out yet.”

“ _ Karkat _ ,” Kanaya cut in, clear displeasure on her face. “Since you seem so apt to talk, why don’t you go next?”

“Ugh, Maryam you  _ know _ I think this whole thing is bullshit! Thanksgiving is already a shitty enough holiday to endure without having a gross feelings sesh.”

“Well, if you share now you won’t have to ‘endure’ this feelings sesh for much longer.”

“Fine!” Karkat cast around the room as he thought, his eyes flitting past his siblings, finally landing on his roommate. “I… um… I guess I’m thankful for Dave. For being a good roommate and a good friend.”

“See, was that so hard?” Kanaya asked, though she, as well as everyone else in the room, could see the faint embarrassed flush on Karkat’s face. Not to mention the reciprocal red in Dave’s cheeks as well. “That leaves Dave.”

“Oh. Uh…” He fought past the lump in his throat-  _ it’s okay to share, you can trust them, they’re not gonna judge you. _ “I’m thankful that I landed with Kanaya and got all of you as, uh, family.”

Kanaya smiled at that one, more than satisfied with the answer. “And I’m thankful that we were gifted with your presence, Dave.”

Dave had to battle the objections that rushed to the tip of his tongue-  _ I’m a burden, I’m not worthy of your thanks _ \- and just smiled back. Now definitely wasn’t the time to air  _ those _ particular self-deprecating thoughts out. “Thanks.”

Kanaya clapped her hands once. “Alright, your yearly torture is over. You may return to watching your movie. Just remember to take your plates to the kitchen once you’re done eating.” She left as quickly as she’d come.

“Well, that was awkward as fuck,” Vriska said, stifling a yawn. “Especially for you, Karkat.”

Karkat flipped her off. “Fuck you, Vriska, as if your whole ‘Terezi makes me feel less lonely’ thing wasn’t totally embarrassing!”

This got Vriska looking just as flushed as Karkat. “I didn’t say it like  _ that _ !”

“You might as well have. I’m disgustingly lonely, too, so I can detect when others are getting desperate and clingy from a mile away.”

Vriska scoffed, though her embarrassment was still clear. “Whatever, Vantas. Don't act like you weren't being _totally_ transparent. Dave is a good _friend_? Please."

Karkat’s face couldn’t get any redder. Dave was getting close to that, too. “Fuck off!”

“You know what? I think I will. I  _ am _ eighteen, after all. I shouldn’t be hanging out with you loser kids anymore.”

Terezi pouted at that, pawing the air before finding and clinging to Vriska’s arm. “Hey, I’m not a loser.”

“Of course not, sis. I meant all these other posers.”

“Hehehe, did you hear that, boys?” Terezi’s trademark grin was back, sharp as ever. “I’m not a loser.”

Dave shrugged, shooting Vriska a look. “Here’s the difference between you and me, Terezi. I don’t need Serket’s validation to know I’m cool as all hell.”

Both the girls laughed at that, clearly amused by Dave’s assertions.

“What, y’all don’t think I’m cool? I’m chiller than a cucumber. Chiller than liquid fucking nitrogen. Making everything I touch as cool as me, except nothing can be as cool as me, because I’m the literal coolest.”

Vriska smirks. “If you made everything you touched cooler, I’d think Karkat would’ve gotten less lame by now.”

It turned out Karkat’s face  _ could _ get redder. “Okay, conversation over! The Scourge Sisters can get the fuck out of this room now, please!”

“But the teasing was just getting started!” Terezi complained through her grin.

“Fuck if I care! If you don’t want to hang out with us ‘losers’ then just leave already!”

“Fine, Shouty McStubs! We’ll find somewhere better to hang out, without all the lame vibes.” Terezi stood up abruptly, pulling Vriska with her, and marched out of the room, nearly slamming into the wall before Vriska corrected her course.

That left Karkat, Dave, and Gamzee sitting in the living room, an overwhelmingly awkward silence pervading as the conversation slammed to a halt. Dave fiddled with the remote, glancing between his beet-red roommate and his clown foster brother. “Should I... unpause the movie?”

Before either of his foster siblings could answer, another person decided to barge into the room. Sollux took in the scene with a practiced eye, noticing the obvious blush on Karkat and the slightly faded one on Dave. He’d had his suspicions that something was up earlier, but here was some slightly more solid proof. Since it was obvious that, whatever was going on, they weren’t handling it well, Sollux decided to take matters into his own hands. “Dave, can I talk to you?”

Dave startled, looking up at Sollux with something resembling panic. “Uh… me?”

“Are there any other assholes named ‘Dave’ in here?” Sollux snapped, rolling his eyes. “Yes,  _ you _ .”

“What do you need  _ me _ for?” The only thing Sollux could possibly want to talk to him about was Karkat. Which was definitely not a conversation he was eager to have. “Wouldn’t you rather talk to your best pal Karkat?”

Sollux sighed, before marching over to the couch, ignoring Karkat’s questioning look to stare down Dave. “I’m talking to  _ you _ . Dave Strider, the one and only spectacular douchebag. So get your ass up and follow me, we’re gonna talk this shit out so exhaustibly you won’t have another shit left for the rest of your life. You’ll be completely shitless.”

“Okay, that was a weird fucking way to put that, and you’re talking to the master of putting things weird fucking ways, so you  _ know _ that shit is  _ fucking weird _ .”

“Don’t make me drag you.”

Dave put his hands up in surrender. “Alright, fine. I’m getting up, see?” He made a big deal out of standing up, which, between how close Sollux was standing to him and how little space there was between the couch and the coffee table, was actually pretty challenging to do. But Dave was nothing if not dedicated to being petty as hell.

Ever the impatient one, Sollux grabbed Dave’s arm, pulling him towards the nearest door- the laundry room. Dave had to fight down the instinct that reared its head at Sollux’s not-so-gentle manhandling, instead looking back at Karkat, whose confusion was blatant. Unable to clear up anything for his roommate, Dave just shrugged at him.

“Wait, what-” Karkat started, getting to his feet, but Sollux had already shoved Dave in the room and slammed the door.

“Seriously, dude, first the bathroom, now the laundry room?” Dave asked, hastily pulling away from Sollux’s grip. “Where will our next clandestine meeting be, the pantry? Kanaya’s closet? Wait, never mind, her closet’s way too big. We’re looking for somewhere cramped, with-”

“Could you stop that inordinate stream of words for one fucking second?” Sollux snapped, rubbing his temples.

“Hey, you said you wanted to talk, I’m talking.” Dave knew that Sollux knew that he was just stalling, but he was still going to keep it up as long as possible. “Isn’t an inordinate stream of words what you wanted? Hell, let’s turn it into a river of words. We got the motherfucking literary Nile coming out of-”

“I swear to fucking God, Strider, I’m going to gnaw my ear off if you don’t quit it.”

“That might be fun to watch. I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to even get your mouth anywhere near your ear. Maybe if you had an insanely long tongue you could reach it? Or maybe it’s like an elbow thing, where the two are never meant to meet. It’s a whole star-crossed lover situation with those two. Hey, maybe I could write my Romeo and Juliet essay about-”

“ _S_ _ top babbling before I am tempted to kill both you and myself! _ ” The tone of Sollux’s voice alone was enough to scare Dave into silence. Sollux took a deep breath, huffing out all his frustration. “You know why I wanted to talk to you. There’s no fucking point trying to avoid it.”

The gambit was up. Dave tried to not look too terrified. Sure, Sollux was even lankier than him, and a complete nerd to boot, but he was taller and a few years older and there was something about him that was vaguely threatening. Maybe it was the fact that he’d just dragged Dave into this room. “Lemme guess. This has to do with Karkat.”

“No shit. You two tried to play it cool earlier, but I saw right through that bullshit facade like it was cheap tracing paper. I know something’s up, so what’d you do?”

“Why do you assume I was the one who fucked up?”

Sollux’s glare intensified. “Well, am I fucking wrong?”

Dave crossed his arms defensively, opting to stare at the dryer. “No.”

“So, since you obviously have an empty cavity where your mushy, undersized brain should be, I’ll repeat my question. What did you do?”

“Look, man, I’ll tell you, but please don’t kill me. I promise I wasn’t trying to hurt Karkat or anything, I wouldn’t ever want to fucking do that.”

Sollux leaned against the wall, his eyes narrowing. “So you  _ did _ hurt him?”

“No! I mean, maybe?” Fuck. Dave was fumbling, and Sollux’s murderous gaze wasn’t getting any less murderous. “If I did, it wasn’t intentional.”

“What. Did. You. Do.”

Well, no point trying to evade it anymore. Might as well get the end of his life over with already. “Ever since, um, my court trial, things have been kinda awkward between us. He told me a little about his home life before coming here and I think I made him uncomfortable because he just started avoiding talking to me after that. Then game night rolled around, and since I was still mad at him or frustrated or whatever, I decided to start fucking around. Long story short, Pictionary happens, I piss him off, he tries to take the pen from me, and he ends up tackling me. And then I kinda… snapped.” Dave paused, gauging Sollux for a reaction, but he was stonily impassive. “Um, I don’t know if anyone’s told you about my brother, but he… was abusive. Physically. He called it ‘training’, tried to teach me lessons or whatever. So I’m kinda super jumpy when it comes to other people touching me, and when Karkat tackled me, it was like all that instinct took over. I didn’t... have control anymore.” Holy shit. This was the first time he was acknowledging this shit outside of his own mind, the first time he was saying it  _ out loud _ to a person, and he was saying it to  _ Sollux Captor. _ He hadn’t even gone into this much detail with his  _ therapist. _ “So I went into attack mode, tackled him back, and was about to _ punch  _ him before I realized what I was doing.” Dave pressed his hands into his arms, hoping Sollux couldn’t tell how much he was shaking. “I was fucking  _ horrified _ that I’d almost hurt Karkat. We didn’t really talk about it after, either. I mean, we did talk about  _ some  _ stuff, and things almost went back to normal between us, but we still haven’t talked about that night, or all the stuff leading up to it. So, yeah, that’s how I fucked up. You can beat me up now, because God knows I haven’t beat  _ myself _ up about it enough. Just don’t kill me.”

Sollux didn’t reply immediately, just stared at Dave, his mouth tightening around the corners, the silence unnerving Dave to no end. Finally, he sighed. “I’m not gonna beat you up.”

Dave looked up, confused. “You’re kidding, right? Did you hear what I said? We both know I deserve a beatdown. Oh, are you worried Kanaya will see the bruises and hate you or something? I won’t tell anyone, I’ll just say I slipped and fell or-”

“Dave. Stop.” Dave’s words died in his mouth, as he watched Sollux run a hand down his face. “I’m not gonna beat you up. I don’t know how it isn’t fucking clear as crystal to you that you don’t actually ‘deserve a beatdown’ or anything.”

Dave’s puzzled look wasn’t going away anytime soon- if anything, it was only intensifying. “Okay, I don’t know how you got  _ that _ from my story, but whatever. I still hurt Karkat. You made me promise I wouldn’t-”

“I know!” Sollux huffed, frowning. “I say some stupid shit sometimes, okay? Don’t take every feces-infested word that comes from my garbage dump of a brain so literally.” He leaned against the washer, closing his eyes behind the strange, bi-colored glasses. “There’s a lot of reasons I can’t blame you for what happened, and a lot more reasons that make it obvious that you don’t deserve to be punished for it. But I’m guessing you’ve chased the White Rabbit so deep down the guilt bunny-hole that you can’t actually see those reasons.”

Dave shrugged, curling in on himself a little. The sudden turn the conversation had taken was making him even more uncomfortable. “I mean, Karkat and Kanaya probably mentioned a few, but I didn’t exactly believe them.”

“Well, fuck. Maybe hearing it again from an impartial third-party will make it make more sense to you.”

“...I guess? I doubt it, but go a-fucking-head, explain to me how I actually don’t deserve to die a slow, miserable, painful death.”

Sollux snorted at that, shaking his head. “You’re fucking ridiculous, DS. First of all, it’s not your fault that your abusive brother beat those reactionary instincts into you. I’m assuming that he also gave you the idea that you ‘deserve’ the blame and the punishment whenever something goes wrong.” Dave clenched his jaw, not enjoying how spot-on Sollux was. The tic was enough for Sollux to know he was right. “Second, it’s painfully obvious you care about Karkat a lot, especially if you were able to stop yourself before you actually hurt him. Which brings me to my third point, which is that Karkat didn’t get hurt. Sure, your friendship with him is suffering a little bit, and you two have enough hurt feelings to fill the Grand Canyon, but you didn’t have a big blow-out like I usually had with him. As far as I can tell the only thing he’s probably feeling hurt about right now is the fact that you’re both dodging this topic. Karkat can be obtuse as a fucking triangle sometimes, but he’s perceptive when it comes to his friends, and I know  _ he  _ knows you’re going through some personal shit right now. Which means he doesn’t blame you for anything that happened. And, to be fair, he was also being an asshole to you, so I really can’t blame you for reacting the way you did. Lord knows Karkat’s pushed me to want to murder him sometimes, too.”

Dave blinked, trying to take in everything Sollux had said. He was still finding it hard to believe, but this was  _ Sollux _ . A guy who, as far as Dave could tell, wasn’t exactly fond of him, and probably also hated admitting he was wrong. And yet, he had heard the events from Dave’s guilt-filled perspective, and  _ still _ thought Dave didn’t deserve the blame. That had to mean  _ something _ . He didn’t know what to say to that, though. “So… you’re really not gonna beat me up? Or ‘systematically destroy every miserable thing I care about’?”

“God, is that really what I fucking said?” Sollux groaned, rolling his eyes. “I am such a melodramatic asshole sometimes.” He paused, sizing Dave up again, seeming to make calculations. “Listen, I’m gonna admit something to you, and it’s gonna be hard as fuck for me. So I need you to promise right now that what I say next will not leave this fucking room, unless you really  _ do _ want me to destroy the things you care about. Got it?”

“I dunno, man, you didn’t exactly follow through on the last threat. Why should I feel threatened to keep quiet this time around?”

“Okay, I know you’re just trying to fuck with me, but there’s nothing stopping me from just leaving this room  _ without _ admitting shit to you.”

“Then go. No skin off my back.” This wasn’t entirely true- Dave was incredibly curious as to what Sollux had to say, but he couldn’t admit that. Besides, it was more fun to goad Sollux into annoyance.

Sollux groaned in frustration, tearing at his hair with one hand. “Alright, fine! Maybe I deserve your bullshit snipes. I didn’t even really want to…  _ threaten _ you. That’s not the tone I’m trying to go for anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I  _ mean _ I’m doing a piss-poor job trying to be  _ friendlier _ to you, DS. Get with the fucking program.”

“Oh.” Dave blinked again. Today was just full of surprises. “Huh.”

“So let me rephrase what I said earlier. I’m gonna admit something to you, in a misguided attempt to extend a hideously gnarled olive branch of  _ friendship  _ to you, and I would  _ really appreciate it _ if you accepted this stupid branch and didn’t mention what I say to anyone else, as that would be a  _ reciprocal _ gesture of  _ friendship. _ ”

Dave was trying not to laugh. “Dude, you really do fucking suck at this.”

“As if you’re any better,” Sollux sniped back. “Do you accept my fucking friendship terms or what?”

Dave eyed him warily, unsure of what exactly he was agreeing to, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. “Yeah, man. Let’s get friendly as hell, bro. I won’t tell anyone whatever you have to say.”

Sollux’s frustrated frown flashed into something almost resembling a smile, though it was too quick for Dave to catch it. “Okay. Great. I just wanted to say that, when I first met you, I was maybe a little... jealous? I mean, I kinda failed regularly at being the friend Karkat wanted me to be, or even a good friend in general. And when I saw just how well you got along with him, I thought it was a good idea to threaten you into not fucking it up. Which was grossly hypocritical of me, I know. I’m not trying to excuse anything I did, because it was just the wrong fucking thing to do at the time. I just want you to understand that.”

The pile of shockers just wasn’t gonna stop from getting piled higher. “No hard feelings, dude. In fact, if you’ll allow me my own embarrassing confession that you aren’t allowed to tell anyone else, I was kinda jealous of you, too. You and Karkat are tight, even if y’all fight all the time. Maybe you can’t see it, because you think you fucked up there, but Karkat obviously really fucking cares about you. And I’m pretty sure he thinks  _ he’s _ the one who fucked up. Y’all should probably just talk that out. Anyway, I could tell that you both go way back, at least relative to my relationship with Karkat, and that you care about each other, so I kinda got stupidly jealous of that.”

It was Sollux’s turn to be the shocked one. “Oh. Weird. Looks like I’m not the only one who can make rational observations... Does this make us even, then?”

Dave laughed. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Anything else you want to get off your chest?”

Dave scrunched up his face, his mind going straight to his confusion regarding his sexuality and his growing feelings towards Karkat. Sollux  _ clearly  _ wasn’t someone he wanted to have  _ that  _ conversation with, though. He was practically Karkat’s best friend- even if Dave didn’t mention Karkat specifically, Sollux would probably be able to figure out who he was having conflicted feelings towards  _ immediately _ . “Uh, no. Can we leave this stupid laundry room now?”

“Yeah.” Sollux had noticed Dave’s hesitation, but decided to let it go, shrugging as a mischievous grin slowly spread on his face. “Let’s blow this joint.”

As soon as they had opened the door, Karkat shot up, his face torn between worry, confusion, and rage. “What the fuck happened?”

Sollux rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry about it, KK. It’s between us.”

“Yeah, KK,” Dave repeated, smiling as he looped an arm around Sollux’s shoulder- which was a mistake, as the guy was definitely taller than him. “We’re cool now.”

Karkat looked between them, growing even more concerned. “ _ What? _ Sollux, if you fucking  _ did  _ something to him, I’m-”

Dave shook his head, chuckling a little. “Seriously, dude, relax. We’re bros.”

Karkat seemed to be having a hard time processing what was going on. “You’re sure? You’re not just fucking with me?”

“No, KK, we’re not fucking with you. We just bonded over our mutual feeling of annoyance towards you.” Without looking, Sollux put his other hand up to Dave, who promptly high-fived it.

“Sick burn, bro.”

“Thanks, DS. When it comes to Karkat, I pull out all the stops.”

“Hell yeah. By the way, did I tell you how much I love that you chose DS for me? Like I know it stands for Dave Strider, but it’s also like a Nintendo DS, which is just a totally cool coincidence.”

“Okay, I give up on trying to understand what’s happening!” Karkat yelled, throwing his hands up. “This is somehow the weirdest development of the night, and I just watched Kankri try to have a conversation with  _ Gamzee _ of all people!”

Dave laughed. “Oh man, I can’t believe I missed that.  _ Please _ tell me you recorded that or something.”

“No, Dave, I did not  _ record _ my friend getting tortured by that insufferable, sweater-wearing  _ shitpile _ !”

“You wear sweaters, too, KK. Like, a lot.”

“Augh!” Karkat glared at the two of them. “And I thought you assholes were annoying when you  _ weren’t  _ tag-teaming me! Boy, I wish I’d gotten the fucking memo that  _ all  _ my friends are infuriating assholes, and that they’re apparently a  _ billion  _ times worse when they’re getting along! The whole really  _ is  _ greater than the sum of its parts! I finally understand that idiom!”

“KK, can you just calm down and shut up. Accept that DS and I are best friends now and we don’t need you anymore.”

Karkat nearly exploded, at which point Sollux and Dave decided to cool it on teasing him. They managed to get him to calm down, piling back on the couch to finish the movie until Sollux eventually had to leave. They didn’t even encounter Kankri for the rest of the night.

All in all, it was a pretty fantastic Thanksgiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to post a day ahead of schedule bcuz 1. today's my bday 2. there's a lot going on rn and i think we all need a little positivity  
> i hope everyone's doing okay and staying safe.  
> thanks for reading


	23. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat finally talk things out.

It was a few days after Thanksgiving, and Dave’s conversation with Sollux had been brewing in the back of his mind the whole time. Karkat, of course, had tried to pry information out of him, wondering what exactly they could have talked about that made them instant buddies, but Dave had been uncharacteristically tight-lipped. He just kept repeating that it was between them and wasn’t Karkat’s business, even though most of what he’d said to Sollux had _definitely_ been about Karkat.

It made him wonder if maybe he was ready to stop skirting around the “incident” with Karkat and actually fucking discuss it without freaking out or having a panic attack or something.

Yeah, right. Dave Strider, get through a serious conversation with someone without breaking down? No way in hell would that ever happen.

But he had to try. He couldn’t keep waiting for the perfect moment to do it. He couldn’t wait until he felt ready, because he never really would feel that way.

Of course, he probably could’ve picked a better time than while he and Karkat were working on their chemistry project together, sitting on the floor of their bedroom. As soon as they’d gotten back from Thanksgiving break, the teacher had assigned a partner project, and they’d jumped at the opportunity to work together. They were making an admittedly crappy poster for it, and Dave kept sneaking in unfunny science memes, super-gluing them onto the poster so Karkat couldn’t pry them off.

“Dave, please, our project is shitty enough without these lame jokes everywhere,” Karkat groaned, as he tried and failed to write the title out in block letters. Probably should’ve done a pencil outline before going straight for the markers. Oh well.

“At least I’m staying on-topic. Our project is about amino acids, right?”

Karkat groaned, dropping the marker to put his head in his hands. “ _Nucleic_ acids. I _told_ you we’re doing DNA. I swear to God you don’t listen.”

“Oh, no worries, I got memes about DNA, too. Got memes on pretty much every conceivable topic in science. We take physics next year, right? You think we’ll get extra credit for a physics meme?”

“No, you dumbass, don’t put physics memes on our _chemistry_ pro-”

“Too late.”

“Okay, I’m taking you off of picture duty. You have failed beyond measure at picture duty. In fact, you’ve been dishonorably discharged from the Poster Army, and now you have to shamefully return to your wife and three kids and inform them of your vast inability to do anything right. You’ll become the laughingstock of the entire town and your family will leave you. And to top it all off, you won’t get veteran benefits. No one will mourn your death.”

“Wow, not even you? I’m hurt, man, truly hurt.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, before holding a marker out to Dave. “If you can draw, you can write out the title for me. If you can salvage the wreckage of what I started, then _maybe_ I’ll consider keeping you in the troops.”

“Thank you for this opportunity, Captain Vantas. I won’t let you or my three kids down.” Dave takes the marker, before squinting at the mess Karkat made of the title. “Jesus, dude, what did you do? Why did you start it out so big?”

“I misjudged how much room I had!”

“Don’t you know you’re supposed to do it in pencil first?”

“I’m sorry, the thought didn’t cross my mind until _after_ I was halfway through the word ‘nucleic’! I told you from the beginning that I should be in charge of gluing shit down and _you_ could write instead, but _no_ , you just _had_ to get your stupid memes on there!”

“I was _trying_ to show some faith in your writing abilities because I’m a good friend, dawg. But damn, if I’d known it would turn out like this, I might’ve almost put aside my dedication to ironically bad memes.”

“How about _next time_ you put faith in my _judgment skills_ instead, and maybe _listen to me_ when I tell you I can’t even hold a writing utensil without the universe imploding!” Karkat looked like the one who was imploding- clenched fists, drawn-in eyebrows, and red cheeks holding in what Dave could only assume was a blast of nuclear proportions.

Dave just sighed, drafting a mental plan for saving the title, while also drafting a plan for telling Karkat what he’d talked to Sollux about. Though maybe that was something he would just have to wing. “Okay, fine. I give you my sincere bro-promise that in the future I will believe you when you explain how inadequate you are.”

“ _Thank_ you! That’s all I fucking ask.”

“Speaking of inadequacies…” Nice. Perfect transition. Getting right to the meat of the matter. He just had to _say_ it now. “I think it’s time we got over our inadequacy to talk to each other.”

Karkat went still, pausing in gluing an infographic to the poster. Then he recovered, slowly placing the picture down, playing off his surprise. “Uh… we _are_ talking to each other.”

“Karkat. I know you know what I mean. We haven’t talked about… what happened. That one night. When…” He was hoping Karkat might fill in the blank, pick up the conversational slack, but Karkat still seemed dead-set on pretending like he didn’t understand, wanting to avoid the topic as long as possible. Looked like Dave couldn’t keep skirting around it anymore. “When we got a little too heated playing Pictionary.”

Karkat sighed, putting down the glue stick. “Are we really going to talk about this now?”

“If not now, then when? It’s almost been a fucking month since it happened. How long are we gonna wait to talk about it? Two months? Half a year?” He wasn’t _trying_ to yell at Karkat, but he was getting a little frustrated. “We’re never gonna be ready. We just gotta climb this dumbass Mount Everest of complicated topics and get over this bullshit.”

For a second, Dave was afraid Karkat would just try to avoid the topic again, from the way he was fidgeting with the poster. “Don’t a shit ton of people die trying to climb Mount Everest?”

“We’re not _actually_ climbing any mountains, dumbass. Just ditch the dumb climbing metaphor, it wasn’t gonna work out anyway. Besides, I’m pretty sure it won’t kill us to have a conversation.”

“Only _pretty_ sure?”

“ _Karkat_. Dude. We need to talk.”

Karkat groaned. “Fine! You want to talk? Fine. Where do we even start?”

“We could do what people normally do and start from the beginning. Or we could, like, work backwards from the end.”

“Well, neither of us fit the definition of normal by any stretch of the imagination, so sure! Let’s do this the most fucked-up way possible!”

“So… you want to start with what happened that night.”

“I guess so.” Karkat’s defensive anger seemed to subside a little as he realized there was no escaping this time. That and the fact that he’d never seen Dave look so serious and determined. He was going to get this done, so Karkat may as well comply and get it over with. “What else is there to talk about, though? We both fucking apologized to each other about fifty times, and I’m pretty sure we’re never going to agree on who’s to blame for what happened.”

“Half of those apologies were made through a door.”

“ _Y_ _ou’re_ the one who refused to come out.”

Dave sighed. “Okay, well, maybe we should talk about _why_ we both completely blame ourselves for it. Sollux helped me realize that-”

“Whoa, hold on!” Karkat put a hand up, his forehead creasing in confusion. “Wait just a second. You talked to _Sollux_ about this?”

Dave shrugged, suddenly uncomfortable. “Uh, yes.”

“Was that what you talked about with him at Thanksgiving?”

“... Yes.”

“You talked to Sollux about what happened before you talked to _me_ about what happened.”

This wasn’t going well. Was it too late to abort mission, end this conversation before it blew up? “Yeah, Karkat. I guess I did.”

“ _Why?_ "

“It wasn’t really like I wanted to, but he was threatening me and I just started tell-”

“Wait, _what?_ ” Karkat’s hands curled into fists, seemingly without him noticing. “He threatened you?”

Shit. “No, I mean, he didn’t really _mean_ it, he just made me promise not to hurt you.”

“What the fuck? The _nerve_ of that asshole, I swear to God! Does he not realize how _hypocritical_ that is? As if he has the best track record when it comes to not hurting me.”

Dave was nervously capping and uncapping the marker in his hands, frantically searching for ways to rectify the situation. “He was just trying to protect you.”

That got a hysterical laugh out of Karkat, just unhinged enough to scare the shit out of Dave. “Oh, I see! That clears everything up! Totally justifies the fact that he threatened my friend! Never mind that it’s incredibly insulting of him to insinuate I need protection!”

“Would you calm down? Things are cool with him now. He apologized to me about it.”

“No, I will _not_ calm down! This is completely uncalled for! He really had the _audacity_ to-”

“ _Karkat I don’t want to fucking talk about Sollux right now!_ " The words spilled out, at a volume that was well above the usual mumble. Dave was pretty sure he’d never yelled like that. He clapped a hand over his mouth, embarrassed, but the interruption had apparently surprised Karkat, because he was staring, wide-eyed with shock. “Sorry. I, uh, don’t know where that came from. I’ve been hanging out with you too much, I guess.” Karkat still didn’t reply, so Dave took the chance to steer the conversation back on track. “Look, you can rant about Sollux all you want later, and maybe even chew him out, but it was something that was between me and him, and we already sorted it out, and he apologized. So could we _please_ focus on the unaddressed shit between _us_? Because there’s a lot of it.”

“... Okay.”

Dave narrowed his eyes. “Just okay?”

“ _Yes_! Jesus.” Karkat grumbled, exasperated.

“Okay. So…” Dave was still holding the marker, rolling it between his fingers, unwilling to let go of the one thing grounding him. “Just for clarity’s sake, and also because maybe I wasn’t being completely receptive to what you had to say that night, why exactly do you blame yourself?”

Karkat sighed. “I’m honestly not surprised you weren’t listening.”

“I _was_ , I just… I was in a really shitty headspace, and was already becoming a highway robber of blame at that point, so I wasn’t exactly going to let you steal any of that blame back. It’s an expensive resource, you know. Worth lots on the intangible concept black market.”

“Dave, the jokes aren’t exactly helping.”

“Sorry. Nervous habit.”

“I know.” Karkat folded his arms against his chest, preparing his defenses just in case. Not that it would help him much. “Do you want to know everything, or just the main parts?”

“As much as you feel comfortable telling me, dude.”

“I blamed myself for the whole thing. I mean, we both did, but I really felt like it was all my fault. I wasn’t really thinking at all that entire night- hell, I never really think until _after_ I accidentally fuck everything up- and I probably should’ve realized sooner that any physical altercation might freak you out.” Dave opened his mouth, ready to interrupt, but Karkat put a finger up. “If you want us to keep talking, you’re gonna let me finish. Got it?” Slightly surprised, Dave nodded. For as much as Karkat had been trying to avoid talking about this, he suddenly seemed more than willing to let it all out. Maybe he had just needed that push from Dave. “Good. Anyway, trauma’s a bitch. But yeah, I blame myself for not thinking, for being the one who started the fight in the first place, and for pushing things too far. I kinda played up how frustrated I was with you at first, until you _actually_ started pissing me off, but still, that doesn’t excuse what I did. So, uh, sorry for that.”

“No more apologizing. Society has progressed past the need for apologizing.”

Karkat’s head tilted questioningly. “Uh, what?”

Dave snorted, a nervous hand running through his hair. “Nothing. I just think we’ve said sorry to each other more than enough already. We shouldn’t keep doing that.”

“Why not? I _want_ to apolog-”

“Nope.”

“But-”

“No, Karkat. It doesn’t get us anywhere. We’ll just end up on the apology carousel, straddling those dumb wooden horses, looking like the saddest two jackass kids to ever beg their parents to go to the circus.”

Karkat blinked. “I… have you been talking to Gamzee?”

“What? Dude, no. I mean, not more than usual. Can’t a dude talk about circuses _without_ having been indoctrinated into a clown cult by their stoner juggalo foster brother?”

“In my experience, no, they can’t!”

“Oh. Got me there. Guess that makes me a juggalo then.”

“ _Fuck_ no. I just pictured that, using my sub-par imagination, and just the _idea_ of you becoming some clown-crazy lunatic scares the absolute shit out of me. For the love of oversized sweatshirts, could we _please_ never speak of that again?”

“I dunno, man, I think maybe Gamzee was right about his crackpot religion, I’m feeling hells of converted all of a sudden.”

“Don’t even joke about it, Dave, I am feeling physically sick just thinking about it. I can’t believe you found a topic I want to talk less about than the Game Night incident! Let’s go back to that, please. At least that didn’t make me question your sanity.”

“So you _do_ want to talk about it, then?”

“More than I want to talk about clown religion? _God_ , yes.”

Dave laughed, managing a smile despite the serious subject matter. “Great. I’m assuming you wouldn’t be very happy with me trying to poke holes in all the reasons you blame yourself.”

“You assume correctly. So don’t try it. How about instead I ask you why _you_ blame yourself?”

“Sure.” Dave set the marker down, deliberately. He didn’t need a crutch to get him through a difficult conversation, right? The tapping of his fingers on his thigh begged to differ. “So, I guess I also blame myself entirely. But, uh, I have a disclaimer, because, annoyingly enough, Sollux made a good point.” At this Karkat rolled his eyes, clearly still annoyed by Sollux butting into his business. “Actually, he made a few good points, but whatever. He reminded me that my bro was the one who trained me to take all the blame whenever something went wrong. That, whenever I disappointed him, or failed spectacularly in a sparring match, it was because I was ‘pathetic’ or ‘weak’, and if I got hurt from any of it, I deserved the pain as punishment, to teach me to do better the next time.” Dave was getting worked up now, his nails digging into the soft denim of his jeans. Maybe he should’ve held onto the marker, so he could’ve brutalized that instead of his leg. “And the craziest thing was, I believed it. I really thought _I_ was in the wrong and that it was all _my_ fault for being an ungrateful shitstain when _he chose_ to raise me. He always said that, that I should be grateful he didn’t just give me the boot. So I guess I learned that you-deserve-the-blame mentality from him. And now that I know it’s there, I’ve been trying to look past it, but it’s kinda hard to do that when it’s so ingrained in me.”

Karkat nodded, his mouth pressed in a grim line. “I get that. I had more than a few bad habits ingrained in me by that walking pile of shit that called itself my stepdad. He made me paranoid that…” He trailed off, his frown hardening.

“That what?” Dave prompted softly. Karkat’s expression had gone stonily cold, his eyes glaring at the poster as if it were the offending stepdad. Dave recalled the last time Karkat had confided in him about his past, realizing maybe he wasn’t too keen on sharing. Wasn’t this conversation supposed to focus on Dave’s issues? “I mean, if you don’t want to tell me, that’s cool. Don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”

“No… um.” Karkat still looked like he was having trouble processing something. “It’s fine. It’s actually… kinda relevant?” He sighed, forcing his hands to unclench, spreading his fingers wide on his legs to keep them from curling up again. “He loved to use whatever information he had on me against me. Threaten me with shit I didn’t want my mom knowing about, or using it as a basis to put me down. It just gave me a paranoia of sharing personal shit about myself, made me afraid that people would use it against me. Most of the time it’s irrational as hell, especially when I’m confiding in someone I trust, but I can’t fucking get rid of that fear. That’s part of why I was so uncomfortable after telling you that shit the first time, and it’s why I feel uncomfortable now.” A nervous chuckle escaped him as he finally looked up at Dave.

“Damn. Um, thanks for telling me that. It was obviously hard as hell for you.”

“No fucking kidding, Dave.”

“So are we talking about that now? All the awkwardness leading up to Game Night?”

“We will, if you want, but you didn’t even explain what you blame yourself for. You just gave me your shitty, long disclaimer.”

“Hey, it wasn’t shitty, it was _important_.”

“I _know_ that, dumbass. Of fucking course I know that. I’m not so far gone that I can’t see how important that was to you. It was just such a _long fucking disclaimer_. Disclaimers are supposed to be two sentences max. You gave me a whole fucking paragraph.”

“Karkat. Bro. Did you forget who you’re talking to?” Dave gestured to himself, trying to fight the smile creeping onto his face. “Meet Dave Strider. He talks _way_ too much. Don’t ask him questions, because he will answer with an entire essay of convoluted metaphors and embarrassing Freudian slips. You can recognize him by his ass, or lack thereof, because he talked it off so much it is now flatter than a sheet of paper. At this point it’s probably convex.”

“Okay, I get it!” Karkat had been trying to hold in his laughter, but he was basically bursting at the seams. “Consider the point well and fucking taken! You are one wordy motherfucker.”

“You’re damn right I am.”

“So how about you redirect all that pure, unadulterated talking ability into the topic we’re actually trying to discuss?”

“Ugh, fine. If you insist.” Dave rolled his eyes mockingly, before fully wiping the merriment off his face. Serious topic time. Easy-peasy. “You want to know what I blame myself for? Well, I was trying to piss you off the whole night. Partly because I was frustrated with you, partly because I wanted a distraction from the more concerning thoughts in my head. That’s not an excuse, just an explanation. I also blame myself for snapping and attacking you- and before you fucking say it, yes, I know my Bro is partially to blame for that. But it’s still my responsibility to keep that switch from flipping at the smallest incitement. I mean, it would be kinda bad if I just started whaling on someone at the grocery store for bumping into me or something.” Dave paused, gritting his teeth. There goes his good mood. “So those are my reasons. Same rule applies for me, btw, no questioning any of that shit. Maybe later, when we’re not both obsessively holding onto that blame like it’s the last of Maryam’s chocolate chip cookies.”

“Yeah, I’m cool with that.” Karkat rubbed at his face, sighing. “I guess, since this is a conversation, I’m supposed to ask you a question now?”

“I mean, if you’ve got one in mind, shoot.”

“Why were you frustrated with me?”

Dave sighed, one hand absentmindedly running through his hair. “A lot of stupid reasons. I mean, I hated that we weren’t talking to each other, and that I didn’t understand why. Aside from knowing that I definitely made you uncomfortable with my complete failure to sympathize with you.”

“It wasn’t a _complete_ failure. You were at least trying.”

Dave snorted. “Yeah, well that wasn’t much, huh?”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Sympathetic listening takes practice. I’ve just had a lot of it.”

“You’re telling me you actually _listen_ to people?”

“Shut up,” Karkat said, shoving Dave lightly. Then he blanched, noticing how Dave tensed. “Shit, sorry, shouldn’t-”

“It’s _fine_.” Dave took in a deep breath, closing his eyes behind the shades. “Let’s just… get back on topic.” Another breath before he opened his eyes to the dark filtered version of his bedroom. “I was frustrated with myself, too. For being too chickenshit to just talk to you. And for all the thoughts in my head that wouldn’t shut up. Which… I’m guessing you felt similarly?”

“I’m Karkat fucking Vantas, when am I _not_ frustrated? And that situation just took it over the fucking top. Just when I think I’ve reached the limits of my frustration, a whole bunch of other shit decides to drop on top of me and remind me there’s always room for improvement!” He shrugged. “But yeah, I was also frustrated by our startling inability to talk to each other.”

“We really were being totally incompetent. Heads shoved so far up our asses they just end up back in the right place.” Dave chewed his lip, for once not trying to school his expression on his face into a stoic mask. It was _okay_ to show nervousness, to show cracks. This was Karkat. “Could I ask _why_ you were avoiding talking to me?”

Once again, Karkat seemed to be expressing confusion, though Dave noticed the slightly guilty glint in his eyes. “I thought _you_ were avoiding _me_.”

“Okay, maybe I was a _little_ , but so were you. And I asked first, so you gotta answer.”

“Fine! Yes, I was avoiding you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to you, I did. Of fucking _course_ I did, you’re my best friend.” Dave knew this, of course, but hearing Karkat say it with such conviction made him light up like a Christmas tree. “But like I said earlier, I didn’t like how vulnerable I felt after telling you about my parents. I had this stupid fear that you would ask for more information and that’d make me go on another angry tirade and alienate you, or I’d just spill everything and overload you, and I didn’t want to do _any_ of that. So I guess I decided it was better to keep my distance, especially since I detected that _you_ were doing the same thing, and just decided to throw walls up whenever you tried to talk.” Karkat had the urge to apologize, but given what Dave had said about apologies earlier, he dismissed it. “So, what about you? Why were you ‘maybe a little’ avoiding me?”

“Well, I mentioned my head just being absolutely cram-packed with thoughts. And that was part of it.”

“Am I allowed to ask what the content of these thoughts were or will they remain a mystery to haunt me for the rest of my pitiful time on this wretched rock?”

“Jeez, dude, I’ll tell you. Didn’t know you were jonesing that hard for my secrets. We got a real Nancy Drew on our hands here.”

“Shut up and tell me already.”

“Those are two contradictory commands, dawg. Do you want me to shut up or keep talking?”

Karkat groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “ _Obviously_ I want you to talk about shit that actually _matters._ ”

“Well, sorry I didn’t figure that one out, I’m not as up-to-speed on the detective shit. I make a piss-poor Watson.”

“Why the fuck would you be Watson if I’m Nancy Drew?”

“You really think I read any of those books? I don’t know shit about Nancy Drew. Did she even _have_ a sidekick?”

“First of all, there were movies and shows on her, too. And yes, she had Bess and George helping her out sometimes. And I think she dated Ned?”

“Who gives a _fuck_ about those random assholes? Maybe this reference was too fucking obscure for even _me_ to make.”

Karkat crossed his arms, finding himself fighting another smile. “Are you going to stop talking about Nancy Drew now?”

“Yeah, whatever. But I’m gonna bone down on Nancy Drew knowledge for the next pop quiz. Just you wait.”

“ _Dave_.”

“Okay, okay!” Dave shifted his shoulders, tension building up again. “You want to know what was on my mind. Well, a lot of it had to do with Dirk. I, um… I feel kinda _guilty_ about his sentencing.” Karkat’s expression goes straight to perplexed, and Dave sighed. “Yeah, I know, it doesn’t make sense. Part of me knows the dude deserved, but this other part of me is still trying to excuse his actions, or argue that maybe I would’ve been better off staying with him? And it’s _so stupid_ , because I feel so fucking _happy_ and _safe_ here, and it’s so much better than the constant fear and pain he put me through. I feel downright fucking _crazy_ sometimes, because I’ll find myself missing him, even though I _know_ he doesn’t give a shit about me, that he probably doesn’t even _think_ about me.” Anger bubbled up in Dave, tinged with a sadness he wanted to ignore. “I just hate him so fucking much, but I can’t fucking help but feel like I lost something. I don’t know, maybe it’s because at least with him I knew what to expect? I was never happy, but I also never had to _evaluate_ my emotions or _talk things out_ with people. Or maybe it’s just what I’m scared to admit- that I’m just like him.”

“No.” Karkat clenched his jaw, his eyebrows drawing in. “Dave, you’re _nothing_ like that asshole.”

“You don’t know him like I do. You don’t know _me_.”

“I know you’re not a monster who’s incapable of caring for other people!”

“You saw how poorly I handled it when you opened up to me. I suck ass when it comes to emotions.”

“You _tried_ , Dave. That’s more than anyone can say for your bro.”

“What about when I attacked you? That was all Bro’s programming, waiting to be triggered. What if that happens again?”

“You didn’t mean to hurt me, Dave. You snapped out of it.”

“But what if I hadn’t? What if-”

“Dave.” Tentatively, Karkat placed his hands on Dave’s shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact- or at least hoping Dave was meeting his gaze under the shades. He could feel his roommate trembling beneath his palms, quivering with energy, pent-up emotions dying to burst. “Listen to me. You are trying. You’re working on un-learning all the bullshit that your shitty excuse for a brother trained into you. It’s gonna take some time, and maybe you’ll still make mistakes, but you’re willing to put in the time and effort to actively get better, which shows that _you care_. Which is more than anything your bro did. Hell, the fact that you hate the idea of being like him already _shows_ that you’re so much better than he could ever be.”

Dave had been fighting back tears, but one stray traitor was already slipping past the barrier of his shades and onto his cheek. Without warning, he collapsed into Karkat, his forehead hitting his friend’s shoulder. Slowly, Karkat wrapped his arms around Dave’s back as he shook with barely-restrained sobs.

This was becoming an all-too-familiar scene for Karkat at this point. Not that he minded- he was more than willing to be Dave’s support whenever he needed it. “It’s okay, Dave. It’s hard as all hell, trying to live up to the warped, unrealistic expectations of a shitty guardian when you know you’ll never give them what they want. But that’s okay. Because they want you to be just as shitty as them, when in reality you’re so much more.” Karkat wasn’t sure whether he was talking about Dave or himself. “They just want to bring you down, snuff out that light. Your _bro_ wanted you to be just as selfish and unhappy as he was, but you didn’t let him, and now you’re here, becoming everything your brother hated, everything you should be. You will _never_ be like him.”

Dave took a few more minutes before getting the tears under control, pulling slightly away from Karkat and wiping at his wet face. “Fuck. That’s embarrassing every single time.”

Karkat chuckled, rolling his eyes. “Never change, Dave.”

“What I’m trying to say is thanks.”

“It’s really not a problem. I’m always gonna be here for you.” His voice came out surprisingly soft, a gentleness that sounded out-of-place for Karkat. It made Dave smile, and if Karkat noticed the blush on his cheeks, he opted not to mention it.

“I think that’s a good sign that it’s time to end this cringeworthy feelings jam. We _do_ still have a project to finish.”

Karkat grinned, picking up the discarded glue stick. “I’m more than okay with leaving it there.”

They kept working on the project, the natural flow between them slotting right back into the conversation. Although a few things still remained unsaid, they were both relieved to have that conversational weight off their shoulders. They just had to cling to the hope that things would continue to resemble normalcy between them.

And if they fucked up, well, they could always talk through it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao dave's such a baby he keeps crying. just kidding crying is healthy and cathartic get OUTTA here with that toxic masculinity b.s.  
> writing this chapter was a struggle to hit the balance between the funnier tone vs. the more serious tone in this chapter but i hope i got it down! let me know what y'all thought.  
> thanks for reading!!


	24. Sweet Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Dave's birthday!

December 3rd came around a lot faster than Dave expected.

Thankfully, Kanaya had asked him how much of a party he wanted, and he’d made it clear that it would best to keep it as lowkey as possible. He’d added that if the party ended up being non-existent, that would be best, but Kanaya’s slight disappointment at the suggestion made him feel bad enough to let her plan something. As long as it was _small._

Still, that didn’t stop a certain roommate of his from shaking him awake, greeting him with an enthusiastic, though slightly malicious, grin. Dave fumbled to put on his shades before blearily glaring at Karkat, who was practically buzzing with excitement. “Happy birthday, numbnuts!”

Leave it to Kanaya to tell everyone else in the house what day it was. Dave groaned, slowly sitting up- because _someone_ had decided to rouse him earlier than usual. “Mmph. Did you _have_ to wake me up for that?”

“Obviously not. But I wanted to.”

“Fuck you.” Dave rubbed the weird eye boogers off his face- _seriously what_ are _those things_ \- displacing his shades slightly in the process. “I guess I’m sixteen now.”

“You _guess_? You should be fucking excited, dumbass. You can get a _driver’s license_ now! I would _kill_ to be sixteen already.”

A little more groaning as Dave’s brain tried to catch up with being conscious. “Yeah, whatever. Being granted complete control of a three-ton metal death trap sounds _fantastic_.”

“It’s not _that_ bad,” Karkat said, an exasperated snort accompanying his eye roll.

“Karkat, I don’t think you understand. I had never even _been_ in a car until about, oh, two months ago. Really, the only reason I let Kanaya coax me into one of those inanimate monsters every day is because I _trust_ her. And I guess because walking to school would take me about an hour and that’s _way_ too much work for me.”

“Okay, whatever, you’re not stoked about driving. Shouldn’t you at least be excited about growing up?”

“I dunno, just another year marking that I’m getting closer to death.”

Karkat stared at him in disbelief. “You’re turning sixteen. Not eighty-five.”

“Yeah, okay, maybe my thoughts drift a little too morbid from time to time. You got me there.” Dave sighed, searching for a way to get the conversation back on its lighthearted track. “Gotta warn you though, dude, if you think getting older will do anything to help you in the height department, you’re sorely mistaken.”

Karkat huffed, crossing his arms. “Hey, I still have a few years before puberty ends. I could gain a few inches.”

“Karkat, that ship has sailed for you. It pushed out of harbor years ago, got lost in the Bermuda Triangle, and its wreck was recovered a few months ago by deep-sea divers. Just accept the fact that you’re never gonna get past five-two.”

“We’ll see about that. If I don’t grow, maybe I’ll learn some dark magic, steal an inch or twelve from you. Then we’ll see who’s laughing.”

“Wow, I’m _so_ scared. This hypothetical situation where magic isn’t fakey bullshit is _definitely_ threatening.”

“Fine! If I can’t steal your height using magic, I’ll just take those inches surgically!”

Dave cocked an eyebrow, grinning. “From which body part, exactly?”

“What the _fuck_?” Karkat yelled, his whole face going red with mortification. “I wasn’t- You _know_ I wasn’t talking about that!”

“Mhmm, sure.”

“I was _not_ talking about your dick!”

“It’s okay, Karkat, I know you’re jealous of it.”

This was definitely not something Karkat wanted on his mind. “Fuck you! I’m officially decreeing this conversation is over!”

“As you wish, your majesty.”

Karkat grabbed Dave’s pillow, only to smack him in the head with it. The hit did nothing to wipe the smirk off Dave’s face. “Just get up so we can go to school already!”

“Ugh, I still have to go to school on my birthday?”

“Uh, yes? It’s Wednesday. Which means school.”

“What’s even the _point_ of birthdays if you don’t get off of school?”

“Dave, it’s not a nationally recognized holiday.”

“It should be! I don’t know if you know this, but I’m kind of a big fucking deal.”

“You’re so full of shit.”

“Naw, I’m serious, dawg. Just wait till my rap album featuring Obama comes out. Shit’ll be so historic, they’ll _have_ to make my birthday a national holiday. Possibly even a _global_ one.”

“In your dreams, Strider. Also, maybe you should stop idolizing Obama so much.”

Dave squinted up at Karkat. “Wait, what? Don’t tell me he did something wrong.”

“He was president, and a politician. Pretty much everyone in politics has done something wrong.”

“Well, there’s no way what Obama did was _that_ bad, right? I mean, he’s Obama!”

“Well…”

That was the day Dave learned that Obama was a war criminal.

“Wow. Okay, lemme just say, you just made this the worst birthday ever. Which is a feat, considering that literally all my birthdays before this went ignored. Actually, that would be preferred over learning that I’ve been praising a fucking _war criminal_ this whole time!”

“Sorry, but I couldn’t just stand by and let you keep embarrassing yourself like that.”

“It’s okay, I’m glad I know _now_.” They had had the foresight to get ready and dressed while Karkat was listing Obama’s wrongdoings, and now Dave was wrestling his hair into place. “Damn. Who’m I gonna get to feature on my debut album now? Is Snoop problematic? Please don’t tell me Snoop is problematic.”

“Dave. Do I look like I know a single shitting thing about Snoop Dogg aside from whatever random crap you’ve mumbled about him in my general vicinity?”

“You got a point there. Shit. I’ll have to research it later, then.”

“You’re such a dor-”

“Good morning, nerds!” Terezi slammed open the door, grinning widely. “And hello to the birthday boy.”

“Terezi, could you _not_ burst into our room all the time?” Karkat asked, crossing his arms. “I mean, what if we weren’t dressed?”

“I wouldn’t be able to see it, Karkles. Did you already forget I’m blind?”

“No one could fucking forget you’re blind, you literally talk about it every five minutes!”

“Wow, how insensitive. Do you know how much of a struggle my disability is? Check your sight privilege, Karkat.”

“Why do you sound like Kankri? Have you been talking to Kankri?”

“At least he’s respectful of my disadvantages.”

“Okay, now I know you’re fucking with me. That asshole is too full of himself to be respectful of _anyone_.”

“Whatever, you bozos better hurry up. I don’t want to be late to school again.” She ambled back out, her cane smacking against the door.

“Like you even care!” Karkat yelled after her, though at that point she was long gone. He huffed and sat down on his bed. “She’s so _infuriating_ sometimes!”

Dave snorted, ruffling Karkat’s hair- it was already a mess, so he wasn’t really doing any damage. “Dude, you get infuriated by everyone. You’re so easily riled up.”

Karkat glared up at him, smacking his hand away. “Okay, sure, but she does it on _purpose_. And so do you, asshole!”

“I mean, it’s kinda cute. Like you’re a little cat, all hissing angrily at me, your tail hella fluffed up. Hey, is that where the 'kat' in Karkat comes from?”

Karkat was flushing, his brain stuck on the word ‘cute’ and ignoring the rest of Dave’s ramble. He managed a scowl, trying to hide how flustered he felt. “I’m not cute! I’m- I’m _intimidating_.”

“Keep telling yourself that, hon,” Dave replied, pressing Karkat’s nose with an index finger.

 _What are you doing, Dave?_ some urgent voice in the back of his head screamed. _You’re showing too much emotion. You’re being transparent._

 _Fuck off_ , he thought back to himself. Yeah, maybe it was weird he was having an imaginary conversation with himself, but he didn’t particularly care. He was just gonna keep needling Karkat and enjoying it immensely. It didn’t _mean_ anything.

Karkat had moved away while Dave had his inner monologue, standing a good foot from him. “Whatever. Let’s just go downstairs already.”

Downstairs, the rest of the family was waiting in the kitchen, smiling when Dave walked in. He suddenly wanted to hide, go back to his room where he wouldn’t be the center of everyone’s attention, where he could pretend that it was just any other day. Maybe with Karkat, so he had someone to shoot the shit with and distract him.

“Happy birthday, Dave,” Kanaya said, one hand tapping on the counter. She was smiling with the rest of them, though the tightness around her eyes made Dave wonder if she could tell how out-of-place he felt.

Gamzee slung an arm around his shoulders, a lazy grin on his face. “The Mirthful Messiahs be all up and smiling down on you on this day.”

“Uhh… thanks.” Dave shrugged out of Gamzee’s grasp, trying to put on a smile.

“I made pancakes,” Kanaya added. “Grab a few before we leave.”

Okay, he could do pancakes. Maybe birthdays weren’t so bad. “Aw, hell yeah. Thanks, Maryam.”

The day progressively dunked Dave into the birthday experience- classmates forced to sing off-key whenever a teacher found out Dave was officially older, Karkat and Terezi’s friends giving half-hearted congratulations- until he somehow felt too visible. The last thing he wanted was to feel watched. He did his best to push down his objections whenever someone decided to bring his birthday up, sometimes even using Karkat to change the subject. For his part, Karkat seemed to pick up pretty quickly that Dave wasn’t feeling particularly celebratory, and managed to deflect additional queries about parties and presents and driving. Though he never put his appreciation in words, Dave hoped Karkat was picking up on that, too.

He was relieved to go home and crash in his room for a few hours, finishing homework, listening to music, and pretending it was just any other day. It was just enough normalcy to make facing dinner bearable- Kanaya had insisted on making his new favorite meal, baked ziti, accompanied with ‘never-ending’ breadsticks, and vegetables on the side to make it healthier, though Dave barely touched those. She’d also insisted on making a cake, putting sixteen candles on it and everything. But aside from yet another rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ and the ritualistic blowing out of the candles, it didn’t feel like much of a party. Which was totally fine as far as Dave was concerned.

Kanaya finished out the night by pulling out two wrapped packages- one small, the other much larger. “I hope you don’t mind that we got you a present. The other is from your friend in Washington.” She handed Dave the smaller present first.

“Open it!” Terezi shouted gleefully, leaning over the table to get a closer look at it. “I wanna see what your lame friend got you.”

Dave rolled his eyes. “Hey, only _I_ get to call John lame.” He peeled back the paper, opened the skinny cardboard box inside, and pulled out a rolled-up poster and a note.

happy birthday dave!!!

wow, i can’t believe you get to turn sixteen before me! that’s so insanely unfair. you’re not even taking driving lessons! ugh, whatever.

i hope you like your present! you were kinda right when you said i couldn’t top the stiller shades, but i think i found something that you will find just as ironic! it is a poster for the movie ‘just go with it’, signed by adam sandler! you like to rag me for my ‘lame taste in movies’ (which isn’t even, lame it’s awesome) but i really don’t get what you find funny about sandler. maybe i just don’t see how ironic it is? whatever, i know you like him, and i know your roommate likes romcoms (you talk about karkat a LOT) so i found the shittiest one possible! i mean, seriously, i tried watching this movie, and while i'm all for the antics sandler gets up to, it got super confusing, even for a master prankster like me. if you haven’t seen it yet, i bet you would love to watch it and make fun of it with karkat.

anyway, i hope you enjoy your gift and that you have an awesome birthday!

your best pal,

ectoBiologist

p.s. i know you’re becoming best friends with karkat, and i just wanted you to know i’m totally okay with it! just don’t forget your oldest friend egbert over here. :P

Dave pulled out the poster and, sure enough, there was Adam Sandler’s ugly mug next to Jennifer Aniston, accompanied with Sandler’s loopy signature. His siblings clamored around him, trying to make sense of the absurd present.

“What is it?” Terezi asked, leaning on Dave’s shoulder. She really had no sense of personal space.

“The best fucking movie poster I’ve ever seen,” Dave replied, grinning as he rolled it back up. He had to give his best friend credit, he was definitely getting better at the whole irony thing. 

Karkat snorted. “Please. It’s just one of Sandler’s less memorable movies. I haven’t even heard of that one.”

“Well, we’re definitely gonna fucking watch it together.”

“No way am I watching that crap!”

“Boys, please,” Terezi interrupted, waving in Karkat’s general direction. “Stop bickering, I want Dave to open our present!”

Oh yeah. The bigger box. Dave had almost forgotten about it amidst admiring John’s superb gift. He pulled it closer, mildly surprised by how heavy it was. “This is from all y’all?”

Kanaya nodded. “The present was Karkat’s idea.”

Karkat turned red, looking away from Dave. “It’s not a big deal. I just happen to be the victim Dave decided to direct all his worst, droning rambles at. If I pick up hints on what he might want for his birthday, that’s on him.”

“You’re the one who chooses to listen to them.” Dave grinned at his roommate, before tearing open the second present. Needless to say he was extremely curious what Karkat thought to get him. He got through the wrapping paper and…

Oh.

“Are these… turntables?”

“Yes. Karkat mentioned that you seemed to miss your old ones, so I did a little research and ordered the latest model that was within my budget.” Dave could feel Kanaya’s searching eyes on him, trying to read his expression. “Do you like it?”

Dave was having a hard time figuring out his own emotions. For one, this was serving as a reminder of Dirk’s influence on his life. His constant pushing that Dave be perfect, that he master being ‘cool’ in every way imaginable.

But maybe it didn’t have to be. Maybe it could be a symbol of new beginnings. Of Dave embracing the things he enjoyed without the presence of Dirk haunting him. Of his family encouraging him and his pursuits in a healthy way. Of gestures of affection that were genuine, instead of performative, practiced acts done for their comedic value.

He looked up at Karkat, who was watching him with increasing worry, waiting for his reaction. Karkat, who had clearly put thought into this present. For _him_. And this was…

“It’s awesome. Seriously. Thanks, guys.” Dave smiled as he said it, because he no longer felt conflicted about it- he was sure of how he felt, unplagued by Dirk-related doubts. It was a freeing feeling, and it gave him hope that maybe one day he could go through life without the reminder of his brother’s existence making his decisions uncertain. “I really missed mixing music.”

The tension dissipated, and relief shined on Karkat and Kanaya’s faces. Terezi and Gamzee didn’t seem clued in to what had just happened, but they seemed happy nonetheless. “Like I said. Karkat suggested it.”

“Thanks, Kark. I’m surprised you paid that close attention to my ‘droning rambles’.”

Karkat looked like he wanted to escape through his sweater. “You mentioned it a few times. I just happen to be a good listener.”

Gamzee butted in. “Yo, I would love to lay down some ill rhymes all up on your sick motherfucking tracks, Dave.”

Dave chuckled at the idea. He already knew it would end up sounding like some ICP crap, but whatever. “Sure, dawg. Just get a check-up from the doctor to make sure those raps are suitably diseased before tryna lay ‘em down on the epidemic-level beats I’ll be providin’.”

“Motherfucker, I got the illest raps imaginable. It’s a motherfucking miracle this contagion’s been contained within words.”

“Okay, keep talking like that and we’ll have a hit on our hands, no problem.”

Terezi banged on the table. “Can I get a feature?”

“Hell yeah you can.”

Karkat looked absolutely mortified at the prospect of this collaboration. “Alright, I think that’s plenty for tonight! Why don’t we go set those turntables up in our room, Dave?” He said it too forcefully for it to be considered a suggestion.

Dave laughed. “Alright, sure man. Glad to see you so excited to hear our dope new single.”

“Ugh, sure, whatever.” Karkat shot Kanaya his most pleading look. “Can we go, please?”

Kanaya gave him a bemused smirk. “I must say I’m surprised by your apparent zeal for Dave’s craft. If I didn’t know any better I might think you wanted the turntables for yourself.”

“Don’t worry, Karkat, just say the word and I’ll teach you how to mix.”

“I hate this family so fucking much,” Karkat muttered.

“Yes, you’re excused,” Kanaya replied. Looked like even she could play the ‘tease Karkat’ game. In fact, Dave may even dare to say that she was an expert at it, or she would be if she utilized her snarky abilities more often. Rose was rubbing off on her.

As soon as Karkat got the permission, he stood up, glaring at Dave until he gave in and followed. They carried the box up the stairs- with more than a few complaints from Karkat, who suddenly didn’t seem so jazzed about choosing an upstairs location to set up the turntables. He did, however, help Dave set everything up, though there was hardly any room for the thing in their already cramped room. Dave dropped it on his bed, messing with the semi-unfamiliar features while Karkat watched and occasionally commented on Dave’s ‘embarrassingly unscientific approach to figuring it out- you haven’t even touched the _manual_.’ He even extended his graciousness and showed Karkat the ropes, giving him the basics on mixing music, until Karkat got frustrated and threw up his hands in defeat. Then Terezi and Gamzee came in, clamoring to drop raps on Dave's mixes. Even Kanaya came to watch, and was goaded into rapping a few lines herself. Needless to say, it was fun as hell, but Dave noticed how uncomfortable Karkat looked when Terezi tried to get him to rap. Dave eventually decided to shoo the rest of the family out of their room, putting the turntables away under his bed until they could find a more permanent place for the behemoth, and do something Karkat might enjoy slightly more- emphasis on the _slightly_.

Just Go With It turned out to be just as weirdly complicated and shitty as John had made it out to be, which in Dave’s eyes was perfect. He and Karkat took turns throwing criticisms at the movie, Karkat especially bearing down on how clumsily the tangled web of romance was treated. Then they put on a second movie, picked out by Dave, though they both end up falling asleep in Karkat’s bed before the end credits hit.

Despite the rocky, awkward beginning, it hadn’t been a bad birthday. In fact, it had been almost… pleasant. Dave didn’t know what he’d been so worried about. It had just felt like any other day.

Things were finally getting back to normal and Dave couldn’t be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay for dave resolving minor issues (but still ignoring the major one)  
> hope you liked the chapter! questions, comments, concerns, or even just a chat are appreciated. and, as always, thanks for reading!


	25. Take a Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave gets something important off his chest.

Dave Strider was hatching a plan.

Granted, it was Dave, so it wasn’t much of a plan, nor was it thought out very well, unless thinking about it a lot counted.

But after much deliberation with himself, he’d figured out who to talk to about his struggles with sexual identity and his confused feelings towards a certain best friend- _no, not confused, it’s just bro stuff, just best friend feelings, nothing more_. He’d ruled out his siblings, as they were either too close to Karkat, wouldn’t have advice, or would tease him incessantly. He’d also ruled out Kanaya, as he had no idea what to expect from her and didn’t want to worry her with more of his Dirk-troubles, and Sollux, who, despite being Dave’s new pal and apparent confidant, was also too close to Karkat. And obviously John was just clueless and wouldn’t have any advice. That left one other person he was semi-close to that he could talk to about it- Rose.

At first the idea had seemed ridiculous- he barely knew her, she was dating Kanaya, and she worked for the CPS, which Dave had figured out, after a little digging, didn’t exactly condone dating within a foster family, though it wasn’t illegal. _Not that I’m considering that._ But he _had_ lived with Rose for a few days before being placed with Kanaya, and she had been nice- unintrusive, and maybe a little distant, but in a way that gave Dave space to process the whirlwind he’d found himself in. Plus, the few times Dave had interactions with her since then, they had gotten along pretty well. She was smart as hell, and had plenty of experience dealing with barely-functioning kids like him. To top it all off, she was lesbian, so Dave guessed she would have some advice on struggling with sexuality.

There was one problem, though.

Kanaya and Rose were on a break.

“What do you mean, you’re on a break?” Dave had certainly not expected that when he’d asked Kanaya when he would next see Rose. He had confronted her while she was cooking dinner, which wasn’t the best idea- she usually got cranky when people interrupted her while she was cooking- but it was the only time he could get her semi-alone.

“I mean exactly what I said. We are on a break.” Kanaya’s back was to him, her focus on whatever was sizzling in the pan in front of her, but Dave could see her shoulders tense up. He straightened from where he had been leaning on the counter.

“Why though? Y’all seem perfect for each other.”

Kanaya sighed, her hand momentarily stopping in its cyclical, stirring movements. “Sometimes in a relationship, one person or the other needs to take a break. Rose is currently struggling with some private issues, and needed some space and time to deal with them.”

“I… guess that makes sense. So… she’s not gonna be here for the nondenominational winter holiday party?” No one in the Maryam household really celebrated Christmas- Kanaya was Muslim, Rose’s family was Jewish, Gamzee was a juggalo, and the rest of the kids weren’t exactly religious- so they usually just had a gift-giving party once Rose was done celebrating Hanukkah. Not that it really mattered now that Rose was apparently not coming anyway.

“No.” Kanaya turned the fire off, moving the pan onto the counter next to Dave, still not meeting his eyes- or shades. “What brought you to ask me this?”

“I, uh, wanted to ask Rose about something.”

Kanaya finally looked up at him, one eyebrow raised. It seemed he had piqued her curiosity. “What do you want to ask Rose that you could not ask me?”

Dave blanched, his fingers twitching against his thigh. “Oh, you know, just normal conversational things. The most casual, mundane shit imaginable. Weather, politics, name literally any boring conversation topic, it’s one I want to talk about. With Rose, that is.”

Kanaya was not buying his bullshit, and her narrowed eyes told him exactly that. “Dave, it concerns me that you don’t think you can tell me whatever this is about. Have I done something wrong?”

“No!” Dave shook his head so vigorously he was afraid his shades would fly off. “Naw, Maryam, you’ve been perfect. Shit. It’s… I don’t know, kind of a personal issue? It’s just not something I’m ready to talk to you about yet.”

Kanaya pursed her lips, but eventually nodded. “Very well. Is this urgent? I could give you Rose’s chumhandle if you really need to talk to her.”

Dave smiled, relieved that she decided to not keep pushing it. “Oh, it’s not that urgent. Besides, I wouldn’t want to bother her while she’s dealing with her, uh, ‘private issues’ or whatever.” Dave blinked. “Shit, didn’t mean to trivialize whatever she’s going through right now. It’s clearly not ‘whatever’ if y’all are taking a relationship time-out for it. I mean, time-outs are a big deal, that’s when the coach gets the team in a huddle in the last few minutes of the big game, and they talk strategy on getting enough points to-”

“Dave, I’m sure you’ve been told this before, but the constant talking does not help,” Kanaya snapped, far more intensely than Dave was used to. She noticed how he leaned back, his stance shifting to something more defensive, and she sighed, pinching her nose. “My apologies. I didn’t mean to startle you. I am just under an undue amount of stress at the moment.”

“I-It’s okay.” Dave forced the tension out of his shoulders. “I mean, I get it. Who wouldn’t be annoyed by me shoving my foot in my mouth daily?”

Kanaya gave him a pointed look, clearly not pleased with his self-deprecating humor, but decided to let it slide for the time being. “I’m certain Rose would be more than willing to help. Besides, she might also be in need of a distraction from her more pressing engagements. I believe a conversation with you perfectly fits the definition of a ‘distraction’.”

“Not sure if that was supposed to be a compliment or what, but thanks?”

“You're welcome. Would you like her handle?”

“Uh… yeah, I guess.”

A few minutes later, Dave found himself sitting in his bedroom, staring at the new contact in his phone. Karkat was seemingly engrossed in his laptop, most likely watching a romcom as usual, though Dave noticed his eyes flickering up in suspicion, watching Dave continuing to be completely inactive. It was out-of-character, sure, but Dave was just putting most of his concentration into figuring out how to broach this conversation with Rose.

A few months ago, this wouldn’t have even been a topic he would consider exploring within the locked vault of his own mind. A few weeks ago, it wasn’t something he wanted to share with anyone. A few days ago, he had planned to talk about it whenever Rose visited next. A few minutes ago, he didn’t expect Rose to visit for a indeterminately long while.

And now the prospect was staring him in the face, almost literally- the light from his phone pierced even the dimming power of his shades. He had never really prepared to have this conversation, hadn’t even expected for it to happen this soon. Not that he _had_ to have that conversation right this second. But if not now, when? He had the ability to make this happen, and he _wanted_ to get it off his chest to someone. And maybe the texting medium would make it easier for him, being able to formulate his thoughts and plan his words without a ticking social clock pressuring him into filling the conversational silence and saying the first thing that came to mind. Maybe this could wait until after dinner?

No. No more waiting. If he didn’t do it now, he was afraid he wouldn’t do it at all. Rose’s contact would just linger unused in his phone’s memory, until he saw Rose in person again, whenever that happened to be, and found himself compelled to speak to her. No, he was going to do this on his terms, and he was going to do it right _fucking_ now.

Or at least whenever Rose decided to reply. Stupid of him to expect an immediate response- she’s a grown adult, with responsibilities and shit, and surely must be busier than a dumb teenager who’s practically attached to his phone. Still, her reply came quicker than he expected.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 18:43 --

TG: hey ms lalonde

TG: this is dave

TG: strider

TG: kanaya gave me your handle hope you dont mind

TG: also fuck hope you dont mind me mentioning kanaya i doubt you want to talk about that

TG: i mean im sure things are probably cool between yall but i know youre on a break

TG: fuck just disregard everything i just said

TT: Hello, Dave. Nice to hear from you, verbal fuck-ups notwithstanding.

TT: I suppose if I were a more responsible adult I would tell you to watch your profanity, but alas, it seems I am just as much a victim to occasional expletive outbursts.

TT: You are correct in assuming which topics I do not exactly want to speak of with you. Therefore, I hope you don’t find it rude of me if we continue to avoid them.

TG: honestly thats fine with me

TG: totally cool with this 16 year old boy if we dont talk about your relationship with my foster mom

TG: which again feel free to completely ignore that i mentioned it

TT: Mentioned what, exactly?

TG: oh nice i see you know how to play along

TT: I _do_ work with children for a living.

TT: Now, to what do I owe the pleasure? What exactly brought you around to my neck of the digital woods?

TG: see thats the problem

TG: its kinda a difficult topic for me to talk about

TG: ive been avoiding it like the bubonic plague

TG: all avoiding every slightly sick looking person i see

TG: killing rats left and right

TG: washing my hands a hundred times a day

TG: idk if this is any indicator of how difficult of a topic this is for me but youre the first person im talking to about this

TG: and atm youre the only person i feel comfortable enough to talk to about it

TG: which okay that probably sounds weird to you because weve had like three interactions but i went through every option and youre the best one

TT: I see this is a delicate subject matter for you. Please take as much time as you need.

TG: thanks

TT: It’s not a problem.

TT: May I ask the reason as to why you chose to speak to me about this? If only to buy you some time to collect your thoughts and gather your courage.

TG: uh sure

TG: for one you were pretty nice to me when i lived with you and the few times we talked after that

TG: like you left me to myself for the most part which was actually just what i needed

TG: and youre one of the smartest people i know if not the smartest

TT: I must say that does wonders to stroke my ego.

TG: i am known for my awesome compliments

TG: warning they come at a cost

TG: only thirty two fifty nine plus shipping

TG: but wait theres more if you order now youll also get a free complimentary disco ball for the low low added price of nineteen ninety nine

TT: Hold on. Is this disco ball free or is there an additional fee?

TG: yes

TT: Thank you for clearing that up. I can rest easily now.

TT: Are there any other reasons you approached me?

TG: oh i mean youre probably the most qualified person i know to talk about this with

TG: aside from my therapist ig but i dont really think i can tell him any of this yet

TG: you have experience dealing with kids like me

TG: and you also have experience with

TG: uh

TG: lets just say certain relationships

TT: Oh.

TT: Well that certainly informs me somewhat on what to expect for our impending conversation.

TT: I’m sure I could use the information to hazard some guesses as to what that conversation will be, but it would probably be best for me to sit back and let you take it away.

TG: hell yeah this is gonna be one banger of a performance

TG: hope youre relaxed got your popcorn and extra large icee ready for the big picture movie

TG: please silence your cell phones and enjoy the show

TT: Not to rush you, but has sufficient time passed for you to feel ready to dive into the meat of our conversation?

TG: uh

TG: idk maybe

TG: weve had enough appetizer at this point any more and ill get full off the breadsticks and house salad

TG: get your steak knives ready folks here comes the main course

TT: … 

TG: oh i guess i gotta actually serve the main course now huh

TT: Again, not to rush you, but you did make it seem like this main course was forthcoming. Was I incorrect in assuming as much?

TG: no youre right

TG: i um

Dave’s grip on the phone tightened. He glanced up, meeting Karkat’s eyes, the question in them clear as day- by now he’d noticed the tension in Dave’s shoulders, the tendons standing out on the back of his hand, the frantic, forceful tapping of his thumb on the screen. It was safe to say that Karkat was probably wondering what was up. Dave just had to hope that by pointedly ignoring his roommate’s worried stare, he would get the hint and wouldn’t ask.

He hated keeping things from Karkat, especially after what happened last time, but this really wasn’t something he could share yet. Once he got through it with Rose, maybe he’d be more prepared, or at least not feel so desperate to protect this secret that he started shutting Karkat out again. Because that would suck, and just be an idiotic move on his part.

He flashed an apologetic smile to Karkat, trying to convey the things he couldn’t say- _I promise it’s fine, don’t worry about me, I’ll tell you everything later_ \- before turning back to the shelter of his conversation with Rose. He didn’t want to keep her waiting.

TG: okay im just gonna say it

TG: im having trouble trying to figure out my identity

TG: specifically my sexual identity

TG: wow okay that might not have been the best way to phrase that but then again i am dave strider phrasing things inappropriately is my specialty

TT: Your phrasing is fine, Dave.

TT: As to the issue you seem to be dealing with, could you elaborate more?

TT: What specifically are you having trouble with?

TG: lmao where do i even start

TG: ig the best jumping off point would be my bro

TG: my bro as in my brother not my friend

TT: Yeah, I understood that.

TG: i mean okay i will eventually be talking about the other kinda bro too but im starting with my brother

TG: this may come as a shocker but he shaped a lot of my views on identity and masculinity and whatnot

TT: You don’t say. It’s almost as if, up until three months ago, he was solely in charge of raising you.

TG: yeah i guess you could say that

TG: but um

TG: i always used to get the sense from him that the only acceptable way to be a man was to be like him

TG: and to be anything less was to be weak

TG: and that included his sexual identity

TG: honestly looking back im not sure where i got the idea that he was strictly hetero from

TG: i mean he said a lot of things that were definitely homophobic on one level or another and that influenced how i thought about the subject for a long fucking time

TG: maybe it was the couple hundred times when he used ‘gay’ as a synonym for ‘lame’ that was just one of the many things i picked up from him in an effort to impress him or be whatever warped version of cool he wanted

Dave looked down at what he’d just written, a little surprised at how quickly the floodgates opened. It seemed his biggest troubles were always in starting the conversation, but once it got going he couldn’t seem to stop. He could probably chalk that up to his ever-present urge to ramble.

TG: shit sorry this might be getting too deep

TG: idek how much you know about the whole situation with dirk

TG: or the trial for that matter

TT: Well, I do work for Child Protective Services, and was in charge of your case for a short while.

TT: Not to mention my connection to your new guardian.

TT: So I would gather I know quite a bit more than you expect.

TG: oh true i somehow totally forgot how on top of your shit you are

TG: my deepest apologies for underestimating your total knowledge please find it in your heart to forgive me

TT: Apology accepted. Please do continue.

TG: right

TG: so yeah i got the impression from my brother that you had to be straight to be cool

TG: being into guys romantically was for weaksauce lame-os

TG: definitely not for the striders oh no

TG: but i think

TG: maybe

TG: there were times i considered it

TG: with one of my friends

TG: but he was clueless and very clearly not gay so i just gave up on that

TG: shoved my feelings to the side pretended they never existed and that i was just a normal straight dude who had never experienced burgeoning feelings for his best friend no sir

TG: and that mentality kept up until i started realizing my brother was actually terrible and called cps

TT: Yes, I remember this part of your story exceptionally well.

TG: okay ms sassy i get it youre a cps worker

TT: I did not mean for that to be sassy. Simply just a statement of my familiarity with the more recent events in your life.

TG: oh

TG: right

TG: sorry

TT: No need to apologize. Go on.

TG: so for a short time there i was still clinging to the shit dirk taught me but at the same time was trying to reject it

TG: or at least try to analyze it without his biases and figure out for myself whether i actually believed in any of it

TG: and for the most part i did eventually decide against a lot of that shit but it took a long time and work to actually get rid of it

TG: and im still working on a lot of it now lol

TG: hence this conversation

TG: but um one of the things i analyzed was my sexuality

TG: and i thought maybe it wouldnt be so bad if i were

TG: into guys

TG: in that way

TG: in fact it couldve been a big middle finger to my brother

TG: a complete rejection of the core tenets of being cool according to dirk strider

TG: but before i could really honestly evaluate that without the urge to just do whatever would piss him off the most

TG: the trial happened

TG: and i was rudely awakened to the fact that my bro was totally okay with being gay

TG: so much so that he himself dated a guy

TG: and that completely contradicted with what i had picked up on from living with him for fifteen years

TG: ig maybe i projected that idea onto him from what the media i consumed told me about sexuality

TG: clearly i mustve imagined it or else he wouldnt have had a former boyfriend to call to be a character witness

TT: Well, that certainly is one way to figure out a person’s feelings on homosexuality.

TT: Though, I feel I should point out that it is possible for even homosexuals to be homophobic.

TT: So perhaps what you believed to be your brother’s views on the subject were not as imaginary as they seem.

TG: huh

TG: i never thought about that

TG: i knew coming to you with this was a good idea

TT: Because I’m a lesbian?

TT: That is what you were insinuating earlier, right? When you mentioned I had experience with ‘certain relationships’?

TG: …

TG: maybe

TG: shit was that wrong of me to say

TG: i have literally no bearing on how to approach any of this sorry

TG: fuck

TT: It’s fine, Dave. I know this is new territory for you.

TT: I think I can let this minor infraction slide. Just this once.

TG: oh thank god

TG: anyway

TG: i didnt know what to do with the information that my bro was apparently into guys

TG: at first i thought maybe it was one last mind game he was playin on me

TG: like maybe his super sonar detected that i was considering men as an option and wanted to throw a wrench in that just to fuck with me

TG: stupid thing is it worked and he got into my head once again

TG: i mean he never really left dude barrelled in there

TG: a stupid little worm all tunnelling through my apple of a brain eating it up from the inside

TG: but just when i thought maybe i had him pinched between my fingers and could pull him out he squirmed away and dug deeper

TG: and hes sitting comfy again because i fumbled with that dumb apple so much i just dropped it off a fucking cliff and now i gotta hike all the way down there to pick it up

TT: I must say, I’m becoming a fan of your increasingly elaborate metaphors. They’re very… poetic, in their own way.

TG: aw thanks i do practice that particular talent all hours of the day

TG: talked karkats ear off with my metaphors

TG: hell i talked both his ears off dudes just completely earless now

TG: i talked my ass off too if i keep this up ill be able to frankenstein a whole person outta all the parts ive talked off

TG: and lemme tell you striders monster would not be pretty

TG: hed be awesome tho id make sure of that

TG: the raddest botched laboratory experiment this side of the mississippi

TT: Dave, while I am as interested in hearing more about Strider's monster as the next person, I believe we were talking about an important subject.

TT: Why don’t we get back to that?

TG: yeah okay

TG: so my bro is gay

TG: or idk maybe hes bi or pan

TG: or one of the more obscure ones

TG: point is he was at least into guys enough to date one

TG: and i suddenly had more doubts

TG: for one if i also decided i liked guys it was no longer an act of rebellion against him

TG: not that thats rly a big deal that was just kinda an added bonus of me figuring out my sexual identity

TG: but thats not even the main problem

TG: i also worried that maybe my more gay feelings were due to more of his programming

TG: like maybe the homophobia was overt and on the surface of my personality but he somehow nudged me into secretly being into men

TG: using porn puppets as subliminal messages to say hey being gay is okay actually

TG: okay that sounds ridiculous but refer to earlier when i mentioned mind games he pulled shit like this all the time

TG: i wouldnt put it past him to do things as esoterically as possible

TG: and idk this all fed into my fear of becoming like him

TG: though i was recently informed by a close friend that this was a crazy irrational fear

TG: and that the fact that i fear it in the first place shows that im already on the path to be better than him

TG: it makes sense but my stupid lizard brain doesnt click with the logic it just keeps running in scared little circles

TG: im afraid that being into guys is just getting one step closer to turning into him

TG: so im stuck

TG: cant figure out my messed up feelings without my instincts sending me into panic mode

TG: thats uh pretty much it

TT: Interesting.

TT: Before I offer any advice, may I ask if there is a particular thing that set you on this path of self-reflection vis-à-vis sexual identity?

TT: A particular… person?

TG: um yeah kinda

TG: i mentioned earlier that this first started when i thought i might be developing feelings for my clueless best friend

TG: but i dropped that pretty quick because he made it clear he was straight as a steel beam

TG: well im starting to feel that way again for one of my newer friends

TG: and im kinda having trouble differentiating whether these feelings are normal friend feelings or like romantic feelings

TG: and if they are romantic feelings it just brings me back to the sexuality question and my brain shuts down before i can rly think about it too much

TT: I see.

TT: Well, I suppose that’s my cue to offer some advice.

TT: I can’t say that I personally struggled with my identity much. I knew pretty early on that I was strictly attracted to women, and my attitude was that if people didn’t want to accept that about me, they weren’t worthy of my time or friendship anyway.

TT: In your case, this seems to be something that has been in your head, that you’ve been battling, for a long time.

TT: However, I think some of the things you’ve said today speak volumes as to whether this is really a struggle at all. You’ve had multiple occasions to drop this line of thinking and simply decide you are straight, and yet you keep coming back to the idea of ‘being into guys’. Despite your concerns regarding your brother, you have never outright objected to this idea, and keep coming back to consider it. To me, that’s a big indicator of your true feelings.

TT: Of course, don’t take my word as law. You’re the only person who can decide your identity.

TT: But it’s pretty clear to me that you are seriously considering attraction to men. The only thing getting in the way of outright admitting it is you.

Damn. Dave stared at those words, trying to wrap his head around it. She had a point- if Dave was straight, wouldn’t he have stopped thinking about this years ago? If he didn’t find men attractive, why did he feel like he was solving a puzzle whenever he thought of his relationship with Karkat?

He tried the words on in his head. _I like men. I’m_ attracted _to men._ It felt… well, it didn’t feel _wrong_. He was kind of uncomfortable, thinking it, but something in the words rang true. Especially when he looked up at Karkat.

Fuck. He liked Karkat. He really, _really_ liked Karkat. Why had he rejected the thought all those times before? It was suddenly so _obvious_ to him now, so perfectly clear, all because of a few words Rose had said. His hangups had been stopping him from seeing the truth, and with one solid line of reasoning Rose had wiped that all away.

It didn’t matter what his bro thought. Nothing his bro had done changed the fact that Dave seriously had some feelings for his best friend. For the second time.

TG: wow uh thanks

TG: that actually helped a lot holy fuck

TG: idk how i was being so stupid all this time wtf

TT: You weren’t being stupid, Dave. Sometimes it just helps to have an outside perspective.

TG: yeah it helps a whole fucking lot jesus

TG: understatement of the century right there

TG: like srsly thank you i think you just saved me like three more years of ridiculous waffling on the state of my sexuality

TT: I gather that you’ve realized you have feelings for men, then.

TG: yep definitely

TG: or at least one guy

TG: idk if that means im gay

TG: probably not bcuz ive definitely felt attracted to women before

TG: no question there

TG: but idk if im bi or pan or any of the others

TG: shit i only just figured out i even like guys im gonna have to do some research

TG: gotta bone up on all those identities to pass the test to join the lgbt community

TT: No need to worry, the test should only take you about an hour. I can help you study for it.

TG: holy shit is there actually a test i was just joking

TG: im totally fucked

TG: ughhhhhh

TT: There’s no test.

TT: I was also joking.

TG: jesus lalonde dont scare me like that

TT: Sorry.

TT: I assume this has also cleared up your confused feelings regarding a certain friend of yours.

TG: yeah

TG: i um

TG: fuck

TG: definitely have feelings for him

TG: well fuck what am i supposed to do now

TT: Do what any teenager with a growing crush on someone would do.

TT: Figure out if he likes you back and proceed from there.

TT: Or pine for years until it eventually leads to nothing. Which I’m sure is what your instincts push you towards, given how much you waffled with your feelings towards men.

TT: But trust me, that’s not what you want. Avoiding that ‘will they, won’t they’ will save you and Karkat a lot of pain.

Dave’s jaw dropped.

TG: how

TG: how did you know it was karkat

TT: It was an educated guess. More of a shot in the dark than anything. But you just confirmed it as correct.

TG: fuck

TG: that sure was a sly fucking move

TG: youre not

TG: uh

TG: do you not have a problem with it

TG: i mean we are foster siblings isnt that kinda taboo

TT: It’s certainly a delicate subject.

TT: The whole point of a foster family is to provide a stable, functioning model of a family, since many fosters come from broken homes where the familial relationship was toxic and far from the norm.

TT: Most foster children are already mixed up as it is when it comes to what is and isn’t appropriate within a familial unit, and dating within that would just create more complications.

TT: However, there are a few things that are different about this case.

TT: One being that Kanaya is not a typical fosterer.

TT: Usually the fostering family is, well, a family, taking on only one or two foster children in addition to their biological children. Dating in these scenarios is much more frowned upon, as it causes undue strain between the parents and the fostered child, and harms the familial bonds created.

TT: In Kanaya’s case, she does not have any of her own children, and her familial unit functions as much like a college dorm as it does like a family.

TT: Taking in relatively older kids for a few years, before they ‘graduate’ at eighteen and move on with their lives.

TT: A romantic relationship wouldn’t put the same kind of damaging strain on the familial bonds as it might in a traditional setting.

TT: And while it may not fit the model of a normal familial unit, both you and Karkat are already past the more impressionable ages where it would be most significant to portray such a thing.

TG: so… youre not gonna report me to cps

TG: or to kanaya

TT: No, Dave.

TT: Maybe this is irrational of me, but I truly do not think it is a bad idea.

TT: I believe I’ve even heard you refer to Karkat as your "roommate" a few times. You already don’t view him as a sibling.

TG: you got me there

TG: uh thanks for being cool with it

TG: i know thats probably like against your job or something so rly thats insanely cool of you

TT: I have a reputation for rebelling against the system, so this really isn’t atypical of me.

TG: and thanks again for talking with me this went so much better than i imagined

TT: No problem.

TG: well im gonna go p sure kanayas almost done with dinner

TG: if you ever need advice on like sick beats or something tho dont hesitate to ask

TT: I doubt I will ever take you up on that offer, but sure.

TT: Until next time.

TG: see ya

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 19:08 --

Dave clicked his phone off, dropping it on his bed, and leaned back with something resembling a smile. Another huge weight off his chest, and it had taken all of half an hour to remove. It almost felt too easy, to have all his worrying and confusion swept away with one conversation, but, then again, maybe talking it out was all he needed. Having someone else examine his jumbled thoughts, point out the one thread that would unravel the whole thing.

Karkat noticed Dave had finished his conversation, glancing up from his movie once again to stare in confusion at his roommate, who seemed to be… happy? relieved? What had happened in those thirty minutes that could cause such a sudden mood change? Slowly, he shut his laptop- he hadn’t really been able to pay attention to the movie with how much he’d been fretting over Dave anyway- and cleared his throat. Earlier, Dave had shot him a warning look to leave him to do whatever he was doing, but Karkat Vantas was not one to keep silent for long. “So what’s going on?”

Dave turned to him, that goofy smile still on his face. “Huh?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Don’t ‘huh’ me, asshole. You came in here thirty minutes ago looking like you wanted to find the nearest tree to hang yourself from, and now you’re fucking _smiling_? What the fuck is up with that?”

Dave snorted, rolling to his feet in a smooth motion. “Nothing, dude. I just had a… small problem, and a friend helped me figure it out. No big deal.”

“It didn’t _look_ like ‘no big deal’!” Karkat was standing, too- when had he gotten to his feet?

“Karkat. Buddy.” Dave put a hand on Karkat’s shoulder, his face settling back into stoicism- or maybe he was trying to be more serious. “I promise, it’s fine.”

“If it’s not a big deal, why don’t you _tell_ me?” Karkat didn’t like this- he didn’t like Dave keeping shit from him. Not that he wasn’t allowed to have secrets, of course Karkat understood that Dave would keep a few private things to himself. But if he already told _one_ person about this ‘small problem’, what was stopping him from telling Karkat?

He wasn’t jealous. He _wasn’t_. He just didn’t want what happened the last time Dave withheld information to happen again.

Yeah, okay, maybe he was a _little_ jealous.

Dave’s head tilted to the side, and he started chewing on his lip. He looked nervous. Why the fuck was he nervous? “I will tell you, dude. Cross my heart and hope to die the most gruesome death you can imagine. Which, given your crazy imagination, isn’t gonna be pleasant. You know I don’t like keeping stuff from you, but I can’t tell you now. I gotta figure out… how to approach it.”

Karkat huffed, crossing his arms petulantly. So what if he was being a little childish? He _was_ only fifteen. “Fine. I can wait. No fucking problem.”

“Rad, I knew you’d understand.” Dave patted the shoulder he was holding, before steering Karkat towards the door. “I bet Maryam’s almost done with dinner. Why don’t we go set up the table?”

“Don’t think I’ll forget about this, Strider! I will fucking remind you of it daily if I need to.”

“Don’t worry, Karkat, I won’t forget.”

“I _will_ hold you to that promise!”

“I know, dude. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well who saw that coming? lol  
> i rly love the dave-rose dynamic and wanted them to have a stronger relationship bcuz they're so funny together  
> thanks for reading! let me know what you thought!  
> 


	26. A Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave creates a new holiday tradition, probably.

The non-denominational Winter Party was a much smaller affair than Thanksgiving had been- not only was Rose absent, but Kanaya’s siblings were both busy or out-of-town, and Aradia had taken a tropical winter vacation somewhere in South America, though the way Kanaya explained it made it more likely to be a research trip than a vacation. That left Sollux and Vriska as the only visitors to the house, though in all honesty Dave preferred it that way- the abundance of guests at Thanksgiving had led to him avoiding the adults as much as possible, especially Kankri, so he was glad he wouldn’t have to exercise his flash-stepping ability this time around. It was really more of a small gathering than a party, but Kanaya still went all-out on dinner. Plus, there were presents to open. Kanaya had gotten clothes for everyone, along with personalized gifts- a set of books for Karkat, new drawing supplies for Terezi, a rabbit skull for Dave- he had dropped hints that he wanted to restart his collection of dead things, and Kanaya had only been a little reluctant to oblige. They spent the rest of the evening watching various winter-holiday movies and playing board games.

For what was Dave’s first Christmastime celebration, it was pretty awesome.

The festivities couldn’t last forever, though- eventually the visitors went home, and Kanaya sent the kids off to bed. Except Karkat didn’t seem to think sleep was an option for him _or_ Dave.

“It’s bullshit she wouldn’t let me put on _Love, Actually_! Just because it has a _few_ nudity scenes? It’s still a Christmas movie!” Karkat had been grumbling all night about this, to the point where Dave was tempted to shove a sock in his mouth. Not that he would ever do that to him. But damn if he wasn’t tempted.

“I mean, I think that was pretty justified. After all, you're the one who didn’t let me put on _Superbad_ at Thanksgiving for the exact same reason.”

“Whatever, this is actually a good movie.”

“ _Superbad_ _is_ a good movie!”

Karkat’s eyes lit up, a sign that Dave wouldn’t be sleeping for a long time. “We should watch it.”

“ _Superbad_?”

“No, shit-for-brains. _Love, Actually_.”

“I’m guessing nothing I have to say is gonna get me out of this.”

“I warned you I would make you watch it eventually. What better time than now?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe literally any of the other days we have for winter break?”

“Just shut up and get over here, we’re watching this now.”

Dave groaned, but Karkat was already scooching over on his bed, making room as he booted up his laptop. Dave begrudgingly plopped down, pulling the blankets up around the both of them- their movie-watching routine was so familiar to them now that they automatically got into a cuddling, blanket-sharing position. It only made Dave’s heart race a little.

Yeah, one day he was sure he’d be grateful to Rose for helping him realize how he felt about Karkat, but that day was a long time away. Right now all he wanted was to curse her for making him even more hyper-aware than he’d already been around his roommate. His… crush?

Fuck, he was already in too deep.

And he _didn’t_ mean that in an innuendo-y way. Jesus.

He still hadn’t told Karkat about any of it. Obviously, he hadn’t mentioned his growing crush on him, but he also hadn’t mentioned that he wasn’t straight. Which felt like a pretty important thing to tell a best friend, especially when said best friend happens to be a crush. After all, Karkat didn’t even know Dave was _capable_ of having feelings for him. Dropping all of that at once would probably be a little confusing, not to mention uncomfortable as hell for Dave. So he would start small, just tell him one of his two big revelations.

To be fair, he hadn’t told anyone else yet either- he trusted Karkat most, though his forays into confiding in others might show otherwise. It had been almost two weeks since his conversation with Rose, and he had prepared enough to know what he wanted to say. But was he prepared enough to actually go _through_ with it?

The movie had progressed without Dave paying much attention, and at this point the multiple plot lines were getting hard to keep track of. Especially when the aforementioned nudity scene finally made its appearance.

“Jesus Christ, is that the fucking Hobbit?” Dave spat out, trying to avert his eyes.

Karkat snorted. “Yep. Martin Freeman, in the flesh.”

“A little _too_ much flesh. What the hell?”

“Oh, come on, Dave, it’s not that bad,” Karkat teased, elbowing Dave lightly.

“Not that bad? I’m looking at a naked Bilbo Baggins. The only thing that could possibly make it worse is if the lady _wasn’t_ blocking his dick from view.”

“Jeez, never thought you’d be the squeamish one between us. Just look away if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I’m not _squeamish_ ,” Dave protested, though he definitely was avoiding looking.

“Sure. Keep telling yourself that.”

“Look, could you just pause it? Preferably _not_ while naked people are on the screen?”

“Why the fuck do you want me to pause it?”

“Dude, just do it.” Dave reached for the spacebar, but Karkat wrenched the laptop away from him.

“No! You’re not getting out of watching this.”

“You’re such a dumbass sometimes. I’m not trying to _get out_ of watching this cheesy dumb movie-”

“Just because it’s about _love_ doesn’t mean-”

“-I just want to _talk_ to you!”

Karkat scowled at Dave. “Well, why didn’t you just say so in the first fucking place?!”

“And make our conversations uncomplicated?” Dave grinned back. “Where’s the fun in that?”

Though Karkat replied with only a groan, he eventually clicked pause and set his laptop down. “Fine. What stupid thing did you want to talk about?”

“It’s not _stupid_ , it’s actually important.”

“Oh. See, I got the impression it _wasn’t_ important from how you took the stupidest route imaginable trying to introduce the topic.”

“Shut up, asshole.”

“You know what, maybe I will. That way you might finally get around to putting that mouth to good use.”

Dave crooked an eyebrow. Karkat made it too easy sometimes. “You don’t mean-”

“ _No!_ Jesus fucking Christ in heaven, _no_.” Even through the dark of his shades, Dave could see that Karkat was beet-red.

“Hey, it’s Jesus' birthday, show some respect.”

“It’s not even fucking Christmas yet, dumbass! Neither of us even _celebrates_ Christmas.”

“Wow, dropping mad disrespect on my boy JC. God ain’t gonna stand for this one.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m already damned. What’s the worst he could- okay, fuck, stop getting us off topic! What the fuck were you gonna talk about?”

“Oh, yeah.” Dave’s joking smile faded. “Uh, remember a few weeks ago how I promised to tell you something?”

Karkat’s eyes widened. “Um, yes, obviously. I told you I wouldn’t forget. I’ve been fucking reminding you of it almost daily.”

“Right. Well, I’m gonna tell you now.”

“About damn time!”

“Shut up.” Dave sighed, running a hand through his already-disastrous hair. “I’m tryna say some pretty revelatory shit right now, and you’re not making it any easier.”

“Okay, I’ll be quiet, sheesh.” Karkat rolled his eyes, but his focus stayed glued on Dave.

“So…” Dave tapped his leg, trying to run through the preparation he’d done in the past week, but suddenly he couldn’t remember that perfect wording he’d been crafting. Damn. Looks like he was in for another round of his favorite pastime- winging shit. “You know how, a long time ago, you accused me of being a homophobe?”

Karkat blinked. Of all the things he’d imagined Dave would say, this was not something he’d expected. “Um… yeah, I guess, though I wouldn’t necessarily say ‘accused’.”

“Suspected, whatever. And I’m not, by the way, so you don’t have to keep glaring at me like that.”

“I’m not glaring!” He was definitely glaring.

“You are! With suspicion in your eyes and everything. Oh, ye of little faith.”

“I’m sorry, but when you randomly bring that shit up out of nowhere, my brain’s gonna immediately jump to thinking you did some homophobic shit!”

“Well, I didn’t. Um, actually, it’s kinda the opposite.”

Karkat could only stare, slack-jawed. Very deliberately, he asked, “What. Do. You. Mean?”

Dave took a deep breath. “So, back then, I told you I was straight, and that I made those vaguely homophobic remarks-”

“ _Vaguely?_ ”

“ _-blatantly_ homophobic remarks because I grew up on that shit. The internet is not the best example for how to approach delicate subjects like that, but it’s really all I had, considering Dirk was an impenetrable fortress when it came to that stuff. Or any stuff, really. Dude was stone-cold and impossible to read.” Dave knew he was rambling a bit, but honestly it made him feel better to do. Gave him more time to cushion the blow before dropping this bomb on Karkat.

“Right… is there a point you’re gonna get to anytime soon?”

“Yes, dude, jeez. Hold your goddamn horses. Can’t let those ponies escape, not with the big horse race coming up. Gotta save our grandpa's farm with that prize for-”

“ _Dave._ ”

“Okay, okay. So. I’m not sure if that’s the only reason I might’ve been compelled to say homophobic shit.” He paused, but Karkat only glared at him in a clear sign to keep going, so he did. “See, I’ve done a lot of thinking, since Dirk’s trial and everything, about my, um, sexuality." That seemed to intrigue Karkat- he leaned forward, eyes glowing with curiosity. "Really, I’ve been thinking about it for a lot longer, but I kinda suppressed the hell out of that. But, uh, realizing Dirk wasn’t straight was a bit of a mindblower to me, and that kinda got my brain working overtime on the ‘sexual identity’ front. Talking to Rose cleared up a-”

“Hold on.” Karkat put a hand up and everything. He really had to make everything dramatic, huh. “You talked to _Rose_ about this?”

“Um… yeah.”

“What the fuck? I thought you had talked to, like, _Sollux_ , or maybe that one online friend you have. At least someone you have an _emotional connection_ with! You talked to _Rose_?!”

“Yeah, dude.”

“Rose Lalonde. That Rose?”

“ _Yes_.”

“The one who is currently on a break from dating Kanaya?”

At this point, Dave was cradling his head in both hands. “Oh my God, dude, _yes._ ”

“This is… I… what the _fuck_?”

“Listen, man, if you just let me finish, it’ll make more sense.”

“Fine! Please, make this bizarre decision make more sense!”

“Thank you. Like I was saying, I talked to Rose, and she cleared up a lot of confusion I had about the subject. So I came to the conclusion that I’m… not straight.”

Karkat’s expression was unreadable, some strange amalgamation of doubt and hope with a few other stray emotions mixed in. “You’re not?”

“Naw. I’m definitely into guys. And girls. Maybe non-binaries? I dunno yet. And I’m not sure what exactly that means for me yet, but I do know it means I ain’t straight.”

“That’s… that’s awesome.” He was grinning now, the hope taking over. “I mean, I’m glad you’re figuring that out.”

“Uh, thanks. I am, too.” Dave was becoming aware of how close he was to Karkat again, draped together in the blanket as they were. He could see another question forming on Karkat’s tongue, and he began dreading it would be the one thing he wasn’t prepared for.

_So which guy made you realize you’re attracted to men?_

_The one sitting in front of me._

He didn’t ask it, though, and Dave had to thank the stars for that. “I still don’t fucking understand why you went to _Rose_ of all people!”

Dave laughed, and began explaining, answering Karkat’s questions about Rose and his confusion and his brother. Karkat never asked The Question, seeming to want to dodge it as much as Dave did. He didn’t know whether that was a good sign or not, though- was Karkat hoping he was the object of Dave’s affections, or did he fear it? On one hand, it was nice to dream, but Dave knew it was crazy to hope Karkat might return his feelings. How self-absorbed of him, to think he could ever be what Karkat wanted anyway. On the other hand, it would really suck if Karkat didn’t like him back, and would probably fuck with their friendship, which was also super important to Dave.

When the questioning rounds were over- Dave had gotten his own turn asking Karkat about his sexuality, to make things fair, of course- they returned to the movie, though Dave continued not paying much attention to it. It seemed like a story that appealed to saps like Karkat, which didn’t really jibe with Dave, especially given his current thoughts regarding his chances, or lack thereof, with Karkat. Still, he was watching the dumb movie _for_ Karkat, so he may as well absorb the general plot, so as not to _completely_ piss him off.

Wow. Really grade-A boyfriend material there. Giving just enough of a fuck to half-watch a movie. Good job, Strider, that’ll get you the girl- or guy, in this case.

At least Karkat seemed happy for the rest of the movie, looking at Dave expectantly as the end credits rolled. “So?”

“So…?”

“So what’d you think, asshole?”

“About the movie? Not really my thing. But I can see why you like it.”

“You’re telling me you weren’t emotionally affected by this movie at all?”

“Unless you mean my disgust at seeing a naked Bilbo Baggins, no. Or maybe when Alan Rickman, R.I.P., cheated on his wife. Or when that dude professed his love for his best friend’s wife. Or when that other dude proposed to that lady when they’d never had a real fucking conversation in the same language before. Okay what the fuck this movie is hells of problematic actually.”

“Okay, _maybe_ some of the plots are a little weird, sure. But love is weird and messy, too, and sometimes it doesn’t make _fucking_ sense, but that’s okay! That’s love!”

“You’re telling me that dude who went to America to score chicks was looking for love?”

Karkat waved Dave off. “Ugh, never mind, you just don’t get it.”

“Naw, I don’t get why my best bro is tryna justify this awkward movie. You really are just a hopeless romantic.”

“No! Maybe… Okay, yes. Though really I’m just hopeless when it _comes_ to romance.”

“Oh, really?” Dave smirked. “This coming from the self-proclaimed romance expert?”

“Listen, Past Me is a fucking idiot, and anything he said about being a fucking expert at this shit was all clueless bluster. I don’t know shit.”

“Come on, Mr. Vantas, surely you’re selling your abilities short!”

Karkat sighed, shutting the laptop- Dave briefly despaired that movie time was over and he'd have to return to his bed- and gently placing it on the floor. Then he turned to face Dave fully, the moonlight from the window behind him painting the edges of his dark hair silver. “Why do you wear the glasses?”

Whoa. That was unexpected as hell. Dave hesitated a second too long, sure that the shock of the question was obvious on his face. “Um, duh, I have light-sensitive eyes, dude, dumb ques-”

“Why wear them in the dark? Why is putting them on the first thing you do when you wake up? Why have I never seen your fucking eyes?”

Dave stayed quiet, shifting away from Karkat slightly, averting his protected gaze even though there was no reason to. “I… it’s personal. Can we not talk about it?”

Karkat sighed. “Look, I get it. I know you’ve probably got good reasons to be super protective of it. That’s why I never brought it up before. I just don’t get why you’re so weird about it. What are you afraid of?”

That caught Dave even more off-guard. “I- I’m not _afraid_. Of anything.”

“Dave, you and I both know that’s not true.”

“Okay, maybe I’m afraid of _some_ things, but-” He stopped abruptly as Karkat raised a hand to his cheek, warm and unfamiliarly soft. He was so used to the feeling of calloused hands, worn from years of sword fighting. But Karkat’s palms were baby-smooth on his face. He went still, his breath hitching. “W-what are you doing?”

Karkat’s eyebrows crinkled in, and he frowned- was that worry or disappointment? “I won’t do it if you really don’t want me to.” His index finger tapped the frame of Dave’s shades, gently playful. “But I don’t want you to be afraid to show me the things about you that you don’t like.”

Dave tried for a snort, but it came out choked, more of a whine than anything. “Hypocrite.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m working on it, too. It’s just… there’s a lot of things I hate about myself, Dave. Which means there’s a lot of things I’m gonna struggle to tell you about. But I _want_ to. You have to believe that.” Karkat was staring at Dave with such conviction, Dave found it hard to fathom that anyone wouldn’t completely believe him.

“I do.” And hey, maybe he could show Karkat that there were a lot of things about him to love, too. He wished he could say that, Karkat loved stupid romantic lines like that. Fuck his cowardice.

Karkat’s hand inched further up his face. “So. Do you want me to stop?”

Dave took a deep breath, gulped down his fear, and, in a nearly imperceptible motion, shook his head. Karkat’s fingers traveled the rest of the way to his shades and ever-so-slowly pulled them off his face.

He didn’t have to look in a mirror to know what Karkat saw. Even in the dark, he knew he would see the unnaturally bright red hue. Which was the least of Dave’s worries, of course. He held Karkat’s surprised gaze for three whole seconds before looking down, the discomfort with unprotected eye contact scorching in his brain. He didn’t know how long he had until Karkat’s face morphed into confusion, disgust, incredulity, mirroring the expressions of every other person who had ever glimpsed his strange peepers. Just add it to the list of reasons why he started wearing shades and never stopped. When Karkat didn’t speak for a few more moments, Dave felt compelled to fill the silence. “Yeah, they’re weird, I-”

“They’re not weird.” There was definitely some awe in Karkat’s voice, and Dave’s awareness of it made his nerves prickle. “They’re beautiful.”

Well, that certainly wasn’t a reaction Dave ever got. The night was just full of surprises. He picked at the sheets, wishing he could just put his shades back on, avoid Karkat openly staring at him like that. “Maybe it’s too dark for you to really see them, because trust me, they are definitely not beautiful.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Karkat yelled, a little too harshly. Red colored his cheeks, but he still didn’t look away from Dave. In fact, his hand was back on Dave’s cheek, soft but firm, insistent. “Look at me, Dave.” Hesitantly, Dave let his eyes flit back up to Karkat’s. There was no confusion, no disgust, no incredulity. Just… wonder. “The moon is bright as hell, and I can see clear as fucking day in here. So just _believe me_ when I say that they are _beautiful_. You’re- it’s- fuck, Dave, why would you hide this?”

Dave didn’t know what strength he was drawing on to maintain eye contact, but the urge to look down again was almost overwhelming. “Iunno. I got weird looks when I was a kid. Some people liked to tease me for it.” Wow, exposing his insecurities to Karkat was always a struggle, but without his shades he suddenly felt a thousand times more vulnerable. Which was illogical, but they were so wrapped up in his idea of _protection_ that he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was metaphorically stripping down. Wait, no, don’t think about that, dumbass, why does your brain always go there. “Plus, I don’t like people being able to read my emotions. You know what they say about eyes being the window to the soul and all. Can’t have those cat burglars peeking in here, planning what they wanna steal, dressing up as cops to figure out when the family’s leaving for the holidays. Not today, Joe Pesci. You ain’t getting a single bit of emotional real estate from this bad boy, we got ourselves a Kevin McCallister guarding my stealables.”

Karkat was grinning at Dave’s dumb tangent, which was always a good sign that Dave was going to be a fine, more or less. “Dave, I hate to break it to you, but the shades do jack shit at hiding your emotions. Your face is an open fucking book.”

“What? No way, dude, I keep that shit under lock and key. Stoic, blank-face Strider, twenty-four sev, that’s me.”

“Nope. You’re as emotive as a fucking iPhone emoji keyboard.”

“Fuck. You’re sure it’s not just you being finely attuned to me after months of living together?”

“Pretty fucking sure. I think even Terezi notices your mood changes, and she’s blind.”

“Well, that doesn’t fucking count, everyone knows losing a sense gives you a special sixth sense for detecting auras and shit. She can smell our fucking _souls_.”

Karkat laughed, loud and long enough that Dave started snickering, too. When the laughter subsided, Dave was left staring at Karkat, both of them smiling and breathless. And he was still without shades. Everything was so much brighter without them- hell, he even _felt_ brighter, whatever that meant. Though maybe that had more to do with Karkat than it did with his lack of shades. Karkat’s hand was still on his cheek, cupping his jaw, and if that wasn’t sending weird waves of warmth through Dave’s body, it could’ve possibly been the way Karkat was looking at him. His eyes wide and glossy, bottom lip caught in his teeth, blush painting up to the tips of his ears. It almost could’ve been a moment, and for a second Dave found himself leaning forward slightly, before whatever energy between them snapped and he found himself scooting a few inches backwards. There was definitely some disappointment on Karkat’s face this time, though Dave didn’t know what to make of it. He looked down again, overwhelmed by the thoughts screaming in his head- _stupid idiot dumbass what the fuck was that you almost kissed him are you crazy you can’t lose control like that why do you keep making awful decisions why didn’t you just_ do _it coward_ \- and felt his smile fade. “Um, is it alright if I put the shades back on?”

Karkat fidgeted, and Dave noticed his whole face was red now. Dave was sure he looked the same. “I guess? I mean, I can’t stop you. I just don’t see why you would want to.”

“I just feel more comfortable with them for now. But I think… I could get used to keeping them off more often. Around you, at least. Might make watching movies easier.”

“Yeah, if you haven’t damaged your eyesight already from straining to see through those stupid shades, you should probably stop wearing them in the dark so much. Maybe that’ll salvage your poor eyes.”

“Doubt it.” Dave was already slipping his shades on. They were joking again, but it felt off, somehow, shifted to the side, the awkwardness of the last minute pervading every word. “How long we staying up?”

“I mean, I wasn’t gonna put on another movie, unless you really want to watch one?”

“Naw, I’m feeling kinda tired. We can talk for a bit, but I think I’m gonna… stay here, tonight.” They were still so bad about this, so awkward when it came to sleeping together. Dave thought he would get used to it after a while, but asking about it still took some mental tip-toeing. It definitely didn’t help that he was suddenly cognizant of his feelings for Karkat.

“Uh, yeah, that’s fine with me.”

“Bet.”

They talked for a little while, before eventually curling up together under the blanket, Dave’s shades once again discarded before he fell asleep.

And if he didn’t immediately scramble for them upon waking up, well, he could just blame that on grogginess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dang killed two birds with one chapter there crazy  
> think we're in the final stretch here i wonder how long it'll take these boys to fess up their love. don't ask me because i haven't written it yet lol  
> thanks for reading!


	27. Social Suicide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat talks to some friends.

Karkat was, for lack of a better term, freaking the fuck out.

Externally, he was able to function much the same, as if everything were normal. Internally, he was constantly screaming.

Don’t get him wrong, he was happy Dave was figuring out his sexuality. More than happy, especially since he was now included in the Venn Diagram of “People Dave Could Possibly Be Attracted To”. But at the same time, it changed everything. Before Dave came out to him, he was resigned to quietly pining for someone who could never like him back. Now, Dave was the only thing on his mind.

He’d spent so long thinking he had zero chances with Dave, he found it hard to believe anything had changed. Even if Dave was into guys now, why would he ever be into Karkat? Dave was, as far as Karkat was concerned, perfect. Selfless, protective, unthinkingly kind, funny- though Karkat would never admit that- and even kinda cool in his own dorky way. Karkat, on the other hand… well, he wasn’t particularly hopeful. On top of being way out of Dave’s league, he was abrasive, annoying as fuck, constantly in a bad mood, and liable to blow up at any second. Not even the least realistic couples from his romcoms were this mismatched. He was convinced he was the last person Dave would possibly pick.

Of course, Karkat just _had_ to make that idiotic move on Dave after watching _Love, Actually_. Asking to see his eyes- and damn if those eyes weren’t the most fascinatingly beautiful things Karkat ever had the privilege of gazing upon- had already been enough of a mistake, but for a few seconds he had felt like something was about to happen, like maybe Dave was leaning in as much as Karkat was. But obviously he pulled back, because obviously he was not interested at all, and Karkat felt dumb for even believing Dave might want to kiss him. Honestly, there was no point kidding himself.

Even if, for a fleeting moment, he’d thought maybe he was the reason Dave found out he liked guys. But no, it seemed that, straight Dave or not, Karkat was squarely parked in the bro zone. And as much as that sucked, he would be damned if he didn’t protect that with his life. He’d rather be friends with Dave than nothing, so he wasn’t going to jeopardize that by professing his feelings, or letting them get in the way.

So he was acting normally around Dave, at least normally enough to not give anything away. Sure, it was killing him, but it was worth it.

New Year’s Day came and passed without much fanfare, and, before Karkat had the chance to really enjoy it, winter break had ended. Gamzee’s eighteenth birthday had passed, too, and he’d left to live in a dorm at his college, which meant Karkat was left with one less friend in the house. Kanaya had mentioned moving Dave to the empty room, though both boys had dissented to the idea so much that she just let it be. Karkat felt lonely enough already, straining to keep his unrequited feelings towards his best friend from showing, with no one to confide in about them.

To top it all off, school was back, and Karkat was acutely aware that Valentine’s Day was less than a month away. Great, just what he needed, another reminder that he would be pitiful and lonely for the rest of his life. Though at this point it was better to just accept that and move on. Maybe it was that kind of thinking that gave him the idea.

The thing was, he could tell that Dave was crushing on some dude, at least hard enough to have a sexual awakening and actually come out to some people- Dave had already told the rest of the family- and he also knew there was no chance in hell that “some dude” was actually Karkat. So, if he couldn’t be happy, he might as well help Dave be happy. The idea he’d had, stupid as it sounded, was to figure out which guy Dave was crushing on, get whoever it was to like Dave back, and get them together by February 14th, because Karkat was nothing if not a faithful matchmaker, and hell could freeze over before he let his best friend spend Valentine’s Day single when there was someone out there who he liked. And, if Karkat’s feelings for Dave were any indication, that someone probably liked Dave back. Aside from how insanely ridiculous his plan was, Karkat was confident in his abilities- he was pretty decent at information-gathering, whether he was weaseling it out of Dave or one of his friends, and when he wasn’t being pessimistic about his own romance struggles he considered himself an expert on the topic. He could make a great covert wingman for Dave.

Plus, if Dave was happy, it just might be enough to make Karkat happy, too.

Yeah, this was really gonna kill him.

Karkat wasn’t known for being smooth when it came to introducing topics, and he wasn’t going to work on that anytime soon. So, of course it was with exactly zero tact that he asked Dave, while they were in the middle of solving a math homework problem together, “So who do you have a crush on?”

The lead on Dave’s pencil snapped as he flinched, turning the 7 he had been writing into a crooked Z. “Uh, what?” he said, playing up innocence, as if his reaction to the question wasn’t proof enough to Karkat that he was right on the money. The dude’s shades were off, too, as he’d slowly become more accustomed to leaving them off when he was alone with Karkat, especially when they were watching movies or working on homework or really doing anything that required seeing well. There were pros and cons to this for Karkat, because while it was slightly easier to read Dave’s expressions, it also made it hard to concentrate with those rubies dazzling him. He had entertained the idea that maybe the shades weren’t just to protect Dave, but to keep people from being hypnotized. That was a stupid train of thought, though, so Karkat dropped it.

“Look, I didn’t want to ask when you first came out to me, because obviously you were already going through a lot. But it was also obvious that part of the reason you realized you were into dudes was because you have feelings for some lucky guy out there. So, who is it?”

Dave sighed, setting down his pencil to direct his full attention on Karkat, blistering eye contact and everything. “Okay, you got me, maybe I’m crushing on somebody. But I ain’t gonna tell you who it is, dumbass. You’ll figure out soon enough.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, fighting down the pang of jealousy. Was Dave gonna make a move? That seemed so unlike the socially awkward, personally guarded Dave Karkat was used to. Getting him to open up was like slowly prying open an oyster to wrestle out a little pearl- though Karkat had no room to judge there. But it hurt more than a little knowing that someone out there was winning Dave over enough to get him to actually be bold. “Strider, stop being a child about this. We’re not five-year olds keeping secret crushes from each other and making bullshit promises to get married. You’re my best fucking friend; you can tell me who’s got your attention.”

“Naw, dude.” He had the audacity to smirk, infuriatingly cute as it was. “Gonna have to just wait and see.”

Jesus, he was making this hard. Probably on purpose, too, because he loved messing with Karkat. But… he couldn’t know that Karkat liked him, right? He wouldn’t toy with him like that if he knew. He wasn’t that cruel. Karkat knew Dave, and he wasn’t cruel.

Except Karkat couldn’t even fucking figure out who Dave liked. Did he really know him that well?

“Ugh, fine. Maybe I’ll just find out without your help.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Since Dave was being so unhelpful, Karkat would have to put those rusty reconnaissance skills to work. Luckily, Dave’s circle of friends was small, and his close friends were few and far between, which meant that Karkat wouldn’t have to spend too much time digging for information. Karkat wasn’t sure whether Dave’s crush was part of their friend group or someone else entirely, maybe someone he had been admiring from afar, or someone who shared a class with Dave that Karkat wasn’t in. Hopefully he would be able to piece something together from talking to their friends.

And where better to start than Dave’s other best friend?

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:22 --

CG: HEY JOHN.

CG: I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT DAVE.

EB: uh… who is this?

Oh, yeah. This was his first time ever talking to John.

CG: THIS IS KARKAT.

CG: PROBABLY SHOULD’VE STARTED WITH THAT. WHOOPS.

EB: oh! hi, karkat!

EB: i’m so stoked we finally get to talk! i’ve been begging dave to give me your handle for ages.

EB: i can’t believe he let you text me first! that asshole loves to mess with me.

EB: how’d you get him to give you my handle?

CG: UM

CG: ACTUALLY, I DIDN’T ASK DAVE FOR YOUR HANDLE.

CG: REMEMBER THAT BIRTHDAY PRESENT YOU SENT HIM?

CG: YOU SIGNED THE CARD WITH YOUR CHUM HANDLE.

CG: SO I JUST KINDA PEEKED AT THAT.

EB: nice, dude!

EB: you might make an apprentice trickster just yet!

CG: WHAT IN THE EVER-LIVING FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

EB: heheheheh don’t worry about it!

EB: you said you have a question about dave?

CG: YEAH, I DO.

CG: I WAS WONDERING IF YOU KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM HAVING A CRUSH ON SOMEONE?

EB: oh!

EB: i wouldn’t know if he did.

EB: i mean, the only person he really talks about a lot is you. i don’t think i could even name any of his other new friends!

EB: i think one of them is named teri?

EB: or was it tezri? i remember there being a z in there.

CG: IT’S TEREZI.

CG: WELL, THAT DOESN’T HELP ME FIGURE IT OUT AT ALL. I WAS HOPING MAYBE HE WOULD’VE TOLD YOU SOMETHING.

EB: nope! unless he’s crushing on you, but we both know that can’t be it. dave isn’t gay!

CG: WHOA WAIT

CG: DID HE NOT TELL YOU YET?

EB: tell me what?

CG: UH

CG: NEVER MIND, IT’S NOT IMPORTANT!

CG: IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU, JOHN, BUT I HAVE TO GO.

CG: BYE!

\-- carcinoGenetecist [CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:39 --

EB: wait!

EB: what did he not tell me?!

EB: fuck.

Well, that wasn’t helpful at all. If John doesn’t even know Dave’s into guys, there’s no way Dave confided about any sort of crush. Karkat felt bad leaving so abruptly, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to out Dave to his oldest friend.

Next up, the first person Dave opened up to outside of Karkat. He hated having to ask him for help, but there weren’t many options when it came to people Dave seemed to trust.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA] at 17:44 --

CG: HEY SOLLUX.

TA: hey lo2er.

CG: FUCK YOU.

TA: fuck you two.

TA: what2 up?

CG: I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT DAVE.

TA: thii2 agaiin?

TA: ii told you iim not gonna tell you what we talked about.

TA: you gotta re2pect the bro code kk.

CG: SHUT UP. HE ALREADY TOLD ME ALL THAT SHIT ANYWAY.

CG: THIS IS ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

TA: 2ound2 liike a tactiic two triick me iintwo telliing you and iim not falliing for iit.

TA: and 2econdly why do you only text me when iit ha2 two do wiith d2?

TA: iim not your go-two friiend2hiip adviice coun2elor or 2ome 2hiit.

TA: nowhere on our be2t friiend contract diid iit 2ay anythiing of the 2ort.

TA: ii diid not 2iign up for thii2.

CG: WE DO NOT HAVE A “FRIENDSHIP CONTRACT”.

CG: ALSO, I’M NOT ASKING FOR FRIENDSHIP ADVICE? MY FRIENDSHIP WITH DAVE IS SOLID AS A FUCKING *ROCK*. IT IS *TIGHT*. WE DO NOT NEED COUNSELING.

TA: 2ure.

TA: that2 why youre comiing two me. two a2k a que2tiion about d2. iin2tead of goiing two hiim and askiing hiim your2elf.

TA: becau2e your friiend2hiip ii2 “tiight”.

CG: YES, FUCKWIT. I’M SO GLAD YOU’VE DEMONSTRATED TO THE CLASS THAT YOU DO INDEED POSSESS THE GREAT POWER OF READING COMPREHENSION. WE ALL BOW IN AWE OF YOUR GODLIKE CAPABILITIES.

CG: DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK THAT MAYBE I AM ASKING YOU *BECAUSE* MY FRIENDSHIP WITH DAVE IS SO TIGHT, AND THAT I CAN ALREADY TELL HE WON'T GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER?

TA: fuck off.

TA: do you actually want me two an2wer your que2tiion or are you ju2t traiiniing two beat the world record of fa2te2t way to pii22 me off?

TA: becau2e iif you keep thii2 up you got the gold medal iin the bag for 2ure.

CG: I THINK IT'S CLEAR I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU KEPT THE SNARKY COMMENTS TO A MINIMUM AND ACTUALLY ANSWERED MY QUESTION.

TA: fiine. what ii2 thii2 que2tiion iive heard 2o much about?

CG: DO YOU KNOW WHO DAVE HAS A CRUSH ON?

TA: hahaha you cant be 2eriiou2. that2 your que2tiion?

CG: IT’S NOT FUNNY.

TA: hahahahahahaha oh my god.

TA: kk that ii2, quiite liiterally, the funniie2t thiing ii have ever wiitne22ed you type, 2ay, or do.

TA: ii am iin fuckiing tear2.

CG: YOU’RE SO FULL OF SHIT.

CG: ARE YOU GONNA ANSWER THE QUESTION OR NOT?

TA: dude. why would ii know fuckiing anythiing about dave2 cru2h?

TA: ii dont know what you iimagiine we talk about but iit ii2 defiiniitely not that.

TA: liike we only ever text two talk 2hiit. mo2tly about you, 2ometiime2 about each other.

TA: god forbiid iif he ever triied two briing hii2 2hiity teenage romance drama iintwo our conver2atiion2. ii would punt hiim iintwo the next uniiver2e.

CG: COOL. GREAT. SUPER HELPFUL ANSWER, SOLLUX. I’M SO GLAD I CAME TO YOU.

TA: glad ii could help.

TA: now ii2 there anythiing el2e you want?

TA: or diid you ju2t want two talk two me about your boy problem2?

CG: SORRY, SOLLUX. I PROMISE NEXT TIME WE TALK WE CAN CATCH UP.

CG: I GOTTA GO NOW, THOUGH.

TA: of cour2e you do.

CG: PLEASE DON’T BE MAD.

TA: dumba22 iim not mad.

TA: for 2ome 2tupiid rea2on ii actually mii22 talkiing two you.

CG: ME TOO.

TA: okay get out of here lo2er.

CG: NOT BEFORE YOU GET OUT.

TA: 2ee ya.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 17:55 --

Another dead end. Karkat was getting antsy now- if Dave hadn’t shown signs to any of his best friends that he had a crush, there was no way anyone else knew. Terezi might have a clue, but there was no way Karkat was going to ask her. She would probably just figure out why Karkat cared so much about Dave's crush, and would lord it over him for the rest of his life, and Karkat was _not_ about to let that happen. The only other person Dave confided in, as far as he knew, was Rose. Would she know anything, though?

Only one way to find out.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 18:09 --

CG: HEY ROSE.

TT: Karkat, what a wonderful surprise. It’s been a while since we last talked.

TT: If you were hoping for more of my work to peer-review, I’m afraid I have bad news. I have, unfortunately enough, been far too busy to work on my novels as of late.

TT: Sorry to disappoint. You know I love getting feedback from my target audience, and I know you enjoy giving critiques.

CG: I WASN’T ASKING ABOUT THAT.

CG: THOUGH THAT SUCKS TO HEAR. I REALLY DO LOVE THAT WIZARD NOVEL YOU’RE WORKING ON.

CG: THE ROMANTIC TENSION BETWEEN ZAZZERPAN AND FRIGGLISH IS JUST SO CHOICE.

TT: I knew you would enjoy that.

TT: If you aren’t here to request more wizard fiction, then what brings you to my dark corner of the internet?

CG: I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT DAVE.

TT: Interesting. Why exactly did you think to ask me?

CG: WELL, I KNOW HE CAME OUT TO YOU FIRST, SO OBVIOUSLY HE FEELS COMFORTABLE ENOUGH AROUND YOU TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT.

TT: I don’t think that has much to do with his level of comfort, though. I believe he views me as a knowledgeable source of advice who doesn’t particularly care enough to weaponize the information I have against him. I mean him no harm, and I make that plain enough for even him to understand.

CG: JESUS. DO YOU MAKE THOSE KINDS OF ANALYSES ON EVERYONE YOU TALK TO?

TT: It’s a bad habit. I did once have a childhood wish to become a therapist.

CG: I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU PICK APART FROM THE BULLSHIT THAT SPEWS FROM MY MOUTH.

CG: FUCK.

TT: Don't worry about it. I don't care to weaponize anything I have against you, either.

TT: So what’s your question? I doubt that I will answer, depending on the subject matter. I wouldn’t disclose any information without Dave’s consent.

CG: WELL, SHIT.

CG: I DOUBT YOU EVEN KNOW THE ANSWER, ANYWAY.

TT: Might as well ask and find out, then.

CG: HERE GOES NOTHING, I FUCKING GUESS.

CG: DO YOU KNOW WHO HE HAS A CRUSH ON?

TT: Oh.

TT: I’m not sure I should say.

Karkat stared at Rose’s response. If she didn’t know, wouldn’t she have just said so?

CG: WHAT THE FUCK.

CG: SO YOU *DO* KNOW?

TT: I guess the manner in which I deflected answering would make it seem that way, yes.

CG: HE TOLD *YOU* BUT NOT ME?

CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

TT: I would advise you not to react to harshly. There is a good reason he has not told you yet.

TT: Besides, he didn’t actually tell me.

TT: I was just savvy enough to make an educated guess, and he confirmed it.

CG: WAIT. WOULDN’T THAT MEAN YOU KNOW THE PERSON HE’S CRUSHING ON?

CG: FUCK, IS IT SOLLUX? IS THAT WHY HE ASKED ME WHETHER SOLLUX WAS DATING ANYONE?

CG: GOD, THAT’S FUCKING AWKWARD. SOLLUX IS WAY TOO OLD FOR HIM.

CG: I MEAN, HE’S NINETEEN, WHICH I GUESS IS ONLY FOUR YEARS, BUT THAT ISN’T EVEN *LEGAL*.

CG: FUUUUUUCK.

TT: I’m afraid I cannot say anymore, for it may reveal too much. I will not be responsible for giving out information that Dave does not want disseminated.

TT: However, I would like to assure you not to jump to conclusions, or to fall to despair. I believe Dave plans on telling you the truth soon enough.

CG: UGHHHHH.

CG: THANKS, ROSE. YOU’VE BEEN THE MOST HELPFUL PERSON SO FAR.

TT: It’s always a pleasure to talk to you. Perhaps I will have another chapter ready for your critiques soon.

TT: Until then, do try and keep your hopes up.

CG: BYE.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 18:28 --

Well, this was fucking hopeless. There was no way Karkat could help Dave now, whether or not he was crushing on Sollux. Sollux wouldn’t be romantically interested in Dave even if it was legal, and Karkat had no other leads. He had known going in that this was a wild goose chase, but the fact that he’d come up with practically nothing left him frustrated. All he wanted was to see Dave happy.

Okay, maybe that wasn’t entirely true. Maybe he wanted Dave to trust him enough to tell him everything. Maybe he even wanted Dave to like him. He had to give up on those hopes, though, no matter what advice Rose gave him on the contrary, because obviously there was some other person who had Dave’s attention now, and Karkat just had to live with that.

Because, of course, even if Dave liked him, he wouldn’t be able to make him happy. He would just end up disappointed with Karkat’s many failings as a person. If he couldn’t even accomplish this stupidly small task of helping Dave get with his mystery crush, what made him think he could be a good boyfriend?

Past Karkat was such an idiot for ever getting his hopes up in the first place. He should’ve known he could never be enough for Dave. After all, he was _Karkat Vantas_ , known for being an asshole to everything that dared to move in his presence.

He just hoped Dave would tell him who his crush was soon. Maybe then he’d stop feeling so miserable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know, when i started writing this chapter i thought "thisll just be a light fun chapter of karkat freaking out and texting his friends" but uh obviously i couldnt help but throw some angst in there  
> off-note: sollux's quirk is the most annoying thing to type but i love him too much to not include him lol  
> hope you liked the chapter! thanks for reading, leave a comment if you so desire, etc.


	28. On Repeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is hatching yet another plan.

Dave had another plan. And this time, he was pretty sure it didn’t actually suck. In fact, he would say it was pretty fucking amazing.

This plan addressed his most recent problem- that is, his inability to just tell Karkat he liked him. He had considered bringing it up off-handedly, just dropping it in the middle of a conversation and hoping Karkat wouldn’t notice, but that would be the lamest way to possibly do that. No, Karkat was all about huge, romantic gestures, which meant that Dave would have to do something magnificently sentimental. Something teeth-rottingly, diabetes-inducingly sweet. Which wasn’t something Dave was very familiar with. For far too long, he had considered himself too cool for all that sincere shit and only concerned himself with the ironic potential of any given situation. So all he had to go on were shitty romcoms, though he supposed that was the best place to start from if he really wanted to sell this to Karkat.

Because, if he stopped to think about it for too long, he wasn’t sure if Karkat even liked him back, which made this whole affair a huge gamble on Dave’s part, one that would leave him feeling particularly vulnerable and embarrassed if it failed. Which were the kinds of feelings he usually avoided at all costs. He convinced himself that the bigger, more romantic the gesture, the better, and the more likely Karkat wouldn’t outright refuse him.

He had to face it, though, he certainly couldn’t be anyone’s top pick, let alone Karkat’s. Dave was a constantly annoying thorn in Karkat’s side, just hammering that sharp point in with every half-assed joke, pop culture reference, and uninhibited ramble. Karkat was the kind of dude who was into Han Solo- and Dave knew that firsthand; he’d seen how much Karkat teared up at Han’s death scene- a suave badass with a devil-may-care attitude hiding a heart of gold. And Dave was certainly none of those things- he was far too awkward to ever be considered suave, too fearful to be badass, too self-conscious to be carefree, and too inconsiderate of others to have a heart of gold. Besides, he may be somewhat attractive, but he was nowhere near the Harrison Ford level.

On top of that, he had long since stopped being so emotionally guarded around Karkat. As much as he loved that he felt safe enough to let his walls down like that, he hated that Karkat had seen him break down multiple times. It made him seem weak, not that he thought Karkat gave much of a damn about that, but it still wasn’t a great look. Plus, he was more than aware of the fact that Karkat had never really opened up much in return. Was it because he didn’t feel that same level of trust, didn’t feel the same about Dave as Dave did for him?

Of course, there was always the flip side- that Karkat felt uncomfortable opening up because he _did_ like Dave and was trying to hide it. Dave entertained that thought just as much, hoping that maybe, against all the mounting evidence, Karkat could possibly choose him. He knew that the little bit that Karkat had already opened up was pretty indicative that he had a certain amount of trust in Dave. He’d seen how adamantly Karkat had refused when Maryam suggested moving one of them into Gamzee’s empty room. Karkat had reassured him many times that he actually enjoyed Dave’s company, enjoyed talking to him, hanging out with him, humoring his taste in movies and music. Dave had suspicions that some of that went beyond being best bros.

And he couldn’t stop thinking about what Karkat had said when he’d first taken off his shades. It haunted him like an overly-friendly Casper.

_They’re not weird. They’re beautiful._

_Just believe me when I say that they are beautiful. You’re-_

Dave had no way of knowing what Karkat was going to say before he cut himself off, but he couldn’t help filling in the most obvious answer. He was sure Karkat had been close to telling him _You’re beautiful._ Which was fucking insane and kind of making him hyperventilate to think about, because of all the fucking words that he could use to describe himself, _beautiful_ was definitely last on the list. And Karkat had already made his verdict on Dave’s weird eyes clear enough.

As much as that particular harmless poltergeist scared him to hell, it was almost comforting whenever it flitted into his brain space. Reassurance that maybe his plan wouldn’t all be for nothing. That the grand gesture might not even be needed to woo Karkat.

But, hey. Everything was bigger in Texas, and Dave was going to fucking prove that.

He’d need some help, though. Again, he had no experience with romantic gestures. If he wanted to impress Karkat, he’d have to get some romcom recommendations. And, as risky as it was, who better to ask than Karkat himself?

“Karkat.”

“Mmrph.” Karkat was curled up on the living room couch, nose buried in some romantic book. He’d been spending less time in their room lately, which was completely out of character- usually Karkat was reclusive as hell, only coming downstairs when absolutely necessary- and was freaking Dave out a little. That and the fact that Karkat had been perpetually grumpier since school started made Dave seriously worry that he’d done something wrong, but Karkat still acted relatively normal around him- or at least pretended to- talking as if nothing was wrong, brushing it off whenever Dave asked if something was bugging him. “What is it?” he asked, without looking up.

That wouldn’t do. Dave wanted his attention, as childish as that was. So, naturally, he got it in the subtlest way imaginable- by sitting on Karkat’s stomach.

Predictably enough, Karkat began flailing, almost immediately dropping the book in favor of trying and failing to push Dave off his stomach. “Ow, get off me, you oaf! You’re going to break my ribs!”

“Relax, dude, I don’t weigh _that_ much.” Dave grinned down at Karkat, who was glaring at him, having given up his futile attempts to physically overpower Dave.

“Just because you’re skinny doesn’t change the fact that you’re six feet of _sitting on my chest right now!_ ”

“Fine, I’ll get off. I got your attention already anyway.” Dave scooted off of him, freeing Karkat to get up… and immediately attack him. Rude. Granted, it wasn’t a very vigorous attack, as Karkat didn’t put much force into the “punches” he dealt, and most of them landed on Dave’s shoulder. Plus, Dave probably deserved it. But still, _rude._

At the very least, it didn’t set off any latent murderous instincts in Dave. He just rolled his eyes and gently pushed Karkat’s arms down. “Karkat, chill. I actually have a question to ask you.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you sat on me! You realize normal people don’t _sit on each other_ to get each other’s attention, right? Believe it or not, there are _other_ ways to do that!”

“Bro, you know being normal ain’t cool. That shit’s lame as hell.”

“Ugh, you’re impossible!” At least Karkat wasn’t hitting him anymore. “What did you want?”

“What’s your favorite romcom?”

Karkat barked out a laugh, staring at Dave incredulously. “ _That’s_ what you want to know? That’s what you came here and sat on me to find out?”

“Uh…. yes?”

“Well, forget it! You can’t just _ask_ me what my favorite romcom is. I don’t have one. That would be like if I asked you what your favorite song was.”

“The Macarena.”

“I can’t- wait, what?”

“On second thought, naw. I can’t betray my love for Fergalicious like that.”

Karkat blinked, exaggeratedly slow. “You are the most _ridiculous_ person I have ever met.”

“Couldn’t you just give me a list of your top ten?”

“You’re making me reduce it to only ten?”

“ _Only_ ten?!” Dave sighed, shaking his head. “Dude, you are beyond redemption.”

“Why do you even want to know this? So you can keep making fun of me for my flawless taste in movies?”

“Something like that. Just list your favorites.”

“Fine. You want the favorites? You’ve already seen _Love, Actually_ , _Crazy Stupid Love,_ and _Good Luck Chuck_ -”

“That was one of your favorites? It sucked ass.”

“Shut up, Dane Cook is _good_.”

“Good at being in terrible movies, sure.”

“Do you want me to finish the list or not?”

“Okay, fine, I won’t keep insulting Dane Cook.”

“That’s all I ask. Okay, my favorite movies are, in no particular order, _50 First Dates_ , _Hitch_ , _Serendipity_ , _Mamma Mia_ , _She’s the Man_ , _Clueless_ -”

“Whoa, okay, slow down, I think that’s plenty.”

“That wasn’t even half of them!”

“I only needed to know a few.”

“But I didn’t even get to some of the best ones! _13 Going on 30, She’s All That, While You Were Sleeping_ -”

Dave stood up abruptly. “Thank you, Karkat, this information has been very helpful.”

“What the fuck! What is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“It means don’t worry about it.” He was already walking towards the exit, Karkat watching angrily from the couch. “Why don’t you go back to reading your book?”

“I will! But not because you told me to, because I _want_ to!” Karkat stuck his tongue out at Dave before flopping back down on the cushions. He was so incredibly adorable when he was mad, it was hard for Dave to take it seriously anymore.

God, he had it bad.

With a verifiable list of romantic movies that Karkat considered his favorites, Dave had some research to do. He began watching the movies while doing his homework, taking notes whenever something romantic happened, making sure Karkat never caught him in the act. He actually had a plan now, a ridiculous one blown way out of proportion, but a plan nonetheless.

Needless to say, he did not expect that Karkat might be planning something as well. That is, until he received a text a few nights after starting his romcom-watching marathon.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 19:43 --

EB: dave we need to talk!

TG: whoa hey egbert what happened to introductions have we thrown all rules of etiquette out the window

EB: yes, we have.

TG: shit what occasion could be so momentous that it calls for abandoning all societal rules

EB: the occasion is you apparently keeping another secret from me!

TG: uhhh

Shit. Dave wracked his brain, trying to think of what John could possibly be referencing, but he couldn’t think of any “secrets” he was keeping. Maybe this was just the setup to another elaborate prank?

TG: what secret

EB: don’t play dumb with me, strider!

EB: karkat told me something really weird a few hours ago and i’ve been trying to be polite and give you time to tell me yourself but i can’t wait anymore.

Wait, what?

TG: wait what

TG: how did you talk to karkat

TG: i didn’t give you his chumhandle

EB: nope! he got mine from the note i sent with your birthday package.

Oh. Wow. Dave did not expect that from Karkat. He looked over to his apparently sneaky roommate, who was reading in bed, though looking more dejected than usual. Dave didn’t know what _that_ was about, but he did recall Karkat adamantly tapping away at his phone earlier, before dinner.

“Karkat?”

He glanced up, and- whoa, yeah, he definitely was not in a good mood. Between the glassy-eyed stare he gave Dave and the downward set of his mouth, it was clear this was not just normal Karkat gloominess. “What’s up?” He tried to inject some chipperness into his voice, which just sounded even more out of place.

“Uhhh…” Fuck. Dave didn’t want to confront him, not when it might make whatever was going on worse, but he didn’t really have any other choice. “Did you text John?”

At least that startled Karkat enough to erase some of the blankness in his face. “Shit, yeah, I did. I know I should’ve fucking asked you first, I shouldn’t have even looked at his handle in the first place, I’m sor-”

“Dude, it’s fine!” Dave said, a little hastily. Anything to keep the despair out of Karkat’s tone. “Seriously, I don’t really care that much, I was gonna give him yours eventually, I was just messing with him by holding out so long. I… what did you tell him?”

“I really fucked up Dave, I swear I didn’t mean to say anything. I just didn’t realize you hadn’t come out to him yet.”

Dave froze, hands gripping his phone. Oh, yeah, _that_ little secret. How could he forget? He had been planning to tell John, of course he had been, but how did you tell someone who you made ‘no homo’ jokes with for six years straight- _hah_ \- that, actually, _yes_ homo? It was a little more delicate than telling, oh, his lesbian foster mom and his weirdo siblings. “D-does he-”

“No, I didn’t tell him enough for him to put it together himself. Fuck, I’m sorry, Dave. Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not _mad_ , Karkat.” Okay, that was maybe not entirely true. He didn’t want to be mad, not when Karkat already looked miserable and guilty. Shit, was _this_ what had made him look so despondent in the first place? Dave just wished he had at least _asked_ , hadn’t snuck behind his back to get John’s handle, even if he left the note in plain sight. “Why did you even text him, anyway?”

Karkat shifted on the bed, not meeting Dave’s eyes. “I thought he might know something about who you’re crushing on. But obviously not, if he doesn’t even know it’s a _guy_.”

Dave was tempted to chuckle. “And you were so curious to figure that out that you had to ask _Egbert_? The most oblivious person on my chumroll?” He almost wanted to just tell Karkat the truth- _It’s you, dumbass_ \- and get this whole dance they were doing over with. But now that he’d finally gotten some plans in the works, he wasn’t about to throw it away. Besides, he was too much of a coward to do it right then, anyway. “Look, I told you I’m gonna let you know as soon as I can, okay? I really do want you to know. It’s just gotta stay a secret a while.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Shit, his voice sounded broken. He looked broken, too- were those tears in his eyes? He only ever cried during movies. Okay, something was seriously wrong, and Dave wasn’t going to let him brush it off any longer. John could wait just a few more minutes.

Dave practically jumped out of bed and was at Karkat’s side immediately. _Time to flex those underdeveloped empathy muscles._ He placed a hand on Karkat’s shoulder as he lowered himself onto the bed, pushing his shades up. Eye contact was probably a good idea in situations like this. “Whoa, Karkat, are you alright? Don’t cry. I wouldn’t know what to do if you cried.”

For once, Karkat made no attempt to shrug Dave’s hand off his shoulder. He wouldn’t look up, though. “I’m not- _sniff_ \- going to cry.”

“Wait, fuck, I’m not supposed to tell you not to cry. Shit. Uh, if it makes you feel better, you can definitely cry.”

Karkat let out a choked laugh. “I said I’m _not_ going to cry.”

“Okay, okay.” Dave squeezed Karkat’s shoulder, not sure exactly how to proceed. God, he was going to make a shitty boyfriend. “You do know I trust you, right? Like, more than I have ever trusted anyone _ever_.”

“That’s not true.” Karkat hugged his knees to his chest, pouting. “First Sollux, now Rose. I was just your only friend before, but you have other options now.”

“Oh my God, Karkat, you’re so dumb sometimes.” He glared up at Dave with bloodshot eyes, though it was clear that however upset he was, he wasn’t really mad at Dave. “The only reason I trusted Sollux and Rose before you was because the topic had to do with _you_ , and I was afraid I would fuck up if I talked to you first! I really fucking care about you, okay? You're not my 'only option' or whatever. You're the best option.”

Karkat sniffled, his nails digging into the sleeves of his sweatshirt. “I care about you, too.” It was quiet, but it made Dave smile. Up until Karkat spoke again. “But why can’t you tell me about your crush?”

Dave sighed. “I told you, I’m trying to keep it a secret. No one knows yet, and if it makes you happier, I can promise you’ll be the first to know.”

“Well, Rose found out. So I’ll be second.”

“Yeah, but Rose is fucking smart as- wait.” Dave narrowed his eyes at Karkat- he was really enjoying being able to express himself like that with the shades off. “You talked to Rose about this?”

“Uh… yeah. Don’t worry, she wouldn’t tell me anything. Didn’t want to ‘disclose information without your consent’ or whatever.”

Dave sighed again, in relief this time. “Good. I promise you’ll be the _second_ to know, then, and the first I willingly tell. So will you stop being so down on yourself?”

Karkat nodded shakily. “Fine.”

Dave wanted to call it over and done with right there, but it didn’t quite feel like enough. “Is there anything else bothering you? You’ve seemed grumpier the past few weeks. And you’ve been kinda avoiding me a little, I think.”

“N-no, I haven’t!” Karkat replied, his voice shrill, panicked. “I’ve been normal.”

“Dude, you’ve been _pretending_ to be normal. But I definitely saw through that shit.” Okay, maybe some of this was guesswork, but Dave wasn’t going to admit that. Besides, he was immediately proven correct when Karkat’s shoulders slumped, his pout drooping into a full frown.

“You’re right. I guess I didn’t hide it as well as I thought.” He clenched his jaw. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh.” Dave blinked, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. He didn’t exactly like that answer. That meant there was something _to_ be talked about in the first place. Something that, if Dave’s hunch was correct, probably had to do with him. “I didn’t do something wrong, did I?”

“No. It’s not you. Can we please just drop it?”

“... Yeah.” There wasn’t a point in pressing the issue. In all fairness, Karkat had every right to withhold information from Dave when he was doing the same thing. That didn’t stop him from feeling hurt, though. _Hypocrite. You obviously caused Karkat that exact kind of pain, though much more amplified. And you have the audacity to feel hurt by this little thing?_

Meanwhile, Karkat was still sitting there, looking miserable as ever. And what was Dave doing? Staring off into space, continuing to mentally bash himself, being no help whatsoever to Karkat. He really did suck at this whole “being a supportive, emotionally available friend” thing.

_There you go again, putting yourself down. Does the self-pitying ever stop?_

The silence was becoming awkward, to the point where Dave felt compelled to do something, at least to break the tension. And if it got Karkat feeling a little better, too, that was just a nice bonus. Dave put his arms out, giving Karkat a half-smile. “Do you want a hug?”

For a second, Dave was sure he would refuse- he set his jaw, his eyes turning steely as he looked over Dave’s outstretched arms and faltering grin. But Karkat's features eventually softened, and he uncrossed his own arms. There was a glimmer of guarded gratefulness in his eyes, and Dave thought maybe he had done something right after all. “Sure.”

The hug was clumsy, thanks to their seated positions on the bed, but Dave pulled Karkat close anyway, nearly smashing his roommate’s face into his shoulder, arms tight around his back. Slowly, Karkat’s arms squeezed back in return. Dave felt Karkat shudder, for just a second, and was afraid the dude really had started crying, but when he pulled away his eyes were dry. Karkat managed a small smile. “Thanks, Dave.”

Dave shrugged, like it was no big deal, though internally he was freaking out about _hugging Karkat_ and _correctly offering support_ and _not being a jackass for once._ “Hey, what’re best bros for?” He scooted back, thinking maybe Karkat would want some space now. “Feelin’ any better?”

“I dunno. Maybe.” Karkat rolled his shoulders, his eyes back to being fixated with the floor.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I should probably go text John now. You know, actually tell him what’s going on with me.” Dave gulped at the prospect, but he really had no choice. At Karkat’s crestfallen face, he added, “Don’t worry, we can totally talk more after, if you want. I promise.”

Karkat slowly nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay with that. Go talk to John.”

“Wish me luck.” Dave slid off the bed, returning to his own, where his phone was buzzing with unread notifications. He gave Karkat one last look- he was back to moping, his covers drawn up around him like a robe- and sighed, then picked up his phone.

EB: don’t be mad at him he just really wanted to talk to me about your crush or whatever.

EB: he thought i might know something but left as soon as it was clear i didn’t, because you’re keeping some big important secret from me!

EB: dave?

EB: it says you’re idle. are you talking to karkat?

EB: please don’t be mad at him.

EB: honestly he was in the right here. if you’d just cooperated and given me his handle everything would’ve been fine! our first conversation could have been normal.

EB: but no. instead we just made the worst first impression on each other possible.

EB: was i being a little sneaky by signing my chumhandle on your birthday card? it’s entirely possible.

EB: but that doesn’t matter! what matters is you were being a stubborn jerk and i sidestepped you with my superior skills.

EB: striiiiiiiiider what is taking you so long?

EB: you better not be mad at me now, too. shit.

TG: yo sorry i got caught up in talking to karkat

TG: but uh im not mad at him or you

TG: okay maybe im a little mad but mostly im just impressed your gambit worked

TG: and honestly youre right i shouldve given you his handle youve been begging for that like it was the new nintendo switch

EB: wow. dave strider, admitting he was wrong? what universe am i in?

TG: shut up

TG: listen i was just holding out on you to mess with you but obviously that backfired horribly

TG: so horribly that my gun just exploded in my hands and i got a nasty bullet straight to the face

TG: the damage was irreparable i will never be beautiful again

TG: all the nations mourn the loss of my perfect looks

TG: but uh yeah it was just a really bad idea

TG: im just surprised that karkat went behind my back like that he coulda just asked me

TG: um but were not here to talk about that are we

EB: no, we’re not.

EB: i believe you have some huge secret to tell me?

EB: and, maybe, if it’s not too much to ask, some explaining and apologizing to do?

TG: yeah no youre right once again

TG: i um

TG: okay look i was planning on telling you this but its really hard to break this specific news to you

TG: which i think youll understand once i tell you what it is

TG: i told myself i was stalling bcuz i was tryna find the right words

TG: but really i think i was just scared how youd take it

EB: come on, dave! i’m your best friend. nothing you could tell me is gonna change that.

EB: even if i'm kinda mad at you right now for not telling me your secret or karkat’s chumhandle. i know i’m gonna forgive you eventually.

EB: in fact i just might do that right now if you tell me this super special secret.

TG: thats what im doing

TG: right now

TG: um

TG: im

TG: this is going to sound like a joke but i swear im being completely and utterly sincere

Dave braced himself. Might as well just dive right in.

TG: im into guys

EB: uh. that’s the secret?

TG: yeah

TG: i realized im not as straight as i made myself out to be all those years

TG: and that i actually am really really into dudes

TG: dont get me wrong i still like girls too but uh

TG: i also like guys

EB: oh. well, i guess that puts a lot of what karkat said into context.

EB: are you sure?

TG: yes im sure

TG: like idk if this is obvious but ive been grappling with this for a really long time

TG: this revelation has been years in the making

TG: all that no homo posturing was just hiding a dude who was insecure about the feelings he may or may not have had for some dudes

TG: btw that may or may not is bullshit i definitely one hundred percent had those feelings

TG: thats just to indicate that at the time i was dancing around the idea like some julliard trained ballerina

TG: all doing spins and jumps and acrobatic fucking pirouettes in my pink ballet slippers and tutu

TG: that whole getup honestly shouldve clued me in that i was gay as fuck but repression really did blind the hell outta me

EB: dave you’re rambling.

TG: right yeah

Dave didn’t like this. John didn’t seem like he had a problem with Dave, but he wasn’t exactly coming out in full support or anything, and that was worrying.

TG: um so are we cool

EB: of course!

EB: dude, i don’t really care if you like guys. i’m glad you figured that out.

TG: its just that you were being pretty quiet

TG: wanted to make sure you werent having a mental breakdown over there

TG: or you know being overcome by a sudden hatred towards me based solely on my newfound sexual identity

EB: dave. no. i wouldn’t do that. you’re my best bro.

EB: sorry i was being quiet. i was processing.

EB: and then i got caught up thinking about my own stuff.

TG: thinking about your own stuff

TG: lol dont tell me youre realizing youre gay too

TG: i mean thatd be rad we could be new gays together

TG: go out buy pride themed clothes

TG: get our ears pierced together

TG: itd be so rad

EB: as totally rad as that sounds, that’s not it. i am not into men.

TG: then what is it

EB: i'm not sure.

EB: i think… i need to think about it more?

EB: sorry, dave.

TG: its all good dude

TG: you should take your time to think about it its some delicate subject matter

TG: and if you ever need to talk to someone about it im here

TG: actually youd be better off going to karkat im sure he knows a shit ton more than i do

EB: heheh. thanks, dave.

EB: and thanks for telling me that you’re into guys. i’m glad you trusted me, even if it took a while.

TG: im glad i have a best bro like you that i can trust

EB: so… this crush. it’s a guy, right?

TG: ughhhhh not you too

EB: heheheheheh. i’m just curious! who is it?

TG: listen dude i cant tell you who it is

TG: i am contractually obligated to tell karkat before i tell anyone else

TG: i made a promise and everything and i aint gonna break that

EB: fine. i have my own ways of figuring out.

EB: i have some tricks up my sleeve.

TG: sure you do

Well, that went better than expected. Dave grinned as their conversation continued, trading shallow barbs back and forth until he eventually called it a night. He then looked back over to Karkat, who looked marginally better, though he was still sitting motionless on his bed, hiding in his sheets.

“Do you wanna talk now?” Dave asked from his side of the room. “We don’t have to talk about what’s bothering you, we can just shoot the shit. Just pump the shit full of lead, it ain’t even trying to take cover.”

Karkat snorted softly, letting some of the covers fall away from his face as he turned towards Dave. “Sure, we can shoot the shit, I guess.”

“Great.”

Dave spent the rest of the night distracting Karkat with random topics, even getting a smile out of him a few times, but when they said their goodnights, he still looked like how Dave imagined that shot-up shit. He would have to figure out another way to cheer him up. Maybe he should take his plans to the next level.

He just hoped Karkat would tell him what was bothering him soon. That way he could help him tackle it. Until then, he’d just keep fussing in the shadows, pulling together a romantic gesture for the ages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> june egbert real. too bad we wont see that happen in this fic (maybe in a future one though... heheheh)  
> lol yeah this chapter had a lot happening but it kinda needed to be that way. all im saying is daves life is chaotic as fuck  
> thanks for reading!


	29. Eves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave finally puts his plans into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: there are a lot of movie references in this chapter (love actually, hitch, 50 first dates, serendipity, 13 going on 30, probably more i cant remember) but theyre not rly important so dont stress if you dont get them

Dave managed to get all his preparations ready a week before February fourteenth, which was a relief, because the plan hinged on the romanticism of Valentine’s Day. Sure, he didn’t  _ need _ to be dating Karkat by then, but he knew Karkat probably idolized that day, being obsessed with romance and everything. Plus, Karkat still seemed kind of down, and Dave wanted to cheer him up sooner rather than later.

He readied everything for the thirteenth, hiding the things he needed under his bed or in the dresser drawers that didn’t have clothes in them. He had gotten help accruing certain items, since he couldn’t drive yet and was tight on money despite the continued success of SBaHJ, so he’d had to ask Vriska for help. She had viciously mocked him, of course, but agreed to take him to the nearest stores, even though he refused to tell her who exactly he was buying things for. That didn’t stop her from guessing everyone she could think of, but Dave had just enough practice controlling his expression to not give her any hints.

The hardest part was waiting those last few days, fighting the urge to  _ ask him now, everything’s ready, just do it _ . He had to time it  _ perfectly _ , or else he was afraid it would all fall to pieces, crumble like feta cheese on a caesar salad. Plus, it gave him more time to practice what he would say, to gather the courage he needed. Doing it on the thirteenth meant there was no chance to back out- he either did it then or it wasn’t going to happen in time for Valentine’s Day, and he was damned if he wasn’t going to at least give Karkat that.

The night before Valentine’s Eve was a restless one for Dave- he was so jittery with nervous anticipation that he was afraid he wouldn’t get enough sleep, that his drowsy ass would totally fuck up the next day. He was tossing and turning so much that Karkat actually asked him if something was wrong. He’d just laughed it off, told him to go to bed, which Karkat did, though not before giving Dave a narrow-eyed glare of disbelief. Much to his relief, Dave eventually managed to knock himself out.

And just like that, it was February thirteenth. No longer would Dave get to plan. Now was the time for action.

Wow, his thoughts were sounding lamer by the minute. Was this why all the characters in Karkat’s dumb romcoms were so uncool? Did lov-  _ liking _ someone make a person lose all ability to be cool? Dave certainly felt that way. He didn’t remember the last time he didn’t feel awkward around Karkat. Though, to be fair, he felt awkward around everyone, all the time. Just one of the perks of growing up without healthy interpersonal relations.

Thankfully enough, it was the weekend, which meant Dave had a whole day to try to woo Karkat. As soon as Karkat was awake- which was a little past noon, it  _ was _ the weekend- and had eaten breakfast, Dave pulled him aside.

“Yo, let’s go to the park.”

Karkat’s nose scrunched up, like the idea of leaving the house, let alone his room, on the weekend was the worst thing anyone could possibly suggest to him. “The park,” he said, his tone clearly disinterested.

“Yes, the park.” Dave was trying to keep a straight face, even though his heart was hammering. If Karkat didn’t even comply with step one… well, Dave knew himself well enough to know that it might just be enough for him to chicken out forever.

“What park? Why in the ever-living fuck would you  _ ever _ want to go to a park?”

“There’s a community park, not even a five-minute walk from here, and I think it’d be nice to get out, get some fresh air and sun and stuff. I thought, since you’ve seemed so down lately, it might cheer you up.”

Karkat chewed his lip, as though he were seriously against the idea but didn’t know how to let down Dave. “Look, the thought is nice and all, but I’m fine. I’ve made it pretty obvious to literally everyone who’s met me that I strongly prefer staying inside, away from most human contact, so I don’t think the park is really for me. Why don’t you take Terezi instead? She loves getting out-”

“No!” Yeah, okay, that came out a little too loud, and Karkat maybe jumped. “Uh, I mean, I really wanted to go with you. I have some plans.” Dave lifted the backpack he was holding in one hand, which he had stuffed full of all the provisions he needed to make his move on Karkat. “They rely on you being there.  _ Just _ you.”

Karkat eyed the bag with a healthy amount of suspicion, then focused back on Dave. “This is sounding more and more like something I’m not going to enjoy. Do you  _ really _ need it to be me?”

“ _ Yes _ . I do.” When Karkat’s skepticism didn’t fade, Dave added, “Please? I really want to do this.” He added a pout for good measure, trying to turn the charm up to eleven.

This seemed to work somewhat on Karkat- the suspicion certainly lessened, though his features didn’t soften much. After an over-exaggerated sigh, Karkat shrugged. “Fine. But if I don’t enjoy myself, you better believe you’re watching romcoms with me to make up for it.”

Dave grinned. “Trust me, you’re gonna have a good time.” At least, he really hoped so. After all, Karkat might not be receptive to his advances.

They asked permission from Kanaya to go, who agreed readily enough, though she seemed puzzled that Karkat was willingly going. “Five years I’ve raised you, and not even once was I able to convince you to go outside. What did Dave say to you?”

“Oh, nothing,” Dave replied, as Karkat was opening his mouth. “I just activated that Strider charm of mine.”

Karkat elbowed him. “What charm? I just felt sorry for you. I couldn’t  _ not _ go when you were practically begging me.”

“Well, then,” Kanaya said, before Dave could think of a retort. “Have fun! Be back in time for dinner.”

Dave had to practically drag a reluctant Karkat out of the door. The whole way there, Karkat grumbled about being outside, shielding his eyes from a sun that wasn’t even out, rubbing his arms exaggeratedly, as if cold- which, sure, 50  F may be chilly to a Texan, but Dave was sweating. Though, that could just be because his nerves were on fire. It certainly wasn’t ideal that Karkat was in such a sour mood, and his complaints were just putting Dave more on edge.

He wouldn’t back down, though. He  _ couldn’t _ . He had to go through with this, before he completely lost the nerve. So he just stuffed his hands in his pockets in an effort to ignore how damp his palms were getting and kept walking, trying to banter with Karkat to get his mood out of the gutter. Thankfully, it seemed to work, as he stopped focusing on his hatred of being outside.

They eventually made it to the park in one piece, and Dave smiled at Karkat, slowing to a stop. He began shrugging off his backpack and Karkat gave him a strange look.

“What are you doing? Why’d you stop?” he asked, as Dave plopped down on a bench.

Dave looked up at him, raising one eyebrow. “What do you mean? This is the park.”

“ _ This? _ ” Karkat gestured around the place, which, now that he mentioned it, was a pretty pitiful park. Not that Dave had any experience with parks- aside from scouting this one out, he’d never been to a park before, but he’d seen enough in movies and shows to picture one. Central Park, for instance, immediately came to his mind. This was no Central Park. “This isn’t even a park. It’s barely a fucking  _ playground _ . That swingset looks like a lawsuit waiting to happen. The slide is shorter than you. Hell, it might even be shorter than  _ me _ !”

Yeah, okay, he has a point. Aside from the swings- _ is the frame supposed to tilt sideways like that _ \- and the slide, there was a set of monkey bars with a few broken bars, one of those hemispherical dome things that has definitely seen better days, a horse-shaped pogo ride that looked as dangerous as John’s, and two wooden benches. A ring of trees surrounded the whole thing, but it probably didn’t constitute a park. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. This’ll suit our purposes just fine.”

Karkat snorted. “ _ Suit our purposes?  _ Why are you talking like a Bond villain? Are you kidnapping me or something?”

Dave just smirked. “Or something. All the preparations are complete, Mr. Bond. Why don’t you take a seat, out here in public where there’s no reason to be suspicious of me?”

“Dave, there’s literally no one else here.” Karkat gingerly settled onto the bench, which creaked, its half-rotten boards threatening collapse. “And if you were going to kill me I don’t think there’s anyone close enough to even hear me scream.”

“Oh, trust me, you won’t have the time to scream.”

“Okay, you just took that from stupid to creepy  _ really _ quick.” The bench creaked again, and Karkat stood back up, eyeing the seat warily. “You might wanna get up, that thing is a fucking death trap.”

Dave rolled his eyes, but got up. He’d just been sitting to rifle through his bag, and he’d managed to find what he was looking for. Crazy how much random bullshit you could stuff into a backpack. “Yeah, but no worries, I got much better seating right here.” In a showy flourish, he pulled a picnic tablecloth out of his bag, the red-and-white checkered plastic almost see-through. Of course, it was plastic because it was one of the cheaper ones he’d seen at Target, but he figured it didn’t matter as long as he got the general aesthetic down. He laid it out on the grass, careful to avoid Karkat’s confused, questioning stare, as well as any anthills or piles of dog shit. Finally, he straightened up and spread his hands, as if to present the frankly crappy-looking blanket to Karkat, who was still giving him that puzzled look. “Here’s your seat, sir, aisle C, number 16, best seat in the goddamn house if you ask me. Enjoy the show.” He was rambling, he knew he was, but Karkat’s lack of response was making him even more worried, nervous, and he rambled when he was nervous. He lowered his hands, pressing them into the sides of his legs to keep them from visibly shaking. Karkat  _ had _ to be putting it together by now, right? This was too obviously veering into  _ romantic gesture _ territory for him to not put it together. As Karkat continued to mutely watch, Dave decided to sit down, patting the blanket beside him. “Come on, join me on this magic carpet ride. I’m boutta show you a whole new world, Jasmine.”

Karkat finally let out a choked sound, stepping away from the blanket.  _ Oh no, oh fuck, he’s freaking out, he doesn’t like me, fuck _ . Dave tried to keep his expression neutral, hiding the panic, as Karkat’s mouth opened and closed a few times, apparently looking for words. “Dave, what is this?”

Ice dropped into Dave’s stomach, spreading slowly through his limbs.  _ Keep your cool. That’s the one thing you know how to do. _ “I told you you’d be the first to know who my crush was after Rose.”

“And so you thought you would tell me like  _ this _ ?” Karkat took another step back, his face filling with dread, and Dave was certain that Karkat didn’t like him. He was certain he’d completely screwed up this friendship, forever. That is, until Karkat kept talking. “Is he  _ coming _ here? What did you think, that I was going to be your  _ wingman _ or something? Help you set up this date, let you ask him out, introduce me to him after? This is-”

“Whoa!” Dave was on his feet as soon as he heard the word ‘wingman’, his hands raised in the universal  _ slow down _ gesture. “Karkat, chill, you got it all wrong.”

Karkat was close to hyperventilating. “Fuck, I wanted to help you, of course I did, but not like  _ this _ , I didn’t want to  _ be here _ for this, I- When is he coming? Please tell me he’s not-”

“Karkat!” Dave grabbed Karkat’s shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact. Well, Dave was wearing his shades, it was kind of bright out, but whatever. “Dude, he’s already here.”

A flurry of emotions passed through Karkat’s face- panic, fear, confusion, a flicker of hope- as his eyes darted around the park. There was no one else to find, though. “W-what? Nobody’s here.”

This was it. Dave had to lay all his cards on the table now. His voice shook as he replied. “ _You're_ here.”

Karkat froze, his shoulders tensing under Dave’s fingers, as he processed what Dave had said. Dave couldn’t tell whether this was a good or bad sign, but he hoped to God, or whatever higher power there was, that this was good. Finally, he spoke, his voice low, monotone. “So I’m your crush.”

It wasn’t really a question, but Dave answered anyway. “Yeah.”

“And you brought me here, with all this stuff,” he gestured to the picnic blanket and Dave’s backpack, “to ask me out?”

“More or less, yeah.” Dave’s heartbeat was quickening, and he was pretty sure Karkat could feel it where Dave’s fingers pressed into his shoulders, but he didn’t let up, afraid Karkat would start panicking again or just straight-up run away from him.

Karkat blinked, taking in Dave’s face, seeming to try to peer through the shades. “And you’re not joking? This isn’t some elaborate prank?”

“No, dude. I’m not Egbert, I don’t do pranks. And even if I did, that would be way too fucked-up of a prank. Might sound crazy, but I’m being completely real with you right now.” Dave watched as Karkat continued to process, his eyes almost glazed over. The fact that he hadn’t really given Dave an answer yet was freaking him out. “This, uh, was not how I thought this would go. And it’s fine if you don’t really feel that way about me, I get it. But, if it’s okay with you, I really would, um-” The words lodged in Dave’s throat for a second, and he tried to clear it, his cheeks burning. “I really want to go out with you.” There was no taking it back now, no way he could get Karkat to misunderstand a sentence that direct. Either Karkat liked him back or… well, he didn’t want to think about the  _ or _ .

But something in Dave’s words seemed to get through to Karkat, because he finally moved, his eyebrows scrunching. “If it’s okay with  _ me _ ?” he yelled, suddenly loud again, and threw his hands up, nearly hitting Dave in the face. For a second he looked angry, staring at Dave with a manic energy that terrified him. “You- you want to know if it’s  _ okay _ with  _ me _ ?” And then, inexplicably, he started laughing, uncontrollable, hysterical giggles that made his whole body shake, and that was  _ definitely _ not a reaction Dave knew how to gauge.

“Whoa, you okay? You’re freaking me out, dude.”

“S-  _ hahaha _ \- sorry, I’m not-  _ hehehe _ \- laughing at you, I’m just-  _ wheeze _ \- it’s just so-  _ haha _ \- so  _ ridiculous _ .” Karkat was gasping for air between the laughs, clutching his sides.

“You should sit down,” Dave said, his hands gently pushing down on Karkat’s shoulders, slowly guiding them both to the picnic blanket. Karkat sat down heavily, the plastic crinkling loudly under him, and tried to get the laughter under control. He took a few deep breaths, covering his face, but a few titters kept slipping out. Dave grabbed his backpack, rummaging around until he found one of the water bottles he’d brought. “Here, drink this. Might help you calm down.”

Karkat took the bottle, nearly ripped the cap off, and started chugging. Dave was suddenly hit with the thought of Karkat choking on the water. He didn’t know CPR- would he have to do mouth-to-mouth? He didn’t want their first kiss to be while Karkat was  _ unconscious _ .

Then he shooed the thought away, because it was silly, and because Karkat knew how to handle himself, and could at the very least drink water without choking. In fact, he wasn’t even drinking it anymore, lowering the bottle and giving Dave a grateful look. “Thanks. Sorry for freaking out on you like that.”

“Uh, no problem.” Dave watched as Karkat slowly and methodically screwed the cap back on, his gaze settling on the grass. “So… what was that all about, exactly?”

Karkat grimaced, setting the bottle down with a sigh. “I guess you would want an explanation for why I just broke into a random laughing fit, huh?”

“Yeah, maybe just a little bit.” Dave chewed on his lip, shifting to fold his legs under him. “And if you could maybe, I dunno, give me a straight answer as to how you feel about the whole  _ going out _ thing, that’d be pretty appreciated, too.”

Karkat looked up in mild bewilderment. “You mean it’s not obvious?”

“Karkat, so many fucking things that I barely understand happened in the last two minutes. I have _no fucking clue_ what your reaction is supposed to mean.”

“I just…” He sighed again, his hand raking through the dark cloud that was his hair. “Look, when you told me that you had a crush on someone, it drove me crazy. I was so fucking desperate to figure out who it was, to try to help you get with them, that it made me miserable. The last person I expected it to be was me. I was so fucking convinced that you didn’t find me  _ likable _ , that you couldn’t possibly have a crush on me. I still find it hard to fucking  _ believe _ that you do. Fuck, I can barely believe this is even actually  _ happening _ .”

Dave watched as Karkat traced the lining of his jeans with his thumbnail, the soft scratching barely perceptible over the sounds of the outdoors. “So, is that a yes?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “ _ Yes _ , you uncomprehending douche.  _ I like you _ .” His cheeks turned pink, but he managed to make eye contact with Dave. “I can’t fucking believe I just said that, out loud, in front of you, but there you go. And since you’ve made it clear that you, for some inscrutable reason, like me back, and apparently  _ want _ to date me, I guess I’ll let you know that I want that, too. That is, if you’re still asking me out.” His blush was bright red by the end, and Dave was pretty sure his face looked the exact same.

“God, this is not at all how I imagined this going. I made  _ plans _ .” He hit the backpack, lightly, scowling at it. “I had this huge plot to  _ woo _ you, to-”

“ _ Woo _ me?” Karkat laughed.

“Shut up. I wanted to do something grand, wait till right before Valentine’s to ask you out, make it romantic as shit. I thought I had to convince you that I was worth dating, but you… you already liked me back. And you freaked out, because you couldn’t get it through your mind that  _ maybe _ I brought you along because this was all for you. And now, because we’re both insanely awkward fucks, it’s all ruined.”

Karkat’s smile faded a little, which made Dave notice that he had even been smiling in the first place. “Shit. I didn’t mean to fuck up your plans.”

“No, no, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s fine, it doesn’t fucking matter, there’s no point when I’ve already won you over. Apparently.”

“Hey, it still matters. In fact, why not just fucking do it anyway? Just because I’ve already made it clear that I like you doesn’t mean you can’t do your big plans. Maybe this whole thing is salvageable.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! Maybe this could be our first date.” Karkat paused, and yeah, Dave got weird butterflies in his stomach when he thought about that. Was it supposed to be this simple? Okay, it hadn’t been simple, it had taken Karkat nearly having a mental break to figure everything out. But now things seemed to be running… not smoothly, exactly, but in that clunky, awkward way that Dave was used to when it came to Karkat. It was their unique, funky syncopated rhythm, and Dave honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. “You said it’s romantic?”

“Well, I dunno about that. I tried my best with what I had. Which was like forty dollars.”

“Fuck it! What’ve you got for me, Strider? I wanna see how you  _ woo _ a gentleman.”

“Ugh, you’re never gonna let me live that down, are you?”

“Nope! Everyone’s gonna fucking know that Dave ‘irony is my middle name’ Strider used the word ‘woo’ without a single trace of irony.”

“Too bad no one will ever believe you.”

“Oh, I think they will. So what was your big plan?”

Karkat was smiling again, as though the disbelief had finally dissipated, and so was Dave, as it hit home that  _ they were dating now _ . He started pulling things out of his bag. “Okay, so first I was gonna do the whole mute-card-confession thing that one creep pulled in  _ Love, Actually _ , because I remember you saying you thought it was still a romantic move-”

“It  _ definitely _ was. He just shouldn’t have used it on his best friend’s wife.”

“Yeah, whatever. The cards are kinda pointless now, though, because I already told you that I like you. You can look through them, though.” Dave sheepishly handed over the cards, watching as Karkat read through the messages on them. He remembered most of what he’d written-  _ I know I said the movie was problematic and this part was stupidly cheesy, but I don’t know how to say it out loud and my mouth usually runs away with anything I try to say and turns it into a Freudian nightmare, so I thought might as well plan this out as much as possible _ . _ I like you. _ Shit like that. In hindsight, he was almost glad this whole thing got so fucked up, because he would’ve been embarrassed as hell having to hold up those cards.

“What’s this shit about ‘shawty getting low’ supposed to mean?” Karkat asked, pointing to one of the cards.

Dave snickered. “Oh, yeah. Instead of  _ Silent Night _ playing in the background, I was gonna have  _ Low _ by Flo Rida.”

“What the fuck?  _ Why? _ ”

“Well, for one, it ain’t Christmas. But, much more importantly, I can’t just do a whole romantic confession with a hundred-percent sincerity, not even for you. I gotta throw my own ironic flavor in there.”

“And that flavor is playing the apple bottom jeans song?”

“Yeah, dawg. You telling me that you don’t think  _ Low _ is the epitome of romantic songs?”

Karkat snorted. “No, I don’t, and neither is calling me  _ dawg _ , but for some fucked-up reason I  _ like _ you, and that includes your shitty sense of humor.”

“Hey, it ain’t shitty. You just don’t have an appreciation for the finer aspects of comedy.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

Dave grinned. “Moving a bit fast there, Karkat.”

Karkat’s whole face went red. “Not- I didn’t mean it like  _ that _ , asshole!”

“Mhmm. Anyway, after I totally won you over with that confession, I was gonna do this whole candlelit-picnic dinner thing, which I guess is kinda a stupid mashup of incompatible romancey things, but fuck it! Who cares if it’s one o’clock and the sun’s out, we can still have dinner with some nice battery-powered fake candles to provide no discernible light.”

Karkat laughed as Dave placed LED candles around the picnic tablecloth and flipped the little switches underneath, though it was almost too bright outside to even tell that they were on. “Man, I’m being swept off my feet here, Dave. This is just  _ so _ overwhelmingly romantic.”

“I know, right? If you look closely, you can see that the lights flicker to give the illusion of not being shitty, ten-cent not-candles.”

“Ten cents? That’s pretty specific.”

“Well, it was a dollar for a pack of ten. Went to Dollar Tree to get them, of course.”

“ _ Of course _ ,” Karkat mocked. “Why would I ever think otherwise?”

“Hey, man, it was between this and those weird Jesus candles. Besides, we can’t have  _ real _ fire out here. Wouldn’t wanna disappoint my main bear Smokey.”

“Dave. They’re candles. It’s not like we’re drunk college kids creating a fucking bonfire. Besides, there are only, like, five trees out here. I’d hardly call it a  _ forest _ .”

“Only  _ you _ can prevent forest fires, Karkat.” Dave began to pull out ‘dinner’- a few different bags of potato chips, two bottles of apple cider, and a sleeve of Oreos. A full course meal, as far as Dave was concerned. “Sorry I didn’t bring wine, I’m a little underage for that, but I hope spicy AJ makes for a good substitute.”

Karkat rolled his eyes at the snacks Dave was trying to pass off as dinner before grabbing a bag of sour cream and onion chips. “ _ Spicy AJ?  _ And how is this dinner?”

“That’s what I call apple cider. I think it’s gonna catch on.”

“It’s not gonna catch on.”

“And Kanaya wouldn’t want us spoiling our appetites.”

“Dave, this isn’t even  _ lunch _ . These are snacks.”

“Hey, if I survived off of snacks for fifteen years, you can do it for one day.”

Karkat’s face immediately fell. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t-”

“Dude, it’s  _ fine _ . I was making a joke.” Dave could feel his own smile fading. God, he was an idiot, mentioning his shitty childhood in the middle of their pseudo-date, bringing the mood down.

“No, it’s not fine! I sound like some asinine, privileged fuck. ‘These are snacks’? What the hell was I thinking?”

“Karkat, seriously, it’s chill. You’re kinda right. They  _ are _ just snacks.” Dave sighed, pushing up his shades. Light sensitivity be damned, he was gonna show Karkat he was being serious. “Can we just not talk about it anymore? I was having fun before I wrecked the vibe.”

“I was having fun, too,” Karkat agreed, with a small smile. It made Dave feel a little better. “Even though I think  _ I’m _ responsible for ‘wrecking the vibe’, we can move on.”

“Cool.” He popped open his cider and sipped, humming thoughtfully. “Hmm. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m sensing a touch of apple in there.”

Karkat snorted, taking a sip of his own cider. “Sure, yeah, a  _ touch _ . I would say more like a shitload, but sure.”

“Did I nail my snooty wine-taster impression?”

“As someone who fucking hates snooty wine-tasters, I believe I'm qualified to say that yes, you did.”

“Nice.” And just like that, they were back to grinning. “I think we can move on to the next item on the schedule.”

“Which is?” Karkat said, through a mouthful of chips. The dude really had no self-awareness when he ate, and Dave found it adorable.

Wow. Weird fucking thing to notice, Dave. He shook his head, pressing down dumb thoughts like that. “I  _ might _ have written you a song.”

Karkat dropped the Oreo that had been heading towards his mouth. “ _ What. _ ”

Dave gave a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Okay, it’s more of a  _ rap _ than a song. And, um, I’m gonna serenade you with it.”

“Uh…” Karkat didn’t seem to be working properly anymore. His words came out falteringly. “You’re… gonna serenade me… with a rap you wrote… for me.”

“Yes? If you want that.”

“Are you fucking  _ kidding _ me? Of course I want that, Dave! Jesus.”

“Oh. Sweet.” Dave squinted at Karkat, his eyes slowly starting to feel irritated. “You mind if I pop the shades back on first? Just because the sun’s hiding behind some clouds don’t change the fact it’s bright out here.”

“Put them on, dumbass. You’re squinting at me like I’m a fucking spotlight.”

“Bet.” If he’s being honest, he mostly wanted the shades because he was about to  _ perform a rap for Karkat _ and that’s about the most uncomfortable thing he could imagine, and the shades gave him that small layer of protection. He pulled out his phone, finding the backing track he’d mixed a while ago- he’d used an ABBA song, from the  _ Mamma Mia _ soundtrack, which he’d enjoyed far more than the actual movie. “Aight, you just sit back and listen, I’m aboutta bless your ears with this shit.”

The track came on, a familiar violin and synthesizer lick playing, though between the mixing and the switched-up beat, Dave didn’t think it was immediately recognizable. However, Karkat must’ve known ABBA pretty well, because his eyes narrowed. “Is this  _ Gimme! Gim _ -”

“Shush! I’m starting.” Dave gave him a final grin, then closed his eyes and launched into the words.

_ the first impression wasnt impressing, ill admit we started rough _

_ but that fuckup led to wearing down exteriors tough _

_ sliced my hand on a plate, now were fate, like serendipity _

_ dont need a glove to show me that, its clear in our history _

_ from the first laugh to the last your comedy shocks me  _

_ you broke down my walls and you got me _

_ like no one else before, im sure thats gotta mean something _

_ now the beat aint the only thing thats got my heart thumping _

_ youre more than a best friend we spend every day together _

_ like 13 going on 30, wishing that this could last forever _

_ i dont need a barbie dreamhouse, though, or bullshit magic powder _

_ gotta just listen to the voice in my head thats getting louder _

_ sayin realize that its this guy im into _

_ my roommate who knows what ive been through _

_ you showed that you cared, now im comfortable sharing _

_ the shit that i went through, from upsetting to harrowing _

_ sometimes were awkward, we say the wrong words, we fuck up, we fight _

_ but like hitch and allegra, we manage to set things right _

_ though if i turn red it aint because of a seafood allergy _

_ its cause im embarrassed of talking sincerely _

_ but i hope you know im your bro till the end _

_ maybe when im done rapping, ill be your brofriend _

_ speaking of ends, i know i just begun, but here the end comes _

_ mamma mia, we wont go again, i got my point across, im done _

By the time Dave finished, he was breathing hard. Slowly, he opened his eyes up again. Karkat was staring, open-mouthed, his chips completely forgotten. The music faded out, the last hum of the violin punctuating the silence before Dave spoke. “Uh, so, what’d you think? Did you like it?”

Karkat blinked, his jaw snapping shut. There was a moment where Dave thought he hated it, or that he’d come to his senses and remembered Dave was an absolute bozo that no one would want to date. But then Karkat broke into a grin, and Dave was pretty sure he saw actual tears glistening in his eyes. “Dave. That was the weirdest, sweetest thing anyone’s ever fucking done for me. Of course I liked it. I think… I think I  _ loved _ it?” Yeah, okay, he was definitely tearing up a little. Wow.

Dave couldn’t help but smile back as relief coursed through him. “Awesome. I mean, that was the reaction I was going for, but I wasn’t sure I was gonna get it.”

“Are you kidding me?” Karkat gave a delighted laugh. “You wrote me a fucking  _ song _ ! I would’ve liked it even if it was shit, because  _ you wrote it _ and it was for  _ me _ , but it wasn’t shit! It was actually funny, and stupid, and sweet, and exactly what I would expect from you. And I loved it.” He was blushing again, though he didn’t break eye contact, staring at Dave with an awe that made him feel a weird mix of proud and uncomfortable. “Shit, did you actually  _ watch _ all those movies? Is that why you asked what my favorites were?”

“That’s only part of why I asked, but yeah, basically.” Dave’s sly grin probably gave him away. “And I did watch them all, though I had to use Wikipedia to remember some shit.”

“Did you like them?” Karkat was practically bouncing. Man, this dude got worked up over romcoms. Dave could barely believe  _ this _ was the loser he liked. Then again, they were both losers, so it probably worked out.

“Not gonna lie, I actually did like most of them. A lot of Christmas ones in there, though, which was kinda weird to watch in February. And the characters were so infuriatingly dumb in most of them. Why don’t they see how fucking  _ obvious _ it is that they’re supposed to get together?”

“Dave, your hypocrisy is astonishing.”

“What?”

Karkat facepalmed, though he was still smiling. “ _ We _ were that infuriatingly dumb.  _ We _ acted like characters in a romcom. Ugh, I should’ve seen it sooner, I watch them religiously.”

Dave shrugged. “I dunno, dude, we  _ do _ fight a lot.”

“So do characters in romcoms!”

“Okay, okay, point taken! I’m a hypocrite.”

“What was the other reason you asked for my favorite romcoms?”

Oh yeah. That reminded Dave he still had one thing left in his backpack. “Well, I was hoping they would give me insight on how to be romantic.”

“You would’ve been better off watching a soap opera. Romcom characters are more likely to stumble into romance than to actually be romantic.”

“Yeah, well, it still gave me some insight on stuff you like. I couldn’t make all those references to movies you like without  _ watching _ them first. But yeah, there weren’t a lot of huge romantic gestures in the movies you recommended. There  _ were _ some meaningful things here and there, though. So...” With a grin, Dave pulled out the thing he’d been saving for the end.

Karkat peered at the small, black, brick-shaped object in Dave’s hands. “Is that… a video camera?”

“Yup. My old camcorder. My, uh, brother got it for me back when I first expressed interest in photography. I kept it cause I got some pretty choice material in here.”

One of Karkat’s eyebrows quirked up. “Are you going to  _ share _ this ‘choice material’?”

Dave paled. “Oh, God, no. Not for a long time, bud. Some of that shit’s embarrassingly amateur. Like, I’d  _ just _ started exploring irony in a video medium. There’s some real raw footage in there.”

Karkat snorted. “Okay, weirdo. Why’d you bring it, then?”

“I thought maybe we could record something for Future Dave and Karkat. Y’know, in case one of us gets into a cow-induced car accident and has head trauma that results in having a weirdly specific form of memory loss.”

“Is this a  _ 50 First Dates _ reference? Are you making a  _ 50 First Dates _ reference?”

“What can I say? Sandler knows how to impress a lady.”

“Dave, last time I checked I wasn’t a lady.”

“My point still stands.” Dave smirked as Karkat stuck his tongue out at him “Come on, we should commemorate this day for possibly-amnesiatic future us-es. Are we gonna record this or not?”

“It’s amnestic.”

“Huh?”

“Possibly  _ amnestic _ future us-es. Amnesiatic isn’t a word.”

“Okaaay then, Grammar Police. You didn’t answer my question.”

“ _ Yes _ , Dave, we can record a silly video for the future versions of us who, for some reason or other, can’t fucking remember that we’re together.”

“Awesome. You ready?”

“ _ Sure! _ ”

Dave clicked record, having turned the little display screen to face them as they stared into the lens. “Yo, what up, future us-es! It’s your favorite dudes, Present Dave and Karkat. If you’re watching this video, it means you’ve gone through some tragic accident and can’t remember shit-”

“Or  _ maybe _ they just wanted to fucking reminisce on old memories? Is that so hard to believe, Dave?”

Dave shoved Karkat lightly, putting him slightly off-screen. “-and y’all need a reminder that we’re boyfriends. No space between the ‘boy’ and the ‘friends’ there.” Dave paused, looking at Karkat. “Wait,  _ are _ we boyfriends? We kinda just stumbled into this. I didn’t ever really officially ask, and-”

“Are you officially asking  _ now _ ?” Karkat scooted his way back in front of the camera, giving Dave a scathing look.

“Uh. Yeah, I can do that. Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

“Yes, dumbass.”

“Oh. Cool.” Dave turned back to the camera. “See, it’s official now. We got it on tape and everything.” Then a thought occurred to him that made him nearly fumble the camera. “Oh my  _ God _ , we just got me asking you out on  _ camera _ , and I didn’t even do anything cool? That’s so fucking lame!”

Karkat snorted. “It doesn’t fucking matter! Besides, I thought this was for the amnesiac versions of us?”

“Well,  _ obviously _ that was just a cover for me so I could record the occasion without sounding too weirdly sentimental!” They were bickering like the camera wasn’t even there, which, as far as they were concerned, it wasn’t. “Um, I mean, yes! Of  _ course _ this is only to help our future selves understand what’s going on!”

“You’re so ridiculous, Strider.” Karkat rolled his eyes, glancing warily at the camera. He seemed antsy all of the sudden. “Do you think you asking me out was enough to get the point across to those futuristic imbeciles?”

“Hey, watch it, those futuristic imbeciles are  _ us _ .”

“Yes, and? We’re fucking imbeciles  _ now _ .”

“Alright, you’ve got me there.” Dave turned back to the camera, flashing a bright, game-show-host smile. “That’s a wrap, folks! See you in however many years it takes us to get into a car accident!” He clicked off the camcorder and immediately turned to Karkat with mild concern. “You good? You looked kinda anxious for me to stop recording.”

Karkat shrugged. “I just… don’t get me wrong, it was a cool idea. But I’d rather just be here with Present Dave right now.”

Hell if  _ that _ didn’t make Dave’s cheeks heat up. Was he ever gonna be immune to getting flustered by this dude? He doubted it. “Word.”

“This was actually a lot of fun. Way more than I was expecting to have today. I mean, I had no fucking clue what to expect when you asked me to come to the park with you, but it was  _ not _ this.” Karkat bit his lip, looking up at Dave shyly. “So, thanks, I guess? For being interested in me, for some inexplicable reason.”

“Inexplicable? Dude, I could go on about all the reasons why I’m into you. You’re passionate, you’re insanely funny, you’re fiercely protective, and, bonus, you’re cute as hell.”

Karkat shrugged, though Dave could see the blush creeping up his face. “If you say so.”

“I do, man.” Dave didn’t realize he was leaning in until Karkat’s face was right in front of his, those gray eyes flickering crazily across Dave’s face. Dave deliberately grabbed his shades and pushed them back up, meeting Karkat’s gaze, steadying him.

Fuck, was he about to  _ kiss _ Karkat? He’d never kissed anyone before. Though, to be fair, he couldn’t think of anyone he would rather kiss. He leaned closer, shutting his eyes tight, puckering his lips, stopping a few inches shy of Karkat’s. Was that right? Was he  _ supposed _ to pucker his mouth like that?

Apparently not, because Karkat started to make little wheezing sounds, and when Dave snuck a peek the dude was shaking with barely-concealed laughter, amusement turning up the corners of his lips. “Dave, what are you doing?”

“Uhhh… Look, I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

“ _ That’s _ obvious.”

Dave pulled back slightly, pouting dramatically. “I was just trying to do the ninety-percent, ten-percent thing.”

A wrinkle appeared on Karkat’s brow. “What?”

“From  _ Hitch _ . I lean in ninety percent, and if you want to kiss me, you close the other ten.”

Karkat finally let loose a laugh. “Word of advice, Dave. Don’t take romance advice from my movies anymore.”

“Noted.” Dave scratched his arm, glancing away.

“So are you gonna kiss me or not, idiot?”

“Well, when you talk to me  _ that _ sweetly, how can I resist?”

Karkat punched Dave in the shoulder, lightly. “Would you rather me call you  _ darling _ ?”

Dave’s heart did a little pitter-patter at that. “Um. Maybe?” Karkat snorted, for about the tenth time during the whole date, and Dave panicked. “I really  _ want  _ to kiss you. I just don’t know what I’m doing.”

A sigh and a roll of the eyes later, and suddenly Karkat was taking the initiative, leaning in, one hand coming up to Dave’s face to pull him closer. “I guess I’ll just have to show you, then.”

Right before their lips touched, Dave paused, pulling back slightly. “Wait, dude, we almost forgot something.” He laughed at Karkat’s disappointed frown, before grabbing breath mints from his bag. “Can’t be macking on each other with bad breath.”

Karkat’s eyes widened. “Oh fuck, you’re right! I just had those stupid sour cream and onion chips, fuck. That would’ve sucked ass.”

“Once again, I am the only voice of reason in this dark, breath-conscious world.” Dave popped a few mints in his mouth, then offered the tin to Karkat.

“You sure you’ve never kissed anyone before? You sound just like Terezi whenever we- Um. Dave, you okay?”

Dave was not okay. He’d nearly choked on his mints at Karkat’s words. “You- you’ve kissed  _ Terezi _ ?”

Karkat blushed, focusing on grabbing a handful of breath mints to avoid looking at Dave. “Yeah. A few times. It wasn’t a great idea, in hindsight.”

“A  _ few _ times?!”

“Oh, please, Dave, don’t act so surprised. You’re just jealous that I’ve seen more action than you.”

“Fuck off, I’m not jealous.”

“It’s blatantly obvious you are.”

“Will you just shut up and kiss me already?” Dave wasn’t exactly sure why Karkat’s teasing made him want to kiss him, but, then again, Dave could never be entirely sure of the motivations behind  _ any _ of his actions.

“But I still have breath mints in my mouth!”

“Fuck the breath mints.” And with that  _ extremely _ romantic line, Dave leaned in.

It certainly wasn’t like any of the kisses in the movies, where everything clicks and the characters slot together perfectly like a puzzle. Dave had nothing to compare it to, but he could still tell it wasn’t perfect. It was sloppy, and their teeth kept clacking together, and they couldn’t get the right angle to keep them from bumping each other’s noses, and yeah, keeping the breath mints in was a bad logistical choice. Dave had no idea where to put his hands, so they just ended up settling on Karkat’s back. But even if it wasn’t a picture-perfect kiss, it felt… right. Karkat’s lips were rough and chapped, but he was surprisingly gentle, applying the lightest force to the kiss. His hand came back up to Dave’s cheek, guiding him to tilt his head a certain way before sliding into Dave’s hair, and things definitely ran more smoothly after that.

When he finally pulled back, they were both breathing hard. Karkat’s hand was still in his hair, winding his fingers into the curls. “That was… great,” Dave finally said, still a little breathless.

Karkat’s laugh was light. “I’m gonna have to teach you how to do that better, but… yeah. It was great.”

“Hey, it wasn’t bad for my first kiss ever, right? Besides, I think I’ll be getting a lot more practice in the future.”

“I certainly hope so. As long as it’s with me.”

“I don’t see any other cute dorks that I want to make out with, so…”

“We’re still the only people in this stupid park.”

“Not true. Little Jimmy’s decided to take his chances on those swings.”

Karkat turned to look behind him, where, sure enough, a kid was swinging, staring at them warily. “Oh, fuck, when’d he get here? Should we go?”

“I mean, this is a public place, I doubt Lil’ Jim can evict us or anything, but we can if you want to. I don’t have anything else planned.”

“Is his name actually Jimmy?”

“I don’t fucking know! I’ve never seen the kid before in my life. Come on, let’s go. We don’t want him witnessing our piss-poor attempts to kiss.”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Fine.” They stuffed everything back into Dave’s bag, not bothering to fold up the plastic picnic blanket.

When they left the park, Dave offered Karkat his hand, and Karkat took it with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, there you have it. it only took 29 chapters and 100K words but they got together. this was a fucking DOOZY to write, and, much like dave, i actually watched four romcoms as "research" to make his dumb date plan, so im not surprised this chapter is the longest one.  
> also, i apologize for the rap. i cant decide if its the worst or best thing ive ever written.  
> thanks for reading! leave a comment if you're so inclined.


	30. Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything gets wrapped up, I hope.

Dave had finally gotten with Karkat and he couldn’t be happier.

A lot of things happened following their first date, of course. They had to tell Kanaya, who was enthused, if a little cautious about the whole ‘dating within a foster family’ thing, and so strict rules followed for what was allowed inside the house- for one, she made Dave move into Gamzee’s room. Their fear of Kanaya’s retribution was enough to keep them in their separate rooms at night, for a few months, at least. Terezi was near enough to catch most of the conversation, and therefore took much pride in being the first person to tease them about being boyfriends. They broke the news to the rest of their family more slowly- Sollux was indifferent, Vriska was smug- she claimed she knew all along, even though Dave very clearly remembered her making wild, random guesses as to who his crush could possibly be- Aradia was overwhelmingly positive, and Gamzee just gave the news a thumbs-up and a honk. When Rose was informed, she was congratulatory, though not before giving Dave a wink and an ‘I told you so’. Telling friends was another matter- even though John already knew Dave was into guys, it was a whole matter entirely to tell him that he’d started _dating_ one, let alone his ex-roommate. He eventually did, though, after a week of Karkat making empty threats along the lines of ‘If you don’t do it, I will’, and, unsurprisingly, John’s reaction was nothing but supportive.

The day after their first date was still Valentine’s Day, and Dave pulled out all the traditional stops- cards, a box of chocolates, a bouquet- which had wilted, as Dave hadn’t thought through the ramifications of buying flowers four days early and stashing them under his bed. Karkat still appreciated it all, though, and even let Dave eat most of the chocolate.

Despite Kanaya keeping a close eye on them, they still enjoyed any time they were together. They’d watch romcoms, which Dave wouldn’t admit were starting to grow on him, or play video games, which Karkat mostly raged at, or stay up late talking on the phone, which was kind of ridiculous given that they were literally down the hall from each other, but again, Kanaya’s wrath was not something to trifle with. Whenever they could, they snuck kisses, or held hands under the kitchen table, or passed notes in class. They still found time to talk about their problems, or really anything that bothered them. Dave was surprised when Karkat decided to open up to him about his past more, though that surprise lessened over time as it happened again, and again, and again.

They still fought, because of course they did, they were both teenage boys who were new to the whole ‘dating’ thing and were bound to piss each other off from time to time. But they always made up as quickly as possible, when one or the other couldn’t stand to keep being mad, or when they realized they were being ridiculous.

The rest of the school year passed quickly. Kanaya gave permission for John to visit, which prompted a spring break full of Terezi antagonizing John and Dave having to pull him away from coming up with a lame, snarky comeback. Whatever personal business Rose was dealing with must’ve gotten cleared up, because soon she was visiting the house again, her break with Kanaya clearly over. It was made even more obvious when Rose proposed. Kanaya accepted, of course.

Dave made more extravagant plans when Karkat’s birthday came along, at which point Karkat complained that he would never get his turn to give Dave an over-the-top date, to which Dave replied, “You don’t need a special occasion to give me a wild date,” which prompted Karkat to spring a surprise date on him not even a week later. It was irony-themed, of course, including, but not limited to, an all-apple fruit basket, a game of laser tag with a bunch of seven-year-olds that got absolutely demolished, a viewing of Tommy Wiseau’s _The Room_ complete with a “concession stand” stocked with only Doritos, and a fine dining experience at Olive Garden. Needless to say, Dave loved it, though he kept giving Karkat _tips_ on how to perfect his “budding ironic expression”. Karkat just replied to that by punching Dave in the shoulder and muttering, “I only did this for _you_ , asswipe.”

They preemptively made plans for prom, though that was still two years away, and the future was uncertain. Dave couldn’t be sure they would stay together, even though he hoped with every fiber of his being that they would. He knew his luck wasn’t great, but, for the most part, he’d escaped his shitty past and was immensely enjoying the present, and he wanted to believe in a future where an amnesia-free Dave and Karkat could look back at a video they made when they were teenagers about to have their first kiss and laugh at their idiot selves and then share their thousandth kiss. He _maybe_ even wanted to believe in a future where one of them could decide to get down on one knee and present a ring- maybe even a diamond one, and not just a Ring Pop, though Dave was sorely tempted to _just_ for the ironic potential. No, he hoped that when that came he would take it seriously, because he cared about Karkat enough to do so.

Time passed, and things changed- Kanaya’s wedding plans were driving her crazy, despite, or maybe due to, the fact that Rose was promising to formally _adopt_ a kid with her once they settled in together; Aradia transferred to a college out of state to pursue archaeology, and Sollux crashed at the house a few nights before making Karkat so insane that he begged Vriska to take Sollux in; Terezi and John were, oddly enough, getting very involved in their friendship, to the point where Dave couldn’t talk to John for two minutes without him mentioning Terezi at one point or another. But nothing changed between Dave and Karkat, aside from them growing so close together that they were nearly attached at the hip.

One night, Dave convinced Karkat to brave sneaking out with him, though they just ended up sitting on a bench in the backyard, holding hands and talking and trying to make out the constellations sitting past the trees.

“I don’t know why they say the Dippers are the easiest to spot.” Dave was rambling, like he always did. “Like, sure, _maybe_ it’s easy to find Polaris if you know which way North is, but there are _so_ many more easily identifiable things. Like, Sirius is the brightest fucking star out there, minus the sun, of course. Can’t get that easily mixed up, unless one of the planets are out, but anyone with a brain knows that stars twinkle and planets don’t.” Okay, maybe that wasn’t the _most_ common knowledge, but Dave had recently gotten extremely into astrology and Karkat had heard rants like these enough times to know not to interrupt. He found Dave’s obsession cute, though sometimes he got so caught up in the details that Karkat was left completely lost. “But if you’re looking for easy-to-find constellations, look no further than Orion. Dude’s so recognizable, it’s insane. His dumb three-star belt is impossible to miss. Like, hey, man, I _know_ you’re not trying to hold up any pants with that thing, you’re some Greek weirdo who only wears togas, you don’t _need_ a belt. You’re literally just flexing cause you got that shiny diamond-encrusted Gucci belt and the rest of us are out her with _ropes_ … cinching… our togas.” Dave stuttered to a halt as he looked at Karkat, who was staring at him like he had grown a third eye. That wasn’t what had caught his attention, though.

The moonlight sifting through the tree leaves lined the bed-mussed tousles of Karkat’s hair in silver, highlighting the planes of his face, shining in his gray irises, and Dave was finding it hard to breathe looking at him. Karkat had always been cute to him, of course, though in that adorably cranky way that maybe an angry raccoon might be. But here, his features etched by the moon, he was _stunning_.

Karkat hadn’t noticed yet that Dave’s inner monologue was in a tailspin. “Dave, I know _you’re_ the astrology guy, but you do realize not all the constellations are in the sky year-round. I don’t know if Orion is, but I definitely know the Dippers… are. Dave, why are you staring at me like that?”

Dave blinked, straightening up, slightly embarrassed he’d been caught staring. “I, uh. Nothing. You just look, um, really pretty right now.”

Karkat huffed, and even that was cute. “I highly doubt that.”

“No, Kark, babe, you do. I’m being serious.” Dave brought a hand up to Karkat’s cheek, which was turning pink as the words kept spilling out. “I know you don’t see it, but I’m looking at you right now and you are fucking _gorgeous_. I need you to know that.”

Now Karkat was really blushing, squirming a little in his seat, though he didn’t pull away from Dave’s hand. “Thanks. Um, you’re not fucking bad-looking yourself.”

Dave laughed at that, before pulling Karkat in for a kiss- he could just _do_ that, he didn’t have to pussyfoot around it like he first did, and he was actually _good_ at it now. When he pulled away, it was reluctant, but he still smiled at Karkat.

Karkat smirked back. “Though, I guess I could do better. You don’t have a diamond-encrusted Gucci belt, after all. You think Orion’s free?” He winked up at the sky, whispering, “Call me,” to the constellation above.

Dave rolled his eyes, lightly smacking Karkat’s arm. “You’re so fucking stupid. Why do I love you?”

They both froze at the word, but as soon as Dave said it, he knew it was true. Granted, he couldn’t be exactly sure what _love_ was, but the past months with Kanaya, with his siblings, with _Karkat_ , had taught him more than enough about what it meant. If this, right here, what he was feeling when he was with Karkat, wasn’t love, then he didn’t know jack from shit.

Karkat mouthed the word, the shock fading slightly form his face. “Do you?”

Dave nodded, smiling more earnestly. “Yeah, I do. I love you.” It was surprisingly easy to say.

“I love you, too.” Karkat’s voice had gone soft, the way it always did when he was telling Dave something really important, something vulnerable, something he wanted only _him_ to know.

They stayed out there for about five minutes more, not really speaking, just huddled together on the bench, Karkat’s head on Dave’s shoulder, their hands intertwined between them.

Kanaya eventually came storming out of the house, an exasperated look on her face as she held up the note they’d left on Karkat’s door- _dont freak out kanaya were just in the backyard doing totally kosher non-explicit things probably. *DEFINITELY. WE’RE NOT SNEAKING OUT TO BREAK ANY RULES. yeah karkat i bet shes totally gonna believe it now that you put it that way. besides you shouldnt make any promises you cant keep. YOU’RE JUST MAKING THINGS WORSE DAVE_. She dragged them back in, though they were more than willing to comply. They spent the rest of the night texting until one of them dozed off.

All in all, things were going good. And, with everything considered, Dave didn’t regret how his life had changed a single bit. He had a support system, a family he could rely on, friends that would last him a lifetime.

And he had Karkat. Someone he could trust completely, who trusted him, who made him laugh and smile and forget there’d ever been a time where he didn’t do those things. Someone he _loved_ , and who loved him back.

And that’s all that really mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well. thats the end. thank you all who stayed on this crazy dumb ride to the finish! this was really fun to write and the responses were more than i ever imagined and i'm so glad y’all enjoyed it as much as i did.  
> don’t be too sad that it’s over, though. i'm working on a new fic (actually, ive been working on it on the side for a while hah) that ill probably begin posting sometime in the next few weeks! ive also given thought to writing a sequel to this one (!!!) but they’re just vague ideas and that wont be for a while.  
> ig keep an eye out if you’re interested! and thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter @lucidlyLucid for fic updates and whatnot


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